The Fall (Colorado Coyotes #6)

Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

Cam

“Are you serious?” I look from the Mountain Peak Roller Rink neon sign to Rowan and then back at him again. “We’re going roller skating?”

I’m grinning like a kid on Christmas morning. Tess and I used to love roller skating as kids, but I haven’t done it in well over a decade.

“We’re going roller skating,” Rowan confirms. “My teammate Beck’s buddy owns this place and it’s so awesome. It has an old-school jukebox.”

“Oh my God, let’s go!”

I barely let him get the car into park before I open my car door and get out, doing a little hop of excitement. I spend my days being a responsible mom and dutiful paralegal. I can’t remember the last time I did something like this, just for fun.

The parking lot has around two dozen cars in it, and when we get inside, I see that attendance is light.

“How is this place not packed?” I ask Rowan.

“The new owner just renovated it and reopened it recently. He hasn’t done any advertising for it yet.”

We walk up to a ticket window, where he buys us admission tickets and skate rentals. Once we walk inside the rink area, my jaw drops as I look around in wonder.

There’s a very thin layer of blue carpet on the floor and the concrete walls are covered in murals of mountains, forests and cartoony bigfoots and yetis. Restored vintage arcade games and pinball machines are lined up along one wall, and there are even three Skee-Ball lanes.

The wood-planked skating rink area has a huge disco ball spinning above it, ’90s music playing as people skate in circles. There’s a skate-up snack bar connected to the rink by an off-ramp.

We change from our shoes into skates quickly and Rowan stows our shoes and my bag in a locker. I throw my arms out to my sides, wobbling as I start to skate.

Not surprisingly, Rowan has no problem skating. He spins and puts his hands on my waist as we reach the skating area, skating backward and helping me stay upright.

“This was such a great idea,” I say as the song “Genie in a Bottle” by Christina Aguilera starts playing.

“I’m glad you like it.” His smile is sexy and playful. “You want me to let go?”

On skates, he’s around six and a half feet of muscular man. We’re close enough that I can smell his leather-and-pine scent again, and my heart is racing with happiness and excitement.

“No, don’t let go. Your backward skating skills are pretty impressive.”

“We can do the Dirty Dancing lift if you want,” he offers. “I’ve done it with teammates.”

I laugh at the mental image. “Really?”

“Yep. I tried it with Sal and he slammed into me like a fucking bull in a bullfight. It was ugly. But we used to have this lightweight guy on our team, Chris Young, and he was great at it. We played the song and everything and I’d lift him up. There’s video of it floating around on the internet.”

“I’ll have to look that up. It sounds fun, but there’s no way I could jump in these skates.”

His gaze is warm on me. “You wouldn’t have to jump. I could just lift you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I did some figure skating when I was a kid. I’d maxed out on all the hockey practices I could get and I wanted to skate more, so I did that.”

I laugh, finding that amusing and attractive at the same time. “When do I get to see some pictures of you in figure skating outfits?”

He shakes his head, looking a little sheepish. “Never. They’re all locked up tight in a vault.”

A slow song by Boyz II Men comes on and Rowan lets go of one of my hands and turns so we can skate hand in hand. It’s a lot like slow dancing at a middle school dance, and I have to keep myself from giving him the heart-eyed look that would give away just how giddy I’m feeling.

With only a quick snack bar break for Sweet Tarts and drinks, we skate in circles until open skate ends at 9:00 p.m., playing a game of Skee-Ball before we turn in our skates and walk back to his Bronco.

“Thank you for planning tonight,” I tell him on the drive back to my house. “It was so much fun.”

He looks over at me and takes my hand, smiling. “Good. I had a great time, too.”

When he pulls into my driveway, I try to calm my pounding heart as I think about whether I should invite him in.

This is Rowan. It’s not some guy I just met. And we had an amazing date. Of course I should invite him in.

“Do you want to come in for a drink?” I ask.

“Yeah, for sure.”

He parks the car and we both get out. I’m so out of practice with dating, but this whole night with him has felt natural. Still, I have to remind myself that I’m not the same woman I was before my year away from dating. I’m stronger now and wiser, too.

When I scan the contents of my fridge, I kick myself for not getting any adult drinks.

“I have milk, orange juice, Diet Coke and juice boxes.”

Rowan smiles from the couch. “Water would be great.”

“Your place looks great.” He looks around the living room as I approach with two glasses of water. “Can’t believe you’re already this unpacked and organized.”

“The boys have helped a lot. They’re having a contest to see who can unpack the most boxes. It’s total chaos some evenings.”

He sets his glass on the side table and sits forward on the couch. I can feel the moment coming, so I set my glass down, too.

Rowan scoots closer, cupping my cheek as he leans in to kiss me. Finally we get to pick up where we left off at the costume party.

He slides a hand around my neck and I put a hand on his shoulder, which is rock hard with muscle.

I can’t believe I resisted this man for almost an entire year. My pulse pounds as he reminds me what an amazing kisser he is. When he moves his mouth to my neck, I gasp and moan at the same time.

It’s been so long since I had this kind of trust with a man—much longer than a year. I know I’m safe with Rowan. Not only would he never threaten me the way Jake did, he’d protect me from anyone who did.

My whole body and soul tell me to go all in with him. Give him as much as he wants.

I climb onto his lap, bringing out a low groan of satisfaction from his chest as I straddle him. He grips my waist, then slides his hands down to cup my ass.

“You are so damn sexy,” he rumbles as he pulls me tight against him.

I feel his erection pressing into me. It’s absolute heaven knowing I have this effect on him.

He slides his hands up and grabs my sweatshirt, sweeping it up and off over my head in a fluid motion. I inhale sharply as cool air hits my bare skin.

When he kisses me again, he puts one hand on the back of my neck and the other on my ass, bringing me so close I can feel the heat of him. He kisses me deeply until I have to pull away for air, dizzy with need for him.

“Bedroom,” he says.

I almost agree; my body and soul still completely in, but my head makes me pause for a second.

“What do you want?” I ask softly against his lips.

“I want you, Cam. All of you. I’ve wanted you since the first time I saw you.”

I kiss him softly, wishing my head would stop interrupting our bliss. “But after tonight...I mean...what do you want?”

He traces a fingertip down my spine. “I want to see you again. And again. And again.”

My stupid brain won’t let it go. “Will you...I mean, are you...seeing anyone else?”

“No.”

I swallow hard. “I want this, too. But I need to know that there won’t be anyone else.”

A couple seconds of thick, uncomfortable silence pass before he speaks. “You mean you want us to be in a relationship?”

My heart and my head are in a battle, my heart telling my head to shut the fuck up. But I’ve done a lot of thinking and growing in the past year, and I’m not letting my heart make all my decisions anymore.

I sit back so I can look him in the eye. “I guess what I mean is...I don’t want to have sex outside of a relationship anymore. I want it to mean something. I need it to be something...different than it was before.”

A flicker of annoyance passes over his face. “Right, but...isn’t sexual compatibility a deciding factor for whether you want to be in a relationship?”

A switch flips inside me like he just dumped a bucket of cold water over my head. I slide off his lap and stand up, running my hands over my hair to put it back in place.

The magic of the moment is gone. The old Cam would have done exactly what he wanted. How many times have I slept with a man just because he expected it? With no conversation about whether I was ready?

I sigh softly and cross my arms, feeling self-conscious. “I think you should go.”

He stands up, tilting my chin up so our gazes meet. “I didn’t mean that like you took it, Cam. I thought we were on the same page.”

I bite my tongue because I am not apologizing for giving him the wrong impression . That’s bullshit and I’m over it.

“I don’t know if I’m ready,” I say. “To date. I don’t even think I know how to date if I’m being honest. I just—I need to be alone.”

“You mean like right now? Or in general?” He sounds alarmed.

“Right now, for sure. In general, maybe.” I smile weakly up at him.

He drops his hand, his shoulders sinking with disappointment. “I don’t know what happened. We were having such a good time. Did I move too fast?”

“No, just—I want you to go.”

“Cam—”

Emotions well inside me hard and fast. I feel the terror of Jake showing up at my workplace. Calling me even after I’d changed my number. I had no control over anything he did, and my feelings meant nothing.

“I said I want you to go!” The words burst out of me, my voice wavering with emotion.

Rowan pinches his brows together, looking confused and concerned. “Okay, I’m going. I’m sorry I upset you.”

He walks out the door and as soon as he closes it, I lock it behind him. Then I let myself cry. All those damn self-help books I read landed me here. I know I need to stand up for myself and what I want, but clearly I don’t know how to do it very well.

I told Tess I’d text her after the date to tell her how it went, but I can’t even come to terms with what just happened myself, so there’s no way I’m ready to break it all down with her.

So, instead, I turn off the lights and curl up on the couch with a blanket, closing my eyes and trying to think about anything but my disastrous first date in more than a year.