The Fallen Ones (Holloway University #1)

1. Lily

Chapter 1

Lily

“ C ome on, baby.” Jace’s heavy breath on my lips and his hands roughly on my waist let me know exactly what he had in mind for our date night.

“Jace, slow down,” I managed to rasp out as he continued to nip and bite at my bottom lip.

“We’ve been slow for months now,” he said, reaching out and reclining my seat in his car. “I’m tired of going slow.” His lips descended on mine again.

He wasn’t wrong. We’d been dating for over seven months now and I hadn’t let it progress past a few kisses and some heavy petting. When it was time for me to come, I’d wiggle away, scared.

I didn’t know why I was this way. Maybe it was because of the men I’d witnessed trodding in and out of my house growing up. A long line of disappointing men my mother would fall in love with then break when they left. She’d drink herself into a stupor while I watched, vowing I’d never be like her.

She killed herself when I was sixteen after she fell a little too hard for a man named Rick Fletcher and married him. His son had been Jace’s best friend until they stopped talking to one another. It all happened around the same time my mom killed herself. We’d lived with the Fletchers for less than a year before Rick cheated and mom found out. It broke her heart and sent her spiraling one final time.

Damien Fletcher. My stepbrother. My boyfriend’s now-enemy. I shoved him out of my head, hating he was there at all considering our past.

I’d found my mom dead in her bed, tissues strewn around her cold, limp body, a note beside her on the sheets, begging for forgiveness and citing how Rick had broken her heart. If her letter and death didn’t confirm her heartbreak, then it was the photo on her phone I’d found of Rick fucking another woman I didn’t want to recognize but did.

That was it. Her death changed everything for me. My vow grew harder. So hard that apparently I wasn’t even about getting off. Something that was supposed to be so pleasurable freaked me the hell out. I didn’t want to fall into a pit of pleasure without a foothold to use to claw my way out.

Seeing my mother always crash and burn must have left deeper psychological wounds than I originally thought.

Why I bothered to date was beyond me. Jace was the first guy I’d really fallen for though if I ignored the thoughts of Damien and the one night at a Halloween party we’d attended in our youth. Jace was funny. Handsome. Sweet. Well, when he wanted to be. Sometimes he was pushy, like tonight.

“Jace…”

His fingers teased the edge of my panties beneath my sundress.

Damn me to hell for wearing it.

“Lily…”

He sucked the delicate flesh along my collarbone, making me exhale a whimper, his fingers expertly delving beneath my panties and skimming along my slit. I cringed in embarrassment at how wet I was despite me telling myself to chill out.

“See? You want it. Spread your legs for me.”

I let my legs fall open the slightest amount, knowing I was making a mistake. He didn’t hesitate. He moved swiftly, his fingers finding exactly how to make me squirm and writhe beneath him.

The sound my pussy made as he fingered me turned me on even more, the war still alive and well inside my head.

“Fuck, baby, you’re so wet for me, Lily Pad,” he husked out, dipping a single digit deep into my heat. I rocked against his onslaught, screaming internally to stop. My body had a mind of its own though, and I continued to buck up to meet his touch.

Him using the nickname he’d given to me made me feel unhinged. The low timber of his gravelly voice in my ear. The way he knew how to touch me to send me threading my moans together for him.

“Relax,” he instructed against my lips. “Let me in.”

I was going to end up like my mother. I should have broken this relationship off after the first date. I’d wanted to try it and see what it was like. Mission accomplished. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t…

God, why did it have to feel so damn good though?

I liked Jace. More than I knew I should given my vow to myself. I was falling hard for him, and it was ruining everything.

Warmth began to spread through me as his finger continued to push in and out of my body. He stopped and rubbed my clit, his kisses deep and commanding. That was Jace though. He knew how to take over everything he did. Honestly, I had no place at his side. He was popular. Quarterback on the university team. Everyone knew his name. Everyone loved him. He had a bright future ahead of him in the NFL after we graduated. His family was wildly rich. He was an elite.

Girls often said snide shit to me just because I was on his arm and he seemed proud to have me there.

He was a heartbreaker, and I didn’t want to hurt.

Just before what I knew would be a blazing, intense sweep of pure bliss, I shoved him away.

He blinked at me through hazy green eyes, his blond hair a mess from our steamy session.

“What’s wrong?” His words came out in a breathless rush as he made to reach for me again.

“We can’t do this,” I said, my voice thick and low.

“I think we can.” He let out a soft laugh and came back for more, but I shoved him harder this time.

“We can’t. I-I can’t,” I stammered out. “I’m just…don’t want to.”

“What?” Darkness seeped into his handsome features as he stared back at me from the driver’s seat. “You don’t want to? Your pussy tells a whole different story.” He held up his fingers to show me the dampness still clinging to them from fingering me beneath the streetlights in the parking lot we were in.

“Jace, I’m not interested in having sex. You know about my mom?—”

He let out a scoff and moved back in his seat, his brilliant green eyes focused ahead of us and not at me.

“Lily, a relationship involves sex. So what? You want to be with me but not actually be with me? How is that supposed to work?”

“I don’t know,” I whispered. “Maybe it doesn’t.”

He snapped his attention back at me. “What aren’t you saying? You want to break up with me?”

I swallowed hard, knowing it was the best option and would set him free so he could have what he wanted. Clearly, I wasn’t able to give him what he needed and keeping him around was selfish.

“Yes,” I finally said, my voice so soft I wasn’t even sure he heard it.

“No,” he snapped back at me, making me jump in my seat. “I want you.”

I shook my head, taking in the wild look in his eyes. I always knew there was a little undercurrent of darkness in Jace, but I was really catching a glimpse of it now.

“I-I can’t. I’ve let this go on too long.” I fumbled with the handle on the door, hating myself more than I’d ever hated anything in my life because deep down, I did care deeply for Jace. Maybe even more, and I’d be doing us both a disservice by continuing on when I didn’t even know what I wanted.

“I can’t give you what you want.” I pushed the door open and tried to flee, but Jace was fast and was on me in a moment, shoving me roughly against his car, his hands cradling my face.

“You belong to me, Lily,” he whispered fiercely. “I want you. You can run from me all you want, but I will have you. You just need to fucking let go. If you do this and leave, one day you’ll let your guard down for a moment. Then… I’ll own every fucking part of you there is to own. I promise you that.” He released me and backed away, the darkness oozing from him now.

I stared back at him for a moment before getting my wits about me.

“We’re done, Jace.” My words came out in a cracked sob before I quickly pushed past him and went to my apartment. It wasn’t until I was in tears safely inside that I went to my window and peered down to see him still standing outside, staring up at me.

And the darkness I’d seen from him tonight?

It positively engulfed him.

Slowly, I backed away and let out a deep breath, more tears making their way down my cheeks.

I often made wishes.

Tonight I made another one.

That Jace would force me to break my vow and change me. Morph me into something really beautiful that could be free.

Until then, I’d just be me.

And this me was alone.