The Darkest Crown (The Eternal Darkness Duet #2)

Chapter 21

Chapter 21

W e stood on the walkway above the castle, looking out at the moonlit sea. For a moment we just stood there, leaning against the stone half wall, letting the wind ruffle our hair.

“I’m not scared,” Allie finally said, and I turned my face to look at her. “Of becoming a vampire, I mean. I just want you to know that.”

I smiled sadly. “Well I am.”

She took my hand in hers. “Don’t be. I’ll admit, the idea of living forever is a little daunting. It’ll probably take me a year to binge everything on Netflix, but then what?”

I knew she was trying to make me laugh, but I couldn’t. I squeezed her hand. “I wish you didn’t have to do this.”

She pushed off the wall and turned fully towards me. “I want to. I mean it. You know how hard it was for me when I thought I lost you. Knowing that neither of us will ever have to go through that pain again is all the incentive I need.”

“Vampires can still die, Allie.”

She gave me a sympathetic look. “I know. I’m so sorry about Marius. You've suffered so much loss in the last few years. But you can’t spend the rest of your life in mourning what you’ve lost. You need to start living for what you’ve gained.”

“Forget the past and embrace the future,” I murmured, repeating Marius’ words.

Allie smiled and squeezed my hand again. “Exactly! So when should we do it? Right now?”

“No!” I exclaimed, releasing her hand. “Jesus, Allie!”

Her face fell. “Sorry, I thought that’s why we were talking about it.”

“It is. I mean-” I ran a hand through my hair. “Yes, the sooner the better, but I’m not entirely sure how to do it. Or if I should even be the one. When Julian took you with us to Spain, I was determined to be the one to change you, so no man would have control over you. But now, I don’t think it's a great idea to spread Marius’ power around. Not that I want it all for myself. No one should have the power to turn someone to dust.”

Allie nodded grimly. “I’m honestly relieved you feel that way, because I don’t want that power. I’d be living in constant fear that I’d lose my temper and dust someone.”

I looked away. “Yeah, exactly.”

Allie took my hand again. “I’m sorry, that was insensitive of me to say. I know that worries you.”

“It's okay. I’ll talk to Eskel about it. We’ll figure something out.”

“Or he could just do it?”

I looked her in the eye. “You’d want him to have that power over you?”

Allie huffed. “I don’t want anyone to have that power over me. But I trust Eskel, and I know he wouldn’t take advantage. Actually, I’d be okay with any of your guards. I trust them all.”

I could just imagine the commotion it would cause if I announced that one of them could change Allie. Seven men falling for the same woman was bound to be trouble. Eight, if you counted Eskel. He didn’t fawn over her the way the others did, but I knew he cared.

I didn’t want to stress Allie out, so I kept my worries to myself. I turned my face towards the sea, and for several minutes we stood quietly, watching the waves.

“You know you can talk to me,” Allie said softly, breaking the silence.

I nodded. “I know.” Several minutes passed before I spoke again. “I can still hear Marius.”

Allie turned her head towards me, but didn’t say anything. She just looked at me with that gentle expression of hers, and waited for me to continue.

So I told her everything. Once I started, I couldn’t stop. It was like a dam broke inside of me, and everything came flooding out. I told her about Phaedra, and the memories that haunted my dreams. How sometimes when I woke from a dream, I felt so in love with Marius that I wanted to die just to be with him. I told her I still heard Marius’ voice and feared I was losing my mind. That I feared the power inside of me would eventually destroy me, and everyone around me.

I spoke of how confused I was about my feelings for Adam and Julian. They both hurt me, and I was furious, but I still loved them. And how was it even possible to love two men at once? Three, if you counted Marius.

I confessed I was scared of the witches, and the elders, and the war to come. And I was scared of turning her into a vampire. Scared that it would change her, and she wouldn’t be my Allie anymore.

When I finally stopped talking, I felt exhausted, but in a good way. “Damn. It feels good to get that out.”

Allie huffed. “I bet.”

I smiled wryly. “Got any advice?”

She raised her eyebrows and exhaled dramatically. “I say just go with it.”

I huffed. “Just go with it. O- kay .”

Allie’s expression softened. “Seriously though. You worry too much. So you’re talking to Marius. Maybe it’s his ghost, or maybe it's your way of dealing with your grief. I’d suggest counseling, but I doubt that’s a thing for vampires. And I don’t think your new powers will hurt you. Marius lived with them for two thousand years. If he could do it, so can you. As far as Adam and Julian are concerned, make them suffer for a while for what they did, then let them make it up to you.” She smiled suggestively.

“Both of them?” I blurted.

She wiggled her eyebrows. “Why not?”

I laughed, then an image flashed through my mind, of Adam and Julian making it up to me. At the same time.

Allie grinned. “I’d love to know what caused that look. You were imagining it, weren't you?”

“No,” I lied. Then I grinned. “Maybe.”

We stayed on the roof a while longer, enjoying each other's company, before I went in search of Eskel. I found him in the courtyard, overseeing training, and I waved to him, signaling for him to join me.

“Can we talk privately?” I asked, when he walked over to me. He nodded, and we went inside.

I entered the first room we came upon, which turned out to be a small sitting room. Eskel followed me in and closed the door behind us before looking at me expectantly.

“We need to change Allie,” I blurted. “Into a vampire. Will you help me?” A flash of emotion crossed Eskel’s face, then it was gone. It happened so fast, if I’d have blinked I’d have missed it.

“Of course,” he said solemnly.

I wrung my hands together. “We need to do it soon, and honestly I’m terrified. I don’t want to do it.”

“Would you like me to do it?” he asked, his voice surprisingly soft.

I shook my head. “I don’t know. Nothing against you personally, but I don’t want anyone to have that kind of power over Allie.”

“I understand, and take no offense.”

“I originally thought I’d do it, but I don’t want her to be stuck with Marius’ magic. And she doesn't want that either.”

“None of the vampires Marius changed inherited his magic.”

I froze. “The Strategoi. That’s right, how could I have forgotten that?”

He gave me a wry look. “You’ve had a lot on your mind.”

I huffed and started pacing. “So I could do it, and she’d be fine. Like a normal vampire. Julian kind of explained it to me. Sort of. But what if I can’t stop? What if I bite her and I can’t stop?” I stopped pacing and looked at him.

“Have you ever lost control before?”

I shook my head “No, but I only fed from a human once.”

Eskel’s eyebrows shot up. “Only once?”

I thought of the camper in the woods and nodded. Then my eyes widened as I remembered the man in the park. “Twice. The first night, after I was changed, I killed a man.”

“I’m sorry,” Eskel looked at me with understanding. “You have to know that wasn’t your fault. No newborn has control over their hunger. Your master should have prevented that from happening.”

Adam should have prevented it. I looked away, not wanting him to see the hurt on my face.

“You need to feed from a human,” Eskel said. “That’s the only way you’ll know how much control you have. You’ll have to give up the cup.”

I huffed. “Already done.”

Eskel’s eyes moved over me, searching. “How long has it been since you fed?” I looked away. “Sarah.” His voice was firm.

“Not since Marius.” I glanced at him to see his reaction.

He looked stunned. “You haven’t fed in a month?”

“It's been a month?” I exclaimed. I looked around wildly before sinking into a chair. “I didn't realize-” I broke off and looked up at him. “How long was I in the cellar?”

“Twenty-one nights.”

I stared at him in disbelief. Twenty-one nights without sleep. Twenty-one nights that Adam and Julian spent in the woods, waiting for me to come to my senses. That I shut out Allie, and Eskel, and everyone who cared about me.

“You kept coming down to check on me,” I whispered.

Eskel stepped closer. “I left you alone at first. You needed time to grieve, as did I. I went down on the sixth night, and found you pacing and talking to yourself. That’s how I found you every night until the last.”

“I’m sorry,” I said, standing. “I’m sorry I shut down like that. I know you were all worried. I wish I could explain-”

“You don’t need to explain,” he said, cutting me off. “Your thoughts are your own.”

Finally, a man who respected my privacy. I could have kissed him for it. “If I ever check out like that again, you have permission to kick my butt.” I was only half joking.

He smiled. “Remember you said that.”

I smiled back, feeling a sudden rush of affection towards him. He was the only person in the world I trusted completely, other than Allie.

“I’m lucky to have you,” I said softly, then I sighed loudly. “So where do I find humans to practice on?”

“I’ll take care of it.”

“And you’ll make sure I don’t kill anyone.”

“Yes.”

I nodded. “Okay. Let's do it.”