The Christmas Pic

38. Jo

CHAPTER 38

JO

After Roger's arrival, Lena and Matt hunker down into their new-parent bubble, with my mom by their side. With the holidays clearing my work schedule, I'm left with a vast expanse of time. Each day dissolves into a gray blur. I seclude myself in the backhouse, blinds drawn, as I surrender to the tidal waves of grief–for my dad, for Chrissy, and for Ava.

Emma, visiting relatives over the holidays, sends her congratulations on my new role as an aunt, but she's too caught up to notice my withdrawal until she returns… and then she calls me about fifteen times until I answer.

“Yeah?” I pick up groggily, my voice hoarse from not speaking for days.

She doesn’t even berate me for not picking up.

“Carol called. She told me what happened.” Her voice is solemn. “Jo, I’m so sorry. Can I come over?”

“I don’t think I’m much fun right now,” I croak.

“I don’t love you because you’re fun, Jo. I just love you.” The blunt sincerity reminds me of Ava and my stomach drops. “Please, can I come? Please, can Duke come?”

I sigh. “You run a hard bargain. But don’t expect any hospitality. ”

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t dare.”

Duke goes straight for my salty, tear-stained face the minute he and Emma waltz through the door.

“I brought you coffee and Hole Foods Donuts and a fidget spinner that I found in my car,” Emma announces, tossing the pink gadget to where I’m laying on the couch.

I extend my hand. “Coffee. Put her here.” Emma hands me a steaming latte and I sit up, patting Duke’s head in thanks for his cleaning services.

I admittedly haven’t been caffeinating for the past few days. Caffeine would probably get me out of bed, and I’ve been greatly preferring the isolation of my down comforter to the harsh realities of life that await me outside.

Emma sits across from me, housing a maple bar. “So, Ava’s gone.”

I thought we were gonna talk about my dad or Chrissy, but I wasn’t expecting Emma to address the Ava elephant head on. I hadn’t kept her abreast of our ongoing tryst after that first night, but I have no delusions about being able to get anything past her.

“She did what she came to do. She didn’t break any promises. She walked her walk. She talked her talk. And then she left.”

“Hm.”

“Did you see our new and improved monstrosity in the driveway?” I ask her bitterly.

She nods slowly. “Definitely not Chrissy.”

“Nope.”

Emma tilts her head. “Have you been inside?”

“Yup.”

She scoffs. “Pulling teeth like a dentist over here, Joj. How was it? ”

I shrug. “There’s AC in every seat or something.”

Her face scrunches. “That sounds… incorrect. Can we go check it out together?” Duke wags over to her and she smooshes his face toward me. “Can Duke go inside? He needs new Hinge pics.”

I roll my eyes. “Duke requests lose their power from overuse, Em.”

She crosses her arms. “Jo, humor me. I promise to hate it as much as you do, how about that?”

I grab a maple bar for myself. “Duke, we’re going for a walk.” His ears perk up. “To the driveway, buddy.”

At least one of us is stoked.

I reluctantly unlock the back of the new truck and we go inside. I wasn’t only giving Ava the silent treatment when we rode in here the other day, but the truck as well.

Duke sniffs around while Emma takes in the pristine walls, track lighting, built-ins for equipment storage, and outlets. She whistles under her breath. “Yep, this is offensive.”

My mouth twitches. “Wanna set it on fire?”

“Definitely.” She runs her hand over the new eco-leather seats. “Is that a motorized backdrop mount? Disgusting.”

I take a seat and Duke rests his head on my knee. “I know it’s a nice truck. I get that.”

Emma plops down beside me. “It would be crazy for you not to get that, but I love you.”

“I felt steamrolled. Like Ava got to do everything her way and never had to deal with the consequences. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to Chrissy.”

“Jo, I say this with love,” Emma says, “but Chrissy is literally sitting in Mikey’s lot. You could go say goodbye anytime.”

Hot tears threaten to spill over. “Something has died. And I wasn’t ready. Again. Things will never be the same.”

Emma rubs my back with her hand. “Are you talking about the truck, or about Ava?” she asks quietly. I shake my head, tears falling. “There’s gotta be a built-in tissue box around here somewhere.”

She gets up and starts to poke around the space.

“Um, Jo?” she calls from the front. “Have you seen this?”

Sniffling and wiping my snot on my sleeve, I walk over to where she is, pointing at something welded into the wall of the new truck. It’s the Polaroid of my dad and me, formerly tucked away into Chrissy’s sun visor, now protected by plexiglass, with a plaque beneath it that reads:

THEY LIVE ON IN OUR PHOTOS AND OUR HEARTS.

ROGER FISHER AND THE ORIGINAL CHRISSY THE CHRISTMAS TRUCK

1984 - 2024

“Oh.” My heart and my mind careen into each other and all I can blurt out is, “The ship of Theseus.”

“Sorry?”

Tears flood. The tight knot in my belly loosens. “Maybe there can be New Chrissy, and there can be Old Chrissy, and there can be parts in common.”

Oh god, I was so unfair to Ava. Oh god, I was so cruel.

“I’m not totally following your train of thought, but I think we’re in agreement that Ava truly did want to make things better,” Emma says softly.

“What do I do, Em?” I wail. “If there was even a sliver of hope for making amends, I burned that bridge.”

Emma shakes her head. “You don’t know how things are gonna pan out. Don’t borrow trouble from the future, right?”

I see my dad’s face, beaming in the photograph. He’s not here. I think he would do anything to be here if he could. But I am here. I’m alive and I can feel the tears streaking down my cheeks and the thumping of my heartbeat and the touch of Emma’s comforting hand on my arm .

A smile forms through my tears and I wipe my face. “The future won’t even see me coming.”

Emma wraps me in a tight hug. “Let’s rise to meet it, then.”

And we do.