The Beloved Scoundrel

Chapter 14

C HAPTER 14

T he red tents billowing on the barren Bordlin plain looked like a cluster of radiant butterflies that had mistaken a desert for a garden.

Marianna could see a number of people milling about, but they were still too far away to recognize. Any one of them could be Jordan.

Or none of them.

“What if they aren’t here?” she whispered.

“They will be here.” Gregor started down the hill. “Come. We will go and find your Alex.”

She nudged her horse into a trot. Her heart was pounding, her palms cold and clammy. She must not be nervous. God would not let Alex or Jordan die and that monster live.

But God had let Mama die.

As she and Gregor drew closer, she quickly eyed the crowd who were gathering to greet them. No Jordan. No Alex. No Ravin.

The tents. They had to be in the tents. Just because she didn’t immediately see them was no sign they were not here. The ravin’s forces would not have abandoned them at Pekbar—

“Marianna.”

Alex!

He stood several yards away, garbed in ragged trousers and shirt, a broad smile on his face and a wooden basin in his hands.

She slipped from her horse and was running through the crowd toward the small figure. He looked like a Gypsy boy, she thought tearfully, all tousled black curls and big dark eyes.

“Alex!” She dropped to her knees and pulled him into her arms. “Alex, you’re—”

“Let go. I can’t breathe,” Alex said gruffly. In spite of his words, his arms were holding her just as tightly. “Stop crying, Marianna. I’m quite all right.”

She pressed her cheek to his. She had forgotten how endearingly fragile his child’s body felt in her arms.

“You’re getting me wet,” he said impatiently. He had evidently tolerated enough affection for the moment.

She drew back but kept her hands on his shoulders. She wanted to keep on touching him, assuring herself that he was here. “I’m sorry.”

A smile illuminated his face, and his fingers went up to touch her tear-streaked cheek. “You’re wet too. You’re going to drown us, Marianna.”

“Are you well? Did they hurt you?”

A shadow crossed his face, and his gaze slid away from hers. “A little.” He quickly called beyond her shoulder to Gregor. “Hello, Gregor. You’re a day late. We got here yesterday afternoon, right on time.”

He chuckled. “I regret my tardiness. We took a longer route to avoid running into your former hosts. It is good to see you, lad.”

“It’s good to see you, Gregor.” Alex knelt to pick up the basin that had gone flying from his hands when Marianna had grabbed him. “I have to take this to Jordan. The wound—”

“Wound!” Marianna inhaled sharply. “What wound? Are you hurt?”

“No, I told you, Jordan—”

“Jordan’s hurt?” She jumped to her feet. “How bad? What—”

“Hush, Marianna,” Alex said. “If you would listen, you’d know by now.”

She stared at him in astonishment. The maturity and authority that echoed in his words were foreign to the Alex she knew. And the change was not only in his voice, she realized. His face was thinner, the baby fat gone, and dark circles were imprinted beneath eyes that met hers with a fearless clarity.

“Jordan isn’t hurt either.” He turned and started across the camp, motioning for her to follow him. “It’s Ana who was shot.”

“Ana!” Gregor was off his horse in a heartbeat. “Where is she?”

Alex pointed to the large tent at the edge of the camp. “It was a bullet that—”

Gregor muttered something beneath his breath and ran toward the tent.

“He doesn’t listen either,” Alex said in disgust. “She’s not badly hurt. Jordan says the wound in her shoulder is clean. It’s only a question of keeping it so.”

She tried to keep her tone casual as she asked, “Jordan is well then?”

He nodded, and suddenly his expression was filled with enthusiasm. “It was splendid. We climbed a rope up the wall and— Well, Jordan climbed it and then pulled me up to the rampart. Next time I’ll do it myself.”

“There will be no next time,” she said firmly.

The shadow returned, wiping the childish enthusiasm from his face. “I hope not.”

But he was not sure. All the security he had known at Cambaron had vanished, and he was again the little boy who had thought a warm blanket a treasure in a cold world. It was not fair. Anger soared through her. “I promise that you’ll be safe now. Have I ever lied to you?”

“No, but sometimes bad things happen that no one can stop. I forgot that.” He straightened his thin shoulders. “But if you try hard, sometimes you can make it better.”

What terrible things had happened to him in these weeks that he had tried to make better? “Alex, are you—”

“Jordan was worried,” he interrupted. “He said you were in no danger, but last night after supper he rode up to the hills. I think he was watching for you.”

“Was he? I don’t see why. He was telling you the truth. I was quite safe, and Gregor and I didn’t have any grand adventures like you did.”

“You wouldn’t tell me if you did,” he said shrewdly. “You’d be afraid I’d be worried.”

Another flash of maturity. “Well, I’m anxious to hear all about yours.”

“When I have time.” He frowned. “Ana needs me now.”

She looked at him in astonishment. “The ravin?”

“Ana,” he corrected. “She helped save my life, you know. Now I have to help her.”

“I’m sure she has many people here to help her.”

His jaw set. “ I have to do it.” He looked toward the tent. “There’s Jordan. Here’s the basin, Jordan,” he called out. “Shall I fill it with hot water?”

Jordan.

He was standing in the entrance of the tent looking at her.

“Jordan?” Alex demanded impatiently.

“Oh.” He tore his gaze away from Marianna. “Yes, please.”

“Come on, Marianna.” Alex ran toward a steaming kettle hung over a small fire outside the tent. He stopped and faced his sister. “Why are you just standing there?”

Marianna didn’t realize that’s what she was doing. At the moment she wouldn’t have been aware of fire pouring from the heavens. He was alive and well and staring at her as if…

What? She didn’t know. She didn’t care.

He was alive.

“All went well?” Her voice sounded breathless even to herself.

“No, but we got the boy. That’s what’s important.”

“Yes.” She must stop staring at him. Everything she felt had to be written on her face. “Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me for retrieving what I lost.” He paused. “How are you?”

“Didn’t Gregor tell you? Everything went just as you planned.”

“I didn’t ask how the plan went,” he said roughly. “How are you , dammit?”

Leaf-green eyes that could quickly change expression from cynicism to humor. She had lived for years with the toughness, sensuality, and dry wit that was Jordan Draken, and yet now everything about him seemed new to her.

He stiffened, his eyes narrowing. “Gregor wasn’t telling the truth. Something happened.”

Something of extreme importance to her but not to him. She shook her head. “It wasn’t pleasant seeing Nebrov again, but it wasn’t terrible either.”

“Marianna, help me.” Alex’s demand broke into her awareness. “Hold the basin.”

She hurried over to the fire and did as he asked. She kept her gaze averted from Jordan as Alex carefully ladled hot water from the kettle into the basin.

Jordan was behind her but not touching her. She had not heard him move but felt his presence with unerring instinct.

“Your hands aren’t steady,” he said in a low voice. “You’ll burn yourself.” Both of his arms reached around her, and his hands covered hers. “I’ll help you.”

His touch was warm and strong; the familiar scent of him filled her nostrils. She hadn’t been trembling before, but she was now. He had held her like this during that first moment of surrender at Dalwynd, and memories were flooding back. “I don’t need this.”

“I know.” His words were nearly inaudible. “But I do.”

Alex threw the ladle back in the kettle and took the basin from her. “Is that enough, Jordan?”

“No.” Then he glanced at the bowl. “Yes.” His arms fell to his sides and he took a step back. “Take it into the tent.”

“I’ll go with you,” Marianna said. She couldn’t stay here with him. She was too shaken and vulnerable, too aware of all the things of which she would have been robbed if he had died at Pekbar. “How did she become wounded?”

“The alarm was given as we were climbing down the wall. I told her to stay on the hill but, as usual, she paid no attention. She galloped down to bring us our horses.”

“She saved your life?”

“She is quite sure she did. In truth we had time to reach the hill, and I would have much preferred not to have been forced to worry about her as well as Alex.” He smiled. “But it was quite a splendid effort, and I think you may have to do another window of her. She appeared more Valkyrie than Galahad.”

“Who shot her?”

“One of the guards. I cannot put a name to him. We were in something of a hurry when we departed Pekbar.” His lips thinned. “But I made sure that whatever his name is, it would be immediately engraved on his tombstone.”

“But the ravin will recover?”

“Ana,” Alex corrected her as he moved toward the tent.

Jordan’s brows raised. “For some reason he resents the use of that title.”

“Why?”

“I have no idea.” She started to follow Alex, and Jordan fell into step with her. He was so close, his thigh brushed against hers as they walked. “You’ll have to ask him.”

“He may not answer me,” she said, troubled. “He’s changed.”

“Yes.”

“What happened to him?”

“I have no idea. He won’t talk about it.” He glanced at her. “And I wouldn’t ask him, if I were you. He’ll tell you when he’s ready to do so.”

“But perhaps it’s only…it may only be temporary.”

Jordan was silent.

“You don’t think so?”

“No.”

“You don’t appear concerned. They hurt him.”

“I’m concerned that they hurt him but not about the change. I know you regret it, but he’s stronger now and better able to defend himself.” He suddenly chuckled. “And to attack in turn.”

“Attack?”

“You’ll see.” He stepped aside and gestured for her to precede him into the tent. “Probably in the immediate future.”

She frowned in puzzlement as she entered the tent.

Gregor was kneeling beside a sheepskin pallet on which lay the ravin. Alex was moving brusquely about the tent, putting down the basin, gathering clean cloths from the table.

Gregor looked up and smiled at Marianna. “She is not badly hurt.”

“I’m very badly hurt,” the ravin corrected sourly. “I’m in great pain, and I’m having to put up with the most supreme indignities.”

“She is always bad-tempered when she is ill.” Gregor’s big hand gently brushed back a lock of hair from her forehead. “With a tongue as foul as a swamp bog.”

“How disgusting. And untrue.” She glowered at Marianna. “Why are you staring at me? Does it please you to see me weak and helpless?”

She did appear a trifle drawn, but her innate forcefulness and fire still burned brightly. “I will tell you when you display either of those qualities,” Marianna said. “At the moment I recognize only bad temper.” She glanced at Gregor. “And a tongue as foul as a swamp—”

“Enough. I’m surrounded by enemies.” She glared at Alex as the little boy dropped to his knees beside her. “No! Go away.”

He paid no attention as he dipped a cloth into the hot water.

“Jordan, why did I bother to save your life if I am only to be tormented by this fiend?”

“Bad judgment?” Jordan suggested.

Alex untied the bandage on the ravin’s shoulder to reveal a puckered, swollen wound.

“You will not touch me,” she said forcefully.

Alex carefully dabbed at the edge of the wound.

Ana went pale, her teeth biting into her lower lip.

“Gently,” Gregor said quickly.

“He does not know the meaning of the word,” Ana said. “Every four hours he descends on me and puts me through this torture.”

Alex’s jaw set. “Jordan says it has to be kept clean.”

“I’ve had enough of it.” She glared at him. “Get out of my tent!”

He continued to dab at the wound.

“Gregor, pick him up and carry him out of here.”

Marianna took a protective step forward.

“No.” Jordan placed his hand on her arm, stopping her.

“He appears to be doing no damage,” Gregor said. “Someone must do it, and I do not believe you would strike a child.”

“He is not a child. He’s a demon.” She gasped as the hot water touched the torn flesh. “And he will not stop. ”

Alex paused a moment in his ministrations and then turned to Jordan. “I think you all should leave. She’s trying not to weep and will be ashamed if you see her weakness.”

Marianna stared at him in astonishment.

“You’re the one who is going to leave,” Ana said.

Alex turned back to her, glaring fiercely into her eyes. “I stay. They go. It has to be clean.”

The ravin’s eyes widened in shock.

“Ana?” Gregor asked.

“Oh, very well,” she said grudgingly. “You might as well leave. He obviously will show me no mercy.” She glanced at Gregor. “You stay. I must have someone to protect me.”

“I am not sure I am in a mood to protect you. Before Alex told me you had been shot, I was ready to do you violence myself. I did not like you going behind my back and putting a price on Costain’s head.”

“They killed him?” she asked eagerly. “Who?”

“Niko.”

She smiled with satisfaction. “Good.”

“Not good. You will not interfere again in my concerns.”

“It was my concern also. You are my subject, and therefore it was my duty to protect you.”

“Ana.”

“Oh very well. What does it matter? He is dead now anyway.” Her glance shifted warily to Alex. “You should take heed, boy. If you hurt me, I may put a price on your head too.”

“No, you won’t,” Alex said as he dipped the cloth back into the hot water.

Jordan nudged Marianna toward the tent entrance. She cast a disbelieving glance over her shoulder at the little boy and the ravin. How odd they looked together, and yet there was an almost visible bond between them.

“I’m not sure we should have left them,” she said as soon as they were outside the tent.

“She won’t hurt him. This battle has been going on since we arrived here yesterday. Alex insisted on being the one to care for her. He even stayed awake all last night so that he could wash the wound.”

“He did?” The image that came to her was ludicrous: a little cub protecting an injured lioness. “You shouldn’t have let him. He needs his rest.”

“I couldn’t have stopped him,” he said dryly. “Besides, it kept him busy. I didn’t want him worrying about you. I was doing quite enough of that for both of us.”

The words were sweet and meant too much. She tried not to dwell on them. “I suppose it will be all right for him to stay with her for now. I’ll go get him later.”

“He might not come.” When he saw her stricken expression, he added harshly, “For God’s sake, don’t look like that. It won’t be because he loves you any less. You haven’t lost him.”

“He might blame me for what happened to him.”

“How could he? It wasn’t your fault.”

“Perhaps it was. You said that I wanted to come to Dalwynd.”

“It wasn’t true. Don’t you know that a man who is seducing a woman will say anything to get his way?”

Not Jordan. Jordan would not lie.

He stopped, and his hands closed on her shoulders. “Listen to me. He doesn’t blame you. If there’s fault, it lies at my door.”

She shook her head. “He’s changed.”

“Life changed him, not you.” He shook her gently. “And for the better. Can’t you see it? It’s not every child who could face down the ravin. Before he was a good lad, but now—” He stopped.

“Now what?”

“He reminds me of you the first time I met you.”

“When I was dirty and hungry and fierce as an animal.”

“None of that mattered.” His hands opened and closed on her shoulders in a curiously yearning manner. “Even in the darkness you served the sunlight.”

She wanted to break away, but she couldn’t move. He had looked at her like this in the tower room when the sunlight had made her dizzy with joy and she had first thought she had seen behind the mask he wore.

“I was cast out also,” Gregor said from behind them. They turned to see him striding toward them. “It seems Alex thought I was a distraction. Ana will have to protect herself.”

Marianna welcomed the interruption that shattered the spell. She glanced away and said quickly, “I need to go to my tent and wash away this dust before I go back to Alex.”

“And rest a little,” Jordan said. “There’s no hurry. You’ve been riding all day.”

“I don’t need to rest. Tell Alex I’ll be with him shortly.”

Not that he needed her, she thought wistfully as she walked away. Jordan said she had not lost him, but what she was feeling at the moment was very much like loss. It was foolish to feel sorry for herself. Alex was safe and Jordan was safe. An hour ago she would have asked nothing more from life. It seemed that as soon as danger faded into the background, greed took hold, and she wanted everything she could not have.

Well, she could have Alex. Jordan might be out of reach, but Alex loved and needed her. He just had to be reminded of the ties between them.

As soon as she arrived at her tent, she took off the jacket of her riding habit and splashed cool water on her face and throat. She had always loved the sensation of water on her body. One of the panels that she had brought with her in the wagon was of a waterfall cascading over moss-covered rocks. She had tried to remember this sensual feeling as she had crafted the pale blue of the water.

The panels.

She wished she had not remembered them. Nebrov had knowledge of the Zavkov, and that meant it was no longer enough for Marianna just to keep her silence. Not if she was to keep her promise to her mother and fulfill the duty she had known she must perform since childhood.

There were no ifs about it, she thought impatiently. The promise must be kept. There was no excuse not to do so now that Alex was safe. The act would drive the final wedge between her and Jordan, but perhaps that was for the best. Now that she had realized how much she loved him, she was like a hungry child trying to grab every moment, every experience. That first moment she had seen Jordan outside the ravin’s tent had been torture, staring at him, wanting to touch him to make sure he was really safe. She had wanted to step forward and take him, claim him, but therein lay the danger. There was only one way for them to be joined, and that way would eventually destroy her. No, she must be done with him so that she would not be tempted to return to that mindless creature she had been at Dalwynd.

She deliberately blocked the pain the thought brought. Evidently she was not ready to come to grips with leaving him yet, she thought wearily. She would be better able to face these problems after she had rested.

A moment later she was curling up on her pallet and closing her eyes. Darkness was welcome, darkness was safe, darkness brought forgetfulness. She had always loved the light, but she did not want it now.

She would rest for just an hour and then go fetch Alex from the ravin’s tent.

Only an hour…

S he thinks Alex is rejecting her, dammit.” Jordan’s hands clenched into fists at his sides.

“She cannot turn back the clock,” Gregor said quietly. “She must realize the boy will never be the same.”

“I know. And she will blame me for that too.” “She is not unfair. The change is still new to her, but her hurt will heal. Who should know better how life can scar?”

Jordan flinched. He had added his measure of cuts to form those scars. “I share this particular blame.” His lips tightened grimly. “I want Nebrov.”

“As do I. He has claimed too much from us.” He paused. “And he is not going to give up. He is not foolish enough to pursue us into Kazan, but he will still try to find a way to find the tunnel.”

“Without the Jedalar?”

“He mentioned something else. Zavkov.”

Jordan frowned. “What the devil is that?”

“I do not know, but Marianna did. He called it the lock for the key. Evidently the Jedalar is only part of the answer.”

It made sense. Though the complete map was contained in the panel, there would have to be someone to interpret it, and the czar had trusted no one. “You say Marianna knows?”

“And was dismayed that Nebrov did. It frightened her.”

“Enough to make her give us the Jedalar?”

Gregor shrugged. “It is possible. I thought I would let you discuss it with her.”

“I will.” He glanced in the direction in which Marianna had vanished. “But not now. We still have time.”

“Not very much.”

“I know that,” he said harshly. “What do you expect me to do? She’s tired and frightened and hurting.”

“When this started, you would not have cared about her, if it meant keeping Kazan safe.”

“Not now!” He turned and stalked away. Gregor was right, but that did not make the choices easier. He did not want to coerce and use her, and God knows he did not want to hurt her again. Why couldn’t she see that it was better that he find the tunnel rather than Nebrov? Kazan would use it only for its own defense, but it would be a disaster if that map was given to Napoleon.

She would not see because she trusted no one but herself. She had revealed only the details she had been forced to give him to save Alex, and he doubted if she would be willing to confide any more now.

What the devil was Zavkov?

M arianna did not wake until almost midnight and came back sluggishly to awareness.

Alex…She should not be sleeping. Alex needed her.

Alex was not here! Nebrov had him and—

Panic brought her fully awake, but relief immediately followed as she realized that horror was over. Alex must still be with the ravin, and she had only to fetch him.

She splashed water into her face and made a scanty attempt at tidying her hair before leaving the tent.

The camp was silent, and except for the guards on the perimeter, everyone appeared to be sleeping. Jordan was in one of those tents. A memory came back to her of his lean body sprawled naked next to her on the bed, his arm curved possessively about her.

She veered away from that image. She did not want to think of Jordan and definitely not of those days at Dalwynd. Her body’s response was too ingrained not to—

A lantern still burned in the ravin’s tent.

Had she taken a turn for the worse? Marianna ran the last several yards to the tent and threw up the flap.

She stopped just inside the threshold. Alex was curled up on the pallet beside the ravin, his curly head nestled on her naked shoulder.

A sharp pang pierced her at the sight of them. Even in conflict the bond had been apparent, but now they could be mother and son.

She must have made some noise because the ravin opened her eyes, and her gaze flew to where Marianna stood.

Marianna took another step into the tent. “He must be making you uncomfortable. I’ll take him now.”

“No!” The ravin’s arm tightened around Alex. “It’s my good shoulder. He just fell asleep. Leave him alone.”

“If you are not uncomfortable, then he must be. He needs to go to bed.”

“Does he look uncomfortable?” the ravin challenged. “It is you who are uncomfortable with him being here.” She nodded toward the low stool beside the pallet. “Sit down. We must talk.”

“I don’t wish to talk. We’ll wake Alex.”

“Nothing could wake him but the horn of Gabriel. He was up all of last night tending my wound. Jordan could not get him to rest. He would not be asleep now if he had not dozed off from exhaustion.” She looked at Alex, and her hand gently stroked his curls. “He does not look like you. He is dark, and you are fair.”

Marianna reluctantly moved to the stool and sat down. “He favors my mother.”

“He’s a handsome boy. She must have been beautiful.”

“Yes.”

Her attention shifted to Marianna. “You are jealous. You do not like him being here with me.”

“I’m not jealous. I know you’re ill, but he is only a child. He has no business tending—” She broke off and nodded wearily. “He is all I have. I don’t want to lose him.”

“You won’t lose him. You have given him love and performed your duty through all his life. It will bind him to you.” She smiled without mirth. “Believe me. It is a truth I know well.”

“But you chose to cut that tie with Jordan.”

“Because I was young and selfish. I had married a weak man who thought he could steal my strength. When he found I was not going to let him do it, he made my life a misery. I was a stranger and alone in that cold land. I had to escape.”

“And leave your child.”

“Do you think I wished to do it? I loved him. He was my salvation, but I could not bear it there.” She shrugged. “If I had stayed, he would have lost me anyway.”

“I cannot see that.”

“No?” Her eyes glinted. “My husband had started to beat me. I have a terrible temper, and I would not have tolerated that for very long. I would have killed him.” She smiled sardonically. “I preferred fleeing England to being hanged for murder. You, no doubt, would have stayed and meekly borne any abuse for duty’s sake.”

“No, I am not meek, and I probably would have left Cambaron as you did.” She paused. “But I would have found a way to take my child with me.”

“As I should have done,” the ravin whispered. “I’m not denying my guilt. Do you think I have not regretted it? It seemed impossible at the time, but I should have found a way.” She looked down at Alex. “But I have been punished enough for it. At first I was only happy to be back in Kazan, but then I began to think of Jordan. Every time I saw a child, I realized what I had given up.” Her finger tenderly traced the line of Alex’s brow. “I am not a monster. Even if I could, I would not steal moments like this from you.”

Marianna felt tears stinging her eyes. She did not want to feel sorry for this autocratic woman. She did not want to be drawn any deeper into Jordan’s and Ana’s lives.

The ravin continued in a low voice. “But perhaps you would permit me to borrow a few? I never had them with Jordan, and now he will not even give me understanding.”

The humbleness of the request touched her, and she deliberately hardened her heart. “Sleeping children are endearing. It’s when they’re awake that the challenge comes.”

“I could meet the challenge. If you permit me.”

Marianna stared at her, torn with indecision. The woman was asking for what she did not want to give. She needed Alex more now than at any time in her life.

But maybe Alex did not need her, she thought suddenly. It could be that during this period of healing, he needed to help heal another’s wound. Perhaps she was being selfish to him as well as the ravin. It was difficult to know what to do. No, she realized sadly, it was only difficult to admit what she should do. “I won’t have you shouting at him.”

A flicker of relief crossed the ravin’s face as she recognized her victory. “You think he minds? He is tougher than you know. We understand each other.”

Marianna experienced another wistful pang. She wished she understood this new Alex as well as the ravin did.

“You must become reacquainted,” the ravin said, as if reading her mind. She grimaced. “But I don’t suggest you be shot in order to accomplish it. It is very painful.”

Marianna smiled faintly but firmly insisted, “I won’t have you shouting at him.”

The ravin made a face. “Oh, very well. I will try to curb my tongue. Though it is not my nature.”

“I agree.” Marianna rose to her feet. “I will let you sleep now. Do you wish for any help with your wound?”

The ravin shook her head. “You’re not going to wake the boy?”

“No. He appears comfortable enough for the night.” She moved toward the entrance. “Tell him I will see him in the morning.”

“Wait.”

Marianna looked back over her shoulder.

“I thank you,” the ravin said haltingly. “I know you are not happy about this.”

“No. I’m angry and hurt and, yes, jealous.” She smiled without mirth. “And, like you, I want my own way.”

“Then why are you doing it?”

“Alex. You may be better for him right now than I am.” She paused. “And when you have the responsibility of a child, you must always do what’s best for him, not yourself.”

The ravin flinched. “That was a cruel jab.”

“Yes, I wanted to hurt you.” She shrugged. “I thought it would make me feel better.”

“Did it?”

“No.”

She went outside and stopped to draw a deep breath of cold air. She wanted to go back and snatch Alex up in her arms and run away with him. In many ways this was worse than the night Costain had taken her brother. Affection could be a dangerous enemy, and the ravin had stored up years of love to lavish on a child. And there was the added bond of shared danger between them.

She would not go back. She had made the choice. At least she would not have to worry about Alex while she fulfilled her promise to Mama.

And the sooner she fulfilled it, the better. Now that there was nothing to keep her here, it was time to make plans to leave.

The horses were being sheltered a quarter-mile away from camp, where the grass was abundant enough for grazing. Gregor had assigned only two men to guard them. With so many horses to watch, it should not be difficult for her to avoid detection and slip her own mare away from the others.

She glanced across the camp at the shadowy shape of the wagon containing the panels. It was located near one of the large tents, possibly Gregor’s or Jordan’s. No guards were in sight, but Jordan was too clever to leave the Jedalar unwatched. He knew her very well and would be prepared for her to make an attempt.

It would not be easy, she thought wearily.

But difficult or not, it must be done.

J ordan strode into her tent the next morning. “Where is it?” he demanded.

She whirled to face him, then flinched as she saw his expression. “Where is what?”

“For God’s sake don’t pretend ignorance. I know it has to be somewhere in your tent. You were seen last night.”

“You mean you had me watched?” She moistened her lips. “Then your spy must have told you I went to the ravin’s tent to see Alex.”

“And immediately afterward you went to the wagon and took something from it.”

“Did I?”

“You know you did. Where’s the Jedalar, Marianna?”

She glared at him defiantly. “I don’t know what you mean.”

He grabbed her shoulders. “Tell me.”

“Why should I? So that you can steal it from me as your mother stole Alex?”

“I’m not responsible for what the ravin does or says. No one has stolen Alex from you. What the hell happened in that tent last night? Is that what this is all about?”

Her jaw set, and she did not answer him.

He drew a deep breath and tried to control himself. “Dammit, why didn’t you wait? I was going to talk to you about the Jedalar. Why did you have to do this now?”

“We’ve talked about it before. We don’t agree.”

“Thousands of people could die if Napoleon gets that map.” When her expression didn’t change, he went on. “I’ve seen you talking to Niko. Do you like him?”

“Of course I like him.”

“Did you know his family lives near the Russian border? They would be the first to be slaughtered. You’ve seen what Nebrov’s army did to the towns in Montavia. Do you want to see that happen here?”

“Napoleon won’t find the tunnel. None of you will find the tunnel.”

“Gregor says that Nebrov knows about something called the Zavkov. If you don’t help us, he may find the tunnel.”

“He can’t find it without the panel.”

“And, by God, he’s not going to lay his hands on it.” Jordan’s expression hardened. “Because you’re going to give it to me.”

“I am not. The panel is mine, and I won’t— Put me down!”

He was carrying her out of the tent. “I didn’t want to do this.” Still retaining an iron hold on her arms, he set her down before Gregor. “Search the tent.”

Gregor shook his head sadly and disappeared inside.

“No!” She started to struggle, her gaze fixed desperately on the entrance of the tent. “Let me go.”

“Stop fighting me. Do you think I like doing this? Goddammit, you forced me.”

“I didn’t force you. I only took what was mine.” She butted her head against his chest. “I won’t let you do it.”

He pinned her arms to her sides and held her immobile. “Marianna, don’t…” His voice was thick with pain as he looked down at her. “Don’t you see? I’ve got to take it.”

She suddenly stopped fighting. “Please…” She looked up at him with glistening eyes. She had to make him understand. “My promise. I have to keep my promise.”

“I found it,” Gregor said from behind her. “She cut a slit in her sheepskin pallet and slipped the panel inside.”

They had found the panel. It was over.

Through a veil of tears she watched Jordan examine the panel. It was a complicated work depicting a bed of yellow flowers at the apex of the panel where three winding streams joined paths. “Daffodils,” he said. “I should have known.…”

He remembered the story she had told him of the first panel she had made. So many memories, so many ties, and now all to be forgotten, broken.

“I’m sorry, Marianna,” Then he burst out violently, “No, by God, I’m not sorry. I’m glad this damn battle is over. Now, forget about it. Let me worry about the tunnel and Nebrov.”

“I can’t forget about it,” she said. “I’ll never be able to forget about it. I promised my mother, and you’re making me break my word.” She blinked and quickly lowered her eyes to the ground. “You’ve got what you wanted. May I go back into my tent?” Her voice shook. “I don’t want to look or talk to either of you for a very long time.”

He nodded curtly. “Go on.”

She walked heavily into the tent and closed the flap.

It was over.

···

Y ou’ll have to ask her about this Zavkov,” Gregor said.

“I’ll talk to her after supper. She’s had enough defeats for one day.”

“Yes, she took it very badly.” Gregor looked down at the panel. “Do you think these three streams are branches of the tunnel?”

“I don’t know.” And at the moment he didn’t care. All he could see was Marianna’s drained face in that moment before she had gone into the tent. He thrust the panel at Gregor. “Study it and see if you can make any sense of it. I don’t have the stomach to look at it right now.”

“This is only half the answer to the puzzle. What if she won’t tell us about the Zavkov?”

“I hope she doesn’t. Then I’ll have an excuse for going after Nebrov now instead of later.” He smiled savagely. “Extracting information from that bastard will bring me infinite delight.”

T he sun was setting when Jordan strode into the ravin’s tent. He glanced at Alex, who was sitting by his mother’s pallet. “Run along to your sister. She needs you.”

“Marianna?” Alex frowned. “Why?”

“Just go to her.”

Alex looked uncertainly at the ravin. “Will you be able to do without me?”

Ana nodded, her gaze on Jordan’s face. “I will be fine.” She added with irony, “I have my son here to care for me.”

Alex ran out of the tent.

“You’re angry with me,” the ravin said. “I admit I’m puzzled. It’s difficult to commit any heinous acts while lying flat on one’s back.”

“I’m not angry.” He paused. “Marianna needs to have the boy with her. I know you’re ill, but from now on I want you to do without him.”

“Marianna asked you to intercede?” the ravin asked slowly. “Why didn’t she come to me herself?”

“She didn’t ask me. She just said…” Jordan stopped. “Last night after she left you, she took the Jedalar from the wagon and hid it in her tent. This morning I took it away from her.”

“And now you’re filled with guilt and want to give her everything in your power to take away the pain.” She smiled faintly. “We are very much alike. I had a similar reaction quite recently.”

“We’re not alike,” he said. “I don’t run away and leave the people who belong to me.”

She stiffened. “Ah, at last it’s out in the open. No, you run away before they belong to you. That way you never have to risk them leaving you.” She shook her head. “But it doesn’t help, does it? There are always those who slip under your guard. I think this belka did.”

“Keep the boy away. You don’t need him.”

“Keep him away yourself. Do you think I’m chaining him?”

“Yes, it’s what you do to all of us.”

Her eyes widened. “What?”

“You keep us all chained to you. Ask Gregor. He’s been at your beck and call since you were children.”

“We’re not talking about Gregor. You said us. You?”

He was silent a moment and then said slowly, “From the time I was a child, they told me I was like you. I thought about you a good deal when I was growing up. I had precious little in common with my dear father.” He smiled crookedly. “Did you know that for a while I actually hated him because I blamed him for driving you to your death?”

“No, I didn’t know that.”

“It was quite a shock when I found that I had blamed him unjustly. I felt cheated and foolish, and I thought I hated you as much as I did my father. I fought Gregor about coming here, but he made me come anyway.”

“I told him to make you come.”

“Then I met you, and you were exactly what I imagined you to be. All the force and fire and strength. I’m sure you’ll feel very triumphant to know it was you who drew me back here until I came to love Kazan.”

She started to raise a hand as if to reach out to him, but then let it drop when she saw the hardness of his expression. “You didn’t want to tell me this. Why did you?”

“Because I know that you’ve always wanted it from me. Now I’ve given it to you. You don’t need another captive at your chariot wheels. Release the boy and give him back to Marianna.”

“Christ, you do think I’m—” She closed her eyes for a moment and then opened them. Her voice was trembling when she spoke. “Marianna knows that she could take the boy, if she wanted to. She chose not to do so.”

“I don’t believe you. She said you had stolen him.”

“Then she had her own reasons for telling an untruth. I wish you would go away and discover them. I believe I’m very tired.”

She was pale and drawn, and for the first time since he had met her he became aware that she was no longer a young woman. He had been filled with frustration that he had been forced to come and bargain with her, and he had deliberately tried to hurt her. She had such strength, he had not thought he would succeed to this extent. “If I’ve been mistaken, I apologize,” he said. “Marianna was upset. Perhaps she said things that—”

“I cannot find Marianna,” Alex said from the entrance to the tent. “Did she go for a ride?”

Jordan stiffened. “She’s not in the camp?”

Alex shook his head.

Jordan turned and moved quickly toward him. “Go find Gregor and tell him to meet me at Marianna’s tent.”

“Her own reasons,” the ravin repeated from behind him. “Gregor said she was not the usual sort of woman. Poor Jordan, and that painful confession for nothing. You put her in a cage, and she refuses to stay there. I’d wager your belka has flown our auspices.”

“And left Alex? There’s only one thing that would have made her do that.”

“Ah, the tunnel. But you said you had the Jedalar.”

“That’s what she wanted me to think. Christ, she played me for a fool.”

He strode out of the tent.

Gregor was waiting for him when he reached Marianna’s tent. “She is not here. There is a slit in the back where she must have slipped out.”

“Is her horse gone?”

“I have not had time to question the guard. I would assume it is.” He paused. “I did go to the wagon and counted the panels. Three are missing.”

“The one Nebrov destroyed, one to practice her little trick on us, and the real Jedalar. She must have taken two panels from the wagon last night and hidden one outside the tent.”

“And is now on her way with the real Jedalar to get this Zavkov.” Gregor gave a low whistle. “You have to admire the dove. It was well done.”

“I don’t have to admire her,” Jordan said through his teeth. “I want to throttle her.” He turned away from the tent. “Get Niko and at least twenty men. One of them has to be a good tracker.”

“None is better than Niko. Don’t worry, we will capture her before morning.”

“I don’t want to catch her. I want to follow her.”

“And gather everything up in one scoop.” Gregor nodded. “There are moments when you are not entirely stupid, Jordan. Of course, that could be due to my superior training.” When Jordan did not smile, he added quietly, “Do not be too angry with her. She used what weapons she had.”

“She used my pity and softness to make a fool of me. She deceived me. You’re damn right I’m angry.” He turned and strode toward the horses. “We’ll leave within the hour.”

I ’ve come to bid you good-bye,” Gregor said as he entered Ana’s tent. “I’ve given instructions that you’re to be taken back to Rengar.”

“Toted in a wagon like a sack of flour,” Ana said, making a face. “What indignity for a ravin. Where is Alex?”

“Running about the camp, fetching and carrying for Niko and the others. He is worried about Marianna, and Jordan wished to keep him occupied. It will be your duty to comfort him after we leave.”

“I hear and obey.” She smiled bitterly. “It should be no task at all. According to Jordan, I need only beckon, and everyone falls beneath my spell.”

“There is some truth to that.” He fell to his knees beside her. “But it surprises me that he expressed it.”

“He was upset about the belka. ” She paused. “He cares for her. It is not only lust.”

“Yes, but he may never admit it. He is very angry with her now.”

“Because she deceived and left him. It must seem that all the women in his life betray him. She should hate me. Poor girl, neither Jordan nor I make life easy for those we love.” She reached out and touched his hand. “He thinks I’m some sort of evil Circe. I’m not, am I?”

He chuckled. “If you were, I’d be your first victim. Do I look like a swine?”

“You look beautiful.” She reached up and traced the ugly scar on his face. “You always look beautiful to me.”

He captured her hand and brought it to his lips. “I know.”

“How vain you are.”

“You see beauty because you see love.”

A shadow crossed her face. “Jordan said you were chained to my chariot wheels.”

“Do you have a chariot? I thought they were outdated.”

“I’m serious. Have I been selfish?”

“Yes.” He smiled. “But it’s a selfishness I would never do without.” He leaned down and pressed a kiss on her forehead. “I must go. I want to see you well by the time I return to Rengar. Do you understand?”

“I will be.” She clutched his hand more tightly. “Why?”

He raised his brows inquiringly.

“Why do you give me so much but not all?”

“You do not know?” A loving smile lit his face. “I’m surprised you have not guessed.”

“Tell me.”

“Because I am selfish too.”

“You are not selfish. You give to everyone.”

“Because it pleases me. Is that not a form of selfishness? I have loved you all my life, but I don’t want bits and pieces of you. When I was younger, I used to think it might be enough, but gradually I came to the realization that I am not a man who could bear a half-filled cup.”

“I am not a half-filled cup,” she said tartly.

“It could be the description is inadequate. Perhaps the problem is that you have always brimmed over the edge. At first you would not look at me because I was not comely and charming as you found Jordan’s father. I had always been there like an old sheepdog trailing at your heels.”

She tried to laugh. “Better a sheepdog than a swine, I suppose.” She swallowed. “Jordan is right. I’m not a good person. I did hurt you.”

“Not with intention.” He lifted her hand to his lips again. “And then you did finally look at me, but you were still preoccupied with fighting the demons you had created for yourself. You had to prove you had worth, you had to see Kazan safe and prosperous, you had to lure your son back to you.”

“You helped me try to do all those things.”

“Yes, I helped you, but I won’t cheat myself by accepting a minor place in your life.”

“You were never minor. How can I convince you? Dear God, what do you want of me?”

“I want it all. Nothing else will satisfy me,” Gregor said simply. “And someday, when you give up your guilt and come to terms with yourself, you will be able to give it.” He rose to his feet. “It is time I left. I will send Alex to you.”

“Take care,” she whispered.

“Of course. What talisman do you think has kept me alive all these years? Selfishness made me the most cautious of men.” He smiled teasingly as he repeated softly, “I want it all.”

N iko came riding back to the troop. “She is heading north, over the mountains.”

Jordan’s gaze went to the mountains. Russia.

“Moscow?” Gregor murmured.

“Not necessarily. The Zavkov might be hidden somewhere close to the border.”

“What if her destination is Moscow? It’s a long, hard trip for a woman alone.”

“She’s not a fool. I’m sure she took food.”

Gregor raised his brows skeptically. “Enough to last her through a trek like that?”

“She can care for herself. When she was little more than a child, she traveled by foot halfway across Montavia.”

“This is different. There are few towns and villages between here and Moscow. She cannot hunt. How will she—”

“She may not be going to Moscow.” He nudged his horse into a gallop, leaving Gregor and his apprehensions behind.

She had used pity to disarm and blind him. He would not permit her to do it again.