The Fallen Ones (Holloway University #1)

3. Caleb

Chapter 3

Caleb

A week after Lily and Jace’s breakup, and I was still beating myself up over the deal I’d made with Jace.

The fact was, I’d always been in love with Lily.

It wasn’t a realization, like I’d woken one day and BAM. Love. This was something longer. A small, smoldering fire which grew with each passing day until it engulfed every facet of my being. By the time I realized how far I’d fallen, it was too late. The damage was done. I couldn’t go back to that place I’d been when we were kids and everything was just so innocent. Now, it was simply…fire. A raging one at that.

But one-sided as far as I could tell. My side.

She never knew any of this. I’d never been brave enough to voice that part of my heart to her. Lily didn’t fuck around. If she wanted something, she went for it. Intimacy was something she vowed away after seeing her mom tumble and fall too many times. I told myself that part of her didn’t exist. Maybe it made it easier on me. I wasn’t quite sure how, but it’s what I told myself.

There were those moments though. The tiny ones I tried to ignore. The way she’d smile at me. Look at me. Touch me. She knew I’d give her the entire world if she asked. Those little things meant something to me. They brought me hope that maybe…

Fuck.

The deal I’d made with Jace flashed though my mind, dragging me away from my thoughts on Lily. I couldn’t shake the feeling the deal was a huge mistake. Even considering it could ruin my friendship with Lily. It was a fucked up idea. Share her? With fucking Jace? God, I’d lost my damn mind.

I’d seen the way Jace looked at her too. The way his possessiveness flared bright hot whenever he was around her. Jace was dangerous, volatile, and not just because of his reign on campus. It wasn’t only because of his status, his money, his talent on the football field. It was the look in his eyes. The wildness. The darkness. With Lily and him broken up, that darkness was growing as was evident by his proposal to me. Fuck me though, I’d agreed, so what did that say about me?

It bothered me that Lily saw him in a different light. He had her just like he had everyone else. But I knew what sort of guy he was. The fact I was good with sharing her with him made this even more fucked up.

Maybe my obsession had grown to a sickness. She was my cure though, that much I was certain.

I sighed and leaned against my kitchen counter in my tiny place off the Holloway campus. The university I attended wasn’t because it was my dream school. I went here because it was hers and leaving her wasn’t an option.

Images of Lily flooded my mind. Her laugh, the way her dark hair tumbled around her as she moved with such grace. Her pretty gray eyes and the way they sparked when she was happy. What I wouldn’t give to make them light up for the rest of our lives. She was my best friend and had been since we were just kids. The line had become blurred for me, but I’d never crossed it. Risking our friendship wasn’t what I wanted, yet here I was. Doing exactly that anyway.

My memory of the deal with Jace kept plaguing me. Him calling me out. Letting me know he knew and he was willing to fuck me over to make his dreams come true. If his dreams came through, so would mine, so why was I doubting any of it?

This was my chance. I had to take it.

I shoved off the counter and slammed my fist into a wall. The violence didn’t do shit for my mood. All it succeeded in doing was busting open my knuckles. Despite how much I wanted this war I was fighting in my head and heart to be over, it continued to march on, making me question my own motives right along with Jace’s.

Backing out wasn’t an option. It didn’t matter if it was morally wrong to pursue her this way. If I backed out, game over for me. Knowing what I knew of Jace, he’d probably hire on someone to just kill me for fucking everything up. Based on the look in his eyes, he may even do it himself.

I scrubbed my hands down my face, my warm breath on my palms as I groaned into them. Why did I let all this shit snowball into this? Why didn’t I just drag her against my body and kiss the sweetness from her lips the moment I saw her again after she told me her and Jace were over?

Now I had to convince her to go to Satan’s Hollow for this fucking themed masked party. I’d heard the rumors on this event. It was a purely hook-up thing. Drugs. Booze. Sex with someone you don’t get the name of or ever see their face. How the fuck was this going to work if we wanted to keep her? Jace definitely hadn’t worked out the details enough on it.

If we got to keep her though…she’d learn of what I’d done to get her. Would she hate me then even though I only wanted to love her? I could lose her regardless.

But I’d get to fuck her. Taste her. Kiss her. Bury myself deep inside her small body.

I paced between my kitchen and living, warring with myself. It was my chance. I had to take it and hope I came out on top.

Letting out a groan, I collapsed onto my old couch and stared up at the chipping white paint on the ceiling. This tiny house was falling apart and busted. It reminded me of my current situation. One strong wind could send it all tumbling over, and Jace’s plan was the wind to my old house that barely held on.

The buzzing of my phone had me reaching for it. Lily’s name brightened the screen, and I hesitated for a moment before answering. I shouldn’t be answering a phone call from her when my head was so fucked, but sue me. I needed to hear her voice.

“Lil bit,” I rumbled into the phone, using my nickname for her. I’d given it to her when we were kids because she’d always been so small compared to me. I was over a foot taller than her and twice her size.

“Caleb, hey. Do you have a minute?”

“I have all the time in the world for you,” I answered immediately, wincing at how fucking desperate I sounded. If she noticed, she didn’t act like it.

“Do you maybe want to hang out tonight? I-I just need to get away for awhile. I thought maybe you and some pizza would be a good distraction. Maybe even a movie?”

I pictured her twisting a length of her dark hair and biting that plump bottom lip of hers. She always did that when she was nervous or thinking. It drove me wild and made me want to make her scream just so I could see what other sexy little things she hid from prying eyes.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, I’m good for that. I’ll meet you over at your place, OK? Give me twenty?”

“OK.” Her breath of relief made my heart jump in my chest. I was always who she ran to when she needed someone. The thought both elated me and made me hate myself just a little bit more because of what I’d agreed to do.

“See you soon,” I said, getting to my feet.

“Soon,” she repeated before disconnecting the call.

We stood at Giano’s, waiting for our pie to come out of the oven. We’d gotten it to go so we could head back to her place and watch something from her streaming app.

“How are you, Lil bit?” I asked, taking in how sad she looked.

She shrugged her shoulders and offered me a quick smile that didn’t reach her intriguing gray eyes.

“Confused, I guess. Seeing Jace getting numbers and flirting wasn’t exactly the highlight of my week.”

I ground my teeth for a moment before speaking, having heard the rumors he was hanging out with Jessica Meyers. “It doesn’t matter, Lil. You ended it, right?”

She nodded, visibly swallowing. “You’re right. I did. I just…” She let out a sigh and shook her head. “It doesn’t matter.”

“I’m here if you want to talk.” I wrapped my hand over hers. “Breakups are hard. Believe me, I’ve been through enough of them.”

Another sad smile. “I’m sorry you have.”

“It’s fine. I don’t even care about that.” I brushed it all off, telling myself none of the women I’d been with could ever hold a candle to her. It wasn’t a lie either. Lily was something else entirely.

“Caleb Watts,” one of the guys behind the counter called out. I released Lily’s hand and went to the counter and grabbed our pizza and breadsticks before going back to her as she rose from the seat she’d been in.

We walked to the door through the crowded hangout and were nearly there when a guy came inside, covered in tats and dressed in black.

His dark eyes roved over me for a moment before he snapped them to Lily.

Damien Fletcher. Lily’s ex-stepbrother.

Needless to say, the pair didn’t get along well.

More people poured in so we were cornered with him.

Damien Fletcher was a madman. He had a reputation and none of it was good. In the years I’d known him, I’d never once had a good experience with him. Dark, brooding, and slightly unhinged perfectly described him.

To make matters worse than him just being Lily’s ex-stepbrother, he and Jace hated one another and were constantly exchanging blows at parties.

“Well, if it isn’t the little devil herself,” Damien said, smirking at Lily. “ Baby sister. ”

“My name is Lily,” she shot back, her eyebrows pinched in irritation. “You know that, Damien. Stop calling me your sister.”

“Potato, po-tah-to,” he said, that smirk still on his face.

“We were leaving.” I put my free hand on the small of Lily’s back and made to push her through the throng of people, but Damien stepped in front of us, halting our exit.

“Were you?” Damien raised a dark brow at us, a wicked glint in his eyes. “Maybe you were, but the devil was going to stay, right, Lily?”

“I’m leaving,” she said, her voice wobbling.

“I heard you and Jace split,” Damien continued, ignoring her statement. He reached out and twirled a lock of her dark hair around his finger. She shook against my hand. Rage rushed through me as he leaned in, his voice softer. “If you want to piss him off, stay with me. I’ll show you how to fuck, baby sister.”

I lost it.

I dropped the box of food onto the floor and let my fist fly. Damien was quick and dodged my swing, laughing as he did so.

“Easy there,” he said with a bark of laughter. “I was only offering to give her a hand. I’m sure she needs one. Rumor has it, she doesn’t fuck and Jace is balls deep in some co-ed right now. I was only offering to help.”

“Fuck you, Damien,” I snapped at him. “You don’t talk to her like that.”

“Whatever, Watts. She’s into it. Right, little devil?”

Lily glared at him, her hands still shaking. Instead of answering, she bent and picked up the box of pizza and breadsticks before pushing past him.

“Caleb, let’s go,” she said, her voice still holding that nervous wobble to it.

I shoved against Damien’s chest hard. The guy was tall like me and was a wall of muscle. He gave me a wink before I pushed past him, wanting nothing more than to plant my fist in his pretty face.

Once back to my old Buick, we got in and sat in silence for a moment.

“I’m sorry that happened,” I said.

“It’s OK,” she muttered, her bottom lip trembling. “He’s always been a jerk.”

I nodded. “That’s true, but it doesn’t make what he said right.”

She let out a sigh and looked out the window to the filled parking lot. “He’s not wrong though. I’m a prude. I don’t put out. I don’t even know why I thought trying a relationship was a good idea. I just…there was something about Jace that I-I loved.” Her voice grew softer until she went silent and wiped at her eyes.

I swallowed hard at her words. “Did you love Jace, Lil?”

She sniffled. “It doesn’t matter. There’s a lot of confusing shit going on in my head right now. It wouldn’t matter if I did since he’s screwing someone else right now.” Her words were bitter as she hugged herself.

“Fuck, Lil.” I sighed and reached for her. She let me awkwardly hug her for a moment before pulling away and wiping at her eyes.

“Let’s just go. I want to be distracted.”

“OK.” I started the engine, wanting the same damn thing because that battle inside my head started again, making me question everything once more.

Fucking hell.