The Bratva’s Bounty (Volkov Bratva #3)

35. Nicole

Chapter 35

Nicole

~1 month later~

" Zhizn moya , that's enough."

Lev's large hand engulfed my wrist, putting an immediate stop to my mindless scrubbing.

Snapping out of my daze, I blinked a few times before looking at Lev with furrowed eyes. " ??i ca … What are you…? You're getting yourself all wet."

Lev was still fully geared in tactical clothing as he stood there under the showerheads, getting completely drenched. But he didn't seem to care about it with how he kept his concerned eyes trained on me and remained unmoving despite my shoves.

Sighing heavily, he took the coarse sponge from me and dropped it onto the tiled floor beneath us. "Empress, you're going to hit bone next if you don't stop," he joked flatly with a troubled smile.

Without a word, he took me into his arms and held me tightly. An arm anchored itself around my whole backside while his other hand stroked at my wet strands.

Something about his simple but tender action blew my dam wide open. All the anger, regret, resentment, sadness, self-loathing, just everything spilled over. Acid-like tears streamed down my face uncontrollably, mixing with the shower water that cascaded over me. The tears wouldn't stop, and soon, my body shook like a leaf with my loud sobs.

Lev's soothing shushes barely cut through the sounds of the rushing water as he rocked me softly. " Vso v poryadke, zhizn moya. Vypusti vso naruzhu. U menya yest' ty, i ya nikuda ne uydu. " His rumbling voice shook my nerves back into place. "I got you. I always will, just like how I will always love you, no matter what." His lips comforted every inch of my face with kisses. "Like I told you before, I don't see you the same." Pulling back, he held my face with both hands and kept our eyes locked. "I see you as better, stronger."

Leaning down, he kissed me deeply with a content groan. "I love you so much more, and I am very proud to call you mine," he whispered after sucking in a deep breath. "I will never see you any less because of what happened. I will never see you as ruined, stained, or tainted. So, stop cleaning yourself raw." He meant every single word, and he was also concerned about my well-being. "I see the way you avoid your reflection. How you're taking long-ass showers and how red, raw, and tender your body is after you come out of these showers."

His furrowed eyes softened with concern and sadness with each word, looking like they would melt out of his eyes at any moment. "And I just… It pisses me off how I can't help you." His voice cracked as the tears slipped from his eyes. "I'm fucking useless to you, and I hate it. And I know it's nothing that either of us can fully control, but it still sucks."

For a long and silent moment, we stood there in each other's embrace. Our bodies trembled and shook as our cracked walls eroded with our sobs. We were both broken over what happened, but I don't think either of us ever properly processed and grieved over it.

Forcing out a chuckle, I looked up at Lev with a smile of disbelief. "Maybe everyone has a point with us needing to see a therapist." It was obvious that neither of us were coping properly. "And I don't even know where to start the healing process."

No matter how many self-help articles and books I trifled through, none of the information seemed to help. If anything, reading everything made me more overwhelmed and withdrawn. Yet, the thought of reaching out for professional help felt like I was throwing in the towel; it meant I was really fucked up beyond normal help.

Lev's body shook against mine with his chuckle. "I'll start looking for someone who we can pay off not to turn us into the authorities." He was serious, even if he tried to make light of everything with his uplifted tone. "I'm willing to do anything at this point because I really don't know where or how to start helping you or myself." Forcing out a short chuckle of defeat, he shook his head slowly. "I thought I could just power through it like everything else, but I can't."

The two of us became silent again as we looked at each other with understanding eyes that slowly morphed into appreciation and adoration. Soon, our frowning lips curled into smiles that broke out into full grins until our mouths were open with our laughter that echoed throughout the bathroom. "God, we are so fucked up, but I'm so happy that I have you by my side at the end of the day and that you are going through every step with me." My hands stroked down his face to his neck, and my arms coiled themselves around him until there was no space left for even air to pass between us.

"Thank you, Lev, thank you so much," I whispered against his lips before completely closing the space between us with a heart-shattering kiss.

My feet stumbled backward until my back hit the shower wall with a grunt. "You don't ever have to thank me for doing what I am supposed to do." He breathed heavily against my lips. "I swore to always be there for you, no matter what, to always love and cherish you until we are six feet under. Through sun and hail, through the good and the shitty days, everything. I will always be by your side or watching your back as we move forward together."

A cheery laughter rang from me as I slapped his shoulder playfully. "I swear to God, you better not get down on one knee and propose to me in the shower."

Rolling his eyes, Lev tickled my sides with a playfully offended look. " Zhizn moya , what kind of man do you take me for?" he retorted with a playful quirk of his eyebrow. "The only thing showers are good for is cleaning off blood and fucking you."

I could feel my own eyeballs roll slightly at the feeling of his hand slipping between my legs and stroking the length of my cunt. "Then why aren't you making good use of it then?" I challenged him with a smirk, spreading my legs a little for him to have better access.

Two of his fingers slowly slipped into me, curling up against my G-spot and making my back arch with a moan. "Because I have a better use of our energy later." Now, this perked my interest, and I urged him to continue with a raise of my brow and tilt of my head. "If you're fine with it, I was thinking we finally pay Igor his long overdue visit and show him how it's properly done. Show him who you really belong to, who your body responds to, who your heart belongs to." His voice shook with uncertainty as his nervous eyes searched mine for an answer.

A stark chill gripped my body, making me grimace. "I don't know…" I answered truthfully. "Give me some time to think about it… Like it's a bold idea, but… I don't know…" I wasn't completely against the idea, shockingly, but the part of me that never wanted him to see any part of me ever again and give him even the slightest satisfaction rejected Lev's idea.

Humming, Lev nodded his head before distracting me from my thoughts with his fingers. "Let's put that aside for now, then." His lips quickly occupied mine with some butterfly kisses as his fingers picked up in pace. "Let me take care of you, empress. Let me worship every inch of your perfectly flawed body and replace all the bad with better memories."

My shoulders relaxed with a deep breath as I let myself melt into Lev's touch. "You're always doing that. Thank you for it." My words came out breathy and hot like the steam fogging up the place as I closed my eyes and let my head fall back against the shower wall. "Love me, Lev, please."

"Always and forever," he promised before the sounds of his zipper coming undone echoed in my ears.