The Guru: Shadow (Dark Triad #1)

8. Emma

8

EMMA

PLAYLIST: IN PIECES - MADISON YORK

I t was exactly the rush she had searched for. That self-destructive part of her wanted nothing more than to be attacked and feel the thrill of a fight for her existence, for her life, for her soul. Part of her even wanted the rush of dying. And as she leaned against the wall behind her, she just stood there, breathing in the air, feeling alive like never before.

However, now that the immediate threat was gone and the adrenaline had faded, her mind raced again.

What the fuck have I done?

What the fuck did he just do?

But, although her morally correct part shamed her to the ground, it did not consume her like usual. It was like a hidden, glowing gem inside her chest that made her feel something – something alive, something that was not loathing or pain. The exhilarating sensation of thrill and arousal was on a level she had never felt before. Aroused from being fucked in the mouth after almost getting raped. Aroused from being deep-throated by a man who replayed the assault with her, and it was exactly what she wanted.

Or maybe I am just broken.

She knew he was darkness personified, and yet, it did not bother her. On the contrary. For the very first time, she met someone equal. Someone who did not fit in, just like her.

“I need an honest answer, Emma,” said Deis, leaning in on her, cupping her face softly with his palms, which was, after all they had done, weirdly satisfying.

“Em. Just Em, please.”

Her voice was a bit croaking, as her throat burned from what his cock just did to it.

“Em. Why did you walk into this park?”

Her eyes flashed at him as he addressed the elephant in the room.

Say something vague.

“Needed to feel alive.” And with it, she loosened herself from his touch and walked away.

“And why did you need to feel alive?” he asked, following her.

It really was the worst question ever. What did he want with it? Was he playing therapist? He wouldn’t understand anyway.

“Because my life sucks.”

“But why search for this kind of danger then? Why not go for a drink or do drugs like everyone else? Why gamble with your life?” With it, he stopped her by grasping her arm.

“What do you care?”

“Don’t distract, answer my question.”

Something about the way he asked was strange. Typically, people asked and judged, but with him, it was different. In his voice was no reprimand, no judgment, only longing, peaked with curiosity.

“I am quite sure you know why, as you are pushing me for a certain answer,” she said dismissively, not in the mood for him to interrogate her.

“I want to hear it. Out loud. From your mouth.”

She paused, considered him for a moment and sighed.

Whatever.

“Control,” she said very silently.

The moment she said it, the corner of his mouth twitched. She could feel his peaked interest as an electrifying sensation in her body.

“But how is gambling your life giving you control?”

He knows. He already knows. Damn. And yet he played the game.

“ I did not gamble,” she said with a scuff. “Because I knew you were following me.”

For a fraction of a second, delight shimmered with a flicker through his eyes, almost impossible to see, before they went back to their impassive darkness again.

“Good. Wasn’t so hard. Now come.”

That’s it?

No judgement?

No reprimand?

His reaction rooted her to the spot. She knew he was everything but typical, but this? Was this the darkness surrounding him? That he was getting off playing sexual assault? Or was it more?

They had reached the end of the park; there stood his car, the driver.

“ Come.”

But she could only stare at him.

What do I have to lose, though?

Absentmindedly, she brushed over her lips, where she could still taste him, and the moment she did, his words resounded in her head.

‘You’ll do that again.’

I want to do that again. Make me feel more alive.

“Come with me,” he growled at her, pulling at her wrist.

“No.”

“Oh, you will, or do we need to repeat what just happened?”

And for some reason, the demanding tone made her angry. It was just the same with Chris. Come, do this. Do that. We go here. And there. And something in her snapped.

“Oh, haven’t you learned?” came out of her mouth in a rush of boldness caused by the high she just had and the memory of Chris. “Threatening with breaking me does not work.” She glanced at him with a smug grin. “And in case it is still not clear enough, let me rephrase it, please, do fuck my mouth again.”

With it, she turned around and left him standing there, quite flabbergasted.

What the hell was he thinking? She was not a toy, not his, not anyone’s.

I might need to rephrase my statement from earlier. What I hate most in the world are three things: injustice, lies, and men who think they own the world. The fuck I’ll do what he orders me to.

The light of the rising sun dipped her curtain-less apartment into a yellow-orange as she woke up with a groan of diffuse internal pain while deep realization nagged at her insides. Her throat, still sore and burning from what happened last night, and if it hadn’t, she would’ve believed it to be a dream.

Only it wasn’t. The memory of it made her heart pinch in embarrassment while her core exploded in arousal as images of Deis, the man without a last name, fucking her mouth replayed in front of her inner eye.

The way he looked. The way he spoke.

It was perfection, and yet, so dirty, so filthy, she had to hide her face in her pillow.

He made a video of it.

Fuck.

What the hell did I do?

Her phone vibrated and ripped her out of her daily morning routine of self-loathing.

Julie

Em, r u alright? Where did you go?

Got a bad migraine, sorry, had to leave ??

So happy for you though! ??

It was the best she could do. Lie and swallow it down, although she detested lying, it was the only way for her to survive in this world.

Julie

Thks!

Hope u feel better soon ?????

She knows it’s a lie.

But she didn’t care. So she threw her phone far away onto the other side of the empty queen-sized bed.

Her phone vibrated again, and she rolled her eyes, as she had hoped Julie would let it rest, but she obviously didn’t. Reaching for the phone, she stared at the notification and almost dropped it. An electrified wave rushed through her body.

Unknown

Thought you might like to see how good you look taking my cock. D.

There it was: the video of her, how he fucked her mouth, – well, almost destroyed her throat. There were numerous things on the list of everything she should feel, and yet there was only one thing: arousal. Heated, core prickling, cheek blushing arousal, that almost made her drool.

Gods, what is wrong with me? I should feel humiliation, revulsion, I should even hate him for what he did!

But all she could feel was that everlasting prickling in her core he left her with.

Deis.

His name almost sounds like the Latin ‘Deus’ , meaning God. Only he wasn’t an almighty do-gooder in heaven that no one truly knew existed, but a dangerous man, violent for sure, probably with a god complex, she suspected as much after their encounter. Well, to be honest, she knew it from the very beginning. It was all written in his eyes – in the way he moved, acted, spoke, asked. And a man who had the ability to pull off what he did last night, surely had more secrets lurking in the shadows than in the light.

Dark secrets.

And that was exactly the reason why she had to stay away from him. Let alone, he now had the means to ruin her entirely, and he would without the blink of a second. She was sure of it, as she had witnessed the malicious fire in his eyes when he recorded it. It was power. Power over her and the power let his eyes shimmer in a million shades of predatory satisfaction.

His eyes.

So breathtakingly deep.

Resembling the darkness of the night, the depth of the deepest ocean, so cold, so piercing, and only the thought of it let a shiver of pinching rawness run down her spine .

Marie, her mother, who had been neck-deep into all sorts of gurus and spiritual things after her husband, or, in other words, the scumbag calling himself her father, died, had been more than sure that a person’s soul reflected in their eyes. Not that she would believe a word of whatever came out of Marie’s mouth, as she went totally sideways into very strange and expensive ceremonies to ‘find herself’, until she lost all her money and was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s. However, this one time, she might have been right. Deis’ eyes reflected his dark soul perfectly. A man who knew no right or wrong, no laws, no boundaries, no mercy.

I must stay away, as far as I can.

Her clit however, thought otherwise. Pulsating, it sent a tickling sensation into her core and into the rest of her body. Without thinking, she let her hand wander down, and the moment her finger touched her swollen jewel, images replayed in front of her inner eye.

Deis’ eyes.

His words.

“Don’t fucking move.”

His grip around my throat.

“Good, because you’ll do that again.”

His eyes, stripping me to my core.

And she started to rub her clit in circling movements, clapping onto it every once in a while. But she wanted more. None of it was enough. She wanted to feel something fucking her.

Him fucking me.

Only that wasn’t an option. So she leaned over to the nightstand and rummaged for her vibrator, her best friend during the years with Chris, as he was always focused on himself and never really tried to make her come. With the vibrator, she knew exactly what she needed to do. So when she rolled around to lay on her stomach, she trailed it from the back between her thighs, letting it arouse her clit, her labia, and entrance, just by pressing it on.

Closing her eyes, she thought about how it would feel if Deis were behind her, rubbing his cock between her thighs, and the imag es of his cock in her mouth flashed again and again through her mind.

His girth was perfect. It was all about girth for her, which was why her vibrator was a wide one, not the longest. Although Deis’ cock was also quite long, it was not the length that did it for her. The length was even painful, and she could literally feel him thrusting deep into her throat again. The moment he had pushed in deeper, her throat felt as if it would burst, rip apart, but the sensation that came with it had her aroused even more. And she couldn’t help but have a movie play in front of her inner eye, so dirty that it made her core explode in want, in need for being taken as she gave up all the control.

I need to see it again.

And as she reached for her phone, she opened the video he had sent her. Seeing her own desperation, seeing his cock slide into her mouth from his position made her whole lower abdomen explode from heat. How glorious it would be if she had the vibrator deep in her while he fucked her mouth. Gods, she had to release the tension in her core. As she rewatched it again, there was a singular moment where her eyes had became dark. It was the same moment she had relaxed her throat and given in to his control.

Putting the phone against the bed’s headboard, she watched his cock entering her mouth while she took the vibrator and pushed it into her core without wetting it; she was dripping anyway. She started to fuck herself with it, eventually closing her eyes again, imagining how it would feel to have Deis taking her hard from behind. How he would thrust into her with the same strength he had when hammering in her mouth, one of his hands wandering to her neck, into her hair, pulling it back so she had nowhere to go and only take his cock.

And then she heard his dark voice growling behind her, “I hope you’re a thinking of me fucking that beautiful cunt of yours.” And she came with an explosion of fireworks in her core, leaving her in a blissful moment of relief waving through her whole body.

Gods, this was so real.

The waves of her orgasm flattened, and she started to think again.

I only heard him in my mind, right?

She had to reassure herself, and as she turned around, there was no one there – except…

Oh my god .

She gasped and sat upright in the bed within a nanosecond while her heart began to hammer against her chest.

The door. I am sure it was closed. Because I always close the door.

Now, the door stood wide open.

I would’ve noticed. Heard it. Or not? Or did I forget the door last night in the rush of whatever happened and just didn’t realize?

Slipping out from under the sheets, she tip-toed to the door frame, her heart skipping a beat from the fear crawling up in her. All her muscles tensed, as something in her mind expected him to stand behind the door and attack her.

Very slowly, she leaned forwards, peering into the living room.

But it was empty.

That moment, Pi brushed against her leg and made her shriek a bit.

Maybe it was Pi. Maybe he wanted to be cuddled or something.

Just to be sure, she went to the apartment door to check if it was locked. The fear nagging at her chest made her nervously glance behind her back, but the room was empty like an outskirt subway platform in the predawn hours.

The door, however, was not locked.

I always lock the damn door.

Could it be? Would he break into my apartment, while I made it to myself and then leave?

For sure, he had better things to do, and she would have noticed. She would’ve heard the door click.

Would I, though?

Em. Calm down. Last night is messing with your head.

One more reason to get him out of my mind as fast as possible.

So she locked the door, its soft click resounding through the apartment.

It should calm me, right ?

Only the tension did not leave her.

A shower. Go take a shower. It always helps.

As she entered the unlit bathroom, that dreaded sense of foreboding filled her chest, her heart beating fast within.

Switching on the light, she half expected someone to jump at her.

But no one did. The room, in fact, was empty.

Of course, it was. Get a grip on yourself.

And as she slipped into the shower, turning on the water, she tried, really tried to release the fear and tension rushing through her. But her whole body was on alarm, imagining noises between the sound of the rushing water, making her even stop the water here and there, just to listen if someone was moving outside the bathroom.

I’m becoming paranoid.

On top of everything else.

Little did she know, she was not.