The Coast is Clear (Breakaway Shores #1)

Izzy

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I woke up in the middle of the night, sweat covering my body. I shoved the covers off and put my hands on my stomach. Nausea roiled inside, and I pushed out a large breath. I did not want to throw up. No. That would not be attractive. We hadn’t dated long enough to throw up in front of each other. Zander turned over, pulling the covers I’d discarded with him. I moved slowly, sliding out of bed, and crept toward the bathroom.

The bathroom door squeaked as I rolled it closed. I flicked on the light and sat in front of the toilet. The floor was cold on my legs, and it cooled the fire raging inside me. I thought back to the food we’d eaten. I’d wager it wasn’t Papa Hyden but the food cart gyro that I’d insisted on eating after we left Powell’s. It had smelled so good, but the memory of it made me even more queasy.

The door squeaked open as I laid my cheek against the lid of the toilet. “? What’s wrong?”

“It was the gyro. I think.” I mumbled, keeping my head facing away from him.

“What can I do?” His voice was so soft, and it made me emotional. Tears burned in my eyes. I waved my hand toward him, hoping he’d leave, but instead, I felt his hand on my back. “It’s okay. I’ll bring you some water.”

I felt another wave coming and moved up to my knees. It felt horrible, and yet, when it was done, the relief that rushed through me was so strong. I flushed the toilet and sat back, waiting for my body to settle down. “I’ve got the water right here.” Zander placed the glass on the counter, and then I heard him turn on the water. “This is going to be cold.” I felt him kneel behind me, and then something wet touched my neck. Zander pressed it into me, and I melted into the hard porcelain of the toilet.

He pushed my hair behind my ear and ran his fingers up and down my back. I hated being sick. Sick meant doing everything I normally have to do but while feeling terrible. “I think I’m done,” I said, my stomach finally empty and feeling settled.

“I’ll help you back to bed.” Zander kept a hand on my back, and I reached for him, his hand finding mine. I looked at him, and he had such concern in his eyes. His chest was bare, and his hair tousled in a messy way. Guilt hit me. I hated that I’d woken him up. “We’ll go slow.” I let myself lean into him, and Zander’s arm wrapped around my back. My muscles were tired like they usually were after throwing up. I’d been sick a lot when I was pregnant with Kingston, and it never seemed to get easier.

Zander had pushed the covers back on my side of the bed already and placed me very gently onto the bed. I let out a breath of what was probably disgusting-vomit-smelling air and smiled weakly at him. He squeezed my hand and helped me lay down. “There’s water on the bedside table. Rest, and we’ll take it easy in the morning.”

The gauzy drapes let in the dim light from the city streets, and it gave a coziness to the room that I hadn’t noticed when we’d gone to bed. I could make out the edges of everything. I rolled to the side as Zander got into bed. “Sorry that I ruined our night away.”

He chuckled. “You stop that. If anything, it gives me an excuse to take care of you.”

“What?” I asked, watching him mimic my positioning so we could look at each other.

“You are always taking care of everyone else. And now, you can just let yourself be taken care of.”

The words stung a little, and I wasn't sure why. I was always taking care of everyone else. Because everyone else was a five-year-old and a three-year-old. That was my job. But I’d been like that before if I was being honest with myself. Even when Jack was alive, I did everything myself. It was one of my stubborn traits. “Thank you,” I ended up saying.

Zander nodded, and I reached out to him with my hand. He grabbed it, and we stayed like that for a moment before he spoke, “Do you think you’d ever want more kids?”

I try to keep my face composed, not wanting to let my emotions run rampant like they usually do. “I always dreamed of having like six kids.” Zander’s eyes widened, and I let myself laugh. “Jack thought that was entirely too many, so we’d settled on having three. Which, obviously…but I’d have another kid, yeah. I think that Kingston would make such a great big brother.”

“After Dee, I wanted my own kid. You know, to raise from the beginning. Natalie was firmly against children, though, so I feel like I kind of let go of that dream when I was with her.”

“Natalie was dumb; we’ve already established that.” He squeezed my hand. “How do you feel about being a stepparent?”

Zander smiled, and the sight of it warmed my heart. “The boys are great, . They really are, and I know my situation with Dee was different, but I’d be happy to take on that challenge.” It was the fear, an anxiety, that kept me awake at night after Jack died. I knew that he’d want me to move on someday. And I knew that I’d want to someday, too. That the boys would need a man in their life to help guide them like Jack would have. It was terrifying to think of finding someone who I could love, but the boys wouldn’t. Or he wouldn’t love the boys enough, or the right way.

It hadn’t been that long, but I’d watched them together. The boys enjoyed being with Zander. He didn’t seem annoyed by their silliness or their tantrums. Zander handled some of them better than me. “Do you think Jack would approve of me…for the boys?” Zander’s question came out small.

“Jack loved everybody; truthfully, he wasn’t the best judge of character,” I laughed, remembering the time when he got hustled by a homeless man outside his office. “But he was very protective over Christian. I think you would have passed his scrutiny, yeah.”

Zander brought my hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to my fingers. “Are you feeling okay, still?” I nodded. My body was tired, but the throwing up part had passed. Thank goodness. “Okay, well, as long as you’re still feeling good in five hours, I’ve got something planned for tomorrow.”

Honestly, I wanted to go home to the boys. I wanted to see them and get squished by their little hugs, but this was good. This was okay—more than okay. “Can’t wait,” I said with a quiet voice, and we lay there together, holding hands, until we fell asleep.