The Christmas You Crash (Going Rogue #2)

Chapter 43

forty-three

LEXI

I think my mom almost likes him.

Jeff gives me a brief hug as we say goodbye, and I give him a little squeeze. The revelation that he and my mom didn’t have an affair only helps my feelings for the man change more quickly. It’s difficult to dislike a guy who treats my mom like she’s the best thing in the world. And even more difficult when my false belief that he was willing to cheat is taken away.

I guess I get why Mom didn’t say anything at first, but why has she let me hold on to the false notion that she’s a cheater?

“I hope we can do this again,” I say to Jeff with a soft smile.

He returns it easily. “I’d like that a lot, kiddo.”

The endearment doesn’t bother me now. In fact, it makes my chest feel warm in a way it hasn’t in years. When’s the last time my dad looked at me like I was precious? Like it would be a pleasure to spend time with me?

When he steps back, my mom wraps me up in a tight hug. Jeff and Ryder shake hands and speak in low voices. My mom sighs. “I’m still worried that he’ll put hockey first, but I guess he’s not so bad.”

Laughing, I pull back from the hug so I can meet her gaze. “Gee, thanks, Mom. High praise, coming from you.”

She arches one eyebrow. “It is.”

We both chuckle. I can’t help glancing Ryder’s way. He always draws my eye when we’re together, pulling me into his orbit. “Just promise you’ll give him a chance. He’s not Dad.”

“I know,” she says, exhaling slowly. “And he’s in love with you.”

An undignified snort bursts out of me. “He is not. It’s way too soon for that.”

“Is it?” My mom tilts her face, so she’s looking down her nose at me. “I didn’t realize love had a specific timeline it has to follow.”

“Mom. Come on. He’s not in love with me. That’s ridiculous.”

Her face softens. “That’s what I thought. You’re in love with him too.” She gives my arm a gentle squeeze. “Just be careful, sweetie. You deserve to be loved, and I’m afraid I didn’t set a very good example of that for you.”

“Mom, no.” My chest squeezes painfully. “Don’t you dare take that on yourself. That’s on Dad.” My attention flicks to Jeff. “Besides, you’re showing me now.”

The rosy glow that lights my mom’s face is everything. She instantly looks younger, and I imagine this is what she looked like when she first fell for my dad. Before he emotionally vampired her and sucked all the joy out of her life. What an asshole.

“I know you’re not Jeff’s biggest fan, but I do hope you give him a chance, sweetie.”

Sucking in a deep breath, I grab my mom’s hands. “You could have told me you and Dad were separated. It wouldn’t have ruined my college experience.”

“He told you that, did he?” She doesn’t appear annoyed. There’s only affection painted in pinks across her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kept it from you. It just felt… I was dealing with a lot of shame about the whole thing. I didn’t handle it as well as I could have.”

“I get it.” Emotions are messy. It’s easy to look back and clearly see the way you should have done things, but it’s a hell of a lot murkier in the moment. “I’m glad I know now.”

Mom pulls me in for another hug. Her breath is warm across my neck. “Me too, sweetie. Me too.”

Ryder steps up beside me and rests his hand on my lower back. “You ready to go? You’ve got an early class tomorrow.”

For the first time in a long time, everything feels right in the world as I rest my head on his shoulder. “Yeah. I’m ready.”

“Thank you for having us over,” Ryder says to my mom and Jeff. “It was so nice to meet you. I hope we can do this again.”

A genuine smile overtakes my mom’s face. “I hope so too.”

We say one last goodbye—because Midwesterners can never say just one—and climb into Ryder’s car. Neither of us speaks for the first few minutes as he begins the drive toward my apartment. It’s not a tense silence. More that we’re both processing the evening. It certainly didn’t go the way I expected it to, which is a good thing. But there is a lot to consider. My mom didn’t have an affair. Jeff isn’t the bad guy. Mom thinks Ryder loves me. She thinks I love him.

She may be right.

When Ryder’s large, warm hand covers mine, I turn to look at him. “You okay, OTG?”

“Yeah,” I say. “I’m good, actually. Are you? My mom wasn’t exactly easy on you most of the night.”

My handsome boyfriend shrugs. “I’m good. And I think things with your mom went well. She may not be fully Team Ryder yet, but I’ll win her over. Besides, she was just being protective of you. And she’s been hurt. By my coach. Can’t say I don’t understand her reservations.”

Sweet, sweet man.

“You don’t have to defend her.”

“I know. But if she doesn’t like me, it’s not because of me. It’s because of my career. And I’m not my job, you know? I love it, don’t get me wrong. Hockey kept me going when my mom died, then again when my dad passed. It’s given me something to strive for, something to lose myself in, and a sense of family I desperately needed. But hockey is a brutal sport. No one plays forever. I figure I’ll get maybe ten to fifteen years more of this if I’m really lucky.”

Ryder flexes his healing hand. “But I could also be done tomorrow. One bad fall, one torn tendon, and that could be it. I’m not putting all my eggs in one icy basket.”

“Have you thought about what you want to do after hockey?” I ask. Because I can’t imagine spending so much of my life working toward something that could be taken away from me in an instant like that.

“No idea,” he says. Then he squeezes my hand. “But I know that, whatever it is, I want to figure it out with the right woman by my side.”

Well, that makes my heart all sorts of fluttery. Because when he says those words and looks at me so meaningfully, my mind flashes back to my mom’s words.

He’s in love with you.

Oh, boy. Is she right?

I let out a breathy giggle that is extremely undignified and embarrassing. “Well, I believe you can do anything you want.”

Thank god Ryder doesn’t laugh at my ridiculousness. He smiles softly at me, squeezes my hand, and says, “Thanks, Oscar. You know I feel the same about you. Have you thought more about what you want to use your degree for?”

“Not really,” I admit. It’s something I need to put some serious thought into, but I have time. And I’ve been a little distracted lately.

“You’ll figure it out.”

“Thanks, Handsome.”

When we get to my apartment, Ryder walks me to my door. I invite him in, but I’m not the only one with an early morning tomorrow. The Rogues have practice at the butt crack of dawn. Still, it’s incredibly difficult to tear myself away from the man. Especially when his kisses are so deep and drugging. I feel like I’m floating when our mouths break apart.

With one palm cupping my cheek and the other hand brushing my hair away from my face, Ryder blinks a few times. He’s clearly as affected by our kisses as I am. “God, it’s hard walking away from you.”

“I know,” I say breathlessly. “Are you sure you don’t want to come in?”

“Oh, I want to.” He presses his forehead against mine. “But I’m going to be the responsible one and go. If I walk in there with you right now, neither of us will get any sleep.” To illustrate his point, Ryder presses his hips forward and grinds his very hard dick against my lower belly. When I gasp, he chuckles, low and raspy. “Exactly, baby. Now, get your beautiful ass inside and get some sleep. You’ll be pissed at yourself if you can’t pay attention in class.”

He’s right, of course. I still don’t like it. My face must show my emotions, because Ryder chuckles again, takes the keys from my hand, and unlocks my apartment door. He gives me one more searing kiss, opens it, turns me around, and pushes me gently inside with a swat to my ass.

“Not fair,” I pout. “You distracted me with kisses.”

Handing my keys back, he looks adorably smug. “Good night, Alexis. Get some sleep. Maybe dream about me.”

Oh, I will. But, first, I need to call my bestie.

“Night, Ryder. Text me when you get home?”

Ryder’s smile is sweet. “Course, baby. Night.”

When I close the door, it’s like I’m in one of those cheesy romance movies, because I lean back against it and melt to the floor in a puddle of lust and emotions.

I am so screwed.

After running through my nighttime routine, I flop into bed and video call Rachel. She picks up on the third ring with a massive smile on her face. It looks like she’s still in the office. I can’t say I’m surprised. Her internship ends in a few months, and there are several people vying for one opening. My girl’s in it to win it.

“Lexi! Hey, girl. How’s it going?”

“Ryder met my mom tonight.”

There’s a pause as Rachel’s eyes get wide, and her jaw unhinges. “Was blood shed?”

Throwing my head back, I laugh. Rachel may have only met my mom a few times on breaks, but she’s aware of exactly how Kelly Cross feels about hockey and the people involved in the sport.

“No bloodshed. I think she actually kind of likes him.”

Rachel sets the phone down and starts typing furiously on her computer’s keyboard.

“What are you doing?”

“I need to make sure there have been no crazy natural disasters in the last few hours. If Hell freezes over, it will probably have some kind of blowback here on Earth, right?”

“Oh my god,” I get out between giggles. “It’s not that shocking that she’d end up liking Ryder. He’s a great guy.”

“I know. At least, I know from all the things you’ve said. Obviously, I have to reserve my full judgment for when I actually meet him in person.” She stares at me expectantly. “Which will happen sooner rather than later, right?”

“There’s nothing I want more than for you two to meet, but his schedule is crazy.” She’s right, though. I want her stamp of approval. I’ve learned my lesson on that front. If your best friends hate your boyfriend, it’s probably because there’s something wrong with him. I’d rather know now than later. Before there’s any talk of love or futures.

“Does the team have any games coming up in Chicago? Because you could come stay with me, we could go to a game, and then I can meet your boy toy.” She waggles her brows suggestively.

Laughing, I roll my eyes. “He’s not my boy toy.”

“Semantics. Now, seriously. When do they play here next?” She types some more on her computer. Her eyes skim the screen before her face lights up. “Well, look at that. They have a two-game series here in two weeks. And they’re weekend games, so you shouldn’t even need to miss any classes. And I won’t have to miss work.” Her lips thin. “Because I’ll be damned if I miss work and give that dickhead Karl a chance to appear more dedicated than me.”

“Karl?”

“Yeah,” Rachel says with a wave of her hand. “I’ve told you about him. He’s that ass-kissing rich boy that thinks he shits rainbows and cotton candy.”

“Sounds sticky.”

That makes her laugh. “Yeah. He’s a sticky little bastard. And even though he couldn’t give a shit about this job, and he sure as hell doesn’t need the money, because his mommy and daddy pay for everything, he’s still trying to knock me out of contention, just so I don’t get it.” Her hands curl into fists, and I can practically see the fires of retribution glinting in her irises. “But he won’t win. I won’t let him. I’m getting this damned job for women everywhere.”

“Oh, babe.” I’m laughing so hard, I’m practically wheezing. “You are going to love hockey so much. All the checking and fights… Okay, yeah. We’ll make it happen.”

Her expression shifts instantly to one of pure joy. “Really? Yay! Oh my god, I can’t wait to see you. I’ve missed you so damned much.”

“Me too, Rach. Me too.”

My best friend studies me. “What else happened at your mom’s?”

Startled, I blink rapidly. “Huh? What do you mean?”

“You’ve got this faraway look in your eyes. You look all dreamy and shit.”

“Dreamy and shit?” I snort.

“Don’t deflect.”

“Ugh.” I bang my head back against the mattress. “My mom said she thinks Ryder’s in love with me. And that I’m in love with him.”

It’s Rachel’s turn to snort. “That’s it? Babe, I could have told you that. You are so gone for that man. And if he’s not a complete idiot, of course he’s gone for you too.”

“I…” My mouth flaps open and closed like a fish out of water. “It’s just really inconvenient.” That’s all I can think to say. It’s really inconvenient. Because our situation is complicated. We’ll have to tell my dad about us at some point, but the amount of anxiety caused by thinking about it makes me want to pop a few antacids.

Rachel hums. “Love always is. If it’s convenient, it’s probably not real.”

She’s right. I know she is. Still doesn’t make any of this easier.

“Do you think that Chase guy will be playing? He’s on the Chicago Blizzard, isn’t he?”

Chase. Ryder’s former friend, who almost ended his career. The guy I have to thank for meeting Ryder.

“Probably. I don’t know.”

Rachel’s grin is so evil, I almost feel bad for Chase. “Let’s brainstorm mean things to write on some signs. It’s been too long since I’ve made a grown man cry.”