The Grumpy Roommate Gamble (Heroes of Huckleberry Creek #1)

17. Gabe

SEVENTEEN

GABE

I stood in the driveway long after Felicity left, staring at where her van had disappeared. All I’d ever wanted to do was make things better for her, the way she’d made things better for me. Instead, I’d bruised that petal-soft heart. She’d been on the verge of tears, and I felt like something that ought to be scraped off the bottom of a shoe. But I’d done what needed doing. By her own admission, I’d cured her of that years-long crush. She wouldn’t be coming back.

The idea of that made me want to howl and destroy things. But this was for the best. She’d be safer without me. And eventually, she’d find someone better. Someone who deserved her. That was never going to be me.

It took me far longer than it should to make myself go into the house. The moment I stepped inside, it felt wrong. My footsteps echoed in a way they never had before, highlighting the emptiness. All signs of Felicity had been erased. All her plants were gone. The pillows and blankets that had softened the living room had disappeared. The kitchen counter was empty of the tea canisters and her electric kettle, the drawers devoid of the cloth napkins and candles. Every single thing that had made this house into a home was gone.

A few more boxes were left in her room. Had she run out of space in the van, or had she just been in that big a hurry to get away from me? I could load them up. Carry them over to her place. Leave them on the porch or in the garage, if she didn’t want to see me again. Then she wouldn’t have to come back over here. She’d be truly out of my life.

Because that thought made me feel even worse, I left the boxes where they were and wandered back to the kitchen to snag a beer from the fridge. Unable to take the empty house, I went out onto the back deck and dropped into a chair to brood.

The little bistro table and iron chandelier still made a picture beneath the big oak tree. Of course, that just reminded me of our attempt at an outdoor dinner and dancing with her in the rain. My fingers itched with the remembered feel of her wet clothes clinging to the lavish flare of her hips. I’d never forget the press of her body against mine as I’d kissed her for the first time, losing my mind and getting absolutely drunk on the taste of her. As if I had a right. As if we could have anything more than the temporary.

Felicity Harmon wasn’t a temporary kind of girl. She was a forever girl. She just couldn’t be my forever girl. Letting her go was going to scar me in ways I hadn’t been prepared for. But what was one more demon to add to the collection?

My brood had slipped into a steady tailspin downward by the time I heard someone moving through the house. The traitorous heart in my chest perked up like a hopeful dog, urging me to my feet to rush back inside, in case Felicity had changed her mind. But I forced myself to stay put. No matter what I wanted, I was going to do what was best for her. That wasn’t me.

When the backdoor opened, I curled my fingers around the arm of the chair to hold myself in place and didn’t let myself look. I needed to appear cold and disinterested, no matter how much it killed me.

“Gabriel Edwin Bishop, what did you do?”

I closed my eyes.

Fuck.

Nana came barreling out of the house like a tornado in orthopedic sneakers. “Answer me, young man.”

I didn’t have to ask what she was talking about. I had no doubt word had already gotten around town that Felicity had moved out. Probably that I’d kicked her out. Not that I’d told people, but she probably had. I wasn’t going to say a thing to mitigate anything that made me look like the bad guy. Because I was. I’d take the fall here, because it was what needed to be done.

So I simply hunched my shoulders a bit and took a sip of my beer. “The right thing.”

“According to who?” Nana demanded.

“Me. She’s not safe with me.”

“What in holy hell are you talking about?”

I hadn’t intended to tell her any of this. What had happened between Felicity and me was personal. Private. But I also knew there wasn’t a chance my grandmother would drop it without some kind of explanation.

“She tried to wake me up from a nightmare, and I pinned her like she was some kind of enemy combatant.” No reason to mention she’d done it from my bed, though Nana would no doubt read between the lines there.

“And you kicked her out over that?”

I finally forced myself to meet my grandmother’s baffled gaze. “I could have hurt her. I could have killed her.”

All the variations of that had been plaguing my nightmares in the short snatches of sleep I’d managed since it had happened .

Nana’s expression softened. “I’m sure that was terrifying for both of you. But the answer is not to kick her out of the house. The answer is fucking therapy.”

I blinked, so taken aback by my grandmother dropping an f-bomb that I didn’t argue.

She lowered herself into the chair beside me. “I did not go to all this trouble to push you two together, only to have you screw it all up.”

My overtired, overwrought brain latched onto that, and an ugly suspicion began to form. “What are you talking about? Did you do something to Felicity’s house?”

Jesus, had she sabotaged the pipes as some twisted form of matchmaking?

“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course not. I would never. But when it happened, I saw an opportunity. You were always sweet on her, and I could tell she was always sweet on you. I wanted to give you two a chance to get out of your own way. And from the sound of things, you absolutely did, which is fantastic.”

She laid a hand on my arm. “You have been happier than I’ve ever seen you these past few weeks. I know you think that by sending her away, you’re protecting her. But you’re not. Shutting her out, letting her think the worst of you, is simply denying both of you the chance at happiness. You need to get your head out of your ass and go win her back.”

“How can I do that? What if it happens again?”

Nana waved that away. “First off, she clearly shouldn’t touch you to try to wake you up from a nightmare. It’s not like you’re going to just randomly attack her in her sleep.”

“You say that so simply. As if every fear I’ve been living with can just be magicked away.”

“Not magicked away. I’m sure you’ll have to work at it. But that’s what therapy is for. I’m sure all you boys need it after what you went through on this last deployment. This is a solvable problem, Gabe. One you don’t have to make yourself and Felicity miserable over to fix.”

Was she right? Was there some scenario where Felicity and I could still be together?

“Honey, I know you’re scared. That just tells me how much you care about her. But you pushing her away? That’s the biggest mistake you’ve ever made in your life.”

I felt it. I’d felt it the moment I’d stepped back into the house that no longer felt like my home because she wasn’t in it.

But I’d done so much damage in the name of trying to protect Felicity. Was there actually a way back from what I’d done?