The Coast is Clear (Breakaway Shores #1)

Izzy

Dee

The food was delicious, and I was annoyed that it was so good. Zander had prepared ribs, burgers, wings, a green salad, and a tangy potato salad—all perfect barbecue foods. I stood with my glass of water by the edge of the deck. The boys were having a picnic on the grass, chatting with Zander. He’d had little plates and cups for them, serving their food without asking. It was nice of him, I reminded myself. He was trying to be friendly and helpful. But still, it bugged me.

I was being dramatic because my ego was bruised. I just needed to get over it and distract myself with something else. There were about ten other people here. Some of Zander’s older neighbors, a family from down the street and a man living in the house behind Zander. He wasn’t particularly handsome, but he seemed nice. We’d made small talk earlier while getting food. I set my glass on the railing, and he appeared beside me. “I didn’t introduce myself earlier,” he said, holding a hand for me to shake, “I’m Beau. I live just behind those big trees.” He pointed straight ahead.

“Nice to meet you, I’m .” I didn’t mention that I would be moving into the house in a couple of months.

“And those are your boys?” he asked, glancing over at them.

“Yes, those are mine.”

Beau nodded and tapped his fingers along the railing. He seemed nervous. “Are you just here for the summer?”

Everyone else mingled around us. Zander got up from the grass, and my gaze danced up and down his body. Whoops. Nope. Too much. I felt my cheeks blush as I refocused on what Beau had asked. Zander headed to the table where Luke mingled with some of the other guests. He was chatting loudly, and Luke’s date was glued to her phone. “We are, yeah. Looking for a place here, but we’ll see.” I didn’t need to tell a stranger my life plan.

“That’s great—such a fun place to live. I moved here after my divorce, and it’s been refreshing. I think you’ll like it.” He thought I was divorced, a common mistake.

“My husband and I spent our summers here, so bringing the kids here has been great. Let them experience it.”

Beau’s eyebrows scrunched together, “Wait, sorry, are you married?”

I shook my head, and that hit me right in the chest. I wasn’t married. I was not married. My husband was dead. The hurt bloomed like it was just yesterday that the cops had told me about his accident. When had I stopped thinking about myself as married? When I’d been pregnant with Kingston, after Jack had passed, I still felt married. That was his baby just as much as mine, even if he wouldn’t be around to raise him.

I bit back tears, “I’m a widow,” and Beau’s eyes went wide.

He nodded and glanced over his shoulder. “I am going to grab something to drink. Do you need anything?” He was walking away from me before even finishing his question.

My chest hurt too much to answer, the realization of what I had just said crushing my heart. I wasn’t married anymore, and that broke me. I loved being married and had loved being married to Jack. Beau had run scared, learning I was a widow, and I didn’t blame him. I closed my eyes and blew out a big breath. I was not going to cry here. I could do that later. But not here.

“He’s slimy,” Zander’s deep voice said from beside me, his presence suddenly comforting. I cleared my throat again, running my hand over my face before looking his way. His eyes were focused on me, and that made my chest ache differently. “You okay?”

I shrugged, “Who knows anymore.”

“I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but was he trying to hit on you?”

A laugh burst out of me before I could stop it, the emotions inside me on overdrive. “I think so, but he got scared because I’m a widow. A husbandless widow.”

He tilted his head to the side, “You know that that is the definition of a widow, right?”

I laughed more; the ridiculousness of this moment hit me. I had a major moment, realizing I don’t feel married anymore. And now I had to process that with Zander, who ran out of my house just as quickly as Beau had run to get something to drink. I was good at repelling men. “Yeah, yeah. I know,” I put my hand on my chest and closed my eyes. I was going to cry, yup. This was embarrassing. Keeping my gaze on the ground, I said, “I’m okay.”

Tears filled my eyes, and I rushed inside, heading through the living and straight for the half bath. The door was open, thank goodness, and I pulled it closed behind me. I let my body slide against the door and put my head between my knees. My chest was tight, and the tears fell hard. My breath was coming quickly, too quick for me to get a handle on it.

Perfect, I was having a panic attack. They felt the same way, overwhelming and terrifying. I sucked in the air, trying to extend it to make it deep, but everything was shaking. I pushed the air out, my heart pounding. I did that a few more times before being able to breathe again. My head hit the back of the door just as someone knocked, “Someone’s in here,” I said, my throat scratchy .

“Can I get you something?” Shame covered me as Zander’s voice came through the door. Dammit. Not only had I embarrassed myself by asking him to eat lunch with me, but now he’d heard me have a panic attack. Just perfect.

I stood and took in my reflection. My short brown hair was fine, boring but fine. I wiped at my cheeks. My eyes were splotchy, but it was okay. I was going to escape from this party as soon as I could. “?” Zander asked through the door.

“No, I’m okay,” I said, my voice groggy. I unlocked the door and pushed it open. Zander stepped backward with his face full of concern. “Seriously, just fine.”

Zander said, “I already told you to stop pretending.”

I let out a deep breath, and the muscles in my chest strained. “Just had a moment there. You think you’ve gotten past the hardest part of losing someone, and then something else hits you.”

“Yeah,” he held out his hand, and I grabbed onto it without thinking. His hand was large, wrapping around mine, and he put his other hand on top. “It’s alright. I know you don’t know me very well yet, but if you want to head home, I can take the boys home. Maybe a walk alone would help.”

The offer was kind, but I only heard that I didn’t know him well yet. Like I was going to still get to know him. “I think I’ll just head out now. Kingston will need a nap soon anyway.”

Zander’s thumb rubbed the side of my palm slowly. He nodded, “Okay, well, I’ll go get them for you.”

“Thanks,” I asked, and his hands left mine. I straightened my shoulders as he turned to walk back outside and asked, “Earlier, I mean, last time you were at my house, I didn’t mean…” I stopped myself because my words were nonsense at this point.

His eyes searched my face, and then his eyes changed. Zander glanced to his left before stepping back over to me, his body within arm’s length of mine. “Oh, I just didn’t want you to think I was trying to shove my way in. It wasn’t because…” he drifted off.

I nodded, “Okay.” Neither of us had said much, but I felt better. He hadn’t said no because he’d wanted to, instead, he’d said no to be a gentleman. That lessened the embarrassment I felt. The embarrassment of having a panic attack at his barbeque was fully intact.

Zander walked toward the French doors when I heard a light voice say, “Hey!” His head turned, and I stepped forward to see a young girl with dark black hair pulled back into a braid. Her skin was beautifully bronzed, and she wore a striped red and blue dress that showed off her curves. She was smiling and rushed toward Zander. He hugged her, placing his hand on the back of her head. It was such an intimate thing to do. They clearly knew each other well.

I looked away, passing by them to step into the backyard. Luke stood as I crossed the threshold. “Sis,” he called out.

“Bro,” I said, with a roll of my eyes .

His date wasn’t at the table anymore. “You alright?” Luke asked, his voice quiet.

I nodded, hating when people asked me that. “I am. I’m good.” He rubbed my shoulder. I glanced back and saw Zander with a plate in hand; it looked like he was serving some food to his new guest. “Who is that?” I asked Luke, leaning closer to him and motioning inside.

He followed my gaze to the young girl talking to Zander. It shouldn’t matter who the girl was, but I cared, nonetheless. “Oh, that’s Dee!” Luke said and immediately abandoned me.

I watched Luke cross the deck and place his hand on Dee’s shoulder. The girl was happy to see him, a smile spreading across her face. I pulled my gaze away, trying to act like I couldn’t care less. I shouldn’t care. Kingston was sitting in the grass with a bucket of toys in front of him. Christian was lying down on his belly, holding a phone in front of him.

My heart burned as I thought of Jack and what he would have thought about this place. He would have spent hours in the backyard, making sure everything was just right. He would have loved that it was here in Breakaway. I walked toward Christian, the jingle of his favorite show ringing through the air, “Hey, big guy.”

“Hey, Mama,” he said back to me.

“You all done with the party?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I’m tired, and Kingston wasn’t sharing the toys.”

I chuckled because Kingston was particularly terrible at that. “Yeah, it’s about time to head home.”

“Okay, can I keep watching this when we get there? I want to see the Gator episode.” He looked up at me, and my heart stilled. He looked so much like Jack. His blue eyes and the way he raised his eyebrows. The shape of his mouth and the cut of his chin. Just like his dad. It was such a mix of emotions. I loved seeing him in our boys, but it never failed to take my breath away.

“Sure, sweets. Let’s get going,” Christian held the phone as he stood up and went over to Zander, who stood on the deck. Dee, whoever she was, sat at the table and was talking to Luke. It must have been Zander’s phone, which was fine.Christian placed the phone on the table before coming back toward me.

I just wanted to get out of here. I avoided everyone’s gaze as I grabbed Kingston, throwing him on my hip. Luke smiled and stood up from his chair, “Do you want me to walk with you?”

I could feel Zander’s gaze but acted like he wasn’t there. “No, that’s okay. Stay and talk,” I said before heading inside and escaping with the two people most important to me.