The Asheville Christmas Tradition (Carolina Christmas #4)

13. Noelle

The morning had flown by at the gallery with so many customers, two meetings with artists, and a shipment that had to be handled, all before lunch. Noelle was ready to head out for something to eat when she heard the front door open.

So much for eating, she thought as she pushed up from the conference table where she’d been working and leaned over the railing to see who’d come in. As soon as she did, she let out a squeal of delight at the sight of her sister, Eve, with little Jackie in a stroller.

“This is a surprise!”

Eve looked up and beamed at her. “Hello! We come bearing sandwiches and love.”

“Nothing I want more.” She hustled to the steps and darted down, arms extended but not sure who she wanted to hug first—the angel looking up at her with a sweet smile or the sister gazing back with a hesitant look on her face.

“You don’t mind us barging in?” Eve asked, taking the warm embrace Noelle offered.

“Are you kidding? I’m alone on the floor, so I might get pulled away but I was just about to get something to eat. Perfect timing.” She bent down to kiss little Jackie, getting a gooey hand on her face and a big smile with those four little teeth they’d all gotten so excited about.

“Hello, my sweet niece! I love you!”

Jackie answered by flexing her fingers, silently demanding to be picked up.

“Can I?” Noelle asked.

“At the risk of getting a Cheerio or two on that silk blouse, knock yourself out.”

“I do not mind a Cheerio,” she said, half in baby talk as she kissed the soft cheek she loved so much. “I do not mind it, Sam I Am.”

Jackie giggled, probably having no idea what she was saying, but she was a sweetheart of a child, affectionate and happy.

Once Noelle had her settled on her hip, she turned to Eve, who had a goofy look on her face.

“What?” Noelle asked.

“Oh, nothing. It’s just that you’re a natural.”

She pushed her lip out in a sad face. “Not that natural.”

Eve drew back. “What does that mean? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she said, trying to sound bright but the disappointment she’d just felt was way too fresh to fool her sister. “What brought on this surprise visit?”

“I have time, for once in my life,” she said on a happy laugh. “Time to visit and Christmas shop and enjoy my baby. So, I decided we needed some Aunt Noelle time. It was so fun the other night at the tree thing, but we didn’t really get to talk.”

“Aw, I know.” She kissed the baby’s head. “And I need some Gallagher girl time.”

Eve reached down to the back of the stroller to pull out a bag with the Loretta’s Café logo on it. “Split a Big Lo with me?”

“With fries?” Noelle’s voice rose in excitement.

“And banana slices for the under-two crowd.”

Noelle punched the air with a victory fist using her free hand, scooting Jackie higher on her hip. “Let’s set up a picnic in my meeting loft while I still have one. Next year, it’ll be another gallery.”

“That’s exciting,” Eve said, snapping the stroller closed with the ease and proficiency of a seasoned mother.

Back upstairs, Noelle cleared her laptop and work off the conference table with her one free hand while still keeping the other comfortably around Jackie.

“Look at you,” Eve joked. “You really are a natural with that baby on your hip.”

Noelle shot her a look. “You’re killin’ me, Eve.”

“Why?”

Noelle didn’t answer until they’d laid out the food and had the delightful sandwich divided between them, with fries and drinks, and a paper plate with a banana cut up for Jackie, who stayed firmly planted on Noelle’s lap.

“I might have to toss you to Mom if someone comes in wanting to buy art,” she said to the baby, punctuating it with a kiss. “But until then, you’re all mine. Maybe the only baby I’ll ever bounce.”

Eve lowered the sandwich, glanced at Jackie, who was preoccupied with her banana, and leaned closer. “What’s going on with you, Noelle?”

She sighed. “You really don’t know?”

“That’s why I asked, although I do know you well enough to recognize that something is bugging you, dear triplet of mine. We did share a womb.”

“That,” she said softly.

“The…womb?” Eve asked, frowning and not following.

“I haven’t told you and Angie yet, but…” She made a face and stage whispered, “We’re kind of trying to have a baby.”

Eve gasped softly.

“And failing,” Noelle added. “Some days I really worry that it’s just a dream that will never happen.”

“Oh, wow.” Eve abandoned the sandwich completely and scooted closer. “David and I were just talking about that.”

“Another one?” Noelle asked, a little horrified but laughing, too.

“No, about you and Jace. I suspected you might be thinking about it.”

Noelle shrugged. “We’re doing more than thinking, but…” She lifted a hand in resignation. “December twenty-fifth looms and we’ll all be forty-one. Closer to menopause than pregnancy, I’m afraid.”

“Oh, I so remember thinking about this,” Eve said. “It scared me, too. So much that I jumped on the chance to have someone hand me that baby in your arms.”

“And I love this baby in my arms,” Noelle cooed, smashing kisses on Jackie’s soft curls.

In response, Jackie whipped around and slapped a playful hand on Noelle’s chest, slathering her silk blouse with banana.

“Oh, no!” Eve said, sitting up.

“It’s fine.” Noelle glanced down at the mess and just smiled. “I have a change of clothes in my office.”

“Wow.” Eve dropped back, gazing with a little wonder in her eyes. “You are ready for this.”

“Ready, willing, and wildly disappointed every month,” she said glumly. “But there’s nothing I can do about it, so?—”

“There’s plenty you can do about it,” Eve countered as they both took bites of their sandwich. “Aren’t you the original control freak?”

“I am, but I’m not going to adopt a baby,” Noelle said. “I have Cassie and she’s like having ten of any other child.”

Eve smiled. “She’s amazing, it’s true. But there are other things you can do to…well, not take matters into your own hands, but exercise some control over the situation.”

Noelle studied her, always interested in exercising control. “Like…”

“Have you seen a doctor?” Eve asked.

Noelle shook her head. “Not since we started seriously trying. I haven’t even found a gyno yet, which I should do, but…everything’s normal, you know? I’m as regular as a Swiss watch, no pain or problems, and obviously Jace can make a baby, so…”

“You still should get checked. Why not see a fertility specialist?”

Noelle inched back, considering the question. “I guess I thought it was too soon and also, I don’t want to take drugs or start fertility treatments. I like control, yes, but I don’t want that. If that’s my only option, I’ll accept the fact that I’m not going to have children.”

“There are a lot of…” Eve lifted a shoulder. “Nuances in infertility. Something could be wrong that’s an easy fix.”

“Like what?”

“A tipped uterus or a mild asymptomatic case of endometriosis,” Eve said, sounding very much like a woman married to a doctor. “I’m just talking first-line checkup to make sure everything is in perfect working order.”

“And if it isn’t?”

“Cross that bridge when you come to it, but peace of mind is worth a lot.”

Noelle nodded, liking the suggestion a lot. “I do want a baby,” she said softly, bringing a banana-filled spoon to Jackie’s mouth. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not happy and I don’t want Jace or Cassie or anyone to think that everything I have isn’t enough.”

Eve reached over the table. “No one thinks that. What you want is natural. You love Jace and Cassie and a baby would make all your lives even better.” She glanced at the banana stain. “Maybe not cleaner, but better.”

Noelle smiled and fed the spoonful to Jackie, loving the feel of the child in her arms. “You’re right. I’d like to know if there’s anything wrong. I’ll find someone?—”

“No, no. I’ll find someone.” Eve already had her phone out, tapping the screen. “Let me text David. He’s on a local medical board with a fertility specialist. He’ll be able to get you in right away.”

“You do not let grass grow, Eve Gallagher.”

Jackie pushed the spoon away and stretched both arms out toward Eve.

“Oh, she wants her mama,” Noelle said, finally relinquishing the baby.

Eve took her with that same effortless grace that she showed with the stroller, as though navigating motherhood was her first language.

“Now you are a pro,” Noelle said longingly.

“I better be after four of them. Eat your sandwich,” Eve said. “And then you will definitely want to change your shirt before another customer comes in.”

“I will, but?—”

“Oh, he wrote back.” Eve tapped her phone. “Here’s the name and number. I’ll forward it to you. It won’t hurt to find out if anything’s wrong. If it is, you might want to fix it. If it isn’t, then maybe you’ll relax.”

“That’s what I’m supposed to do—relax. Which is easier said than done for a person like me.”

“Exactly, so call.” Eve pointed to Noelle’s phone, which sat face down untouched on the table. “Make the appointment and you’ll feel like you have a little control, anyway.”

“You know me so well. Now?”

“Is there a better time? David said he’d text the doctor and her staff can be notified to squeeze you in as soon as possible.”

Noelle’s eyes widened. “What’s the rush?”

“Asks the woman about to turn forty-one.”

Noelle grunted, knowing she was right. Picking up her phone, she opened the text and read the name Dr. Marcia Andrews.

She touched the phone number and the screen flashed, ringing on speaker so Eve could hear, too. A receptionist answered on the second ring, all bright and efficient. As though God Himself were moving the pieces on the chess board of life, Dr. Andrews just had a cancellation for her four o’clock appointment.

Could Noelle come in this afternoon?

The two of them shared a look—Noelle feeling conflicted, Eve looking encouraging. Doing her part, Jackie snuggled closer to Eve’s heart and let out a shuddering sigh, murmuring, “ Mamamama .”

And that was game over.

“I can definitely be there at four,” Noelle said, not even a hundred percent sure what she’d say to the doctor.

She hung up and stared at her sister, a little stunned by her spontaneity.

“Good job,” Eve said.

“I have to call Jace and tell him. He might be able to meet me there.”

“Perfect. Oh—” Eve turned at the sound of the gallery door opening. “You have to work.”

Noelle brushed at the banana stain, which really wasn’t that bad, still thinking about what she’d say to the doctor.

“Let me see if they need help,” she said, pausing next to Eve, then bending over to kiss her sister’s head. “I love you.”

Eve looked up at her and smiled. “Jackie doesn’t have any sisters, so…have a girl, okay?”

Noelle lifted a shoulder. “Now that much control, I don’t have.”

But the appointment made her feel like she had a little, so that was good.

A llama with a blocked esophagus kept Jace from coming to the appointment, but he’d been strongly supportive of the idea. Noelle had gone alone and now, she was slipping into her clothes and inhaling the antiseptic scent of the doctor’s office, not sure how she felt about what all had occurred.

After a blood test and an ultrasound, the doctor had done a pelvic exam, asking many questions as she proceeded. But, through it all, Noelle had been tense, which made no sense considering how kind and welcoming everyone had been. Nothing that should make her nervous or tense.

But…she was. A baby wasn’t a pipe dream—this was a real dream. And Noelle always got what she wanted. And wasn’t that why Eve sent her here in the first place—to know?

She looked up at the tap on the door, which opened to reveal the warm smile of the nurse.

“I’ll take you to the doctor’s office now,” she said. “If you’re ready.”

A minute later, she stepped into a sunny and spacious office, greeting Dr. Andrews as she looked up from an open file. The woman was in her early fifties, with keen dark eyes and an easy laugh, and Noelle imagined she was well-regarded for her lovely bedside manner.

“Have a seat, Noelle.” She gestured to the guest chair and Noelle made herself comfortable.

“So, am I in good working order?” she asked.

The doctor’s eyes flickered for a nanosecond, instantly replaced by a smile. “You’re a healthy woman, Noelle.”

Oh, boy. Her heart dropped. “But?”

She angled her head in concession. “I believe you have a structural abnormality in your uterus.”

Wincing, she inched back. “Like a ‘tipped’ uterus?” she asked, remembering that was one thing that Eve had mentioned.

“It’s a little more complicated,” the doctor said. “We’ve ruled out a lot of issues such as PCOS and thyroid or hyperprolactinemia.”

Noelle made another face and Dr. Andrews chuckled. “Fancy word for hormone issues. Your blood work is fine, your cycles are normal, you have no visible polyps or fibroids, no endometriosis, and your overall health is excellent. No reason you shouldn’t get pregnant. I do think I see a septate uterus, which means a band of tissue has formed in the uterine cavity. But you said your periods aren’t painful.”

“Not the kind that put a woman in bed for two days, but I get cramps.”

“And you power through.”

Noelle smiled. “It’s kind of who I am.”

“I get that. A septate uterus can prevent any fertilized egg from implanting.”

She bit her lip. “You mean I can’t get pregnant?”

“I don’t know that yet, but it certainly explains why you haven’t. You may have actually conceived, but the egg won’t take hold. Eventually, it miscarries without you even knowing you were pregnant.”

“Can it be fixed?”

“Possibly.”

She didn’t sound that certain, which deepened the pit in Noelle’s stomach.

“First, we’d need to do an MRI and an HSG, which is essentially a minimally invasive X-ray using contrast fluid in your uterus.”

Noelle grunted. “That doesn’t sound fun.”

“It’s painless and easy, but if we do have a septate, the solution is surgery to correct it.”

“What kind of surgery?” she asked.

“Hysteroscopic metroplasty, which sounds far worse than it is. HM isn’t a terribly complicated surgery and it has a high degree of success, but…”

Noelle inched closer, all the blood in her body pooling low in her gut, somewhere in the vicinity of her imperfect uterus. “But what?”

She shook her head. “Every year you age makes it more complicated, and the success rates are higher with women under forty. This doesn’t mean you can’t do this, Noelle. You can start the tests, meet the surgeon, and schedule the procedure, recover and heal and?—”

“Then will I get pregnant?”

“Your chances are higher, yes.”

Higher, but not…high. “Oh.” She closed her eyes as the whole thing pressed down on her. “It’s…a lot.”

“It is,” the doctor agreed, and Noelle appreciated her not sugarcoating the truth. “You need to think about it, talk to your husband, and decide if you want to go through something like this—again, not terribly complicated, but it is surgery—and miscarriage rates are still higher than average. That means, it could take several?—”

“Years,” Noelle finished.

“Tries,” the other woman corrected with a smile.

Noelle swallowed, her head swimming with it all. “And if I don’t have the surgery?”

“Conception is unlikely, to be honest. If it happens, the chance of miscarriage is high, even with bedrest or precautions.”

“And if I don’t do this? Could I be in pain or…”

“Absolutely not. There are no effects of this situation if you don’t want a baby. You’ll continue your cycles until they get irregular, then you’ll enter menopause at the normal time and will go the rest of your life with no issues.”

And no baby.

“Then…I have to think about it,” she said.

“Yes, you do. And I’ll be here when you’re ready to talk about the next step, whatever it is.”

She nodded, shook hands, and left the office with a lump in her throat and an ache in her chest.

In the car, alone, she let the tears flow even though she wasn’t exactly sure why.

As she reached for the ignition, she closed her eyes and for no reason she could really understand, she saw her mother’s face. Well, maybe she understood the reason.

If Jackie Chambers were still alive, she’d know what to do. She’d take Noelle’s hand and tell her exactly what was the right thing to do.

For now, Noelle had no idea. She could talk to Jace—of course she would—and her sisters and Bitsy and doctors. But the only person who could make this decision was Noelle, and she had no idea what to do.

It gave her some of the control she craved, but no guarantees. And surgery was always a risk, no matter how routine. She’d always been a risktaker, but now she had Jace and Cassie to consider. If anything happened to her and that sweet angel lost another mother?

She swiped her tears and started the car, not even wanting to think about that.