The Fall Of Snow: Guard Your Heart

38. Thirty-Eight

Thirty-Eight

Transcended

I drop to my knees, no longer able to hold myself up and Huck drops down with me, gently carrying me to the ground. My hands shake beside me, the movements uncontrollable before I feel Huck's warm palms engulf mine.

"I'm free."

I'm free.

I'm free .

No matter how many times I say it, it doesn't seem real. I am free from the guillotine hanging over my head. Free from my mother's wrath. Free from feeling like I don't deserve happiness or love.

I stare down at my mother's lifeless body as a realization sets in. This manor, the orchard . . . is mine. I am the only descendant of my mother, and this home is my own again. I know as well as anyone that the staff never held any loyalty to my mother. She made their lives a living hell. They will support me in taking over the manor and the orchard and squash any question of what occurred here today.

I push off the ground to stand with the help of Coy and Huck and look around, taking in my home. This place where I grew up, where I shared memories of my father and Violetta, is mine.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could ever set foot back here without a death wish. But here I am, in the home of my only memories with my father and it is mine. Without a threat around every corner, I can live freely in my home once again. The thought stings behind my eyes and suddenly I feel quite small.

As if the world around me begins to materialize, my senses become aware of the others around me. Coy is once again in his human form. The others look to me warily. Bear, Coy, Whip, Aspen, Archer . . .

And then my eyes fall to the spot where Terran lay still, dark blood pooled around him. I hear Bear howl as he nears Terran's body, crashing to his knees beside him and then the sting behind my eyes pricks tears as I surrender completely. The others follow behind, letting their walls crumble as they grieve the loss of their friend, of their brother.

Despite my aching heart and body, I take Huck's hand and walk over to Terran, letting the tears fall freely in the aftermath of the fight. This sweet soul gave his life for me, for us. I don’t deserve it. He believed in me and became like a brother to me in the time I knew him. Now he's just . . . gone.

A part of my mind refuses to believe that he won't return to his body. Like some part of me won't accept what my eyes can see.

A tune fills the air as my heavy eyes rise to the source of the sound and I find Archer whistling a song I'm now familiar with. A tune that was whistled every day on the warrior’s way home to the cabin. A tune that unites the Arion Warriors with more than battle and blood. With a bond much deeper than a legion. One by one, the warriors join in, strengthening the melody as it fills the room and beyond. I join in after licking my salty lips, honoring our brother the best way we can; with music.

After we say our goodbyes to Terran, we venture down into the center of the manor, taking in the damage that has been done to my home. Coy and Archer gather the staff from the kitchen and bring them into the foyer. Dawn is approaching as the black sky begins to lighten to violet. When Chef sees me, he runs towards me with open arms.

"Oh, dear Snow. You're alive." I hug him in return, my arms barely reaching around his middle. "I was so worried about what we would discover upon leaving that room."

"So was I." My arms fall to my sides as I step back to look at the others. To look around at everyone who's had a hand in my survival. Who went out on a limb for me, who sacrificed for me. I almost feel guilty for it. Almost. But I know better than that now. I know I deserve this just as much as anybody.

"Thank you," I say to them all. "I am forever indebted to you."

An hour later, we are gathered around the back patio watching the sun rise, enjoying a hot cup of coffee with honeyed pastries discussing our futures and what comes next. I healed the warriors’ minor injuries when there was a moment to spare and I had enough energy to do so. With nothing but my hands and my magic I healed wounds that were sustained in my honor. No longer in need of anything to bind my magic to.

Huck's free hand hasn't left mine since we left the bloody chambers in the manor, the warm steady pulse in his palm a reminder that we are still here, that he's still by my side. The fear that I would lose him was crippling as we entered the manor. I wouldn't let myself feel it as we battled the manor, but now that the dust has settled, my feelings have come rushing to the forefront, reluctant to be ignored any longer.

Our group feels incomplete and I think it always will. The hole that Terran left within our hearts won’t be one that will heal. I know this from losing my father and Violetta. Over time, the pain will just settle as a dull ache in my chest and I’m sure the others know this all too well with warriors lost during battles. I can’t say that any of those losses will sting as much as this one though. Terran was the one you could count on to find joy on any given day. Just his bright smile was enough to soften even the rough edges of Huck. But if Terran has taught me anything, it is to look forward towards the bright horizon—towards a new day.

I steal a glance at Huck as the others speak in hushed tones, enchanted by every part of him. When he catches my eyes, his mouth tugs at the corner into a smirk as he gives me a quick wink. My stomach flips, and for once I'm not embarrassed at my reaction to him. For once, I am just grateful.

I know Huck worries for me, but I appreciate him giving me the time to think before asking if I'm alright because I want to say yes, but it wouldn't be the truth today.

The staff volunteered to begin repairing and cleaning the manor. The warriors volunteered to help too. It isn't the first time they've had to remove bodies from a battle scene.

My hands still shake in the aftermath of everything that happened, my muscles fatigued beyond anything I've ever experienced and I know I’m near burnout. But there is a part deep within me that feels lighter, like a piece of me that was withering away finally had enough room to bloom. I feel anew. Transcended.

Which reminds me.

"Coy, how did you do it? You had control over the beast. I saw it in your eyes the moment you entered the room." Heat pinks his cheeks in a blush as his eyes flutter closed.

"Oh come on, Coy. Spill," Bear says a bit too forcefully.

"I remembered your song, Snow. The one you sang that night I found you and Huck in the woods." He looks back at me now, gratitude in his eyes. "Ever since that night, your voice—it stuck with me and I used it to gain control over the beast and give it my mind." I hear the words but it still doesn't seem possible. How can that song have done so much for Coy? Just a song I learned as a child with no connection at all to his curse. I'm grateful it helped him. No one should have to live with the fear of losing control of your body. Giving him this bit of control over his life is the least I can do to repay him for risking his life for me on more than one occasion.

"That's wonderful, Coy."

"Yeah." He smiles to himself before looking out at the orchard. The dew on the grass glistens in the morning light, and I know the day ahead will be a hard one, maybe the hardest one yet. Staff will need to be notified. Families of the guards will need to be informed of their deaths. Authorities will have questions as to what occurred here last night. I know it won't be easy, but I also know that more people than not will be grateful Madam Evangeline is gone. They will be free once more, as I am. As for the authorities, I have six well-respected warriors and a manor full of staff who will back up my story of self-defense, of fighting for my life. I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't even bat an eye when hearing the accusation against my mother.

"So what's next, Snow?" Archer asks, elbows on the table as he sips his coffee, hovering over the steam. The question catches me off guard. If I'm being honest with myself, I don't think I thought further than ambushing the manor because I wasn't sure I would make it this far. I didn't dare to dream what it would mean if I were free from her snare. Do I have what it takes to take over the orchard business along with the Fuzion Shoppe? Do I even want to? And where does that leave Huck and I?

So I say the only thing I can that doesn't sound too daunting. That doesn't sound like it will cement my future in place.

"Smash that odious mirror." The others laugh and cheer at my declaration to destroy the thing that had my mother's hold on me, even from afar. That mirror gave her the upper hand when it came to almost everyone she sought. That evil piece of magic gave her the sense of being all-knowing and omnipresent. The thing that made her boundlessly terrifying.

"A fine way to commemorate your mother's demise." The thought of my mother’s death will always be bittersweet. No matter how much time passes, how old you become, or how hatefully murderous a mother is, all a child really wants is love. Something that was withheld from me too soon. Still, after everything, I will cherish the memories of my youth when my mother would braid my long hair into a crown, taking time with every piece. Her fingers were once as soft as blades of grass grazing my calves.

When I was a child, she would hum as she rocked me in her arms until I stopped crying. Even when she would encourage me to hone my magic during our lessons in the shop. Those memories, though laced with a pain I can't quite wrap my head around, are a part of me. They are a part of my childhood and make up who I am now. I think once upon a time, I had a mother, a real mother, one who loved me unconditionally and wanted nothing from me in return. But that person died many years ago. The woman who perished in the master bedroom of the manor was just a woman with darkness in her heart. A woman who, somewhere along the way, held a wrongness about her.

Somehow, despite the hatred I was raised with, I've still learned to love completely and unabashedly. I've learned to embrace who I am and what I want, to make space in the world for myself and what I desire. Somehow, despite the odds, I am still here, breathing in and out.

I've survived.

For so long I've just been surviving, experiencing the bare minimum of what life has to offer, and now it’s time to start living.