The Gratitude Guarantee (Boyfriend in the Bargain #4)

34. Zach

34

ZACH

I t feels like I can’t draw a full breath as I walk out of the living room to find a bathroom. Spending the last four hours with Brenna curled into my side was the most exquisitely wonderful kind of torture. It wasn’t at all like watching that movie in her apartment, a carefully observed margin between us at all times. But after feeling her snuggled up against me today, I knew for certain that this is what I want. That she is who I want.

I splash water on my face and look myself in the eye. As much as I might want to, now is not the time to tell her how I feel. My best bet is probably still to wait until after the end of the year, or at least until we get back to Nashville. I don’t want to take her attention away from her family for the few days that they get to be together.

By the time I return to the living room, everyone has changed positions, now circled around the Christmas tree. Brenna waves me over to sit on the floor beside her.

“What are we doing?” I murmur as I lower myself to the rug.

“On Christmas Eve, Mom and Dad pass out a few specific presents.” She leans close as she explains, her hair tickling my arm where the sleeve of my T-shirt ends. I made sure to buy a few festive shirts since Brenna warned me that the holiday is a big deal, and I can see it was the right move. My red shirt with the vintage Santa face on the front fits right in. “First, they give each of the grandkids new pajamas to wear to bed tonight. Then, they pass out books that they’ve chosen for all of us. Usually, we spend the rest of this evening and tomorrow afternoon reading our new books.”

“That’s a cool tradition.”

“Isn’t it? It’s one of my favorite things we do. I can’t wait to do it for my own kids and grandkids one day.” The soft smile on her face as she contemplates future memories warms my heart. I’m glad I get to share this with her.

I watch as the pjs are opened and exclaimed over. One of the twins—I can’t tell them apart—strips off his clothes to put the new pajamas on before anyone can stop him, much to everyone’s amusement.

Then come the books, distributed from youngest to oldest. Brenna receives a fantasy novel with elf-like people on the cover, and I’m watching her read the description with delight lighting her face when I hear my name.

Elaine holds out an extra thick package with my name on it, which I stand to accept. “Wow, thanks.”

Everyone seems to be watching with bated breath as I tear off the wrapping to reveal two books. I read the titles out loud. “ The Lawn Bible: How to Keep it Green, Groomed, and Growing Every Season of the Year and Project Hail Mary .”

“We got you two books because we felt we didn’t know you well enough just yet to choose one we knew you’d love,” Elaine explains. “So we doubled our odds.”

“Well, I don’t have either of these. Thank you so much.” I’m oddly touched by their sincere desire to include me and make me feel welcome.

Heather leans toward me. “You’re going to love Project Hail Mary . It’s unlike any book I’ve ever read. So good!”

Brenna takes the book from me and flips it open to read the jacket. “I’ve heard of this book. Can I borrow it when you’re done?” She looks up at me with a mischievous grin and holds up her book. “You can borrow my fae romantasy.”

I eye her skeptically. “I’m not sure that looks like my kind of book.”

“Oh, come on. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.”

“Heather used a similar argument on me a few years ago,” Ben chimes in with a grimace. “Tried it, didn’t like it, just FYI.”

I point at him. “Thank you. I’ll learn from your experience.”

Heather smacks his shoulder. “You told me you liked it.”

“I said I didn’t hate it,” Ben corrects. Heather pouts in mock outrage.

“Here, Heather, you’re next,” Elaine cuts in with another book gift. “And here’s yours, Ben.”

While they unwrap theirs, I flip through my two new books. I’m actually really excited about both of them. I hold the fiction title out to Brenna. “You can read it first if you want. Just don’t spoil anything before I read it.”

Her eyes widen and a grin curves her lips. “Really? I promise I’ll read it fast and give it right back to you.”

“Take your time,” I say with a wave of my hand. I’m starting to realize that I would do almost anything to see her smile like that.

“Well, how about some hot cocoa to sip while we read?” Elaine asks, and agreement is unanimous. “Brenna, would you and Zach care to make it for us?”

“Sure.” Brenna stacks her book on top of mine and stands. I’m right behind her. We’re halfway out the door when Heather calls out, “Oh Brenna” in a sing-song voice. We pause and Brenna turns back expectantly. “Look up,” Heather says with a Cheshire cat grin.

We both glance up, and my heart skips a beat. Or three. I’m certain I have some kind of arrhythmia. Someone has tacked up a sprig of mistletoe in the tall doorway. I don’t look at Brenna, scared of what I might see on her face, as I take a breath to calm my racing pulse.

“Heather, stop it,” Brenna says, her voice a little breathless like she’s flustered. I hazard a glance at her and see her eyes on me. Suddenly, I understand what people mean when they say they’ve had an epiphany. In that moment, I’m forced to admit to myself that my hesitations and doubts have all been rooted in one thing: fear. I’ve been the worst kind of coward, afraid to make a mistake, afraid to acknowledge how deep my feelings for Brenna have grown.

On instinct I rest a hand on Brenna’s waist, drawing her gently toward me until our bodies touch. She gasps softly with wide eyes but comes willingly. “I know this is a big deal for you, so don’t listen to them,” she whispers, her eyes never leaving mine. “You don’t have to do this.”

“What if I want to?”

Grant’s advice that I should go for it, that the only way to know if she’s the right person for me is to get to know her and give her a chance flashes through my mind, and I know in my heart that this is right. This is our moment, even if it’s not the setting I might have imagined for my first kiss. Throwing caution to the wind, I dip down and capture her mouth with mine.

Her lips are impossibly soft and warm. I feel her hands slide up my arms and rest on my chest as her lips part and we move together, exploring for one second, then two. The sparks I’ve been feeling turn to fireworks bursting in bright explosions behind my closed eyes.

Then, as quickly as it started, it’s over. Brenna pulls back when a chorus of protests and wolf whistles sounds from her family, her cheeks ruddy.

“Wow,” Heather says. “That was more intense than I was expecting.”

I clear my throat and study the floor with fascination as I try to get ahold of myself. I’m sure the color in my own cheeks is nothing short of deep crimson right now.

“Well, you got what you asked for,” Brenna shoots back. “Now, do y’all want hot chocolate or not?” Without waiting for a response, she takes my hand and tows me across the foyer. As soon as we make it to the kitchen, she looks over my shoulder to make sure no one is behind us and stops in front of me.

“So, that was…” She drifts off, as if unsure of how to describe what just happened. I could fill that space with a few good options like “incredible” or “amazing”, but I search her face and wait to let her finish her thought. “Wow,” she says with a chuckle, her eyes crinkling at the corners. “I just…wow.”

I can’t contain the grin that overtakes my face at her reaction. “I know, me too.”

“I wasn’t expecting that, you know? I thought you might kiss me on the cheek or forehead or something since you’ve never, you know…but then, wow.” She touches her lips like she’s reliving the moment.

“Did you…did you not want me to?” I ask, my hesitation returning in full force now that the moment has passed. I mean, neither of us has expressed feelings for each other even though I’ve been battling mine for a while, so for me to just kiss her out of the blue… “I hope I didn’t cross a line or make you uncomfortable.”

Her eyes snap up to meet mine, and she shakes her head vigorously. “No, you didn’t at all. I…I’ve actually been wanting to tell you something for a while now.” She takes a deep breath. “I really like you, Zach. More than just as a friend.”

My heart is trying so hard to leap from my body that it wouldn’t surprise me to see it bounce away across the floor right now. I can barely believe what I’m hearing. I reach out and take her other hand in mine, linking our fingers together and stepping closer to look down at her. She tilts her head back to hold my gaze, her expression expectant.

“Since we’re confessing things, I feel the same way.” My throat tightens up on the words as an unexpected wave of emotion floods me. “I’ve been thinking about you constantly and trying to work up the nerve to tell you how I feel, but honestly, I was scared. I was afraid to risk our friendship if you didn’t feel the same way. But I’m tired of holding back. I’ve never felt about anyone else the way I feel about you.” My smile matches hers, and I notice her eyes glistening as I cup her jaw in my hands, her hands moving to cover mine. “That’s why I kissed you. I don’t want to be your fake boyfriend anymore. Let’s make this real.”

“Fake?” The word is accompanied by a shocked gasp. Brenna and I whirl to face the newcomer. Heather scowls, her hands on her hips. “Zach is your fake boyfriend?”

“Keep it down,” Brenna hisses. “What’s wrong with you sneaking around and listening to private conversations?”

“I came in here to help with the cocoa. I didn’t mean to overhear. But seriously, Brenna? Is that true?”

Brenna’s shoulders sag, and I move to put an arm around her in support. “It’s true. I was going to tell you all after Christmas.”

Heather crosses her arms. “Why? Why would you do this? And who are you really?” She directs that last scathing question at me.

Brenna straightens at this, her expression fierce. She places a possessive hand on my chest, and I can’t resist the instinct to flex under her touch. “He’s my boyfriend. If you didn’t hear that last part, it’s not fake anymore.”

“What’s not fake?” Elaine asks as she steps into the kitchen behind Heather. “I thought I heard raised voices. Is everything okay?”

Heather turns to face her. “Apparently, Brenna has been lying to us since Thanksgiving. She and Zach have been faking their relationship for heaven only knows what reason.”

Now another set of shocked eyes is fixed on us. Elaine’s voice is soft. “Brenna, is this true?”

“Yes.” I feel her trembling beside me, but I don’t know what to do to help her. I don’t want to get in the middle of a family issue, although I guess I am by default given the nature of the situation.

“But why?” Elaine doesn’t seem angry, just confused and hurt.

“Because you were going to set me up with Vincent,” Brenna says, throwing her hands in the air. “I wasn’t good enough for you by myself, so you were determined to pair me off with him even though I can’t stand to be around him for more than five minutes. When I vented about it to Zach and joked that I needed to find a boyfriend in less than a week, he stepped up.” She looks at me with shining eyes, like I truly rescued her from a terrible fate. My chest puffs out a smidge further. “And yeah, it started out fake. But we’ve been spending a lot of time together and…” She shrugs one shoulder. “I guess sometimes friends to lovers doesn’t just happen in romance books.”

My whole body flushes with heat at the word “lovers”. Is that what we are? I like the sound of that.

“So, now you know. We weren’t truthful before, but we’re really together now.”

Everyone is deathly quiet for a long moment, the sounds of the kids giggling filtering in from the living room. Finally, Elaine speaks.

“It seems I’m partly to blame for this situation.” She gives Brenna a look. “Though you still had the choice to be truthful or not.” She hesitates, and I can tell she’s choosing her words carefully. “But I can see how my setting you up with Vincent might have made you feel pressured. And I’m truly sorry that you thought you weren’t enough by yourself. I only wanted to make sure you had someone to compete in the competition with. I know how much you like games, especially when you win.” A ghost of a smile tips up her lips.

I didn’t realize Brenna was crying until she sucks in a sniffly breath with a weak chuckle. “I do like to win. And I forgive you, Mom. I’m the only one responsible for this. I was feeling a lot of stress from work then, and I felt like I couldn’t deal with one more thing, so instead of just telling you the truth, I invented a boyfriend. That’s on me. No matter what you did, I shouldn’t have lied to you.”

Elaine opens her arms, and Brenna steps into her hug eagerly.

A clatter in the hallway announces the approach of the rest of Clan Hartford. “What’s going on?” Isaac asks as he rounds the group and takes in Elaine and Brenna swiping at tears and Heather’s frowning face. “Is everyone alright?”

“Everyone is just fine,” Elaine says calmly. “We had a bit of an issue, but it’s resolved now.” She pats Brenna on the shoulder and nods at me with a small smile, letting me know that we’re okay. “Now, this cocoa isn’t going to make itself.”

And with that, Elaine starts organizing her troops, overseeing Project Christmas Treats until everyone has a mug of hot chocolate and a cookie in their hands. The kids are allowed to eat at the coffee table, while the adults settle in on the chairs, couch, and loveseat, picking up their new books and quietly becoming absorbed in reading, with the occasional side conversation. Even the twins plop down in one corner with a stack of picture books, babbling and pointing to each other and the illustrations.

Brenna sticks close to me, snuggling into my side on the couch and stealing little glances at me every few minutes. Even though what I really want to do is take her somewhere private and finish our conversation from earlier—maybe with a slightly longer encore of that kiss—I sense that the best thing for her right now is to lean into this co-reading tradition. The last thing I would ever want to do is drive a wedge into this tight family unit or make her feel like she has to choose between me and them.

I’ve been patiently waiting for the woman of my dreams for years now. Surely I can wait another hour to talk with her. Still, I’m distracted enough that I only get through about two pages of my lawn care book in the entire hour.