The Dirty Saint (Dirty #1)

9. Chapter Nine

9

Chapter Nine

After

EZRA

“Thank you for meeting with me, Ms. Maya, on such short notice.”

I pull at each one of my fingers.

“Of course.”

I look around the colorful classroom, taking in all the books, posters, and crafts.

“Ms. Maya, as I mentioned in the email, Noah has been struggling lately.”

“Struggling?” I snap my attention back to the young redhead. “He seems fine to me. I haven’t noticed a shift in his behavior.”

Mrs. Vera clasps her hands together and places them in front of her.

“Noah has been talking to the other kids about some mature topics.”

I shake my head.

“I don’t understand.”

“Ms. Maya, I hope I am not overstepping here, but did Noah’s father… hurt himself?”

Suddenly, images of Christian dead in the bathtub flood my mind.

“Is that what he’s been going around saying?”

“Among other things. He also told Rio and Bella on the playground that you were kidnapped. I keep telling him not to lie, but…”

I throw my hands up. “Woah, woah, woah. You think Noah’s lying? ”

Mrs. Vera looks at me like I’ve grown eight heads.

“His imagination is very vivid, Ms. Maya—”

Imagination?I laugh.

I fucking wish it was just his imagination.

“What my son is saying is very much true,” I assure her. “But I do agree that it’s inappropriate to talk about.”

“A kid his age should not have had to go through all of that.” The accusatory nature of her tone is evident.

I inch forward. “Mrs. Vera, what exactly is this meeting about? Is Noah struggling because of his father’s passing, or are you here to make it seem like I can’t parent my child?”

I recognize my defensiveness. Hell, I don’t even bother to hide it.

“How is your home life, Ms. Maya?”

“It’s wonderful,” I answer. “Really wonderful. Noah and I live together in a beautiful home, just the two of us. Last I checked, being a single mother isn’t a crime. He is happy and healthy and thriving, and you wanna know how I know that? It’s because I know my son. So if you are going to sit here and make it seem like I am incapable because some crappy things have happened to me, then you must not have much life experience.

“It is one thing to look after my child, but it is an entirely new thing to act as if you know what’s best for him.”

I am not perfect. I have made mistakes, and I have caused people suffering, and I’m not proud of it. But the one thing I have done right in this world is my child. I won’t let anyone degrade that.

I stand up and make sure to push my chair in. “I promise to have a conversation with Noah about the things he talks about with the other kids. I will also monitor him at home. Will that be all today?”

Mrs. Vera nods, clearly uncomfortable with my presence.

Good.

If you are going to mess with a bull, you cannot expect to not be shown the horns.

* * *

“Noah, sweetie, can you come here for a second?”

My sweet boy comes running over to me and jumps into my arms. I scoop him up and shower him with kisses. He giggles.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Hi, baby.”

After planting one final kiss, I put him down.

“Hey, can I ask you a question?”

He nods.

“Of course.”

I smile, hoping it conceals the pain. “Do you talk about Dad with your classmates at school? It’s okay if you do.”

Noah ponders that for a moment.

“Sometimes. The other day, we were learning about family trees. I told Mrs.Vera that I don’t have a dad, only a mom. And since some of the kids were confused, I explained that my dad lives in the sky. With God. They didn’t believe me.”

“Why didn’t they believe you?”

He shrugs.

“They said God lives alone, but I told them what you told me when Dad died.”

I press my back to the door and close my eyes, silently screaming inside of myself.

How am I supposed to tell my son that his father is dead? This isn’t in the manuals and parenting books I have read. No one talks about what it will be like to raise a child on your own.

I hope that I had done a good job of shielding Noah from Christian’s body. The last thing I would want is for that image to be imprinted in his tiny, underdeveloped mind.

No kid should be subjected to such a horrific sight.

I rub my eyes and then push off the door to Noah’s room, where I find him reading a book with Beatrice. He looks so innocent.

Who am I to take that away?

“Mom, you’re home!”

I nod.

“How was Aunt Beatrice?”

“It was SO much fun! We even gotta talk to Kylie.”

“I’m so happy for you. Um, Bea,” I look at my sister, “do you mind—”

She nods, tears in her eyes.

“Of course.”

Beatrice scooches over, and together we grab one of Noah’s hands. I then take a deep breath.

“Noah, baby, do you know what it means when someone passes away?”

He shakes his head.

“Well, it means that they live in the sky. With God. They no longer live on earth.”

The wheels suddenly turn in my son’s head. “Is that where Dad went?”

“Um—” My mouth dries.

God, how did we get here?

How is this fair?

“Yeah, baby,” I let out. “That’s where Dad went.”

Noah looks up at me, his eyes filled with tears.

“But I don’t want Dad to live in the sky with God.”

“I know, baby,” I whisper. “I don’t either.”

I look at my son, knowing that he’s so hurt.

I wish it wasn’t like this. I wish he didn’t have to feel all this pain.

And I wish more than anything in this world that I can take it all away.

But I can’t.

“Well, sweetie, you and I know the truth. But, um,” I pause for a moment. “I think it’s best if you don’t tell your classmates how Dad died. I think it’s best to keep that as our little secret.”

Christian passed 4 years ago, and I just wasn’t ready then to tell Noah any specifics. In time, I will go into more detail.

I sit down at the table, dropping my head into my hands.

How could I have been so blind? How could I have missed the signs?

“Did you have any idea that he was feeling this way?” Beatrice asks.

I shake my head. “No. I mean, I knew that he was struggling a bit, but I—” I let a tear fall from my eyes. “I guess I just didn’t realize it was this bad.”

I have a lot of guilt when it comes to my husband’s death. I was his wife, and I should’ve known how he was feeling, but I didn’t. I guess I was just so caught up in my own agony that I never even got a chance to witness his.

But for now, all my son needs to know is that Dad hurt himself because Dad was in pain.

As Noah places his head on my chest, I think back to the time I found out I was pregnant. It didn’t matter how young and scared I was; there was never a question as to whether or not this child would be mine.

Growing up, my home life was not ideal. Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly close with my siblings, but I never really had a person. Someone I could give my unconditional love to. When two lines popped up on that stick, I knew that God was sending me everything I had always wanted.

All I want to do is keep Noah safe. The world is a cruel place, and I’ve seen that firsthand and the thought of my son experiencing such brutality is sickening. I wouldn’t hesitate to drop bodies if it meant that he would be okay.

“Mom?”

“Yes, bud?”

“I love you.”

I look at Noah, who has a smile painted on his face.

“I love you too,” I whisper.

During

JOEY

I find myself in Rico’s bar, a sexy hot spot managed by a good friend of mine. Now, I’m not much of a drinker, but I need to escape my life, even if it is just for a minuscule sum of time. Get Killian out of my head. Get my father out of my head. Get Michael out of my head.

Get Ezra out of my head.

“Hey, Joe,” Rico says from behind the bar, “What can I get for you?”

“Scotch on the rocks,” I grumble. “Thanks.”

“So, what brings you in today?”

I laugh. “Where do I even begin?”

Rico smiles as he wipes down a stack of plates, a towel draped over his left shoulder.

“Wherever you’d like. But you may want to make it quick since it appears as though you have company.”

I turn around, angling my body so that I can see what Rico has been referring to. A beautiful woman in a tight green dress and dainty gold jewelry glances at me playfully. Skinny little thing she is.

“Hi,” I say.

“Hello.”

Her voice is soft. Seductive.

“I will leave you two to it.”

“Thanks, Rico.”

I place my drink down on the counter, spreading my legs wide open. I smile, running a hand through my hair, watching as the girl’s cheeks flush.

“So, sweetheart, what brings you here tonight?” I scan her body up and down, noticing the throbbing sensation in my pants.

“Oh, it’s, um, it’s my best friend’s birthday,” she says, fiddling with the pendant in between her two round breasts. I am making her nervous.

“Do I make you nervous,” I ask, grinning.

She sits down next to me, her long legs brushing up against mine.

“Only a little.”

“Good.”

She giggles sweetly and orders a drink from the bar.

“You have a name, beautiful?“

“And why would I reveal such a thing to a stranger,” she asks, toying with me.

“Well, I certainly won’t be a stranger for long.”

Not if I could help it.

She licks the salty rim off her margarita.

“You could be a killer,” she smiles.

Oh, you have no idea.

“I could be. But, then again, so could you.”

She shakes her head, the pinks of her cheeks brightening.

“It’s Arielle,” she says. “If you really cared that much.”

My dick twitches in my pants.

Oh, do I care alright.

I place my hand on her thigh, and she leans into my touch before I whisper into her ear.

“I know you are here for a celebration, but there are so many things that I would love to do to you,” I hike her dress up, revealing the tops of her white lace panties.

“But,” she says, moaning, “What will my friend think?”

I shrug.

“That you got damn lucky.”

* * *

Tonight was supposed to be a good night. No, a great night. I was headed home with a beautiful woman. Michael didn’t need me for anything. And, if I could help it, I wasn’t going to be in the same proximity as Ezra.

But somehow, I found my way back here. To her.

I don’t usually act on instinct. Or on impulse. At least, I try to shut those two emotions down when I want to be off the grid.

I just couldn’t escape this nagging feeling inside of my chest.

Killian wants his way with Ezra. Has since the moment he got here. And I didn’t give him much of a chance a few days ago.

But now, there was nothing stopping him.

At least, that’s what he probably initially thought when he decided to come here today.

“Joey, how nice of you to join us,” Killian says, a smile on his face.

“Two-on-one doesn’t sound so nice to me,” Ezra chimes in.

“Get away from her,” I demand.

Killian yanks on Ezra’s chains, and she lets out a cry as the metal digs into her skin.

“I said,” I bark. “Get the fuck away from her. I swear to God, you lay even a fingertip on her, and I will make sure you never move another step again.”

“Wow, such a hero.”

“I’m serious, Morago. One more fucking step.”

“And what?” Killian asks. “What are you gonna do, Odeh? Come on. Tell me. What is your plan should I, I don’t know, touch her?”

Killian runs a finger down the center of Ezra’s breasts.

I growl.

“You piece of shit.”

“It’s fine, Joey,” Ezra coughs. “I can take it.”

Killian grips Ezra by her ponytail.

“See? The bitch can take it.”

“Don’t call her that,” I snap.

“Why not? Isn’t that what is she? A stupid, stupid bitch?”

I ram my fist into Killian’s nose, and he falters backward. I hear a small whimper as I drive my foot into his stomach, knocking the wind right out of him.

“What did I tell you about going near her?”

Killian wipes the back of his nose with his palm, streaking it red with blood.

“You haven’t changed one bit, Odeh.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he spits. “You are still the same little prick you were when we were kids. No wonder Michael brought me in to handle business.”

I grab a fistful of Killian’s shirt in my hand, pulling him up so that he can’t do anything but look me square in the eyes. He thrashes against my grip, but I hold him firmly to the wall.

“You better watch that mouth of yours,” I say, pressing my forearm into his throat. “Or you’re about to be choking on your own goddamn teeth.”

“You really gonna sacrifice your career over some skank,” he spits.

“No,” I laugh. “Because, from where I’m standing, the only skank is you.”