The Goy Next Door (Girl Meets Goy #2)

Chapter 22 A Jew’s confession

As the weather warmed, so did Leah to the thought of marrying Asher. Sometimes while walking around Manhattan she would spot a bride taking pictures somewhere. At first when the late spring brides came out, Leah would smile and awe at their beauty. And then as spring started to transition into summer, Leah could even start imagining herself in their shoes. Literally.

There was a bride she saw on the steps of the midtown library and Leah found herself thinking that she really liked the strappy low heels she wore and the bodice of her dress. That might be a style that Leah would be interested in. Another time she saw a bride in Grand Central Station and Leah thought the pastel colors of her bouquet were quite enticing.

On that warm almost summer Saturday morning Leah’s mom was coming into the city. She wanted to take Leah dress shopping so she could start getting an idea of what she liked. “It could take a long time to find the right dress!” Savannah insisted. “We should get started soon!”

Not that there was a date or a venue on the books yet. Leah and Asher had agreed that there really was no rush, they were young, Leah wouldn’t even be 23 for a few more weeks. Asher was already 24, but that too was still young, young enough that they could take their time planning.

“Next spring,” was what everyone said when they talked about wedding stuff. A year away, plenty of time and Leah would be almost 24 by then.

Leah met her mom by Penn Station and hugged her after she exited the train station. They had several appointments that day at dress designers that Leah assumed were probably out of their budget, but Savannah had insisted.

“It’ll be fun! And if you find a style you like, we can find it somewhere else surely. You deserve to feel pampered!”

This insistence was a little much, even for Savannah who always liked to go over the top. But Leah assumed her mom was just excited. Very excited. Extremely excited. As excited as if she herself were the one getting married.

Their first stop was a designer shop on Fifth Avenue with a French name that Leah couldn’t quite pronounce. When they entered the boutique, Leah felt overwhelmed. Everything was so…white.

“This must be your first bridal shop,” the saleswoman said when she smiled at Leah. “Congratulations. Let me see the ring!” She ogled at the dainty ring on Leah’s finger. The saleswoman’s expression was so genuine that it made Leah feel good about herself, her ring, and her upcoming marriage, which was perfect and meant to be.

“Do you have any thoughts about what you’re looking for?” the saleswoman asked. Leah thought about the bodice of the library bride she saw and wanted to describe it. It was sort of tight, made of lace, and it sparkled, but looking around, that could have described almost anything in the shop.

“I think we need to try on one of every style so we can get a better idea of what Leah is looking for,” Savannah offered and Leah nodded. It was a good idea and she felt giddy as the saleswoman thoughtfully walked around the small shop and pulled dresses from racks. She brought several to a fitting room and offered to help Leah try them on.

The first dress they tried was sleeveless with a tight bodice and a big flowing skirt. The saleswoman helped fit it over Leah’s head and pulled down the layers of fabric around her. She clasped the dress closed and motioned for Leah to step out of the dressing room. Outside where Savannah was sitting there was a small wooden podium in front of a three-tiered mirror.

Savannah gasped when Leah stepped up on the podium and the saleswoman bent down to fluff the skirt.

“Leah! You’re so…” Leah was ready to hear her mother say she was beautiful and stunning and all the other words that describe brides. That’s how Leah felt when she looked at herself in the mirror. “Skinny.”

“Am I?” she responded with confusion. She looked at herself in the mirror and saw the lines of her collarbone above the sleeveless dress.

“It’s a little early for you to start a wedding diet!” Savannah said with an uncomfortable laugh.

Leah mirrored her laughter. She hadn’t noticed that she had lost weight. Her clothes all seemed to fit perfectly baggy as was the style that many at Teen Club were wearing lately. It was true that five days a week she wasn’t eating lunch, not even an energy bar like some of her colleagues. She was proving to Marnie that she was dedicated and besides she didn’t have anyone to have lunch with.

Even though Alex had asked her a few times if she wanted to meet for lunch (with him and Mark) she had declined every time because she “had so much work to do.” She also felt guilty that Asher didn’t quite approve of her having lunch with Alex even though it was totally platonic. She did however make it a point to prolong all texting conversations with Alex. She’d ask about Tony, Mark, and Malcolm and sometimes share things about Teen Club. They were friends and there was nothing wrong with friends texting. Just as there was nothing wrong with friends having lunch, even if Asher didn’t agree.

“What do you think of the dress?” the saleswoman asked, breaking through any uncomfortableness that came with Savannah’s comment.

“It’s…” Leah wasn’t sure what she thought. It was gorgeous, but she felt strange in it. It didn’t feel right.

“I think we need something that covers her shoulders,” Savannah suggested. “There will be some religious people at the wedding. Did I tell you that I think your cousin Rebecca who got married on New Year’s is already pregnant? Can you believe it?”

The saleswoman nodded and followed Leah back into the dressing room. “A lot of women feel really uncomfortable trying on dresses,” she said. “It’s totally normal and it doesn’t say anything about whether or not you’re marrying the right guy. It’s just a new experience to wear something so fancy and so white.”

Leah nodded as the woman unclasped the dress and helped her lift it above her head. The woman then slipped another dress over her. This one had a lace neck and thin sleeves and hung tight to her body down to her knees where it then flared out just slightly.

“This one might be perfect for your body type,” the woman said. “Tell me about your fiancé! How did you meet?”

“When I was in eighth grade,” Leah said, feeling the woman button her up one button at a time from behind.

“Oh, high school sweethearts! I love that,” the woman said. “That’s so special.”

Leah smiled and thought about her love story. It was special from the moment they met during that BBYO dance all those years ago. When the woman finished buttoning, she led Leah back to the platform.

“What do you think, mother-of-the-bride?”

“Oh, that is just darling!” Savannah said. “Leah, what do you think?”

Leah looked at herself in the mirror. She didn’t feel comfortable in the dress, but maybe she wasn’t supposed to. She felt like she was looking at the reflection of someone else, someone living a completely different life.

“It’s nice,” Leah said turning her body slightly from side to side.

Leah tried on at least ten different dresses in that store and none felt like they belonged on her body. But that was all part of getting used to being a bride, said the saleswoman. They marked their favorites and promised they would come back to the store.

“Mom, those dresses cost as much as five months’ rent!” Leah exclaimed when they were back out walking on Fifth Avenue.

“Well, you only get married once!” Savannah stated. “And don’t you worry about price! Whatever you want, you will get!” Leah noticed a tear falling from Savannah’s eyes.

“Mom, are you crying?”

“So what if I am crying! Can’t a mother be happy for her daughter getting married! You know I never had this with my mother!” Leah noticed the same defensiveness that came out of her mom at every holiday.

“Why don’t we get brunch? I could use a bloody mary! They still serve those in this city, don’t they?” Savannahs said, wiping away a few more tears that escaped.

Leah nodded and led her mom to a café where they sat down and were offered menus.

“You didn’t go dress shopping with Bubbe when you and Dad got married?” Leah asked while Savannah read through the menu.

Savannah scoffed. “No, your Bubbe did not take me wedding dress shopping. It was a miracle she even came to our wedding! Can I have a bloody mary please?” Savannah smiled politely at the waiter who came by. Leah held up two fingers to signal she’d have one too.

“Why not?” Leah asked once the waiter stepped away. Even though Leah had known Savannah for her entire life—for even the nine months before her entire life and an eternity before then as an egg in her ovary, Leah did not really know her mother. Leah knew her mother loved her and wanted what was best for her. And she knew her mother loved Judaism and their synagogue. She knew her mother had studied at Syracuse University and had lived in Manhattan briefly before moving upstate with her new husband and that Savannah had worked in something relating to accounting before becoming a full-time mom. But did knowing those facts mean Leah knew her mother?

She thought back to all the time she’d spent with her mother. For the most part it was Savannah asking Leah questions about her life. How often had Leah asked questions about Savannah’s life? Especially her life before Leah?

“Oh, we don’t need to talk about it,” Savannah said just as the bloody marys came. “It’s not important. Let’s talk about what you thought about those dresses.” Savannah was still wiping tears from her eyes while she sipped the drink through a straw.

“Mom, stop,” Leah insisted. “What happened?”

“I didn’t speak with your Bubbe for a few years before your father and I got married. I’d only seen her once since I had graduated and that was at my father’s funeral. We didn’t have any contact again until I sent her our wedding invitation.”

“Is this about the fight you had after college? The reason you didn’t go home for the holidays that year?” Leah asked, sipping her own drink.

Savannah nodded and the waiter came back to take their orders. Savannah ordered a salad while Leah got the eggs benedict.

“Mom, what happened?” Leah pried.

“I made a mistake! OK?” Savannah exclaimed and more tears fell. “I got married right after graduation and it was a huge mistake! Your Bubbe said it was and I should have listened! And I am just so happy that you aren’t making the same mistake I did when I was your age!”

“I thought you and Dad got married when you were 29?” Leah was trying to think about everything she had known about her parents. It had been a set-up from someone at the local synagogue. Her mother was 28 and her father a few years older. They had only been dating for a short time before they decided to get married because they both knew they were right for each other. When you’re older, you don’t need long engagements, Savannah had once said.

“I was married once before,” Savannah admitted with red eyes. “It was a mistake and we got it annulled in a year. He wasn’t Jewish.”

The confession floored Leah. Her mother must have been talking about somebody else! Her mother was a crusader for marrying Jewish! You only marry once! You must marry a Jew! These were some of the values that her mother had instilled in her since she was able to listen.

“It was a mistake,” Savannah repeated. “And I was so afraid you’d make the same mistake. When you started seeing that goy back in the fall, I was just so afraid! And it was such a relief to see you and Asher together. I just want you to be happy.”

Leah quietly sipped her bloody mary. She wasn’t sure what to make of it all. How to wrap her head about what she had just learned about her mother.

“You got divorced because he wasn’t Jewish?”

“Annulled,” Savannah corrected. “We didn’t get divorced, our marriage was annulled. We were young and it was a mistake. I didn’t think it was a big deal that he wasn’t Jewish. But the first time I heard him use the word ‘kike’ I realized what a mistake I had made. He didn’t even know what the word meant!”

Leah knew what the word meant. It was an insult to Jews, just like the N-word was for African Americans.

“That’s why you got it annulled?” Leah asked. She didn’t feel like she was asking the right questions, but she wasn’t processing this information fast enough to respond how she’d have liked to.

“That and other reasons,” Savannah responded. “We were young. We both knew it was a mistake. And after a year, we agreed it wasn’t right and so we moved on. And then my father died. I went to the funeral alone and I tried to talk to your Bubbe, my mother, but she was still angry with me. Maybe even more angry because of her husband’s death. And so after the Shiva, I didn’t try to speak with her and she never tried to reach out. But after I met your father, and I knew I was marrying the right person this time, I wanted her back in my life. I wanted her to be in your life.”

The waiter brought their food and Leah stared at her plate. There was so much she wanted to know, but she didn’t even know where to start.