The Dance We Remember (Love and Other Dreams #4)

Chapter 45

Aurora

The warm air of the café surrounds me as I tie the server's apron around my hips and make a knot.

"Well, well, look who decided to work today," Vivienne comments as I enter the café.

Sighing, I slide onto one of the stools in front of the counter with hanging lamps and rest my head on my hand. "I'm sorry," I say remorsefully.

My colleague reaches for a cloth. "You can't just leave in the middle of your shift without letting anyone know what's going on."

Leaving without a word, thinking I'm doing the right thing when it's wrong. That seems to be my specialty.

"It was an emergency." I sound like a dumb cow, and that's exactly what I am.

Sighing, Vivienne cleans the counter. "Who was the guy?"

"Nobody." The word escapes my mouth conspicuously hurried.

"But it didn't look like that." She stops working and gazes intently at me. "Do you have problems?"

Vehemently, I shake my head. "It'll be alright." A shadow spreads inside me.

Suddenly, she leans over the counter toward me and takes hold of my hands. "I know we're just coworkers," she starts cautiously, and I immediately feel worse. She's invited me to do things with her so many times, and I've always kept my distance.

"I..." I try to explain but don't know how to put it into words.

I have to deal with my problems alone? I can't burden you with my baggage?

For a moment, Vivienne raises the corners of her mouth. "Your reserve is one thing, but you can't just leave everything and run, do you understand? Your colleagues rely on you."

Guilty, I lower my eyelids. "You did the counter and tables."

What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm a terrible person. A liar. And—as I now realize—a control freak.

Oh God, why didn't I just let Maxime decide for himself back then how to handle the truth? Even yesterday, I couldn't manage to tell him everything. Why is it so hard for me to let go of control?

"How can I make it right?" There's a plea in my voice.

She lifts her shoulders with a compassionate look. "It's already happened."

"I'll take over your shift today," I suggest. I can't keep making mistakes that can't be fixed. "And tomorrow, if you want."

A sad smile flickers across her face. "That's not necessary." She takes hold of my hands and squeezes them tightly. "Just tell me what's going on, Aurora. I'm here for you. Let me help you."

Letting someone help me , I repeat in my mind, and it dawns on me that this could be the root of my problem. And I realize that, back then, I not only hurt Maxime deeply but also someone else.

I look at Vivienne sadly. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." Her warm smile gives me courage.

"Imagine a friend who hasn't spoken to you in over four years contacts you again. How would you react?" I look at her expectantly.

"Am I angry with her?" she asks, pushing her lower lip forward.

"You were at an event with her. She claimed she needed to use the restroom." I clench my teeth. "And she never showed up again."

"Oh." She turns thoughtfully to the coffee machine. Only when she hands me the large latte coffee does she respond. "If we were good friends, I would know that her behavior had a reason and at least want to hear it before I decide anything."

"So you would give her a chance?" I position the drink on my tray.

The corners of her mouth lift. "Call her," she says, then goes back to work.

Even though her words might not mean much, I feel relieved. I quickly serve the order, then take a short break and step into the café's backyard.

With my heart pounding, I dial Sky's number. When I got my new phone number right after fleeing Paris, I transferred all the contacts. Maybe deep down, I already hoped I would need her one day. However, I don't know if Sky's phone number is still current.

It rings.

I close my eyes and lean against the sun-warmed wall behind me.

With each subsequent ring, I feel like I'm getting less air. What if she hates me? What if she hangs up immediately once she realizes who's calling?

And what if I break into tears before I can say anything?

"Oui?"

My muscles give way. "Hello, Sky," I whisper tonelessly, then I wait.

"Aurora." She doesn't sound surprised. Instead, her voice carries a knowing tone.

I take a deep breath to finally say what I should have said years ago. "I made a mistake." She doesn't respond. The tense silence between us is interrupted only by a steady rattling on the other end of the line. "I made a big damn mistake, and I would understand if you can't forgive me. We were best friends, and I..." I can't continue; my voice fails. I clear my throat, struggling to keep myself together as I sink along the wall.

"Is there anything I can do to make it right?" I ask quietly.

"Well, since you put it that way," Sky says from a distance. "You could pick me up at the Guérande train station in three hours."

***

Sky and I embrace three hours later. We spend minutes just hugging as the platform slowly empties.

"I could hardly believe it when Maxime told me he found you," she says, her voice sounding choked. "But here you are. This is..."

"There's so much I want to tell you," I finally whisper into Sky's long curls, which feels relieving.

We're back together, and she's ready to talk to me. Maybe even ready to forgive me.

I suggest taking a walk at the salt flats, and shortly after, we arrive there. The sun peeks out from behind the puffy clouds, making the surface of the seawater-filled basins glisten.

As we walk, I link arms with Sky.

"That I just left like that was the biggest mistake of my life," I begin because she needs to know. "Even though it was complicated with Maxime, I should have talked to you."

She gazes at the horizon. "Why didn't you?"

"It's complicated," I reply so softly that I can barely hear myself. I sound like a weakling, and immediately, resistance builds up inside me. With my free hand, I nervously adjust my glasses.

Sky nods encouragingly.

Struggling, I clear my throat, then force myself to continue. "I didn't want to be helped," I say, connecting with what I realized in my conversation with Vivienne.

"Oh yes," Sky comments with a sigh. "That's true."

"All my life, I thought I had to be strong and solve all my problems alone," I try to explain, although it's incredibly difficult to admit.

Silently, we walk along the dirt path as I try to understand why that is.

"As the youngest of four children, I always had to assert myself. My mother worked on the estate every day, even when she was already too weak for it." Like her, I wanted to be strong and fight for everything important to me, probably not just for myself but for my family too. I realize that step by step.

But there's something more that becomes clear to me now. Like my mother, I never gave up. I wanted to stand up for everything that mattered to me, and I didn't want anyone to have to help me with it.

"I thought I knew the way. And I thought if I just fought hard enough for my goals, they would come true."

Yes, that's it.

I look at Sky sadly. I hurt her so much, yet she's now gently stroking my arm and nodding at me. "And then?"

"This fighting spirit made me blind to everything else. Blind to the fact that mistakes are inevitable. Blind to the fact that I can allow others to be there for me. Blind to the fact that I can trust others. But above all, blind to the fact that every person makes their own decisions."

My God, why couldn't I see this before?

I was convinced that sharing my problems with Maxime was selfish.

But the opposite is true. Leaving like I did was pure selfishness.

My heart pounds hard against my chest. "I made a terrible mistake with Maxime," I say to Sky, whose eyes reflect compassion.

"You can't undo mistakes." She shrugs. "And I don't think you should."

"No, I have to." I hastily shake my head. "I never stopped loving him. I can't just move on now and forget about him," I add softly, my heart almost breaking at the thought of what I've done to him and the consequences it's had on him to this day. "I destroyed his life."

Instead of replying, she presses her lips together. She's still friends with Maxime, so I know what her silence means.

"Because I didn't trust him and desperately wanted to keep control," I continue dejectedly. "He wants nothing to do with me anymore."

Sky takes a deep breath. "Both of you think you've destroyed his life," she says thoughtfully. "But I'm not so sure. How could that be? His life isn't over yet."

"What do you mean?" A glimmer of hope rises within me.

"Well, he's only in his early thirties," she answers. "So he still has plenty of time to live a happy life." She makes it sound so simple. "And so do you."

Is it really that simple?

"You mean..." I tap my chin thoughtfully.

"Everyone goes through tough times. And often, it's not even our fault," she says earnestly. "But that doesn't mean it has to stay that way forever."

That makes sense.

I've always wanted to believe that every storm will end one day. But what if I've misinterpreted it so far?

As if by magic, the loose thoughts in my head come together to form a picture.

What if some storms can only be defeated by letting go and trusting that sunshine will follow the rain?

Three times now, I thought I had to protect Maxime from the truth. When I asked him to dance with someone else. When I left him. And yesterday, when I lied to him again.

Yet the storm in my heart won't end, at least not until now. And everything in me refuses to believe that it's any different for Maxime.

What if I give him control?

Because only he can end our storm?

Yes, that's it.

He needs to know the whole truth about why I left back then and decide for himself how to handle it.

With renewed hope, I look up at Sky. "Do you think he would even listen to me again?"

"I don't know," Sky answers regretfully. "Since you left him, he hasn't been the same."

I saw that with my own eyes. But I don't know much more about him. If he's going to give me another chance, I need to find out more about him. Only then can I find a way to reach him.

"Why doesn't he dance anymore?" I ask since I'm sure Sky knows.

"Because it doesn't make sense to him anymore. That's what he told me," my friend replies wistfully. "The day after you disappeared, he left the academy."

As Sky recounts the past years, my mind races at full speed. There must be a way to fix this, but simply confessing the truth to Maxime won't be enough. Too much has been broken.

Those are just words , Aurora , he said yesterday, and he was so right. He will only give me one chance, if at all, and words won't be enough. I need to show him what I've come to realize. He needs to feel that a new Aurora stands before him. But right now, that seems impossible.

"If only I could undo all of this," I say as Sky finishes her story, thinking of the life that Maxime and I lost. The plans we never got to fulfill. The many compartments of the memory box that could be filled with happiness, but have remained empty. "I would do anything to start anew."

"Anything?" She raises an eyebrow.

"Anything," I confirm, and at that moment, something happens. I know it. I know what I'm going to do to finally show Maxime what I've understood too late.

Everything.

That's the answer.