The December Market (Shelter Springs #2)

19

Even before his mouth brushed against herS, in that instant when the world seemed frozen, Amanda knew they should not be doing this.

She should ease away now, before everything between them became even more complicated.

How could she, though, when she felt as if she had been reliving their previous kiss all week long.

She was only vaguely aware of curling her fingers into his shirt, of angling her mouth just so. She didn’t want to stop. Not now, not in a few moments, not for the rest of the night.

Maybe not ever.

She was falling for this man, with his slow smile and his hard strength and his adorable son. Despite a hundred reasons she knew she shouldn’t and the certain knowledge that she was barreling headlong toward disaster, she still couldn’t break away.

For now, this moment, she did not want to listen to the strident voice telling her all the reasons she should end the kiss.

As he deepened the kiss, she surrendered. When was the last time she did something solely for herself? Right now, in this moment, she wanted to kiss him more than she could remember wanting anything else, ever. She would deal with the consequences later.

For long, glorious moments, she lost track of everything but how very right and perfect this felt, worlds better than any of her fragments of dreams over the past week. They might have continued indefinitely if she hadn’t suddenly heard a door opening in the vast hall, then the echo of a man’s voice calling her name.

“Amanda? Are you still here? It’s Walt. I made it back a little earlier than I planned.”

She froze, her heart pounding and her breathing ragged. Walt. Walt Randall, the retired Shelter Springs police officer who worked as the security guard for the town convention center.

Amanda wrenched her mouth away from Rafe’s and took a shaky step backward, grateful when she backed into the rough wooden wall of one of the shops. She stared at Rafe, whose dark eyes looked almost as stunned as she felt.

She had to say something but she couldn’t seem to make the connection work between her brain and her voice. She opened her mouth, closed it again, then tried once more.

“Yes. I’m here.” Her voice sounded ragged, rough, and she cleared it again. “We’re here. Row four, near Gingerbread House Gifts.”

Her friend Barbara did a very thriving business selling beautiful one-of-a-kind gift baskets filled with hand-selected items she collected from various sources throughout the year.

Were Amanda’s lips as swollen as they felt? Would Walt be able to guess what he had interrupted?

A moment later, the security guard walked around the corner and headed toward them.

“Hey, Rafe,” he said in surprise. “I didn’t know you were here, too.”

Rafe gave a tight nod, his eyes hooded now. “I stayed to help Amanda do the final walk-through.”

“We’re not quite done,” she admitted. We both were distracted.

“We only made it this far and we haven’t checked the restrooms yet. Do you want us to continue?”

Amanda was quite proud that her voice didn’t wobble like she suspected her knees were doing.

He waved a hand at them. “Not at all. I’ve got this. You’re both probably ready to go home. You’ve already had a long day, I imagine.”

Oh, he had no idea.

“Are you sure?” Rafe asked. “We can absolutely finish what we started.”

At his phrasing, she sent him a swift look. He responded with a sidelong look that told her it was completely intentional.

“You want the truth, I’m looking forward to my shift tonight. Look what I had my grandson bring me when he came over today.”

With a wide grin, he held out an electric scooter.

“I figured I’d try this bad boy out tonight on my rounds.”

Amanda’s head suddenly filled with images of Walt crashing into everything, falling and conking his head. The man was in his late sixties. He shouldn’t be anywhere near a scooter, should he?

“Are you sure it’s safe?” she asked.

Walt gave a deep-throated laugh. “Not at all. That’s half the fun, right? I did practice with my grandkids earlier. They gave me some great tips. I only fell once.”

That information didn’t particularly make her feel any better.

“Promise me you’ll be careful.”

“I will. Don’t you worry about me. Now go on. Get some rest, you two.”

“Thank you.”

She was touched when he gave her a little hug and a kiss on the cheek. Walt had always been kind to her. His daughter Erin, who now taught at the elementary school, had been one of Amanda’s close friends growing up. Amanda had spent many happy hours at their house, especially on the elaborate backyard play set and zip line course Walt had built for his children.

The Randall family had been one of those who had stood by her after her father’s fiery accident and she would always be grateful for it.

“Be careful,” she admonished again, then she and Rafe headed for the exit.

“I don’t have a great feeling about leaving Walter Randall by himself with an electric scooter and a great expanse of concrete floor,” she said.

He gave a small laugh. “Right? What could possibly go wrong?”

“I hope he keeps his cell phone handy so he can call somebody for help if he falls down.”

“Maybe I should alert the guys at the fire station to stand by, just in case.”

“That might be overkill. He should be fine.”

She hoped, anyway.

They walked through the convention center doors to the large brick plaza that held the outside stalls. The stalls were dark, though colored lights still sparkled from the large Christmas tree. A few snowflakes fluttered down in the moonlight, creating a scene straight out of a holiday movie.

“Where’s your car?” Rafe asked. “I can walk you to it.”

“I walked here from my house, actually. Downtown parking is such a mess during the market and I knew it would be even worse with the Lights on the Lake Festival underway.”

At her words, he looked toward the dark expanse of Lake Haven, beyond the downtown area, where Amanda could still see a few splashes of color, brightly decorated boats making their way back to the Shelter Springs harbor.

“Smart,” he answered. “I can give you a ride, if you want. I left my truck parked at the fire station, which is right on the way. It will save you a couple of steps, anyway.”

She could see the recently renovated historic fire station from here, at the end of the block. After a moment’s internal debate, she nodded. What was the point in arguing, when she likely wouldn’t win anyway?

“Thank you. I would appreciate that.”

They walked in silence as more soft snowflakes swirled around them. She knew they needed to talk about what had happened a few moments before, that unbelievably intense kiss.

She had no idea where to start. “Rafe,” she started, then lapsed into silence again, not sure where to go after that.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he said, before she could form her thoughts into words. “I know we shouldn’t have kissed again. Here’s the problem, though. I like kissing you. If I had the chance, I would do it again.”

Despite the snowflakes and the temperature only a degree or two above freezing, the December night suddenly felt warm. She had a wild impulse to stop right there, in the alcove of the garden supply store, and kiss him until no more words were needed between them.

“Well, you can’t,” she said, feeling childish and petulant.

He looked down at her. “Is that a challenge? Because I am more than willing to take you up on it.”

Amanda curled her hands into fists and shoved them into the pockets of her parka. “We both know that’s not a good idea.”

“Do we?”

She flashed him a quick look and found his expression unreadable.

“Yes. Neither of us is...is in a good place for a relationship right now. Things are already complicated enough between us. We’re neighbors. That’s not likely to change anytime soon. I love my house and don’t intend to leave.”

“Same. I just signed my life away in a thirty-year mortgage.”

She swallowed, imagining the years stretching ahead of them with the unsettling knowledge that he and Isaac were only down the street.

“There you go. We are stuck as neighbors for the foreseeable future. Maybe years. I don’t want to screw that up by...by making things between us messy.”

“Hate to break it to you, Amanda, but things are already messy.”

“All the more reason we should give our best effort at damage control.”

He was silent for a few more steps. “Okay. If that’s what you want, I understand.”

The problem was, she didn’t know what she wanted. When she was with him, all she wanted to do was kiss him again. When they were apart, she could only think about all the reasons she couldn’t afford to take that kind of risk.

They reached the fire station parking lot and his pickup truck a moment later. Rafe unlocked it with a key fob and the lights flashed. He moved around to the passenger door and opened it for her.

She looked at the door and then at the night, with the snowflakes drifting lazily around them. “I really don’t mind walking.”

He frowned at her. “Get in, or I’ll pick you up and toss you onto the seat.”

She was almost certain he couldn’t do that one-handed. “That would be kidnapping. And in the fire station parking lot, too. If you think the city threw a fit about you working at the first aid clinic with a broken arm, imagine what would happen if you have a kidnapping charge against you for an incident on city property. Also with a broken arm.”

“I’m willing to risk it.”

She didn’t doubt it. For all his talk, she knew he wouldn’t throw her into his truck. Since she had no good reason to refuse, though, she stepped up onto the running board and climbed into the passenger seat that smelled like him, clean and masculine.

He closed the door and moved around to the driver’s side, started the truck and backed out of the space.

When he pulled onto Huckleberry Street, she almost suggested he park at his own house and she would walk home the rest of the way but she didn’t want to push him. Instead, she kept her mouth shut as he drove four houses down and pulled into the driveway of Rose Cottage.

She somehow wasn’t at all surprised when he climbed out of his truck, walked around the vehicle and opened her door.

He held his hand out to help her down. After a brief hesitation, she reached for it. The vehicle was high off the ground and she had a grim image of what might happen if she didn’t take his hand. She would likely end up falling at his feet.

His hand was big and warm and she had to force herself to let go.

“Thank you for the ride.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll walk you up.”

His concern warmed her as much as his hand had. It was nice to have someone besides Birdie and Griffin care about her well-being.

“I like your Christmas tree,” he said.

Her small artificial tree gleamed a cheery welcome through the front window, set on a timer to come on each evening at dusk.

“Thanks, but it’s pretty bare. I can’t leave many ornaments on it or the cats will knock them all off.”

“It’s still nice. We just put ours up the other night.”

“I usually set up mine before Thanksgiving, since I know I’ll be too busy once the holidays start in earnest.”

He studied her. “Do you ever get a little tired of all the Christmas fuss? I would imagine you probably work on the market year-round. By the time the holidays arrive, aren’t you ready for the whole thing to be over?”

“No, to be honest. Thanks to the market, I can actually tolerate Christmas. Otherwise, I would probably skip the whole thing and go to Hawaii or something.”

He stared in surprise. “Did the Queen of the Shelter Springs Holiday Giving Market really say just say she would consider skipping Christmas? Why?”

She gripped the keys she had fished out of her bag, wishing she hadn’t said anything. Now that she had started the conversation, she didn’t see how she could avoid answering him.

“I don’t have the greatest memories of the holidays from my childhood. My parents fought a lot about my dad’s drinking and the holidays always seemed to heighten the tension in our home.”

His dark eyes lost their teasing glint, filling with compassion instead. “I’m sorry. That can be rough on a kid.”

She unlocked her front door, not looking at him as she moved forward slightly into the warmth of her entryway.

“And then Jake died a few days before Christmas. For a long time, I didn’t want anything to do with the holidays.”

“Yet now you’re the fearless leader of the biggest holiday event in town.”

“I wouldn’t exactly say fearless .” An understatement. If she were fearless, she would step forward and kiss him again without thinking at all about the consequences to her fragile heart.

“How does somebody go from wanting to completely avoid the holidays to taking the helm of something as relentlessly festive as the Shelter Springs Giving Market?”

She made a face. “I decided a few years after I opened the store that I was tired of my annual holiday pity party, so I signed up for a stall at the market.”

“What happened?”

“I loved it so much that the next year I volunteered for the committee. Being involved with the market helped me connect to the core meaning of the holidays. Peace, joy, renewal. Helping others. Caring about your fellow humans, who are all walking this tough road together.”

His gaze softened into something almost...tender. “So you did it again the next year.”

She nodded. “And the next. And the year after that I became the chair of the committee.”

“And you haven’t looked back.”

She shrugged. “You have to look back sometimes, right? If only to see how far you’ve come.”

His eyes were warm, with a light that almost looked...tender. “You’re remarkable, Amanda.”

She flushed. “Remarkably cheesy, you mean. Maybe I should be writing greeting cards.”

He reached for her hand. “I think you’re doing exactly what you were meant to do. Making the holidays brighter for everyone in town, visitors and residents alike.”

His words sent a soft warmth seeping through her. “Thanks. I don’t save lives like you do, though.”

“My job might be to save lives. But you help make those lives have meaning.”

“And now who’s being cheesy?” she said, though his words touched her.

“Not me. I’m completely sincere.”

They gazed at each other for a long moment, and she knew he wanted to kiss her again.

I like kissing you. If I had the chance, I would do it again.

He lowered his head slightly and she held her breath, waiting. Before he could kiss her, an orange blur leaped across the window next to the door and Amanda jumped before she realized what it was.

“Sorry. That’s Willow. She’s probably annoyed that I haven’t paid her enough attention today.”

As he gazed at her for a heartbeat, she almost thought he would pull her into his arms, anyway. Instead, he only leaned in to kiss her cheek.

“Good night, Amanda.”

He waited until she slipped into her house, then headed down the walk toward his truck again.

She didn’t watch him drive away. He wasn’t going far, anyway, only a few houses away, and she didn’t want him to see her gazing after him like some kind of lovesick teenager.

This wasn’t love.

She simply refused to let it be.