7
Chapter Seven
After
EZRA
“Don’t give me that look. I needed to hit something.”
“So you decided I ’m the something?”
“Well, when you say it like that, I sound horrible.” I take a sip of water.
Nathan scoffs.
“They’re going to let you back in, Maya. There’s no point in worrying.”
I bow my head in acknowledgment.
“God, I hope not.”
Captain Bard extends his hand out to me and gives mine a squeeze. “The army would be a moron to let you go, Lieutenant.”
I force a small smile, directing my gaze to the sky.
“Hey, I need to tell you something.”
Nathan stops short.
“Is everything okay?”
It’s now or never, Ez.
“I went to see Michael in prison,” I say, ripping the bandaid off. I leave out the part where Briggs killed Killian, and Killian killed Addison.
Nathan turns to me, furious. “You did what ?”
“Look, Nate, it wasn’t a big deal—”
“He tried to kill you, Ezra. Tell me how that’s not a big deal.”
“It was only for a few minutes,” I assure him.
“So that makes it okay?”
I don’t normally justify my decisions to those who have never been in my shoes. What gives a person the right to criticize someone over something they know nothing about? But Nathan isn’t simply a random person in my life.
“He didn’t try anything with me if that was your concern. It wasn’t great—which was to be expected, but it could’ve been worse.”
“God, I am so angry right now, I could explode,” Nathan says, shaking his head. “Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?”
I roll my eyes. “I’m a big girl, Nate. I can make my own decisions. I didn’t realize that was such a crime.”
After a few moments, my Captain looks at me with softer eyes.
“I just want to make sure that you aren’t putting yourself in danger out of guilt.”
“And I appreciate it, really, but I can handle myself.”
Nathan forces out a small smile. “So what’d he want?”
“To meet Noah.”
“No fucking way,” he huffs.
“Tell me about it. He sent a man to the house as a messenger. I was about two seconds away from sticking a bullet in between his eyes, but I,” I choke on my words. “I never wound up pulling the trigger.”
“But you wanted to,” Nathan fills in.
“Yeah,” I admit. “I did. And sometimes I think I should have.”
Nathan takes a swallow before nodding his head and changing the subject.
“So what’d you tell him?”
“I told him no. After what he did to me, I won’t let his sorry ass anywhere near my son.”
Or around me either.
Because I have a job to do, and that is to protect myself.
After all, if there is one thing that I have learned, it is that no one is going to do it for you.
During
JOEY
“How are you doing, Mom?” I ask.
“Good, honey,” she replies. “The meds have finally started to work.”
“I’m glad.”
I sit down on the chair next to her bed, quickly rearranging all the flowers and cards on the shelf. I pull the curtains up to let some more light into her room.
“Joey, sweetie, stop for a second,”my mother interjects.“Is everything okay with you? You haven’t really seemed like yourself lately.”
If only she knew…
“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine,” I assure her. “I promise.”
I grab the cup of water at her bedside and bring it up to her lips, tilting it gently before she finally waves me away.
“Honey—”
“Mom,” I say. “You need to drink. The doctors told you to stay hydrated.”
“I heard what the doctors said, son. I may be sick, but I’m not deaf. Now sit down, stay down, and keep your mouth shut.”
I do as I’m told, crossing my legs together. I stare at my mother, taking in her strong yet mighty frame, her curly black hair, and her flushed skin. I try my best to ignore the droopiness of her eyes, telling myself that it’s solely because she’s tired and not because of the deadly disease taking over her body.
“Joey, even from the time you were a young boy, you always felt the need to protect everyone. You kept your brothers and sister safe, made sure they felt loved, and cared for. You were the middle child who never let himself be forgotten. But, son, somewhere along the way, you forgot about your own needs. You spent so much of your time being whatever everyone else needed instead of being all that you needed.”
I look at my mother, whose eyes are filled with tears.
I squeeze her hand.
“Mom, don’t cry, please.”
“I just,” she whispers softly. “I just can’t help but fear when I’m gone—”
“Mom,” I interject. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”
“When I’m gone, Joey, I want to go knowing that you will seek out your own true happiness.”
My mother grabs for my hand and I meet her gaze with my eyes. Tears are cascading down her cheeks and she plants a kiss on the inside of my wrist.
“You deserve to be happy, Joe.”
That’s just it. Happiness belongs to those who have contributed to the fixation of the world, not the damage of it.
And we all know which one I have lent a hand to.
Eager to change the topic of conversation, I ask, “Do you want any more water?”
I go to hand the cup to my mother, but she waves it away.
“I’m fine,” she says, resting her head on the pillow. “I’m fine.”
As I go to leave for the night, I steal one final glance at my mother. She’s in pain. She’ll never admit it, but she is. She’s too stubborn.
As I press the elevator button, the only thing I can think about is the deal I made with Michael Santo. Ezra’s confession and her life in exchange for my mother’s cancer treatments being paid for. I agreed before I met the soldier and before I got the chance to know that she isn’t quite the monster she has been made out to be.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve never had trouble carrying out my tasks in the past. I’ve killed, and I’ve shed blood, and I’ve never looked back. Not even once.
But I get the sneaking suspicion that that won’t be the case with Lieutenant Maya.