The Christmas Catch

Chapter 5

Chapter FIVE

They were throwing a Christmas ball. The irony wasn’t lost on her. One minute Bebe was lamenting the horrors of rich men and their wallets, and the next she was planning a party with a rich man and his wallet. A selfless one. Okay, so the wallet couldn’t be selfless, but Jay had certainly surprised her.

He even wanted the children to attend.

Be still her beating heart. It seemed Jahleel still had a caring spirit. With the passage of time, it was hard to know just how much of the boy she’d given her heart to in high school still existed. He’d always been so kind, and offering to fund the ball and talk of a photo booth showed that hadn’t changed. He certainly was making it difficult for her to forget the good times and focus on the way he stomped on her heart.

She handed a bowl of ice cream to May, who was curled up on Bebe’s gray sectional. Hope had already settled into bed, so it was a little quiet in the house.

“I can’t believe the Rev agreed to a ball.” May snorted. “Did you see his face when Jay suggested it? I thought he was going to have a coronary.”

“I’m pretty sure he did once we left.”

May winced. “You think he’s over there ranting and raving?” She gasped. “Will he kick his son out again?”

Bebe licked peach ice cream off her spoon. “Is that rumor even true?” Never mind, Jay had mentioned it the other day.

“Of course it is. Gossip moves like lightning, and thanks to some people’s attention to detail, the story elements all matched up.”

“But how could he kick Jay out just because he went to the NFL? It makes no sense.”

Bebe couldn’t imagine doing something like that to Hope. Of course, she didn’t want her daughter playing tackle football, with the high risk of injury that brought, but somehow she doubted that was the Reverend’s concern. Growing up next door to Jay had shown her how harsh Obadiah Walker could be. He was a little blustery in his sermons too, but Bebe had never doubted his love for God. In the same way, she’d always imagined that Reverend Walker loved Jay no matter what. But did Jay hold that same belief?

“You know the Rev wanted Jay to be a preacher, right?” May’s words came out more statement than question.

Of course. But Jay had never felt the call. “Well, kicking him out because he refused to follow in his footsteps doesn’t allow the Reverend to throw a pity party.”

“No kidding.” May took a bite. “Why are we eating this? It’s almost forty degrees outside.”

“Outside, yes. But we’re inside. Besides, you can eat ice cream any time of year.”

“Hmm, I’m inclined to disagree with you, but this flavor is divine.” May wiggled her eyebrows.

“You can’t live in Georgia and not like peach ice cream.”

“Somewhere there’s a person who hates that flavor, but it’s not me.” May smiled as she shoveled a huge spoonful into her mouth.

“What am I going to do with you?”

Her friend shrugged as she dabbed at her mouth with a napkin. “Let’s not talk about me. My life is firmly positioned in the boring box. You, on the other hand....” Her voice trailed off, and her eyebrows rose in expectancy.

“My life is pretty boring too.” Go to work with Hope, come home with Hope, sleep, and repeat.

“Not anymore,” May sang. “Jay couldn’t stop looking at you. I bet he was constructing soliloquies up there in his ol’ noggin.”

“He’s a football player.” Though he’d whispered pretty sweet romantic notions back in high school.

Stop thinking about then. Do you want a repeat breakup? Or even something that would lead to another divorce?

“With hearts in his eyes every time he looks at you.”

Bebe smirked. May was a bit much at times but entertaining. “That’s probably the haze of pain pills you see.”

“No way. He looked much more alert at the meeting tonight.” May looked down at her bowl. “How did I finish it so fast?”

“I did too.” Bebe showed her own empty bowl. Temptation to lick it clean knocked. Instead she set the dish on the coffee table.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice the change in subject.” May laid a hand on her arm. “I know you don’t want to talk about him right now. You know where to find me when you’re ready.”

“Thanks, May.” Bebe sighed. “It seems ridiculous to walk down memory lane just because he showed up next door. I mean, what do I actually think is going to happen?”

“That he’ll knock on your door and ask you to take him back?”

Bebe chuckled. She couldn’t help it. Before she met Will, that had been her exact wish. Then, when her marriage dissolved, she stopped thinking about the opposite sex for a while. Sometimes a guy at church would ask her out, or a tourist would show an interest. They’d all been so easy to turn away because she had no desire to repeat past mistakes. But none of them had the pull Jahleel Walker did either.

Did that mean she should seek closure? Find out exactly why Jay ended their relationship before they went off to college? Would that make it easier to avoid dreaming up what-ifs and keep her heart safe?

“You’re overthinking, friend.” May squeezed her hand. “It’ll all work out.”

“How do you know? Maybe this is just my hormones slipping into muscle memory due to his proximity.”

“You’re such a nerd.” May tossed a throw pillow at her face.

“Likewise.” Bebe retaliated. “Seriously, what do I do? Ignore him? Seek closure?”

“What do you want to do?”

I don’t know! That was the issue. She felt bitterness, attraction, then anger at herself for being attracted to the man who’d broken her heart. “I think closure is the best track.” She nodded to make sure her mind—and heart—thought of nothing else.

“Right,” May drew out, then smirked. She stood, stretching her small frame. “Well, I’m out. I have some papers to grade before sleep beckons.”

“See ya.”

They headed outside, and Bebe clutched her sweater firmly to her. Why hadn’t she grabbed her jacket? She flipped her hoodie over her head and sighed with relief. As long as her head was warm, the cold wasn’t too bad. Plus, it would be gone tomorrow and in the low sixties.

Bebe waved as her friend’s Honda headed down the road. She turned to go back inside and stopped.

Jay sat on his parents’ porch swing, his long leg propped across it. He waved at her.

Closure.

Taking a deep breath, she headed his way.

Jahleel watched as Bebe drew closer. She still wore that ratty sweater around her like a shield. His mouth quirked. She’d always loved sweaters that were way too big for her. “Hey, Bebe.”

“I cannot believe you suggested a ball.” She propped her hands on her hips, her head cocked to the side in a look of amazement as she stood on the porch landing.

Neither could he. His father would hate his guts now.

And he didn’t before?

Feigning a nonchalance he didn’t have, Jahleel cradled the back of his head and leaned against the swing back. “Everyone loves a good party.” And maybe he wouldn’t miss the one he’d normally throw back in Texas.

“Like children?” Her green eyes seemed to glow in the moonlight.

“Especially the kids.” He could imagine Hope twirling in a Christmas dress and talking Bebe’s ear off in the process. He held back a chuckle and focused on her face. He couldn’t read her expression. Did she think the party should be kid-free? “You don’t think it was a bad idea, do you?”

“I did until you mentioned letting the children attend.” She leaned against the porch rail. “I’d hate for them to be left out. The whole congregation will love it. They really enjoyed last year’s potluck.” A soft smile brightened her face. “Plus, this allows us to dress up.”

“Ms. Barbara Ann still wear those huge hats? Looking like she’s going to the Derby?”

Bebe’s soft laugh blended perfectly with the atmosphere. “Of course. You should have seen last week’s. It looked like a birdbath.”

He laughed, leaning forward to catch his breath at the image. “I can only imagine.”

“Maybe you’ll luck out and she’ll wear it again.” Bebe snickered.

Jahleel shuddered. “I hope not. I won’t be able to keep a straight face.”

“Hope can’t either.”

Hope. It seemed a shame that little girl didn’t have a father around. He stared at his childhood friend. “What happened with Hope’s father?” Please don’t deflect. Maybe he shouldn’t try to connect with her again, but he couldn’t stop himself from caring and wondering what all he’d missed out on since their last parting.

Silence filled the air. Just when he thought she would ignore his question, she shifted against the porch rail. “He didn’t want me anymore.”

The smallness of her voice gutted him.

Bebe opened her mouth and then shut it. Did he even want to know what she’d been about to say? Because the situations were too close for comfort. It wasn’t that Jay hadn’t wanted to be with her. He’d just had other priorities.

Ouch. That’s worse. How had he been so self-absorbed?

Aren’t you still?

“I’m sorry, Bebe.”

“Not your fault.”

This time. But had he given her the impression he didn’t want her when he left for UT? He rubbed his chin. “How does Hope deal with his absence?”

“With optimism. The disappointment never lasts long. Though I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.” She picked imaginary lint off her sleeve.

“Does she get to see him at all? Talk to him?”

“No. Well, once a year. She talked to him last Christmas.”

“Wait, what?” His emotions teetered between rage and sorrow for the joyful little girl. “Why? How can he not ?”

“He’s busy with his new wife, Angie. They head multiple charity organizations.” Bebe rolled her eyes.

“What about his own child?”

Bebe blew out a breath. “I tell Hope that God is a father to the fatherless. I don’t think she understands exactly what I mean, but I’m hoping the seeds will be planted and it’ll keep her from becoming bitter as she grows up. At least she’ll remember God was always there.”

“Oh, Bebe.”

“Don’t sweat it, Jay.”

Silence fell between them as he studied the girl next door. He’d always been able to tell how Bebe felt. Their communication had flowed freely up until he decided to cut all ties. All he could think of right then was how much of a mess he’d made when they broke up. How did you keep yourself from thinking what-ifs and wanting to kick yourself in the rear?

“Could you sit down so we can talk?” He gestured to the inordinately long porch swing. He pulled one of the ottomans from beneath the swing and propped his leg on it.

Bebe stared at him and then the swing. With a small sigh, she crossed the porch and carefully sat down. He couldn’t help but appreciate the care she took not to jostle his leg.

She sat with her hands folded primly in her lap. Now that she was near him, he didn’t know what to say. Sorry I was a jerk? Sorry I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be? Nah, that just negated all responsibility.

“I don’t plan on freezing all night, Jay.”

“Then scoot on in.” He lifted an arm, knowing she wouldn’t come any closer.

“Uh-uh.” She waggled a finger at him. “Just state your piece.”

Jahleel ran a hand down his face. This is Bebe. Be honest. “I’m so sorry I was a jerk the last time we talked.”

“We were kids, right?” She shrugged as if to insinuate it no longer mattered.

That was her putting on a brave face. Bebe felt deeply, and he had no doubt she still harbored some resentment. After all, if she didn’t, they’d be talking much more freely.

“I don’t think either of us thought our feelings childish. Besides, that doesn’t excuse my behavior. You wanted to know how we were going to maintain contact going off to different colleges, and I shut you down. I shut us down.” His throat dried. “I feared I wouldn’t be able to focus on football, on obtaining the NFL dream, if I had a girlfriend.”

Sorrow filled her green eyes. “You were my best friend before you were my boyfriend, and you just cut off all contact.” Her eyes watered. “Why? Was I that bad of a girlfriend—”

“No,” he said forcefully. “It truly wasn’t you but me.” He pointed to his chest. “I didn’t know if I could have both dreams, Bebe. So I chose football.” He winced. Great, he’d just told her he picked a sport over love. He blew out a breath. “I’m sorry for not being the friend you needed. And definitely for not being the boyfriend you deserved.”

Tears spilled down her cheeks, and his gut clenched. “I might have been able to forgive the boyfriend part, Jay. But for you to just ignore me....”

He wanted to pull her into his arms. He could feel her pain as if it ached in the center of his own chest, as if it were his own. And maybe it really was. He was finally admitting what he had let go. And for what? A sport he’d no longer be able to play?

“I was a class A jerk. Please forgive me,” he whispered. Acting on hope, he slid closer, draping an arm around her shoulders.

She laid her head on his shoulder. They said nothing for a few moments. Jahleel prayed God would heal any hurt he’d inflicted on Bebe.

Finally, she shifted away and met his gaze. “I forgive you, but this”—she pointed between them—“isn’t a good idea. We went down that road and saw the dead-end sign.”

Jahleel nodded, trying to swallow around the knot in his throat. The thought of closing the door to something more kind of tore him up inside. It would be so easy to lean forward and kiss her soft lips, remembering all the reasons Bebe had always had a place in his heart. But staying in Peachwood Bay wasn’t the plan. It would be more shades of the same bad behavior if he started something again. This time around, he needed to be more responsible and respectful.

“Friends?” He licked his lips, hoping to cover the crack in his voice.

“Friends.” She held out a hand.

He squeezed it and promptly let go. No use lingering.

Bebe leaned against the back of the swing and curled her feet underneath her. “Now, bring me up to speed on your life.”

So he did, all the while wanting more. But how much of himself was he willing to give?