The Fall (Colorado Coyotes #6)

Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Cam

Tate looks down at the cheese he’s slicing into bite-size pieces, then longingly into the family room, where Sergei and Rowan are talking about something.

“Do you want me to finish that?” I ask him.

He doesn’t even respond. Instead, he drops the knife and runs into the family room, slamming into Rowan.

“You almost knocked me over, my guy,” Rowan says with a smile down at him. “You been putting on some muscle?”

Tate flexes both arms and Rowan touches the spot where a bicep would be if Tate had one. “Yeah, dude. I can feel some muscle there.”

“Want to wrestle?”

“You know it. How ’bout me and Sergei against you and Sam?”

“No!” Tate wails. “That’s not fair!”

Rowan moves quickly, bending to pick Tate up with an arm between his legs. He puts Tate over his shoulders effortlessly, like he’s a bath towel. Tate’s legs hang down onto one side of his chest and his arms hang down onto the other.

When Rowan takes off running toward the stairs, Tate’s happy laughter makes me smile. I’m trying to be in the moment this Thanksgiving, but it’s been hard. Today is the last day Jake will be in prison. Tonight is the last night I won’t have to worry about him waiting for me outside my house or even trying to break in.

“He’s really good with the boys,” Tess says.

She’s next to me, chopping celery and onions while wearing an apron that says, The Last Time I Cooked Hardly Anyone Got Sick .

“He is.”

Rowan asked me when he arrived a few minutes ago if we could talk alone later. I wanted to ask him if we could talk immediately, but I can’t ditch Tess on the meal prep. We’ve exchanged a few texts since he left my house upset, but I haven’t pushed him to talk.

It was all I could do not to throw my arms around him when he walked into the kitchen and met my eyes earlier, though. I could tell when he said what he did about his dad that he wished he could take it back. He almost looked ashamed.

My emotions have been all over the place since that night. I’m worried about Jake getting out of prison and angry at myself for judging Rowan so harshly before. I just assumed he wanted to stay unattached and keep his options open, but his fear of love and commitment is real. Hearing the pain in his voice as he talked about his dad broke my heart.

He lost both his parents when he was still a kid. He still needed love and nurturing and he had to grieve their loss alone, without family to support him. I should have known when he told me before how his dad died--and why--that it was part of why he’s afraid to fall in love.

I wanted him to stay so badly. Every time I’ve been in my bed since that night, I’ve thought about him being there. It’s probably my imagination, but when I close my eyes, I can smell his leather-and-pine scent on my comforter.

“Cam.” Tess shoves my shoulder, snapping me out of my daze.

“What? Sorry.”

“Can you put all the stuffing ingredients into the Crock-Pot?”

“Sure.”

Stella comes into the kitchen then, giving me a welcome distraction from my mood.

“I come bearing gifts.”

She sets two bottles of wine on the kitchen island and her husband Ben follows behind her, a casserole dish in his hands.

“I’m so glad you guys could come,” Tess says, hugging them both.

“We’ll see plenty of our families when we go home for Christmas.”

“Sometimes too much,” Ben says as he grabs a piece of cheese from my tray.

I hug them both and Tess puts Stella to work peeling potatoes.

“I’ll help,” Ben offers.

Stella gives him a look. “This is girl time. Go watch football with the boys.”

“If you insist.” He gives her a quick kiss, gazing warmly at her.

When he’s out of the room, I give her an expectant look, remembering our conversation from the Halloween party about them trying to get pregnant.

“Not yet,” she says softly.

Tess looks back and forth between us. “Did I miss something?”

“Ben and I are trying to get pregnant,” Stella whispers.

Tess lights up. “Oh, that’s exciting.”

“The idea of it is,” Stella says. “But in reality...” She looks over both shoulders to make sure no one’s in earshot. “My hips get sore and sometimes I just want the deposit without a happy ending for myself, you know? Like, let’s get this round in the bag. But Ben refuses to come if I haven’t yet. So...”

“Oh my God, you too?” Tess gets out a corkscrew for the wine. “It’s like a marathon sometimes.”

I stop what I’m doing and get a wineglass from a cabinet. “I’m trying to muster some sympathy for you two because having a man who won’t quit until you get there doesn’t sound like something I’d be bitching about. Now fill this glass up, please.”

“Point taken,” Stella says.

Tess fills glasses for all of us. I’m enjoying my first sip of the crisp, sweet wine when I hear Tate scream. I set the glass down and race toward the stairway, my heart thudding with worry.

“What’s wrong, Mom?” Sam asks as I run past.

“Tate!” I call as I run up the stairs.

When I reach the game room, I find Tate and Rowan playing a video game, both of them grinning. Tate is absolutely fine.

“Tate, you scared the crap out of me yelling like that!”

Rowan pauses the game, looking remorseful. My son barely spares me a look.

“Tate,” Rowan urges.

“What?”

Rowan gives him a look. “I know you just got excited about the game, but you scared your mom. What do you say?”

“Sorry, Mom.”

I walk over to him and kiss the top of his head. He pulls away, scowling at me. “Eww, don’t.”

I don’t take it personally because, at home, he loves affection. He’s only embarrassed because it’s in front of Rowan.

“Hey Tate, can you give me a few minutes to talk to Rowan?” I say. “You can go ask Aunt Tess if she needs any help in the kitchen.”

“Do I have to?” He looks at Rowan instead of me.

“You have to do what your mom said.”

Tate sighs dramatically and leaves the room. I watch him go down the hallway and reach the stairs, making sure he’s gone before I close the door.

“Hi.” I turn around, my pulse pounding now that I’m alone with Rowan.

Last time we were alone, we were all over each other, on the edge of screwing each other’s brains out.

“Hey.” He smiles at me from the couch. “How are you?”

I walk over and sit down next to him. “I’m okay. Don’t mind the onion smell. I’ve been chopping...you know, onions.”

Why am I so nervous? This is Rowan, I’ve known him for a year. But now that I know what his erection feels like against my body, I’m self-conscious.

“So I wanted to ask you for a couple of favors,” he says.

I pull my leg underneath me, turning to sit sideways so I can see him better.

“Favors?”

His lips turn up in a wicked grin. “Not that kind of favors.”

Damn. I want to tell him I’m sorry for dismissing him after our first date. To thank him for opening up to me. To tell him we can go slowly if he still wants to date me. But he speaks before I get a chance to say any of it.

“I’d like to sleep on your couch when I’m home. Just so I know you and the boys are safe. I’ll have to bring my dog Duke with me, but I’ll leave him at my place with the dog sitter when I’m not at your house.”

This time, I don’t let the new Cam overthink it. I like Rowan. A lot. There’s more to him than I realized. And my boys like him, too. He can sleep on my old couch anytime he wants to.

“Thank you. I know I’d sleep better with you there.”

His brows lower a fraction like he’s confused.

I laugh. “Were you expecting an argument?”

“Might’ve been.” When he smiles, I see the light in his eyes and I melt inside.

“So what’s the other favor?” I lean closer to him, hoping it’s a kiss. Or an IOU for hot sex.

“Dom told me about Sam’s Cub Scout campout. I’d be honored to go with him.”

I lean back, feeling like someone knocked the air out of me. “How did Dom find out about that?”

“Tate.”

“It’s a three-night thing near Rocky Mountain National Park. Hiking and tent camping and it’ll be cold. I looked into it because I wanted to see if they’d make an exception and let him go with a friend and his dad.”

“Sounds perfect, I’m in. It’s during the All-Star weekend, so I can do it.”

My eyes flood with tears and I look away, swallowing past the lump in my throat. No man has ever shown up for my kids this way other than Dom.

“Hey.” Rowan cups my cheek and tips my face up until our eyes meet. “This isn’t me trying to get you into bed, I swear it.”

“I know.”

“I’ll be there. I won’t say I’m going to do it and then disappoint him.”

I smile, tears falling when I blink. “I know. I’m not worried about that. I’m just mad at myself.”

He pinches his brows together. “Why?”

“Because I misjudged you.”

His expression turns serious. “I wish I could agree with you, but I don’t know if I can. There’s the man I want to be and the man I actually am. You saw the other night...I’m a fucking mess.”

“No, you’re not. You’re human. A human I happen to like very much.”

He strokes my cheekbone with his thumb. “Same. Will you give me some time to figure my shit out? I’ll never lie to you or tell you something just because I think it’s what you want to hear. I don’t know if I can be the man you need, but I want to be.”

I lean into his touch. “Take all the time you need.”

He moves his hand from my cheek and wraps his arms around me, pulling me against him. I close my eyes and sink against him, his familiar scent relaxing me and exciting me at the same time.

“I was worried you’d look at me differently,” he says softly. “After what I said.”

“I feel the same way about you I did before, but it’s deeper somehow. I feel like I know you better. And I like that. It makes me want you that much more.”

“Damn, it’s nice to hear those words from you. I wasn’t sure I’d ever have another chance with you.”

I hear feet thudding down the hallway toward us and I jump out of his arms. A second later, Tate throws open the door to the room.

“Mom, Aunt Tess said I don’t have to help. Can I play video games with Rowan?”

I stand up, my heart still racing. “Sure. I need to go help with the cooking anyway.”

I walk over to the doorway, Tate zooming past me to take a seat on the couch.

“I brought you a snack,” he says.

I turn around and see him handing Rowan a cracker and a piece of cheese.

“Nice. Thanks.” Rowan pops both things into his mouth and winks at me. “You ready for another whoopin’?”

“I might win this time,” Tate says.

“The first step is believing it.”

I think about what he said as I walk back downstairs, still smiling. Maybe that was my problem before. I never really believed something amazing could happen for me with a man.

I knew what I didn’t want. What I was unwilling to tolerate. But I had a protective wall up, my way of not letting myself get hurt again. And Rowan crumbled it without even meaning to.