The Bratva’s Auctioned Bride (Levov Bratva #10)

Chapter 14 - Lara

Alex's talk with me didn't act as much of a balm; at least, it didn't last long enough to be as effective as I would've hoped.

While it was somewhat of a relief to know that he wasn't necessarily targeting my brothers, or wanting to take them down in any way, it still wasn't much of a comfort to know he'd engage in some sort of confrontation if it came down to it.

I was worried about what that meant for my brothers, even if I had faith in them to handle themselves. Even worse, I felt worried for Alex, too.

Thinking about either side getting hurt only made my thoughts scramble more, and after a week of being in the house, left to try and grapple with the whole situation, I couldn't stand it anymore.

I was useless and helpless in the house. All that time went by, and my brothers still couldn't find me. Not to mention, I felt trapped between the two parts of me that continued to war—the one who wanted to hate Alex more than anything, and the one who wanted something more.

By the time Friday came back around, I felt like I was going crazy, and I didn't know how much more I could handle.

Lying in bed first thing in the morning with the sheets covering me, I was wide awake as I listened to Alex while he got ready downstairs. The whole time, I could only think about how little progress we seemed to make in connecting, and I had no way of knowing if or when we'd find a common ground.

I was still resisting him, even without trying to. I was angry with him for everything and angry with myself for being so attracted to him. Everything would be so much easier to push down and hate if he wasn't exactly my type.

As much as I wanted to ignore that desire in me, I wanted my freedom along with more of his genuine affection. Not his smugness or the nonchalant, aloof side he continued to show me. I wanted to see the real Alex, along with his vulnerability. I wanted to connect, even if it was in my best interest to stay as far away from him as possible.

Above all else, I wanted to stop feeling so many tumultuous things at once. I wanted to feel somewhat normal again.

Unable to push the thoughts away, I pulled myself out of bed, determined to catch him before he could leave for work. Moving quickly down the stairs still wearing one of the soft sleep sets he had bought me before I was brought to the house, I spotted him in the kitchen pouring himself a coffee.

Alex glanced over at me, looking surprised to see me there.

But before he could say anything, I was already speaking. "What do you want from all this?"

His brows just barely lifted, seeming caught off-guard by both my outburst and the question. "Isn't that a bit of a loaded question for this hour?"

"I don't care. Just answer the question," I returned, not interested in any of his deflections. "What are you hoping to get from this marriage?"

When I asked again, Alex seemed to straighten up more, taking it more seriously then. "I don't want it to feel empty, if that's what you were assuming."

Pulling in a breath, feeling a strange sense of determination along with my inability to hide it all any longer, I only looked at him. "If that is what you want, then I need more. From you...from this situation. Everything. Even if it's based on nothing, and even if we're grasping at straws, I need more from this marriage if it's going to work."

I hadn't been feeling the necessary warmth from him, as we had both been stuck in that strange place of being married, yet hardly knowing the other. Of not knowing what boundaries existed between us, and how we might cross them. Because of that disconnect, that part of me was resisting him, and I knew we wouldn't be able to come to any kind of mutual agreement if that continued to be the case.

Because of that, I still had my guard up, but something in me didn't want to be on the defense. I didn't want to feel like we were both always walking on eggshells.

"Is that how you truly feel? That I'm not giving you enough?" Alex asked of me, tone a bit more strained than I anticipated.

"Yes, that's exactly how I feel."

"Is providing you with comfort not enough? Am I being too cruel by giving you space and time to come to terms with everything? By not expecting anything of you, aside from cooperating with me on this?"

To my surprise, there was a hint of pain in his eyes—a twinge of hurt, likely at the thought of none of that being appreciated.

I met him halfway, still frustrated by everything. "It isn't about all of those things."

"Then what is it about? Please tell me more about how I am not enough for you," he said, lacking warmth as a hint of vulnerability seeped into his words.

My brows furrowed at that, startled for a moment by how he was taking it. As my frustration mounted again, I took a step closer, exasperated. "I don't want to feel like roommates! If we're legally married and you truly want it to be more than just a piece of paper we signed, then there needs to be effort from both sides. It isn't enough to just exist in the same space as each other. If not, then you'll just be condemning me to a miserable life I don't want."

Something moved through his eyes then, as if I managed to strike a chord with him. Like a realization just hit him that I couldn't decipher.

Features still tight with that annoyed look, Alex approached me, cutting the space between us until he was face-to-face with me, body towering over mine. His gaze burned right into me as he let go of a breath.

"Is that really what you want?" he demanded of me, voice clipped with irritation. "You want my time and affection?"

Meeting his gaze, regardless of how intense it seemed, I swallowed and nodded. "Yes…it beats the alternative."

A moment of silence passed between us as he looked down at me, dark eyes searching mine. Despite the serious conversation, bordering on an argument, I couldn't help but admire him again from up close.

I hated how attractive he was, but at the same time, I couldn't get enough of it.

My breath caught in my throat as he moved closer, shifting slightly to pin me against the counter. A thrill moved through me as his arms caged around me, and his face lowered near mine.

I inhaled sharply the moment I felt his gentle breath against my lips that infringed upon the sliver of space left between us. A shiver scurried down my spine at the faint touch of his finger beneath my chin. My eyes closed instinctively.

"If that is what you want," he uttered, voice like a purr as he kept his body close to mine, just barely tilting my chin up, "then so be it. I won't hold back."

Before I could form any thought in my head, his lips came down on mine in one swift movement, hard and possessive. The breath was stolen from my lungs as his mouth melded with mine, capturing my complete attention.

I let go of a breathless sound as that initial startle subsided, and I gave in to it.

Warmth moved through me from how diligently and earnestly he kissed me, seemingly pouring everything he physically could into it. My heart clenched as all thoughts melted away from my mind, and I could only concentrate on how good that rush of bliss felt.

The kiss was enough to spark that familiar sensation in me, reminiscent of when we first had sex. My body reacted immediately to that idea, and I hummed into the kiss, suddenly wanting more.

But just as my mind started to get away from me, Alex pulled away, leaving me breathless.

While he looked down at me again, surely taking in my dazed expression with a faint upturn of his lips, his thumb gently stroked my cheek.

His voice was gentle as it reached me, only to send another shiver down my spine. "I'll consider my wife's wishes."

The loss of his lips against mine had me wishing we could stay like that for the rest of the day, forgetting about everything else. But I knew better than to expect that.

"I have to go now, but I'll see you tonight, alright?" Alex proposed, gently retracting his hand and taking a step back to reach for his coffee.

A part of me was still stunned, but I managed to nod despite the warmth in my cheeks.

With a few lingering looks in my direction, we said our goodbyes for the day, and Alex eventually slipped out of the house, heading to the office.

I stood in the kitchen by myself for some time, still flustered as I felt the ghost of his lips against mine. Even if my brain was struggling to process what had just happened, there was no mistaking how incredible even that single kiss was.

Not entirely knowing what he meant by his words, I was unsure of what to expect, but if that kiss was any indication, I felt more hopeful than I had since getting brought to his house and becoming his wife.