The Attack Zone (Slap Shot #2)

34. Mitch

CHAPTER 34

MITCH

THE NEXT MORNING

I t’s the first Thursday in over a year that I don’t get a delivery confirmation email from the florist I used to get flowers delivered to Stacey.

Not that that matters now, because it definitely doesn’t. And it’s the least of my problems.

Besides, I’m sure she’ll be glad to get rid of me. She didn’t even want to be friends with benefits with this whole thing started. What had she said? Frenemies. That’s right. Maybe we can get back to that one day. Just annoying each other in the periphery of our lives.

But like I said, that’s the least of my problems.

I walk into the diner on East Colfax grateful that Caleb and Thomas asked to meet somewhere where people will leave me alone, even if they do recognize me from the article. To say it went viral would be an understatement. Thomas finally gave me my phone back last night and my notifications were completely unruly. I’m still working my way through my email; I haven’t even gotten to my social media yet.

I find Thomas and Caleb in a booth in the corner of the diner with a pot of coffee sitting between them.

“Good morning,” I say.

“Morning,” Thomas says. Caleb just glares up at me. He’s not exactly a morning person. But he is the one who said we should get breakfast together like we do during the regular season, so he can’t be mad at me about this for once.

I take a seat and notice there’s a fourth place setting at the table.

“Who’s this for?” I ask.

“I invited Matti,” Caleb says. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“Of course not,” I say. “You’re the one who seems to need to talk about something.”

Then Matti appears in the doorway. He’s a bit shorter than me and some other guys on the team, but he’s still a crazy good hockey player, and he was fun to hang out with in Puerto Rico. I wave him over to our table and he places an order with our server.

“Well ...” Caleb starts. “I guess I am the one who suggested we meet up, but it’s not about me.”

He looks at me. Thomas does too. Matti looks at his coffee.

“How are you doing, Mitch?” Caleb asks.

I look between him and Matti, in part because I barely know this guy so I don’t really want to answer that question truthfully, and in part because it would be a little weird for him if I launch into how I’m actually feeling with zero explanation of how we do this. Maybe I can get out of this.

“Matti knows,” Caleb says. “He saw us heading to breakfast in Dallas last season and wanted in. And his mom has bipolar, so I thought he might be able to help.”

Ugh. Great. More people to fail in front of. Love that for me.

“Fine,” I say. “I’m doing fine. ”

“Cut the horseshit,” Thomas says.

“Man, that is not how we talk at breakfast,” Caleb says.

“I don’t give a shit. We’re supposed to be honest,” he says. He looks at me with his meanest I’m-about-to-slam-you-into-the-boards glare. “Be honest.”

Of course, I’m the one who started this stupid little ritual, and now I’m getting screwed by it.

“I’m ... numb, I guess,” I say. “It’s all been very overwhelming. I don’t even know how to handle it. But I feel like I have to do something. Not just for me, but for a lot of people. Especially to placate the donors to Rebounds for Rescues .”

“Speaking of Rebounds ...” Caleb starts before glancing at Thomas.

“Have you talked to a certain non-profit consultant about any of this?” Thomas says.

“No. Nope. No way,” I say. “We are not talking about her.”

“Well, that’s too bad, because that’s why we’re here,” Thomas says.

“I thought we were here because you wanted to make sure I’m okay,” I say.

“We are,” Caleb says. “That’s why we’re asking.”

“And it’s why you’re going to answer,” Thomas says.

I let out a groan and take a sip of my coffee. I really don’t want to have this conversation, but I’d do the same thing to these guys. So I take a deep breath and try to prepare for their reactions. “No,” I say. “I have not talked to her.”

“Dude,” Thomas says at the same time that Caleb says, “Man, come on.” Matti just shakes his head.

“What?” I say. “The fling is over. It’s time to move on.”

“Fling?” Caleb asks. “You brought her as your date to my wedding.”

“Well, I guess that’s true, but ...” I start.

“You couldn’t stop talking about her in Puerto Rico,” Matti adds .

“I know I couldn’t, but I was also hypomanic, so ...” I say.

“You tried to fight me over her,” Thomas says flatly.

I really can’t argue with that one, so I open my mouth and close it a few times before taking an angry bite of my eggs.

“I know I’m the new guy here but ...” Matti starts. I shoot him a glare, but he continues. “It kinda seems like you’re hiding from your feelings because you don’t think you deserve her.”

Who the fuck is this guy anyway?

“You’re right,” I say. “You are new here.”

“Mitch,” Caleb warns. “Don’t be like that.”

“You know he’s right,” Thomas says. “As long as I’ve known you, you’ve kept most people at arm’s length because I think deep down you don’t think you’re worthy of their love. Hell, you won’t even get a dog, when you love them more than anyone I know.”

“I just don’t like being a burden,” I say quietly. “And we both know I can’t handle a dog.”

“Wait a second. Is that what you think?” Caleb asks. “That you’re a burden?”

“You’re not with your wife right now because I’m such a mess that you felt like you needed to stage this intervention,” I say.

“My wife is currently beating up a two-hundred-pound heavy bag at the boxing gym, and I think we both know she can handle herself,” he says.

“And don’t change the subject,” Thomas adds.

I let out a sigh and take a sip of my coffee, willing this conversation to end.

“Let’s get to the point,” Matti says. “Why haven’t you asked Stacey to help you with a statement? Isn’t she great with this stuff?”

“I have to say something, don’t I?” I ask.

“Probably, yeah,” Thomas says.

“I think you should,” Caleb says. “Not just because it’s public now, though. But because that post was way out of line. Someone needs to call it out.” He pauses for a moment before continuing, “I could say something on Instagram ... if you want?”

“What? No. No way,” I say. The comments alone on a post like that would make Caleb’s anxiety skyrocket. I can’t believe he’s even suggesting it. “This is my problem. I made the mistake, I should be the one to handle it.”

“Mistake? What mistake?” Matti asks.

“I should have waited until I got home to take my meds,” I say. “It was careless.”

“Nope. No. No way,” Thomas says with anger.

“What?” I ask.

“You are not making this into another thing you think you did wrong when you absolutely did not,” he says.

“But ...” I start.

“No,” Caleb says, more sharply than I thought he was capable of. “All you did was take a medication that helps your brain work better. Don’t give me that fucking bullshit.”

Thomas and I both stare at him. Because, well, I’ve never heard Caleb swear before. It’s just not something he does. He must be really angry about this post. Not just because it hurt me, but I think it hurt him too. His struggle with anxiety has been tough, and I’m sure he felt attacked by the post too, even if it wasn’t directly about him.

And that’s when I realize I have to say something. Not for the PR of the team. Not for the league. Not even for my career. There are people— kids —who are struggling right now who are going to see that post and wonder if people will judge them the same way for something they have no control over. It’s not just hurtful, it’s dangerous.

“I know what I want to do,” I say. I just have to figure out how to do it. And I have no idea where to start.

“Do you want me to call the marketing team? They can help put together a statement I bet. ”

“I still don’t understand why you aren’t asking Stacey,” Matti says. “She could really help you here and you’re obviously in love with her.”

“I ...” I start. “That’s not the point.”

All three just stare at me for a moment, eyes blinking. Then Caleb lets out a long sigh. “It’s exactly the point,” he says. “If you love her, you have to talk to her.”

“It doesn’t matter if I love her because I can’t be with her,” I say.

“Why the fuck not?” Thomas half-yells. Caleb glares at him. “What? You just said it too.”

Caleb rolls his eyes before returning his attention to me. I stare back until I finally get up the strength to say, “I can’t handle myself. How am I supposed to handle another person?”

What I don’t say is that my parents couldn’t handle me, how is she supposed to?

“Stacey is a grown-ass woman,” Thomas says. “She can handle herself just fine.”

“Yeah,” Caleb says. “That’s not how relationships work. Cassie and I don’t handle each other and being with her didn’t heal my anxiety. But she’s there for me when it’s bad and her support makes it a bit easier. Your stuff is your responsibility but that doesn’t mean you can’t be with someone.”

“I just really don’t want to hurt her,” I say.

“I’m sorry, but you sound like you actually believe some of what that post said about you,” Matti says.

“Of course I believe the post. My own parents said those exact same things,” I say before I can stop myself.

The table goes quiet.

“Um ... what?” Caleb finally says.

“Is that why you don’t talk to them very often?” Thomas asks.

“At all,” I say .

“What?” he says.

“I don’t talk to them at all,” I say. “I haven’t since I was in juniors.”

Thomas nods along, realization in his eyes. All those times I said I was going home over the summer, all the times I made excuses for why they’re never at our games.

“When I signed my first NHL contract, they reached out to ask for money since they paid for my training growing up. I sent them every penny I had after my first season and never looked back,” I say.

“Jesus,” Matti says quietly.

“We’ll address you keeping this from me at a later date,” Thomas says. “Right now, you need to get your head out of your ass. Matti is right.”

“Thanks, man!” Matti says, reaching his fist out for a bump. I laugh a little because at least this guy is fitting in with our weird ritual.

“And how do you propose I do that?” I ask.

“Make an appointment with Dr. Chells to talk about this,” Caleb says.

“And stop being so damn hard on yourself. We love you and you aren’t a burden,” Thomas says.

“And go get her,” Matti says.

I sit there in silence, unsure of what to say. Of course I want to go get her. I’m in love with her. But I’ve also ignored her for days. I can’t just show up at her door with flowers or something and beg her to take me back.

Except ... Wait. That’s exactly what I have to do.

Holy shit. It’s perfect.

“I have to go,” I say. “I need to pick up some flowers.”

“You ... what?” Caleb asks.

“Don’t worry about it,” I say before throwing some cash on the table and standing up. “Thanks for your help, guys.”

“You’re welcome?” Matti says.

Thomas just looks at me with a knowing stare. “Go get her,” he says.