The Christmas Cookie Crush (Arcadian Falls Christmas #4)

Chapter 30

CHAPTER THIRTY

Nora

Austin kisses me like he’s trying to bring me back to life, which is both exactly what I want and the last thing I need.

Everything Dylan said this morning has been playing on a loop in my head all day. I’ve been so off that both my parents noticed as well as Madison and Trevor, who split today. Madison took over the photos for me while she was working this morning, but I got it together enough to do a decent job this afternoon.

My Christmas cheer was at an all-time low, though, no matter how much I tried to glue my smile in place, wish everyone a Merry Christmas, and talk to the cute little kids about their Christmas lists. Usually, I love that kind of stuff, and even when I’m annoyed by other things, that’s enough to pull me out of a grumpy mood.

Today, though, it didn’t help at all.

Maybe because I’m not grumpy. Or cranky. Or just tired, though that’s what I’ve been telling everyone when asked. Mom even kissed my forehead to make sure I didn’t have a fever like she always did when we were kids. “You sure you’re feeling okay?” she asked at lunch, which I barely picked at.

I gave her a wan smile. “I stopped by Give and Cake for a cinnamon roll, so I’m not that hungry now.”

“You look a little pale,” she said, her brow still crimped with worry. She knows something’s wrong, and even as a teenager, she’d ask after my physical health to give me the opportunity to open up about emotional turmoil without prying.

“I’m just tired,” I said, hoping she’d let it go.

She did, thankfully, patting me on the shoulder. “I know you’re staying with Austin tonight. Try to get some sleep. Only one more day, but it’s a doozy.”

She’s right. Christmas Eve is always frenetic with all the last-minute shoppers and people just there because of their own family traditions and to experience the thrill of ChristmasFest one last time before it’s over for another season. I get it. Normally, I love being there on Christmas Eve, stopping by even if I’m not scheduled to work.

This year I’m dreading it.

Because the end of ChristmasFest means that I’ll be going back to school in just over a week. And while I’d usually be looking forward to that, now I don’t want to go. I want more time. More time with Austin in this beautiful bubble of possibility we’ve created where the future seems full of hope and potential.

But Dylan’s right.

I don’t have a great track record with men. If I can’t even make a relationship work when we live on the same campus or in the same town, how could I possibly hope to keep this going when we’ll be hours apart? He’ll be hard at work learning the ins and outs of running the bakery. I’ll have classes and papers and projects, plus a part-time job. Sure, yeah, there are video chats and phone calls and texting and surely we can find a weekend or two to see each other.

But then what? What about after I graduate? I’ve been planning on trying to stay in Portland. No, I don’t have definite plans, but I’ve been talking about it since school started in the fall, figuring out roommate situations and looking at places to live.

Do I really want to give all that up and move back to tiny little Arcadian Falls for a guy? Especially when I don’t even know if he’d want to do something like that?

Am I getting myself all tangled up for no reason?

I know we’re having fun. And he said he likes to have an emotional connection. But that doesn’t mean he wants a long-term or a long-distance relationship. And it’s entirely possible he just said that to make himself seem more emotionally stable to get in my pants. How many times have I dealt with that before, after all? Dudes say what they think they need to so they can get what they want—namely, sex—and once it’s run its course, they’re all, I never said I wanted anything serious. Or, We’re just having fun, right? Or, Why do we need to put a label on it? Can’t we just keep doing what we’re doing?

Of course, in this case, no, we can’t just keep doing what we’re doing. I won’t be here to keep doing this.

The other part of what Dylan said about being in a long-distance relationship replays in my mind too. I know how hard it is, he said. How knowing it was temporary was the only thing that made it bearable.

But if I get a job in Portland, if I sign a year lease with a roommate, that won’t be temporary. Not that temporary, anyway. And Austin’s staying here. That’s definitely not temporary.

You could just move back home , whispers a tempting voice in the back of my mind. But would I be happy here? There’s not a lot to do here. I’d be working in the shop with my sister as my boss, still the flakey little sister who can’t be trusted because that’s what I’ve been all my life.

That’s the reason I’ve always wanted to get away from here. Not because I hate it here or because my family’s terrible. But because I never saw a possibility of a future in a place where there are few opportunities and the main one that exists for me still has me in the same role I’ve been dying to get out of for years.

Is it worth giving up the chance to escape the flighty, silly-girl reputation I have in this town and with my family to be with a guy I’ve only been dating for like a week?

Austin’s hand sliding up and down my side brings me out of my thoughts and back to the present. Even if this is just some fun before we part ways, what’s wrong with that?

Once again, my stupid brother’s voice floats through my mind. You need to think about what’s best for you and what’s best for Austin .

Fucking Dylan. Why can’t he just leave me alone? Especially now!

In an effort to distract myself from those thoughts, I hitch my leg higher on Austin’s hip, using it to pull him close, rolling us so I’m on my back.

Lifting his head, he smiles down at me, and the look on his face kills me. No one’s ever looked at me like that. Like I’m beautiful and amazing and precious. Not just hot or sexy or good for some fun. But someone to be cherished .

And I know. I know that this isn’t just some fun for him. This is real. This is something he wants, and he wouldn’t be here, he wouldn’t be paying for nights in a hotel or this gorgeous cabin with rose petals on the bed if he just wanted to fuck around while I’m home for Christmas break.

I don’t want to think about that, though, or what it might mean. I just want to be in this moment with him. I just want to feel .

“I got you,” he whispers. “You’re okay.” He kisses his way down my body, sucking on my nipples one at a time and making me arch and moan. “Let go,” he murmurs against my belly. “You don’t have to worry about anything. Let me make you feel good.”

Taking him at his word, I give myself over to the feel of his hands and lips and tongue against my skin, indulging in the pleasure he so freely offers. My orgasm takes longer than normal to coax out of me, but Austin gives no indication that he minds, staying between my thighs for as long as I need, his groan matching my own when I finally come.

He’s grinning when he rises over me, wiping his mouth with his hand. “God, that’s so sexy,” he murmurs, reaching for a condom and rolling it on.

Part of me wants to object, wants to return the favor. But before I can do much more than open my mouth, he’s there, kissing me, gathering me in his arms, his cock rubbing along my sensitive slit until he slides inside me at last. It’s bliss. Heat and pleasure and connection and everything and oh, god, I might start crying. It’s so perfect, he’s so perfect, we’re so perfect.

Can I really give this up?

But can I really give up everything else? Close the doors on all the other possibilities?

But can I close the door on this?

I’m so torn, and I don’t know what to do, what to think, so I stop thinking and wrap myself around him, hooking my ankles behind his back, my arms behind his shoulders, and hold on as he chases his own pleasure.

He comes with a groan, shuddering and trembling as he grinds his hips into mine, and it’s everything. The way he looks at me, the way he feels inside me, the way he holds me. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.

But is it enough?