The Geography of Happiness (Mackenzie Country)

Chapter 11

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Terry

Liam hadn’t been lying. In the hour we spent chatting about Hannah, I’d learned a great deal about the Mackenzie’s most eligible bachelor, and all of it good. Liam had waxed lyrical about Spencer’s skills as a vet, but only hinted at the trail of broken hearts he’d left upon the landscape. People might find Spencer socially amusing, but they had a deep respect for his skills as a vet and his kind heart. His clients counted themselves lucky to have him as a vet and a friend.

Still, regardless of what Spencer claimed, it was clear that he lived up to his playboy reputation and probably wasn’t looking to make serious changes anytime soon. It was another timely reminder. We might like each other, but our geographical distance meant I wasn’t any long-term threat to Spencer’s heart. He could afford to indulge himself a little and I had to decide if I was okay with that idea.

The jury was still out, but Spencer had definitely ignited new possibilities in my brain that I hadn’t allowed myself to consider before. Like the idea that maybe I could have something just for me in the future... someone just for me. It might not be Spencer Thompson. That was crazy thinking. But he wasn’t the only fish in the sea. Even if he was one of only two fishes that I’d ever considered even bothering with in my entire life.

But the less said about that, the better.

We made it back to Oakwood by three thirty, just as Spencer promised. When I checked in with Zach, he said that he and Hannah were still an hour or so from being finished and they’d meet us at the clinic after. I hoped they had some cover if they needed since the heavy grey sky hanging over the town promised the rain wasn’t done with the Mackenzie yet.

Spencer pulled in at the back of Oakwood Vets and together we unpacked the ute. It took several trips, dodging puddles while trying to maintain a footing in the muddy slip and slide that passed for the clinic parking lot.

“You really, really need to seal this,” I grumbled after skidding sideways on a patch of mud for the umpteenth time and needing Spencer to steady me before I hit the ground. “Or at least throw some gravel down, yeah?”

Spencer waited until I had my balance before letting go of my arm. “Believe me, it’s on the list. This is the last load, I promise. Then I’ll buy you a coffee.”

I squashed a surge of warmth at the idea. It was a coffee, nothing more. I wasn’t sure it was even a good idea. Every hour I spent with the man I fell further under his spell. I grabbed our coveralls from the back seat and slammed the door. “I can buy my own coffee, thank you.” I reacted childishly and immediately regretted it.

Spencer locked the ute and glanced my way over the roof, a smile playing on his lips. “Excellent.” He kept his tone light. “Then I’ll be able to seal this lot with all the money I save, right?”

I rolled my eyes. “Funny guy.”

He grinned. “Then don’t be an idiot and let me buy you a coffee. And can we please get out of this rain?” He jogged toward the back door of the clinic.

I glanced up where a sliver of blue was beginning to break through the grey sheet of cloud. “I think it’s easing. And we’ll see about that coffee.” I followed him inside. “I never said yes to it.”

“You didn’t say no either.” Spencer locked the door and led me into the clinic’s service room. “Here, get yourself dry.” He threw me a towel and shoved our filthy coveralls into the washing machine and set it going. We dried off in silence, and when I was done, I deposited my towel in the hamper and watched Spencer finish, his black singlet hiding nothing of his tanned muscular arms as they worked the towel over his wet hair.

“Thanks for today.” I tracked a rivulet of water running down his tanned neck to disappear under the neckline of his shirt. And then another. And another. “I haven’t had so much fun in a long time. I also didn’t realise how much I needed it.”

“You’re welcome,” he answered softly as I continued to stare at those biceps. “Everyone needs a bit of fun in their life, right?”

The towel disappeared and I looked up to find him watching me with a quirk to his lips. Busted.

I rolled my eyes and threw my damp jersey at him. “Yeah, I’m looking, okay? No law against it as far as I know.”

He grinned. “I never said a word, but you’re welcome for that as well.” We locked eyes for another of those long-heated moments that were happening far too regularly for my fragile heart to ignore.

It was Spencer’s turn to break the silence. “Just so you know, I also had fun today.” He threw his towel in the hamper to join mine, winked, and grabbed his medication bag. “A lot of fun.” He eyed me meaningfully. “And for that reason, I’m going to suggest that after I get this bag safely locked away, you and I throw caution to the wind and grab that coffee you seem so worried about, and we can discuss exactly how much fun we both had... and why .” He disappeared into the hallway without waiting for an answer and I followed like a lamb.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I insisted to his back as he took the first right into what I presumed was his office.

There was an answering chuckle followed by, “Now you’re just lying.”

“I am not?—”

“Hi, Terry.”

I spun toward the reception desk and found Sonja peering over her glasses. “I thought I heard voices.” She looked me up and down with a mischievous smile before commenting dryly. “I hope he’s paying you.”

I grinned. “What do you think? You can always take it off Miller’s bill.”

She laughed. “Not a chance, sunshine. Around this place, we suffer the consequences of our own foolishness.”

I chuckled. “Noted.”

Spencer poked his head out into the hall. “Don’t you have important office-manager stuff to get on with? You know, those things we pay you for.”

“Nope.” Sonja scraped her chair back and joined us in the hallway. “I’m officially on break.” Then she scowled and poked Spencer in the chest. “Besides, I have a bone to pick with you, dickhead.”

A notch formed between Spencer’s brows. “What have I done now?”

“What’s all this about you leaving us?” she demanded crossly, and Spencer’s eyes flew wide.

He flicked a nervous glance my way before zeroing his attention back on Sonja. “You’ve been talking to Matt.”

She huffed. “Of course I have. That’s what you get for giving the university your business email as well as your personal one. They sent you air tickets for next month. Colour me shocked. It’s something I should’ve heard about from you, don’t you think, arsehole?”

Spencer winced. “You’re right. And I’m sorry. In my defence, I was waiting until they confirmed. Anyway, I’m not leaving. I’m just looking at a secondment for a year... or two.”

“In freaking Adelaide.” She poked him again and he jumped.

“Ouch.” Spencer rubbed the spot on his chest, but I’d stopped paying attention.

Adelaide? My stomach lurched. Jesus, I’d been an idiot. Bad enough the man lived in the middle of nowhere in the South Island, but he was moving to Adelaide? Impossible just became never gonna happen.

“Promise me you’re coming back.” Sonja eyeballed Spencer and his hesitation lasted just long enough to have her throw up her hands. “I knew it,” she spat crossly, her eyes suspiciously shiny. “Damn you, Spencer Thompson. Does Matt know about that?”

More silence.

“Yeah, I thought not.” She pouted. “Well, you better warn him soon or I will.”

“Nothing’s set in stone.” Spencer shot me another pleading look. “I just... I don’t know what I want. But I’ll talk to Matt. I promise.”

Hurt stung in Sonya’s eyes and she spun on her heels and headed for her desk. Spencer trailed after, still trying to explain, but Sonja was having none of it.

I left them to it and took myself back to the kennel room where Miller greeted me like I hung the fucking moon. “Hello there, boy.” I squatted next to his cage and he wriggled close, his tail thumping excitedly. “You look all right, considering you lost your balls.”

He whined as if disagreeing with the sentiment, and then rolled to his back and presented his belly.

I chuckled and sat on the floor, putting my back against the cage next door. “You’re such a little hussy. Come on.” I pulled Miller from his cage and onto my lap where he immediately snuggled lengthways into the depression between my thighs and gave a big pup sigh.

I ran my hand in long strokes down his back and shook my head at what a fool I’d been.

Adelaide, for fuck’s sake. And in a month . That answered any lingering fantasies I had about keeping in contact. A part of me felt relieved, but the biggest part by far was simply... fucking disappointed. Not least the fact he’d never mentioned it even once as he was busy chatting me up and building my hopes.

The kennel room door opened and Spencer walked in. He took a seat on the floor beside me and began stroking Miller’s head. “The rain has finally stopped. It should be a good day tomorrow.”

I glanced sideways in disbelief. “We’re doing small talk now? After that bombshell?”

He gave a crooked grin that made me want to laugh. “Yeah, okay. I’m sorry I never mentioned it. As you can tell, I haven’t been exactly open with anyone. Sonja is right to be pissed. I knew she’d be upset, which is why I’ve been avoiding the subject. To be fair, I wasn’t even looking to move. But someone gave the university my name, and at the time I think I felt just a little... stuck. Like I needed a change.”

I held up my hand. “You don’t owe me an explanation, Spencer.” I wriggled my butt around to face him, only to find he was closer than I’d thought, the rough scruff on his jawline just a small lean away from my lips.

Nope.

“And yet for some reason, I want to give you one.” He turned as well, putting his lips right fucking there. “Why do you think that is?” His gaze remained steady on mine, because we both knew the answer to that one.

I huffed at the loaded question, my attention drawn to the slight flare of his nostrils and the bow of those plump lips beneath. Stop it . I dragged my eyes off those suckers and back down to Miller. “Maybe because this thing between us is starting to feel like it could be a good friendship,” I answered tamely, deftly sidestepping what we both knew he really meant.

Spencer gave a soft snort. “Right. A friendship .” He ran his hand down Miller’s back, the tips of his fingers catching my thigh, sending goosebumps rippling up my spine. “Yeah. That must be it.” The heat of his gaze travelled my face, and I wondered what he saw.

Time to be honest. I eyeballed Spencer. “Okay, well, maybe just answer me this. When you know you’re heading to Adelaide, why bother with...?” I waved a hand between us. “Why the whole let’s have a coffee and discuss why we had so much fun together today bullshit, when in the end it doesn’t matter because you’re leaving the country? I don’t get it. And to be honest, it kind of sucks. I feel like you’ve been playing with me.”

Spencer fell quiet, but his gaze remained steady on mine. Finally, he shook his head. “I... don’t know.”

I waited, but when he offered nothing more, I huffed, “Really? That’s all you’ve got?”

His hand slid over mine and I wanted to pull away, but I didn’t. “I’m sorry if you feel I’ve been playing with you,” he said so soft I almost had to lean in to catch the words. “Please believe that’s the last thing I wanted. I don’t know what to say. Yes, I’m planning to go to Adelaide but—” He sighed and brought my hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of my fingers. “— I wasn’t expecting you. Not now. Maybe not ever, if I’m honest. And I have no idea what to do about that. About you. Run seems like a really good idea.”

I snorted. “Yeah, join the club.”

He slid an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. “Other times I think maybe I shouldn’t be so hasty.”

I craned my neck to see his face and smiled. “Yeah? And exactly how does that work in your head?”

He shrugged. “You tell me. No one makes decisions after just a few days knowing another person, right?”

I nodded. “Right.”

“So, to answer your question—” He pressed his lips to my hair, making my heart race. “—I think I’ve just been enjoying getting to know you. Enjoying and wondering and imagining and trying to get my head around the puzzle of ‘why you?’.”

I chuckled. “Well, when you come up with an answer, maybe you can tell me and then we’ll both know, because I’m asking myself the same question. About why you as well.” I leaned against his side and slid my hand around his waist, his stomach tensing at my touch.

Then he relaxed and a soft grunt of contentment fell from his lips. “I don’t have any answers for you and even fewer promises. The timing sucks big time.”

I breathed out a long sigh. “It does. So maybe let’s not even ask the questions. Let’s just agree to be friends.”

“ Good friends?” His arm tightened around me.

I laughed. “Yeah, I can do good.”

“Good friends who keep in contact?” he pushed in a hopeful tone and I pulled away to stare up at him.

“Contact?” I narrowed my gaze. “Just so we’re clear, I won’t be doing booty calls or rendezvous in hotels or anything.”

He chuckled. “No, I meant emails, texts, phone calls maybe. I know—” His mouth turned up in a triumphant smile. “—we could be pen pals. The modern version, of course.”

I almost choked. “You don’t strike me as the pen-pal type.”

He eyed me coyly. “And exactly what type of man do I strike you as?”

“The dangerous-to-my-heart type,” I shot back. “Although not to me, of course. Not with us just being friends and such.”

“Of course.” He managed a straight face. “But I’ll have you know, I write a mean letter.”

I eyed him sceptically. “I think I’ll be the judge of that. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I took out the English prize in my last year in high school.”

“Oh, did you now?” He gave a sceptical look. “And that would be the Painted Bay High School, I presume? Student body of around fifty, I’m guessing. Fierce competition, no doubt.”

I glared and responded tartly, “There were three hundred students, as it happens. It was a regional school, and I don’t care for the implication.” I poked him in the belly and he jumped, as did Miller on my lap.

“All right. All right. You’re scaring the puppy.” Spencer’s grin was full of mischief, those laughing eyes reeling me in like we both hadn’t just promised to keep things quiet between us.

Miller glanced up and his brow furrowed as if to ask what the deal was. Then he circled my lap and settled back down. I groaned and wiped at the patch of drool on my jeans.

Spencer squeezed my arm. “So, Mister O’Connor of Painted Bay Regional High School, what do you think? Are we doing the pen-pal thing?”

I turned to study his face, looking for any indication he was joking, but those dark brown eyes were deadly serious. “Won’t you be too busy with the whole moving-countries thing?”

“Nope. Not for you.” Spencer said, a challenge in his eyes. “And you do realise that nothing is decided yet.”

I shot him a look. “You’re starting to sound like me.”

He huffed at my arched brow and said, “Okay, so it’s mostly decided in my head, but I need to actually see the place first. There’s a lot to consider. And you haven’t answered my question yet, which applies with or without the Adelaide option. Pen pals?”

I groaned, having hoped he’d forgotten.

“Well?” He waited.

Shit. Shit. Shit. It was a bad idea. I knew it was a bad idea. I could feel the glimmer of hope already kindling in my heart. Don’t do it, you idiot. Just go home and let Spencer Thompson drift quietly into a nice memory. A safe memory.

Or not .

“Okay,” I said way too brightly. “Pen pals it is.”

Spencer beamed. “Excellent.”

And then we both fell quiet, like we were trying to convince ourselves we hadn’t just made a huge mistake.

“So, Adelaide, huh?” I commented lamely when the silence became awkward. “Sounds... interesting.” My tone suggested I considered it anything but, and that earned me a raised eyebrow and an amused smirk.

I was sulking. I knew it and Spencer knew it. And I had zero fucking right to be. This was a big opportunity for him, and what I needed was to be excited for his sake, not pouting over the bubble being popped on some impossible fantasy for which he couldn’t be held accountable.

I took a breath, pulled up my big-boy pants, and summoned as much enthusiasm as I could while still avoiding his gaze and watching Miller instead. “How about you fill me in on this job that has you interested enough to leave the Mackenzie? I’m serious. I want to know everything.”

I felt his gaze on me, like he was trying to decide just how genuine I was. Finally then, he settled back against the cage, and while I stroked a sleeping Miller, Spencer talked. He told me about the position, the university, the contract, his experience with students placed in the clinic for their practicums, what his new responsibilities would be, and some of the ground-breaking research he would have the opportunity to be a part of.

By the end, even I had to admit it would be damned hard to walk away from an offer like that. I might not know Spencer that well, but I sure as hell saw the teacher in him, and I imagined students would enjoy working under his guidance. He was skilled at his job, took no shit, but was also friendly and easy-going—a dynamite combination for a teacher.

“When I first talked to Matt, he wasn’t exactly thrilled about the idea, but he understood my interest.” Spencer ran a hand over his face and winced. “He doesn’t know that I’m undecided about returning, of course. That little gem might not go down so well. And my indecision means he has to work with a locum for an extended period until I make up my mind. Not the cleanest solution for planning, but I can’t help that. I honestly don’t know what I want.” He glanced my way. “Now maybe more than ever.”

I swallowed hard and ignored the allusion to... whatever the hell he and I had going, which to be fair was a smidge above fuck all at this point.

“Well, it certainly sounds an amazing opportunity,” I admitted, watching Miller twitch in the midst of some exciting doggy dream. I meant what I’d said, but that didn’t stop me feeling flat in a way that made no sense. Still, I plastered on a smile and caught his eye. “You must be excited.”

Spencer’s only response was the appearance of that little notch of concentration between his brows. Finally he said, “Exciting? You know, I’m not sure that’s the right word. It feels more like an opportunity I shouldn’t pass up. Most veterinarians don’t move around a lot. By the time we finish our training and get a practice established, the idea of starting all over again is pretty daunting, not to mention financially risky. Being offered a chance to step back from the humdrum of daily life and running a business is rare.”

“Humdrum?” I chuckled. “Would that I had the spare time to feel jaded with my life. Parents rarely get that privilege.”

He considered my words. “You’re right. It is a privilege. Maybe that’s part of the reason I feel like I shouldn’t waste the opportunity.”

“Hey.” I pinched him lightly on the waist. “Don’t go feeling sorry for us parents. I don’t feel sorry for you. Everyone has choices regardless of where they find themselves. I wouldn’t change a thing about my journey so far. You can have a full life with or without kids. Just because I don’t choose to pursue a career right now doesn’t mean I’m stifled as a person or resentful or undeveloped. Hannah has taught me more about myself, my limits and capabilities and what’s important in life, than any job I might’ve done. Plenty of people find reward in their careers but never learn the things parenting teaches you. Others do. There’s no one right way. You can’t tell me you didn’t learn a heap about yourself when you were looking after your brothers?”

He blinked. “I... guess.” Confusion clouded his eyes. “At the time, I was mostly just angry, but looking back? Yeah, I can see how it changed me. Grew me up quick for sure. And you’re right. I did learn I was capable of a lot more than I thought. If there was a problem, I had to solve it. And it changed how I felt about my brothers. They were my... responsibility and I loved them differently because of that, I guess.” He choked on the last bit and my heart went out to him.

It was my turn to reach for him. “Judah once told me that there’s no one right way you’re destined to live your life,” I recounted. “No single purpose or preordained path that if you miss it means you fail. And I figure with all he’s been through, he should know, a little like your Gil. Everyone gets more than one chance, right?”

Spencer’s frown disappeared, replaced by a warm smile that settled somewhere in my belly. “I agree. I think I might like this Judah, once I get over the fact you crushed on him.”

I ignored the latter part of his comment but that didn’t stop a wee smile breaking over my lips. “Yeah, well, don’t go getting ahead of yourself. Believe me when I say the man can be an acquired taste and a total arsehole at times.”

Spencer laughed. “But Hannah loves him, right?”

I grinned. “She does. Every year Judah starts his dance classes with the same speech, and I’m paraphrasing here: Every experience can grow us positively if we let it. There are multiple ways to use your gifts, to experience joy, to be challenged, to love. The trick is in recognising the opportunities when they’re right in front of you, grabbing them and holding on for the ride while at the same time having faith that if you fuck up, or the universe shits on you, all is not lost. Those same opportunities might come around again in a different form, but if you’re too caught up on what you think they should look like, you could miss them.”

Spencer nodded. “It’s stellar advice, but if you extend it to your dilemma with Hannah, then it means there could be numerous possibilities for how her future might look, with or without Nolan. And by the same token, your future too.”

Well, damn. Spencer’s insight gave me pause. I hadn’t actually thought about Hannah’s future in that way, which only begged the question of why I hadn’t. Probably because I was too terrified of doing the wrong thing. But Spencer was right, of course. Whether Hannah attended Nolan or not, it wouldn’t be the last opportunity she’d have. I had to believe there’d be others down the track. It wasn’t all or nothing, either/or. And with that understanding, a weight lifted off my shoulders and the door opened to other possibilities I might not have considered.

I wriggled free of Spencer’s arm and bundled Miller back into his cage. “I never thought of it that way, but you’re right. And if that’s true, then—” I stopped to answer my phone that was ringing in my jacket pocket.

Zach’s name flashed on the screen and I put it to my ear. “Hey, Zach.”

“Terry, thank God.” The urgency in Zach’s tone put me instantly on alert. “Is Spencer with you?”

“Yes, why?”

“Put me on speaker.”

I did. “Zach, please, what’s happened?” I shot to my feet and Spencer followed.

“First of all, Hannah’s okay”—

Then why are you calling? Panic ripped through my chest and Spencer’s arm slid around my waist as Zach continued.

—“but she’s had a fall. We were at the cemetery when a dog came out of nowhere. He wasn’t interested in Hannah, but he took her elbow crutch right out from under her when he rushed Gabby.”

“A dog?” Oh god. I froze, my heart pounding against my ribs. Which joints? How much damage? What about Gabby? “Where are you?”

“We’re at Oakwood Medical Centre. Gabby got between Hannah and the dog to protect her and took a nasty bite to her flank, Spencer. She’s missing a bit of skin and might need a few stitches.”

“What about Hannah?” I pushed. “Zach, please.”

“She’s okay, Terry, I promise you. They’ve taken her to X-ray to check her out. She banged her head on a gravestone and landed awkwardly on her knee when she went down. She was a bit groggy when she came to.”

“Jesus Christ.” I white-knuckled the phone and Spencer’s arm tightened around my waist. “How the hell did this happen, Zach? She was supposed to be safe,” I snapped. “No, don’t answer that. You can tell me when I get there.”

“We’ll be there in ten,” Spencer said loud enough for Zach to hear. “Is Gabby in the truck?”

“No, she’s in here with us.”

“Good, I’ll take her from there. See you soon.” Spencer took the phone from my shaking hands and hung up. Then he pulled me into his arms and kissed my hair. “She’s okay, you heard him. Now grab your jacket and let’s go. I’ll tell Sonja to meet us there in case we need another vehicle to bring Gabby back.” I was about to do as he said when he grabbed me by the shoulders and stared deep into my eyes. “We’ve got this, okay? Hannah’s in good hands, and you can leave Gabby to me. It’s gonna be all right. Take a breath, sweetheart.”

I did as he said and tried not to lose my mind.

Only later did I remember him calling me sweetheart.