Thawed Out (Merry Everything #4)

Chapter 9

9

“ G randpa you look like Santa!”

“Santa!” Cassidy echoed her brother and climbed into his father’s lap and tugged on his Santa hat. Dad had been wearing that hat on Christmas for as long as he could remember.

Their morning had been chaotic so far. They’d been hauled out of bed by the kids after only a couple of hours of sleep, and now they were excited and loud. Kiren knew he should probably tell them to calm down, rein them in a little with treats or something until they were ready to start opening presents, but he didn’t.

He didn’t think he was going to have this day, not like this, and he was going to let everyone be as loud and excited about it as they wanted to be.

“Kiren, would you come have a look at the coffee maker? It’s making noise but it’s not brewing.”

“Oh. Sure, Mom. Dad, are you good?”

Dad waved him off. “I am fine. Go help your mother. I know how you are without coffee.”

He smiled and followed Mom back into the kitchen where Flynn was busy gathering ingredients for his pancakes.

This was amazing.

“See? It’s sounds like it wants to brew and it just?—”

“I got it. Can you maybe give the kids something not-sugary to hold them over a little? They’re climbing Dad like a tree.”

“Granola bars?”

“Perfect.”

He pulled out the filter and set it aside, then started tinkering with the coffee maker.

Flynn was singing with the radio, swaying as he cooked, the scent of cinnamon and caramelized sugar like a drug. There was a happiness in those green eyes, and Kiren drank it up.

He started singing along with Flynn to a rocking version of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” until he found the clog in the coffee machine and cleared it.

“Got it, Mom!” He set the filter back into the machine and started it up.

“I knew you would.” She kissed his cheek. “Thank goodness, you know how I am without my coffee.”

He laughed. He was just like her that way.

“He is too, Mom. An addict.”

Mom rolled her eyes at Flynn. “You have no room to talk.”

“Ha!” He laughed. “Thank you, Mom. I need someone on my side. Dad and Flynn spent yesterday bonding .”

“Your dad likes having someone in his corner. I know you always pick me because I’m your favorite.”

“Yes, Mom.” He wandered over to her and kissed her cheek. “I adore you. Flynn, your pancakes smell so good.”

“My Christmas morning claim to fame…” Flynn’s chuckle filled the air.

“I’m going to see if your father wants coffee. Don’t burn down my kitchen.” Mom winked at him, and headed for the living room.

“I am so tired.” He rested his chin on Flynn shoulder. “But I don’t care.”

“They’ll crash at home, and we’ll nap.” Flynn grinned at him, winked.

“Promise?” He gave Flynn’s butt a pat.

“I’ll make them both warm milk.”

“A Christmas Day nap. Wow.” He kissed Flynn’s shoulder. “So, what can I do? Warm up the syrup? The table is already set. Are we eating and making the kids wait? Or do you want to keep these warm while we do presents?”

“Let them do their stockings, and then we’ll eat? And warm syrup sounds so good.”

“It’s a plan.” Kiran pulled out a small pot and poured the syrup in it. Cold syrup made warm pancakes cold. “Dad is in heaven out there, but the kids are a little wild.”

“Oh, I bet. I have t-o-y-s in the stockings and colors too.”

“I can spell, you know.” He laughed. “I put in chocolate and goofy socks.”

“Did you put something in my stocking?”

“Chocolate…flavored lube.” That was the truth. But he hadn’t had time to buy much, just anything he could sneak during their shopping trip. “I didn’t shop for you because of the divorce, so you’re going to have to accept a rain check.”

“I can do that. I’ll make you a list.”

“Excellent. They can be New Year’s presents.” Flynn slipped the last off the pancakes off the griddle, and he helped Flynn clean up a bit before they went back out to the family and the tree.

“Should we do stockings before our pancakes, guys?” Flynn held his arms open for Cassidy, who went flying to him.

“Stockings!”

Jasper didn’t wait; he picked up his and sat right down with it.

“Hold on, Jasper. Wait until everyone has theirs.”

Jasper sighed. “Okay, but hurry up!”

“Dad.” He handed Dad his stocking and made sure Mom had hers. “Mom. Don’t be too surprised.”

Mom had given him a list, and he’d shared it with Dad.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, son.” She rolled her eyes and winked at him. “Zero.”

“Oh, me either. I was just saying…” He winked at Mom and reached for Flynn’s stocking. “This was already hanging on the mantle when we got here you know.”

“Of course. I put it up when I put up all the others.” Mom didn’t hide her smug look.

“Thank you, Mom. I appreciate it very much.” Flynn handed him his own stocking. “For you.”

“For me?” He took the stocking and sat with Flynn.

“Now can we?” Jasper was poised and ready to rip wrapping paper open.

“Go for it.” He laughed and watched Jasper start digging into his stocking. Mom was helping Cassie.

Flynn kept stealing glances at him, in between taking candy canes and a toothbrush out of his stocking.

“Okay, what’s in here?” He grinned at Flynn and reached into his stocking.

His fingers found something hard and slick, round. He pulled it out, finding the wedding ring he’d thrown at Flynn during their last fight.

“Oh.” He put it right back on his finger and stared at it, his chest aching in the best way. He hadn’t even thought about his ring, but now that it was back on his finger he realized how wrong it had felt and how right it was now. “Oh, baby.” He leaned over and kissed Flynn hard, fingers curling into Flynn’s sweatshirt.

“Love you. Marry me.” Flynn whispered the words against his lips.

“I do. Merry Christmas,” he whispered back.

“I want kisses!” Cass ran to them and stretched her little arms out to hug them both.

“Kisses!” Flynn blew a raspberry on her neck. “Love you!”

“No, Daddy. Kisses , not farts!” Her giggle was everything, and her smile was contagious, but Flynn’s was even sweeter.

“My turn!” He leaned in to kiss her cheek, but she turned her head last minute, and he got a wet, preschooler kiss instead.

“Oh, a big kiss!” Flynn’s laughter shook them both.

“Best kiss ever.” Even Dad was laughing, the deep sound low and familiar.

“Merry Christmas.” Flynn rubbed their noses together.

He sent Cassie off and admired his hand. “Looks much better now, right?”

“Perfect. It’s back where it belongs.”

“So are you.” He took Flynn’s hand.

“Cool flashlight!” Jasper shined it on the ceiling, and it changed colors, then flashed, then made a bunch of different patterns.

“You always find the cool stocking presents.” He was the socks, toothpaste, and chocolate Santas guy. Flynn found the toys and the fun stuff.

“I sure try.” Flynn’s wedding ring was back on his finger as well, and it was just right.

Dad stood, stretching. “I hear there are pancakes?”

“Pancakes!” Cassie ran right to Flynn. “I’m hungry.”

“You’re always hungry, chica. Always.” Flynn lifted her, the other arm wrapping around Kiren’s waist. “Come on, son. Let’s eat.”

“Coming, Daddy!” Jasper fell right in behind them.

“Sit, everybody.”

“I am ready for this Christmas tradition.” Dad pulled out a chair and sat.

Mom gave Dad a kiss. “I’ll get the orange juice.”

Kiran fell in behind her. “I’ll refill coffee.”

“I’ll cut up Cass’s pancakes and make sure Jasper doesn’t eat all the syrup.” Flynn grinned at him.

“I’ll just sit here and eat!” Dad called, laughing.

He refilled coffee, then helped dish out pancakes while Flynn dealt with the kids. He couldn’t have imagined a week ago being so happy.

So settled.

Flynn watched the Christmas tree lights through heavy lidded eyes. They were gorgeous—bright and packed into the tree. Kiren had always been more patient than him with that sort of thing.

His tree at the apartment was…sketch.

“Whiskey.” Kiren handed him a glass with a little whiskey in the bottom, then fell onto the couch beside him. Kiren pointed to the tree lifting a finger away from his glass to point, “That took me forever, and I’m not sure I enjoyed it.”

That was easy. “We’ll leave it up for a while so we can love it together.”

“Keep Christmas here for a while? I like that idea. The more magic the better.” Kiren held out his glass. “Cheers.”

“Cheers.” Flynn sipped his whiskey, the burn making his eyes cross. So nice.

Kiren leaned against him, rested his feet on the coffee table, and crossed his ankles. “Mm. So tomorrow we sleep and play with the kids, and then what? What do you need to do this week?”

“Clean out the apartment so I can not pay rent on the first? Discuss how many shifts I need to pick up over the next five months. Make love fifty times.”

“Hmm. Maybe in a different order?” Kiren laughed gently. “We could fuck, then pack, then fuck some more.”

“Ooh… You have the best ideas. I knew there was a reason I married you.”

“It might be hard with the kids around. I can’t ask my parents to watch them for the whole week.”

“Shh…we’ll just have to be super busy from eight in the evening on…” Flynn teased.

“Ha. So busy. So much to do to you—I mean, with you.” Kiren sipped his whiskey. “We can pack like grown-ups.”

“Ew. Let’s pack like horny teenagers.” That was more fun.

“A much better idea!” Kiren sighed, then squinted at the window. “It’s snowing. We may be shoveling tomorrow. Again.”

“I don’t miss shoveling, but we’ll make the kids help.”

“I feel as though we’re doomed to be snowed in this Christmas. At least this time we’re all in the same place.”

“Yes. And we have electricity and snow plows…”

“And heat.” Kiren laughed. “We have heat. This is key because that first naked night was fucking freezing up there.”

“Yes. That first night I was in front of the fireplace at least…” Kiren must have been freezing his butt off.

“Worth it.” Kiren turned his head and kissed him. “This might be our best Christmas ever in some ways.”

“This is the Christmas where I got what I needed, more than anything.” Flynn cupped Kiren’s jaw. “Hey, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Kiren gave him a sly look. “And I note that we didn’t get coal in our stockings, so Santa must approve.”

“No. In fact, you didn’t get coal at all…”

“No, I got gold.” Kiren held his hand out and wiggled his fingers, admiring his ring. The Christmas tree sparkled behind it. “Don’t think I didn’t notice that Santa found yours for you too.”

“Santa is a smart guy. Brilliant, really.” Flynn was a fan.

Kiren sighed and took another sip of his whiskey.

He’d been with Kiren long enough to know what a sigh like that meant. “What’s on your mind?” As if he didn’t know, it was on his mind too. Their issues couldn’t hide behind their Christmas tree.

Kiren paused for a minute. “I’m…glad you’re home.”

“It would suck if you were having buyer’s remorse wouldn’t it?” He didn’t know what to say.

“No regrets. Zero regrets.” Kiren took his hand and kissed it. “But I feel a little like we’re playing house here, you know? Like, theory is good but how do we really fix things? Long term.”

“I don’t know. I mean, I am doing the work to be able to spend more time at home…”

“Is that going to make you happy? I mean, honestly? Because I love that, and the kids will love that, but it’s no good if you’re miserable.”

“Working an eight to five? Getting to know my patients?” Flynn shook his head. “I want to be able to be the doc. I want to be able to have patients from birth on. I want to deal with little things.”

“So, you want to go to med school.” Kiren didn’t brush it off; he was listening. “Ideally?”

“No. No, being a physician’s assistant will be good enough for me.” He sipped his whiskey. “I can’t do surgery, of course, and whatever clinic I work at will need a supervising MD, but…this is going to be what I need.” At least he hoped so. There were no promises.

“Okay.” Kiren nodded. “Okay good. So you’ll like your work, and we’ll have a little more money. That’s good.”

“We’ll have a ton more time. No nights. No weekends. Vacations. Sick leave. The whole thing.” That was what he was craving.

“That’s going to be amazing. The kids will love it. We’ll be able to have dinner together, do Jasper’s homework and Cassie’s reading. It’ll be good.” Kiren sat up a little.

“We’ll have outings. Date nights. Maybe an evening to watch television together. We’ll get to be adults together…” Flynn wanted to not miss everything.

“It’s been a while, right?” Kiren’s eyes lit up a little. “I might even get to come to bed before midnight.”

“I just want to be on your schedule. I need to be able to spend time with you—the kids, yes, but you .”

“We will. I need that too, I really do. But the kids will take up a lot of our time, that’s just how it is for now.”

“I know. I know, but—” Kiren didn’t understand. Flynn didn’t expect hours, just…time.

“But we’ll be doing it together.” Kiren nodded like he’d heard Flynn’s thoughts. “We can hopefully do a lot more together.”

“That’s why I was so mad. I was doing—I am doing this for us. To be together. A family.” And Kiren hadn’t cared.

Kiren stared at him. “I know you kept telling me that. You were doing it for me, for the kids, asking me if I understood that. I got it. You never needed to raise your voice about it. I felt really guilty about it, but I got it.”

Guilty? That didn’t make any sense. “Why?”

“Why? Because you were miserable and exhausted, you were on edge all the time like you hated every second of it, and you kept telling me it was all for us. Like it was my fault, or I’d forced you do it.”

“What? No! No, I’m tired of the hospital. I hate night shift. I was so jealous of you getting to see the kids, and it was like you didn’t care about anything but how much the school cost.” And that had made him feel small.

“You weren’t bringing in any money, and I was trying to keep us out of debt. I don’t make that much, as you know. Teaching alone wasn’t going to support the family for long. Of course I was worried about money. I’m still pretty worried about it, but you’ll be working again soon, right? So we’ll be okay. But that’s why I asked you if this was really what you wanted. I don’t want to go back to fighting about this stuff.”

“I’ve never said I wouldn’t work. I’ve been pulling shifts, doubles when I can, triples even. I just have to be careful once I start practicals.” He could get on the phone in the morning and grab a bunch of shifts between now and when school started.

“Don’t do all of that. That we don’t need. Catch a few shifts a week until you get the practicals done. We can be careful. I’ve been managing. We can do it.”

“I’ve been paying for an apartment and utilities. I just need until June. I am so close to getting this done…” And it was a huge challenge, enough to make him dizzy.

“Can you get out of your lease? That would help.”

“Yeah. I’m on month to month. I’ll give notice Monday.”

“Okay, good. That’s some real money right? We can do this. And we stay honest about what’s not working, right? From the jump, not a month later. Promise?”

This was the part neither of them was very good at, but they were going to have to get better.

“I do. I’m trying so hard, Kiren. I’m not smart like you are.”

Kiren rolled his eyes, and he raised his voice a little. Not in an angry way but in a way that made Flynn blink and listen. “Stop that. Stop. Just because I’ve read more books than is actually reasonable does not make you not smart. We’re not the same; you can’t compare us like that. Don’t.”

“I just… You’re so good at school.” And he had to fight for every grade.

“I’m a teacher. It’s my job to be good at school. You have your years in the service, lives you saved. You’re literally a hero.”

“I don’t feel like it.” He wanted to, but he didn’t. He felt like a…dude.

“Hmm. No? Have you ever seen the way the kids look at you? The guy who can fix anything? The guy who scares away the monsters at bedtime?” Kiren leaned against him again with a sigh. “The guy who makes everyone in this family feel safe?”

“Good. I won’t ever let anyone hurt you again. Not ever.” Not even him.

“See? In what world are you not a hero? So what if you can’t do what I do? I can’t do what you do either. That’s why we’re good together.” Kiren turned and kissed his jaw. “Book-smart isn’t everything. I’m proud of you for what you’ve accomplished, especially because I know a lot of it wasn’t easy for you. You need to own that hero badge.”

“I just want to earn it.” He lifted Kiren’s hand to his lips to kiss it.

“You have. You do. But if you need to earn it even more, I’m totally available.” Kiren turned and kissed him. “Any time. Well, anytime as long as the kids are asleep.”

He cracked up, trying to keep the noise down so he didn’t wake up the kids in question. Kiren laughed too, one hand over his mouth. They locked eyes for a second and that only made it worse.

“Shh—shh.” Kiren shook his head. “Oh, God.”

He’d never been more in love, and that was saying something.

Kiren knocked back the last sip of his whiskey. “Come on, Chuckles. Take me to bed.”

“I have been waiting for this for hours. Absolute hours.”

Kiren backed away a few steps. “This present is worth waiting for.”

“Love, you’ve always been worth waiting for.”

“Good. Last one to bed is a rotten egg!” Kiren took off for the bedroom at a run.

Flynn snorted, knocked back the last drop of whiskey, and then followed.

There was no choice. This was all he wanted.