The Fall (Colorado Coyotes #6)

Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

Rowan

Cam: Thanks for the flowers, you didn’t have to do that. I’m sorry for the way things went at the end of the date. I’m not mad at you. I want us to stay friends.

I read the text for the fifth time since it came in about a minute ago, even more confused than I was the first time I read it. If she’s not mad at me, why does she only want us to be friends?

My teammates are mostly quiet on our bus ride from the Vancouver airport to our hotel. Normally Dom would be sitting next to me and I’d probably show him the text to ask for his opinion, but he’s sulking in the back of the bus.

He doesn’t know what happened on my date with Cam, but Tess told him it didn’t go well, so he tried to get details out of me. When I refused to tell him anything, he tried to dick punch me. I saw it coming and blocked the hit. He’s been avoiding me since.

I’ve kind of been in a daze since leaving Cam’s house after our date. I still don’t get what happened. It was the best date of my life, and then she tried to pin me down about whether I was seeing anyone else.

That caught me off guard. I was out of my mind with wanting her, and the question came out of nowhere. Then she said she’s not ready to date. After waiting a year? Even more confusing.

I accidentally left my AirPods in my seat on the plane this morning, so I had to go back for them after I’d gotten on the bus. By the time I got back to the bus, he only open seat left was next to Griff. I glance over at him.

“Hey man, got a woman in your life?”

He lowers his brows and shakes his head. Every nonverbal cue he’s sending is telling me to fuck off, but I’m not in the mood to keep brooding inside my head. I’ve been doing it for days.

“Why are they so difficult? I mean, the good ones. The ones with multiple brain cells. They basically want us to read their minds.”

“About what?” he asks gruffly, taking out one of his in-ear headphones.

I’m about to say “everything,” but that’s not a fair thing to say about Cam. We’ve always gotten along great. I once spilled some beer on her shirt over at Dom’s and I felt terrible about it. Not just because of the shirt, but because it was white and I started to get hard when I saw the outline of her nipples. She waved it off and went to Tess’s bedroom to find a shirt to change into.

Cam is cool. Understanding. Real. That’s why I’m so frustrated she dismissed me so easily.

I glance over both shoulders, confirming Dom isn’t within earshot. “I’ve been waiting almost a year for this woman to go out with me,” I say in a low tone. “And then we have the best date. It was...seriously, it was great.”

Griff’s expression is half annoyed, half disbelief. “Great for you or for her?”

“Both of us.” I cut him a glare. “Don’t treat me like I’m a fucking idiot. I took her to a restaurant she loved and then we went roller skating, which she also loved.”

He nods, satisfied. “So what’s the problem?”

“We got back to her place and we were...you know, and before any clothes came off or anything, she asked me if I was seeing anyone else.”

I pause for reaction, but he just stares at me. After a couple of seconds, his eyes widen with frustration.

“Well...? What is it? Are you dating her sister or something?”

“No, but Dom is.”

He rolls his eyes. “There’s your fucking problem. Aren’t you dipshits friends?”

I narrow my eyes at him. “You don’t wonder why no one likes you, do you? Just tell me you get that it’s your personality.”

“Fine.” He says it like I’m a toddler testing his patience. “She asks you if you’re seeing anyone else, and then what?”

I sigh heavily, remembering the moment I crashed and burned. “I told her I’m not. Then she started saying she wanted the sex to mean something . Was I supposed to bullshit her and tell her it would be a deep emotional connection? Can’t great sex just mean great sex?”

“Yeah, as long as that’s what you both want out of it. If she made you wait a year, wasn’t that a clue that she wanted more than a quick lay?”

I scowl at him. “Who says I just wanted a quick lay? I really like her, and I like her kids.”

Griff’s lips part, his eyes lighting with awareness. “She’s a single mom?”

“Yeah, she has twin boys and they’re awesome.”

He makes a fist and reaches over, using it to knock lightly on my head. “Is there anything in there? You’re confused about why a single mom wants to be careful about who she sleeps with?”

“I’m not some random guy. She’s known me for a year.”

The bus pulls up in front of our hotel. Griff unzips his bag and stuffs his earbuds into it.

“Was that the end of the date?” he asks.

“Yeah, she got upset and wanted me to leave.”

He pinches his brows together. “No offense, but it’s probably for the best. It’s hard to be in a relationship with our schedule.”

“We have fun together. Why does everything have to be so serious from the first date? Do people not want to have fun anymore?”

He arches his brows. “Single moms don’t have the luxury of fun being their primary consideration. You should look her up and see if she’s still single in ten years when you’ve grown the fuck up.”

That one lands. It’s basically a direct hit to the center of my chest. Not only does Cam have her kids to think of, but her past relationships have all been bad. Being stalked had to be terrifying for her.

How do I promise her I’m “the one,” though when I don’t even know that myself? I’d have to be with someone for a long time to even consider a deep commitment. Even then, the thought makes me sweat.

Maybe Griff is right. Cam needs a man who’s going to be there for her and her kids in every way. I’ve never been that guy for anyone, and I probably never will.

Later that day, I’m doing pregame stretches in Vancouver’s visiting team training room. I’m sitting with my legs straight out in front of me, reaching for my toes.

My phone is on the floor beside me, and I glance at the screen for the fourth time in the past two minutes. I don’t know why I keep thinking another text from Cam will pop up.

She put the ball in my court. This is where I’m supposed to text her back and say that of course we can still be friends. I’ve been telling myself to write out that text all day long, but I just can’t do it.

When we were out at dinner and roller skating, I felt more at ease than I can ever remember feeling. Maybe that was where I went wrong. I should have moved slower. Cam took a year off of dating because of what she’s been through, and I breezed in like our date was just like every other time she’s been on a date.

She said no one’s ever brought her flowers, though. I’m not sure any man has ever taken his time with her. Made her see that it’s about more than just sex. And then I did the exact same thing to her.

I stand up and move into a lunge position, holding it.

Do I want more than sex and fun from Cam? I guess that’s the million-dollar question. That’s what she meant when she asked what I wanted. It’s the question Dom and everyone else who knows me would say they already know the answer to.

I move out of the stretch and pick up my phone from the floor.

I’ve never wanted a wife and kids. I’m not made for it. The biggest commitment I’ve ever made in my life is to hockey. The only commitment, really. My dog Duke is my only responsibility, and I have a dog sitter who helps with him a lot.

The smartest thing I could do is text Cam right now and say yes, I want us to be friends, too .

I open the text from her, my thumbs ready to type out the message and end all of this. Then I picture the look in her eyes as I handed her those roses on her doorstep. I remember the stirring sensation in my chest when I kissed her at the Halloween party. The way she laughed as we skated circles around the wood skating rink.

I put my phone into the pocket of my shorts.

I can’t do it. I can’t tell Cam I only want to be friends with her because it’s a fucking lie.