The Bluestocking’s Absolutely Brilliant Betrothal (The Notorious Briarwoods #6)

Chapter 13

W atching Aurelia, barefooted and slipping through the grass behind Heron House, was one of the most delicious things Achilles had ever seen.

He was quite surprised it had such an effect on him, but there was something about the way her pale, slender arches caressed the dew-covered grass that had him swallowing and his body heating.

Her pale skirts were lifted ever so slightly as she kept them up and away from the damp ground. She was laughing with Perdita, and he was so very grateful to see it. She had not been laughing enough.

He tried to make her do so, but her life at home made her a person with a great many cares. Society might not see that, but he did. He crossed the extensive lawn and called out to them, and both ladies swung their gazes to him.

Much to his amazement, Aurelia’s eyes seemed to spark when she saw him.

That she was so pleased at his presence filled him with delight.

Perdita arched her brow and shooed him with a hand. “Go away, brother. We have no need of male company.”

“Of course you have no need of it, splendid women that you are, but surely you should like it,” he teased. “You must have someone to come and cause you trouble.”

Perdita rolled her eyes. Her crow soared overhead, swung around, and then came gently back to rest upon his sister’s shoulder.

It sat stoically as if it was the most natural thing in the world, and Perdita reached up and stroked its blue-black breast.

The bird preened with pleasure.

The two were inseparable ever since Perdita had rescued it, and he wondered where her cat had gone. It was the wildest pairing, the cat and the crow, but the two animals had reconciled years ago, no doubt to please Perdita.

Everyone secretly wished to please Perdita, for she did not seem truly of this world. She’d always seemed more like a fairy child.

It had made all the Briarwoods very protective of her, though she likely did not need protecting.

Perdita was fierce and capable.

Perhaps the cat was hunting mice. He did not blame the creature for going out and doing its duty.

“Come,” he urged at last, having come out to find Aurelia with a purpose. “We must discuss events, Aurelia.”

Aurelia’s pale brows arched and her eyes flared with fear. “Must we? Has Anais been executed?”

He sucked in a sharp breath. “No. Not at all. Forgive me. I didn’t wish to alarm you. I’ve had an idea, and Mama wants Perdita.”

Perdita let out a sigh. “She’s still not quite capable, is she, of allowing me to take care of this ‘the one’ business?”

Aurelia’s brow quirked. “The one?”

“It’s nothing,” he rushed.

“Nothing?” Perdita teased.

He gave her a hard stare. He wasn’t about to tell Aurelia about the fact that he thought she was the one—that he was falling in love with her. He feared it would send her running for good.

“Perdita,” he gritted, “Mama wants to discuss the theater tonight with you.”

“Oh,” Perdita exclaimed with relieved delight. “How marvelous. You’ll be coming, of course, won’t you?” she asked, turning to Aurelia.

Aurelia blinked. “The theater? I hadn’t really thought.”

“Well, you must, whether you like it or not. The Briarwoods adore the theater, and we shall drag you kicking and screaming. It’s very good for the soul, you know,” Perdita said.

And with that, she strode off without another word or hesitation.

“Kicking and screaming?” echoed Aurelia.

He let out a laugh. “She’s not wrong, you know. Mama would love to see you there.”

“Even though it’s a ruse?” she said softly to him.

“Even though it’s a ruse,” he affirmed. He raised his hand and removed a twig from her hair. “Goodness,” he said. “Did you go to battle with a tree nymph?”

“Well, if you must know, I tripped in the forest. Perhaps I’m not designed for wildlife.”

He laughed, a deep booming sound. “That’s all right,” he said. “I don’t admire you for your outdoor skills,” he said. “It is your ability to convince and organize that I admire. And your noble heart.”

“You admire me?” she breathed.

He stilled. “Of course I do, Aurelia. How could you think otherwise? Come.” With that, he offered his hand to her. And much to his surprise, his heart began to pound against his ribs as he wondered if she would take his hand and walk with him in good company.

He knew that she liked him well enough, but this seemed so intimate. And much to his utter delight, she did. With their hands entwined, they headed back towards the house.

He wished it could last forever, this pure, simple feeling of holding her hand while walking in the sunlight.

They crossed into the back of the house, into one of the grand halls lined with portraits of his rather important, if roguish, ancestors.

She let out a bleat of alarm. “It’s most odd to go barefoot.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said, and he swept her up into his arms. “That shall take care of it.”

Her jaw dropped and she began to protest, but then she stopped. “Is this not more scandalous than bare feet?”

“How wonderful,” he replied before he looked to the paintings. “My ancestors loved a bit of scandal. They’d be very proud.”

“Proud?” she gulped.

He nodded, savoring the feel of her curves cradled against him.

And with that, he took to the stairs and she swung her gaze about. “Where are we headed?”

He was taking her to his chambers. Another thing his ancestors would approve of.

Oh, he wasn’t going to seduce her, though he longed to. But he wanted them to be alone. Entirely alone.

He gave her a rather wolfish smile, then headed down the hall that led to his rooms.

“Your room?” she gasped.

“Yes,” he said as he stopped before his chamber. Then he opened the door with ease and strode inside.

“But surely it’s improper.”

“But this is my sitting room in the house,” he pointed out.

And it was true. All the family had their own little areas for retreat, or when a bit of solitude was needed. “And I thought we could do with a bit of privacy to discuss things. We can, of course, go back to downstairs if you wish, but no one in this house is going to think anything of it. Besides,” he said, “I like having you here.”

She blinked. “I like being with you,” she confessed, pressing her hand to his chest.

“Good,” he growled softly.

He wondered what Perdita had said to her. She seemed somehow more at ease, somehow more relaxed.

Slowly, he lowered her until her bare feet touched the dark blue and burgundy woven carpet. But he kept her close as he gazed down at her. “So far, our endeavors in London are going very well. I like how quickly the shelter is coming together, but the truth is things are going on at quite a pace all over Europe. Paris is very bad.”

She nodded tightly. “More than a thousand people were executed in July. I could hardly believe how many people are being murdered by that horrific device and so swiftly. The courts are…”

Her voice hitched as tears filled her eyes and then anger seemed to replace those tears.

“Yes, thousands upon thousands of cases,” he agreed as his own body tensed. “Many of them will result in death,” he said grimly. “People are fleeing as best as they can. It is so hard for them to leave. And those that have fled, well, they don’t have resources. So…I was thinking. The shelter in London is not enough. It is imperative we—”

“Expand,” she suddenly exclaimed.

“Exactly, yes,” he rushed, grateful she had caught on to his intention so quickly.

“In other cities in Europe?”

He nodded. “I think so.”

She blinked and looked towards the fire, which was banked at present, and then swung her gaze back to him. “My God, Achilles, I love this idea. We must! Let us set up a network all over Europe for people to go to.”

“I was thinking Naples first,” he said. “It seems the most likely of all places.”

“You are most correct,” she said, nodding, her whole body now seeming to vibrate with the promise of so much good work. “So many of the aristocrats have fled there. So many of the people who associated with aristocrats, who’ve lost their homes and their livelihoods.”

He took her hand in his and nodded.

Naples was perfect. It was one of the most important courts in all of Europe. Hundreds traveled there on their grand tours. The most important people stayed there when traveling through that part of the world.

It was a center of wealth and power. Much transpired there that could never transpire in London.

Yes, Naples seemed the best place to begin. He had spent a considerable amount of time there, and from all the letters he’d received from friends there, many French refugees were in great distress.

And he wanted to help them as best as he could. While he couldn’t go back to Paris, he could help everyone fleeing it. And he could see that Aurelia longed to do the same.

“Is there any word of my friend?” she asked abruptly, desperation edging her voice.

He gave a tight shake of his head. “Not yet. And I won’t have any word until the dispatch comes through suddenly,” he said. “It’s quite difficult,” he confessed, longing to take her back into his arms and comfort her, “over there.”

How he wished that he could just have her friend here. Magically.

Immediately.

He knew how comforting that would be to her. And yet it wasn’t possible to simply steal someone out now. Even a year ago, it would’ve been an easy thing. But now, one had to come up with more creative ideas. And so he hoped the agent he had employed to go over there would be able to do it without getting caught.

She needed distraction. He squeezed her hand and urged, “Let us take up ink and paper and decide what exactly it is that we need to begin in Naples.”

She sucked in a breath and nodded.

He smiled, glad to give her purpose. Glad to see the distress begin to fade from her face. They crossed to his polished desk, stacked with books and documents, and he took up a quill and pulled out paper.

Immediately, he began writing down all the things she suggested that one might need for such an endeavor as the one that they were proposing together.

“We are, for all intents and purposes, going into business together,” she suddenly whispered as the scratch of his quill paused.

“I suppose so,” he said. He looked up from his work and studied her face.

She blinked. “Is this a good idea since we aren’t going to stay together?”

“Are we not going to stay together?” he dared to whisper.

She let out a soft groan. “You do the most remarkable things to me,” she whispered.

“And what are those things?” he asked, returning his quill to a crystal inkwell.

She closed her eyes for a long moment and her lips parted. “You make me forget everything I promised myself.”

“What did you promise yourself?” he prompted, desperate to know. Desperate to understand her darkest inner fears, her deepest inner desires.

“To stay alone,” she said softly as she opened her eyes. “Your sister is like a witch. She knows exactly how I feel and what I am thinking. I swear it.”

“My mother and Perdita are a different sort altogether,” he agreed, “though neither are witches in the traditional understanding. They can look at a person and see them inside and out. What did Perdita see?”

She winced. “She saw that I don’t wish to be open to others, but it’s not because I don’t like dancing or eating cake or drinking lemonade. It’s because…”

“Yes?” he said softly.

“I’m afraid,” she rushed, her voice pitching up. “So very afraid. I don’t want to suffer, and I think that I can protect myself from suffering. I think I can protect others from suffering too. But if I fall to pieces, I can’t ever protect anyone from anything,” she rushed.

What could he say to that? He could try to argue with her. He could try to reason with her, but there was no reasoning with such illogical thinking.

Emotion did not know reason. And such a story was not easily rewritten.

Of course she was going to suffer. Of course she was going to have pain. Life was all about that.

“You’re worried about your father, aren’t you?”

She nodded tightly.

“What is wrong with him?” he finally asked.

She folded her arms over her chest and turned from the desk. “None of us know. The doctors cannot discover what it is. They’ve tried so many different things, but he keeps declining. At first, he just had a bit of difficulty with his muscles and walking. And now it is very difficult for him to walk. And his hands are shaking.”

He swallowed, wishing he could tell her that Lord Pritchard would be fine. But that would be the worst of false comforts. And Briarwoods did not give false comfort.

No, they dealt in truths.

“That’s bloody awful,” he said instead of the platitudes most would offer.

“The loss of him will be too great to bear,” she rasped. “And I cannot allow myself to fall apart. People get hurt when one falls apart, you see. There is simply too much to be done. So I will not allow things to come into my life that will make me shatter. To make me abandon…” Her throat worked as she swallowed. “Do you understand?”

He wasn’t certain that he did. Because, suddenly, this did not feel as if this was just about her father. Her pain felt much older. Much deeper.

“And the truth is that if I marry you,” she rushed, “if I were to fall in love with you… Well, then there’s too much at risk, too much that could pull me apart.”

“What do you mean?” he asked gently, his own heart aching terribly for the suffering in her that was coming to the surface. “You will take no chance at love because you are afraid I might die?”

She stared at him grimly. “Yes,” she stated. “A young man like you who is daring? Yes, of course you have good vigorous health, but anything can happen in this world. Look at what’s happening in France. You might get called to war. I know you don’t have to go, but you’re a man of honor. I can’t risk falling in love with you and then losing you. And that’s not the only thing. It is just the beginning.”

“The beginning?” he prompted, realizing that he was about to find out what dragons were keeping them apart.

She looked away, squeezing her eyes shut. “It is something I have not wanted to admit, even to myself. I do not like to let myself remember, you see.”

“What?” he asked softly.

She let out a rough breath and her body shook for a moment. “My mother.”

“Yes?” He wanted to pull her into his arms again, but he knew she needed to get this out, and he did not wish to stop her by accident if he touched her now.

“She lost a child,” she grated. “She lost my little sister.”

His heart stilled at that. “I’m so very sorry. It is a terrible burden.”

“Thank you,” she managed as tears slipped down her cheeks. “But the truth is my mother almost did not survive…”

“Yes, it is a very dangerous thing to bear children,” he said, trying to sympathize.

She gave a harsh shake of her head. “No, my sister was a year old when she died of a fever. What I mean is my mother took to her bed and she nearly did not get out. I was five years old. Her grief… It was like a storm that no human, certainly not the little girl I was, could weather.

“It covered me, all of us, like the wings of hell, and I was certain we would be consumed by her pain. And that we would lose her too.”

Damnation. Her pain? It was so old. He wondered if she’d ever told anyone this at all. If she’d kept this hidden away since she’d been five. If so, it certainly explained why this felt so powerful, so unreasonable, so dark. So controlling.

That little girl was desperately trying to keep the woman she loved safe. Even if it was hurting her, in truth, and keeping her from love.

“Do you know how many children die?” Aurelia bit out. “Every year? Do you know how many women are broken and never recover?”

He was silent. He knew she did not expect an answer.

She sucked in a sharp breath and drew her shoulders back as if she was putting on armor, which she’d dared to slip off for a moment so that he could see that wounded little girl within.

“No,” she stated firmly. “I cannot risk it. I cannot risk falling in love with you and possibly losing you. I cannot risk losing a child. Or losing myself to grief. I would let everyone down... I would hurt them, and you, so much. As I was...”

Aurelia wiped her hand over her brow, as if that could somehow soothe her distress.

“No,” she said again as if it was a vow, turning away to the cold fire. “My heart will be like that hearth,” she stated. “I will leave it cold and unstoked.”

“You don’t want any love in your life?” he asked, shocked.

“My love will be for the people I help. That will be enough,” she said. Glancing over her shoulder, she added, “And I’m so sorry if you want something from me that I cannot give. But I never lied to you.”

“No,” he said even as pain lanced through him at her confession. “You didn’t.”

They stood in silence for several moments, but he knew… He knew he could not let her go.

“And what if I simply take as much of you as I can have?” he ventured, taking a step towards her.

“What?” she gasped.

“You don’t have to fall in love with me,” he offered, almost unable to believe the words tumbling past his lips, but he could not stop them. “Just marry me.”

She blinked. “No, that would be horrible for you. You deserve someone to love you.”

He took another step forward, towards her, towards what he truly wanted. “I want to be your help and your guide. I want to open the world so you can do what you want with your noble heart. And it’ll be the greatest service that I could ever give, to accept you and take you exactly as you are, Aurelia.”

“Exactly as I am?” she whispered. “Even if that means that I will never…”

He swallowed, wondering what the hell he was doing. Before he could stop himself, he said, “Yes. Even if it means that.”