The Crimson Snow (A Realm of Chaos and Void #1)

Chapter 22

The Jealous Fox

And there, upon the dirt and below the crimson sky,

The Ancient one of the Underworld did rise.

When he opened his eyes, the world was drenched in crimson black,

But when he opened his hands, the souls ignited, burning alive.

Retrieved from The Garden Poems: Madness & Rosses

by Lyra Sorrowspring, Ch. 5, p. 78.

Seraphine Ashcroft

After that conversation, Seraphine felt a twang of something she could only describe as discomfort. She was wearing a mysterious woman’s dresses, probably sleeping in her room. Staying in her library.

Evren had indeed used Seraphine to get back to the Otherworld, but he had no idea why she was allowed, which she planned to figure out. However, due to the blood pact, she served as a conduit for him to loophole himself back into the realm. She felt used. He could have just told her he needed her for that. There was no need to create this mess.

She also did not know what he planned to do after he lifted whatever curse had been placed on him. Evren had told her that she didn’t need to know since, at that point, she would be fully free of him. She did not push it.

However, she felt there was more to this. Then again, this was not a matter of her concern. There were more pressing things, such as the fact that she had started to feel certain emotions again.

Brief but constantly increasing—grief, sadness, guilt. They would come in waves and then disappear. Yet Seraphine would not trust Evren with this.

Days passed, and they both kept reading and looking into books of all kinds. The reminders of their connection seemed to have dissolved after their conversation in the hallway.

Evren also seemed colder. They would meet for supper and snacks, but he tried to be as far from her as possible, barely talking. Not even an ounce of mockery. As if there was no use for her anymore besides as a tool to an end.

While Seraphine told herself it was for the best that they both realized whatever happened was just a simple act of desperation, she also felt a twinge of loneliness. While he was morally incorrect, she understood that Otherworld nature was prone to that. Yes, he had caused major pain in her life, but she had also made her own choices.

Plus, she missed the playfulness, even if it was a distraction. She realized she missed her Grim Wanderer, Evren.

Seraphine would probably never forgive him entirely, but they could rely on each other to achieve their objectives. They both wanted the same thing.

Freedom, in its own twisted way.

The more she thought about Evren’s story, the more she was reminded of the one he loved, the one who still owned his heart. Frustration would gather in her, so she would go to Dorah’s and help her, and there, they would play shadow chess. In her loneliness, Seraphine would also indulge in little conversations with Raggart. However, it was not the same. The sense of boredom that had seemed to ease a few days before was now overwhelming in a way that angered her.

Evren would never accompany her to the Shadowmarket, preferring to remain in his room, reading books. Yes, he was ever the gentleman, but the distance irked Seraphine to no end.

She sighed, took the next book, and decided to continue the search.

Then, Evren appeared, standing so close she could feel the heat radiating from his body. His eyes were dark with desire, the snowflakes falling inside his eyes. He reached out, cupping her face with a teasing smile.

“Lost in the library again, Crimson Eyes?”

he whispered, his voice dripping with irony.

Before she could respond and fight about the sudden change in his behavior, his lips were on hers, kissing her deeply, passionately. She melted into him, her body reacting instinctively to his touch. His hand roamed over her, tracing the curves of her body, slipping under her dress. She gasped as his fingers brushed over her, teasing and caressing until she was breathless with need.

“You like this, don’t you?”

he murmured against her skin, his breath hot and tantalizing. “Admit it, Seraphine. Say you want me.”

“Evren,”

she moaned, her voice a desperate plea.

He continued to tease her, his mouth trailing kisses down her neck, his breath scorching her skin.

His voice was a dark whisper in her ear, “You’re mine, Seraphine. Say it.”

“I-I—”

Suddenly, the world shattered.

Seraphine jolted awake, her body still tingling, her heart racing with unfulfilled desire. She felt a flush of heat and red anger rising within her.

“I hate this,”

she muttered, slamming the book shut. She must have fallen asleep while reading. She stood abruptly, noticing Evren frozen on the side of the desk, watching her with a mix of concern and longing.

When did he get here?

As she stormed past him, not sparing him a glance, Evren’s eyes followed her for a moment before he looked elsewhere, refusing to meet her gaze. He stood there, blank and silent, as she made her way to her room, each step fueled by frustration. The dream had left her shaken, her emotions a tangled mess, and all she wanted was to escape the turmoil inside her.

“No,”

Seraphine said firmly as she put on a black-furred cloak she had borrowed from Dorah. She didn’t dare use the white-furred hood Evren had lent her. She wasn’t returning it either.

“No?”

Evren said, dumbfounded, as if he had never heard that particular word.

Muddy and self-centered wolf.

“Would you like me to spell it? It’s pretty simple, but I guess you missed the basics. It’s—”

she started.

“I know how to spell words!”

he said a little louder. Today, he seemed irritated. This morning at breakfast, he had barely talked to Raggart, and he seemed like he hadn’t slept well.

Today, Seraphine decided to visit the Shadowmarket. She was tired of wearing Evren’s deceased fiancée’s dresses and needed to feel like herself. No more borrowed items.

She was about to leave the library when Evren appeared, blocking her way out.

“Do you mind?”

Seraphine retorted, trying to move past him.

He closed his eyes as if trying to suppress whatever was on his mind. “Is it too much to ask you to pick up something from one of the Shadowmarket vendors? The owner, a Leprechaun, is very nice! It’s not like it would be a burden since you’re heading there anyway. It’s just a small—”

“You can go yourself!”

Seraphine was on the edge of screaming. After ignoring and avoiding her, fetching items was the last thing she wanted to do for him.

Evren furrowed his brow. “It is better for me to be hidden. It might be risky for all of you, including you and—”

“I do not care!”

she snapped. “You barely talk to me. You treat me like I am nothing but a ghost! Do you know how lonely this all feels for me, Evren? For Brannon’s sake, I know I am not your fiancée, but at least you could make an effort to make this situation we are in more bearable!”

Seraphine knew she had said too much. She looked away.

He looked surprised, taken aback. “What does that have to do with anything? I thought you wanted me to keep my distance and—”

“I am tired, Evren! I might be an emotionless shade, but that does not mean I can handle using her clothes, her room! I am my own person! I am not asking you to want me. I just want to feel like me!”

“Seraphine, wait a minute—”

“No.”

Seraphine closed the distance and sneered at him. “Did you kiss me because you were bored? Were you looking for a replacement and realized I was not worth it enough? What happened to the one who was my friend, the one who appeared hidden in shadows and made me feel seen?”

Her voice broke because she sensed and felt too much. Her heart wasn’t numbing her feelings at all. It all came rushing to her. She could not hide from them anymore. Especially not after that dream.

“My exclusive use now is to help you get rid of this curse? You are no better than any human. You are a deceiver. From now on, I want to get a new room—for me. And I no longer want to spend time with you, so make yourself scarce. And, no, I won’t pick up anything for you.”

With that, she pushed him and moved across the mirror toward the alleys and the Shadowmarket.

“I am sorry.”

She heard him whisper in her head, soft and similar to the times he had done it in the human realm. However, if apologies were coins, she would be rich and living in a castle of spring.

However, what mattered the most was that he did not follow her.

Still, she wanted him to. She was unsure why.

While she expected to feel relief after what she had said, the only feeling she found inside her not-so-cold heart was disappointment and, at the bottom of it all, guilt.

I hate him.

Seraphine found a way to obtain some goods from Dorah and trade them in various places for new clothes. They were nowhere near as elegant as the dresses she had been wearing. The abhartach—a pale, bony figure with rusted, kind eyes—had given those to her. Old as time and known for his thirst for blood, she often wondered if he belonged to the Otherworld or the Underworld.

Still, at least those were her dresses.

In her mind, she replayed that stupid dream. “You are mine, Seraphine,”

he had said there. Of course, it was a dream. Not that she wanted to be his, but it was enough to see him every day. Seeing him in every nightmare changed things.

I hate this.

Seraphine wandered across the Shadowmarket, trying to focus on what she could do to fix this mess inside her not-so-frozen heart. The Shadowmarket was like a second home, and she wanted to be away from Evren longer. She had been harsh, and it was not fair. While she hated to admit it, she might have been a little jealous. Maybe because she realized that all the things she loved, her library, her books, belonged to another.

And who was she anyway?

She was angry because she felt used. In truth, it seemed like she was just another book for him to read and discard.

Not someone to truly cherish.

Seraphine was all alone in this massive world full of realms. Her heartbeat might still be slower than usual, but her feelings had started to resurface with a lot of power. She was trying not to drown in her emotions.

In the memories.

In thoughts of his father.

In the fear for her sister, who had almost died from being poisoned.

In the odd feelings she had for Evren.

Air. Seraphine needed air and space, so she took a detour and wandered until it was beyond midnight. She knew she should return by now, as Dorah had said things were lurking there at dawn. Plus, she was still human. Yet, she just couldn’t go back. She needed to bottle up whatever was inside her before facing Evren.

Seraphine stopped near some whispering trees and decided to lie down there a bit. Better to hear their nonsense than to hear whatever is in my head. She closed her eyes and let the breeze of the Otherworld caress her face.

“I am so tired,”

she whispered to no one.

Other questions surfaced in her mind. The crimson-eyed girl with Leander, the feeling that something was missing, the carved foxes, the list of names in Evren’s room.

Her.

She was an enigma on her own.

She just wanted a place to be quiet.

To be herself.

Seraphine did not know how long she lay there, but when she opened her eyes, it was dawn.

Oh no.

She pulled herself up and decided that it was time to go home.

Home.

She shook her head. That was not her home. I don’t have a home anymore.

Suddenly, something hit her from behind, strong enough that she fell to the ground, full of colorful leaves and cloudy grass.

“What in Brannon’s...”

Seraphine looked behind her, and her eyes widened.

A soul eater.