The Dance We Remember (Love and Other Dreams #4)

Chapter 42

Maxime

With arms outstretched, I step onto the road, right into the bus's headlights, and lock eyes with the driver, determination in my gaze. My heart races as the distance between the vehicle and me steadily decreases. This may be crazy, but letting Aurora disappear is not an option.

For over four years, I've been tormented by the question of why. If there's one thing I've learned from our shared past, it's that we mustn't shy away from life's difficult questions.

Today, she will give me answers. She must, so I can finally find peace and move forward.

The bus driver stops, takes his hands off the steering wheel, and presses a button. The front door hisses open.

With a brief nod, I board the bus. "Please wait a moment," I say to the driver and march purposely toward Aurora, who stares at me as if I were a dangerous serial killer. "Come."

She shakes her head, and her nostrils flare. Murmurs arise all around, but I'm not interested in the gossip of other passengers.

"I just stood in front of a moving bus," I say with a controlled tone. "Do you really think your 'no' would impress me?"

Tears fill her eyes, and she presses her lips together. But she does it anyway. With a trembling breath, she pushes herself up from her seat and leaves the bus with me.

The other passengers applaud. "Finally," whispers an elderly lady, clutching her handbag tightly against her stomach.

As we pass by, I apologize to the bus driver and step out into the twilight behind Aurora.

She wraps her arms around herself, her expression desperate as she looks around. The bus's engine hums deeply, and then it departs.

I stop at a safe distance from Aurora. "Why?" I repeat because that's the only question I want an answer to. Everything else doesn't matter.

She doesn't run away this time, and I know it's time. Finally, I will learn the truth.

She lowers her eyes. "I'm so sorry," she whispers, barely audibly. "I thought I was doing it for you."

Bullshit. I look up at the sky, its darkness swallowing the last rays of the day. "Oh, that's so generous of you."

"I believed you'd be better off without me," she says.

My God, what is she talking about? In what version of our life could that ever be true?

"Yeah, that makes total sense…" I raise my eyebrows. "And you decided that all on your own before you vanished without a trace?" Anger rises hot within me. Who does she think she is?

She paces back and forth in front of me, fists clenched. "You don't understand," she begins, only to interrupt herself. "It's not like…"

"How I think?" I interject sharply. "How do you even know what I think, huh?" I've done everything for this woman. Fulfilled every wish. I thought we would grow together in our destiny, and that it would ultimately bond us even stronger.

What a fool I was.

"I don't." Her voice sounds weary. Out of nowhere, her shoulders slump forward, then she signals for me to follow her.

We leave the bus station in the direction we came from. "I want to hear the truth, Aurora," I say, trying to remain calm. "The whole truth."

As we walk, she sneaks a glance at me. "Are you sure?"

With my gaze fixed on the ground, I nod. "We shouldn't prolong this any longer. Just say it." So it can finally be over. That's all I want. To be free again. Free to live. And free to love.

She sighs heavily. "From the moment I first met you, a part of me knew you were the love of my life."

Why is she bringing this up now? Does she expect me to tell her that I felt the same way? That a part of me still can't stop believing it even though I don't understand why? Definitely not.

"Stop that," I say. We turn into a side alley, and the intense scent of flowers fills my nose.

Abruptly, she stops. "I loved you infinitely."

Oh God, no, she shouldn't say something like that. And my heart shouldn't react with this intense pounding.

As if that weren't bad enough, she now reaches for my hands. "I wasn't lying earlier. Everything I did, I did it for you. I was convinced of it."

I pull my hands back and scrutinize her in the glow of the streetlamp. Even though I can't detect the slightest hint of a lie on her damn beautiful face, I don't want to believe her.

If she had truly loved me as she claims, she would never have left me. She would have known it would destroy me.

"After our"—she swallows hard—"loss, our world shattered," she explains with a firm voice as if I didn't know that already. Determination clenches her fists. " I did that to you, Maxime." She presses her index finger against her chest. " I killed your baby."

"Miscarriages happen much more often than you think." I cross my arms.

Her vehement shaking of the head silences me. "I destroyed your dream. What kind of person would have taken your other dream away from you too?" she continues, undeterred.

What does she mean? Dancing? "Well, I have news for you. That's exactly what you did."

She exhales shakily. "You don't dance anymore?"

How could I? Does she really believe I could take a single dance step without thinking of her? My once great dream lost its meaning the day she left me, but that's not what this is about.

"You're deflecting." I sound harsher than I intend, but it helps me get through this conversation.

Her thumbs press hard against the nails of her little fingers. I see the panic in her eyes although she's doing everything to hide it from me. "I saw you dance the final dance with Alice in Lyon. And that's when I knew..."

The mambo.

Our dance.

Was she jealous? Did she think I was having an affair? Is that why she left?

"You practically pushed me to dance with her!" Anger surges in me once again. "I did only what you wished for."

"I wished it for you, not for myself," she retorts with a shaky voice, and at that moment, I begin to understand.

She lied to me. She never wanted me to dance with anyone else but her, while I genuinely thought we were finally starting to be honest with each other.

"After everything that happened, didn't you understand that it wasn't the dancing but you alone who mattered most to me?" I find myself yelling with frustration. "Our love... Our dream of a family..."

Suddenly, she covers her mouth with her hand. Her fingers tremble uncontrollably. She crouches down and leans against the lamppost.

I can sense that she needs comfort, but I don't want to give it to her. She abused my trust, took control of my life, and left me with a pitiful "I'm sorry." Did she ever leave any decision to me?

"Dancing was all you had left. And I couldn't do it anymore. I felt too strongly that you couldn't fulfill that dream with me," she says, fighting back.

What does she mean? Of course, we would have tried again as soon as she was ready. We agreed on that, didn't we? Or did she lie to me in this regard too?

Who is this woman crouching before me, pretending she didn't willingly leave this life behind? Did I ever truly know her?

"Why not?" I hear myself ask. I massage my temples with effort. My question is straightforward, but she doesn't answer. "What's wrong?" I can't believe I'm doing this, but I shake her arms because I can't bear it any longer. "Just spit it out, Aurora."

She opens her eyes. "The memories overwhelmed me with every dance step, and it wouldn't have stopped," she whispers in a choked voice as if that explains everything. "You wanted it so much." Her lips tremble, her eyes plead for deliverance. "Maybe one day, we could have trained again. But even at our first competition, it could have happened again, and I couldn't bear to disappoint you once more."

I sink down onto the cool pavement of the path. My hands slide off her arms. Countless thoughts flutter through my mind simultaneously, but I can't grasp a single one.

Is this the reason she ran away?

"If I had told you about my fear, you would have stayed with me." She sounds harsh and unyielding. "I couldn't let you lose your dreams because of me."

Accusingly, I catch her gaze. "But that's exactly what happened," I retort.

Almost panicky, she shakes her head. "No, that's wrong. You were supposed to be free to live the life of your dreams!"

"How the hell could I do that without having you by my side? You were all I ever wanted. Dancing, the job, the family—that came afterward." Did I just say that out loud?

Fuck.

I didn't mean to.

There's something in her that sounds like what broke between us could be healed. And that's definitely impossible.

"I'm so sorry." Aurora touches my forearm. "Believe me, Maxime, I never wanted to hurt you."

I wrap my arms around my bent knees and lean my head back. The first stars twinkle in the sky. For so long, the question of why had me in its stranglehold. Now she has given me the reason, but it's so absurd that I don't know if I can trust her.

"But you did." More than anyone else before. I lower my gaze and find Aurora in front of me, now touching my other forearm as well.

"It was a mistake." Desperation is in her expression again, and it hurts me too much. "I was sure I was doing the right thing, you have to believe me."

I can't suppress a scornful snort. "The right thing would have been to talk to me about it." That's the truth. Back then, she didn't trust me enough to show me her fear. She didn't want to give me the chance to help her. And she definitely didn't want to let me decide how to handle it.

What kind of relationship did we have?

With tightly pressed lips, she nods. She's so close that I could kiss her lightly. We could embrace each other as if the past years didn't exist.

But they are there, and they stand insurmountably between us.

"Yes, I should have done that," she whispers tonelessly as if she's only just realizing it. "Forgive me. Please!"

Without any conscious decision on my part, my hand reaches up and brushes a strand of hair from her face. Then I shake my head. "You broke everything." And on so many levels.

Even if she hadn't shattered our trust, I couldn't forgive her. We wanted to dance and live, but she left me with none.

Her pleading gaze meets mine. "Tell me what I can do, and I'll do it."

For a moment, I scrutinize the woman who used to mean the world to me. Today, I don't know who she is anymore.

Accusingly, I look at her. I would love to believe her, but those times are over. "They're just words, Aurora. Words that mean absolutely nothing."

I won't patch up my wounds and hope they'll disappear on their own. I am no longer the person I was back then. On the other hand, Aurora shows me, with just one look, that she hasn't understood anything. And my next question will prove that.

I look at her expectantly. "Would you dance the mambo with me?"

As expected, she flinches. She can't do it. Because she can't let go of what was. Because she fears nothing more than giving up control. Being soft and vulnerable.

"Right in the middle of Paris. In front of the whole world?" I persist, well aware of how much it pains her.

She clenches her fists, bites her lip, and holds back her tears as if she's ashamed of them.

"Barefoot in the summer rain." I sound frustrated, and I am. Because her reaction speaks louder than all the empty words she spouted tonight. "At a concert by Joshua Friedberg."

With a pained expression, she lowers her gaze. And that gives me all the answers I need without a single meaningless word.

She's still the blind fighter. The control freak who doesn't trust anyone. Not even herself.

She's still her.

And one thing I know for sure. Even if I could forgive her, she would do absolutely nothing differently from back then.

I push myself up from the ground and dust off my pants.

"Au revoir, Aurora," I whisper tonelessly and turn to leave.