The Guy Next Door

Chapter 23

23

LEIF

“T he paella is particularly good tonight,” Dad says before taking another bite.

“Thank you. I changed up my saffron-to-paprika ratio.”

“Tastes like a success,” Mom adds as she blows on a forkful of her paella.

Since I returned home after my day with Zane, I’ve been trying to create the perfect coming-out opportunity, rehearsing those first words that will come out of my mouth:

Quick question: did either of you ever consider I might be bi?

So…what are your thoughts if I started messing around with guys?

Oh, by the way, I’ve been fucking around with the neighbor for the past couple of months.

“I know you said you didn’t want to go,” Mom says, “but there are still tickets on that cruise, and your dad and I don’t mind buying an extra one last minute.”

They’ve booked a Caribbean cruise for Christmas—something Linda will pry them away from over their dead bodies—and I’m glad, but I think they could use some alone time…and really, for the first time in a while, I’m enjoying what I have here.

“I’m good, but I appreciate it.”

There’s a stretch of silence.

Just get it over with.

“So Zane and I had a good time at the park today,” I throw out, gauging their reactions.

“That’s good,” Dad says. “Were there a lot of people over there?”

“Nah. Pretty much had it to ourselves. Then we went over to his place after.”

Mom blows on another forkful of paella. “It’s nice you’ve found someone you can hang out with. And he seems like a very nice guy.”

“He is. He’s an awesome guy. So awesome, in fact, we’re kind of not just friends anymore.” That’s a weird way of saying that, so I spit it out. “We’re boyfriends.”

Dad’s eyes widen, and Mom swallows her food so quickly, I’m worried she might start choking.

“You’re surprised by this?” I ask.

“Well, yes, I’m definitely surprised,” Dad says. “Not about you being attracted to guys, but the neighbor?”

“Yeah, you both seem so different,” Mom adds.

Their first comments throw me. “Wait, so neither of you is surprised that I’m attracted to men?”

“It’s not exactly outside the realm of possibility,” Dad replies. “Even when you were little, we had to consider, at least, that you might eventually be attracted to guys and we’d have to help you navigate that.”

“Yes, but Zane?” Mom can’t seem to let that go.

“He’s a really cool guy.”

“So you’re not going over there to play video games?” Mom asks. “That makes more sense. I guess I was just happy you were getting out and doing something with people again.”

“I did suggest that this is what could have been going on,” Dad tells Mom.

“What?” she asks. “When?”

“The other night, when I said, So Leif’s going over to play video games with Zane again .”

“How was that suggesting anything?”

Dad repeats the way he said it; Mom rolls her eyes and says, “Maybe you should be clearer when you’re insinuating things.”

“Or you could put down your Kindle for five seconds to listen to how I say it.” He glares playfully.

Mom chuckles. “I’m sorry, Leif. We’re making this about us. Thank you for sharing that.”

“Yes, we’re glad you felt comfortable saying that. And Zane seems like a nice kid.”

“I’m glad you feel that way because I plan on spending more time over at his place.”

I’m waiting for them to object, since they must know what Zane and I will be up to, but Dad nods and Mom offers a subtle shrug.

“Is that it?” I ask.

Mom tilts her head. “What do you mean?”

“You’re not going to object or ask me if we’re being safe?”

“You’re living here, but you’re not in high school anymore,” Dad says. “And we already had those talks with you, so we trust your judgment safety-wise. Unless you had any specific questions we didn’t cover.”

It’s not that I thought they would be dicks about it. Maybe more surprised, given that I, sure as hell, hadn’t known this about myself. I guess no one ever knows what to expect with stuff like this.

“You covered everything fine.”

“If anything comes up, we’re always here,” Mom says. “We love you.”

“Yes, and we’ll always love you, no matter what.”

Mom’s gaze wavers. “Unless we find out you’re a serial murderer or something.”

“Or that you’re part of some secret hate group,” Dad adds. “Or you run for office and try to take rights away from those less privileged than yourself. But other than that, our love is unconditional…with those conditions.” He winks, and Mom and I laugh.

I appreciate that they didn’t make it this big, heavy thing. And after dinner, they hug me and tell me again they love me.

I know they do.

And I know I’m lucky to have such cool parents.

*

Just as I’d hoped, the Wyachet Nights of Lights is open the following day, so Zane and I get tickets online before driving over. We get our wristbands and head inside the festival grounds, where they’ve set up with carnival rides, food trucks, and drink stands.

Zane glances around uneasily, his jaw tense. I know he’s not thrilled to be around a bunch of people, but I have a feeling his uneasiness isn’t about our date. He’s been on edge since I met him last night, after coming out to my parents. He was thrilled about the news, and so damn supportive, but I could tell he was off.

I’ve tried not to push. Despite what a good time we had yesterday, a good day can’t wash away all the bad. But I tell myself we don’t have to work that all out right now, and I do the best I can to enjoy our first official date.

We hit some of the rides—classics like the Gravitron, the drop tower, and the bumper cars. Then we grab hot chocolate and head through the Lights Walk.

“Everything okay?” I ask him after he glances over his shoulder.

He finally makes eye contact. “Yeah. Sorry. I keep having this feeling we’re being watched. That sounds stupid, doesn’t it?”

“It’s not stupid,” I try to reassure him, and he takes a breath, as if hearing me say that has set him at ease.

“I’m sorry I’m being like this. This is great. Just…I don’t know, all that shit with my brother really got on my mind yesterday, after we went to the park. At first it started as a little guilt, but then it got bigger throughout the night. Like it was wrong of me to enjoy myself when he could be…” He stops himself, like he doesn’t dare speculate what could be happening to his brother right now.

“Hey, come over here,” I say, guiding him off the walk to an empty bench beside an illuminated, human-sized nutcracker decoration.

I take his hand, interlocking our fingers, and his gaze meets mine again.

“I don’t want you to be miserable tonight, thinking you have to act cool or together for me. I’ve felt that with my parents, and it sucks and only makes things worse. It’s okay to have a bad night or week. I want you to feel comfortable being yourself, in whatever form that may take.”

He studies my expression, then snickers. “It’s hard for me to imagine I ever did anything good enough to deserve a boyfriend like you.”

I lean toward him. “Maybe you’re just that lucky,” I tease before stealing a kiss. He doesn’t resist, accepting my lips, then my tongue. I expected it to be quick, but soon, our faces are pushed up against each other’s, my cheeks appreciating the much-needed heat.

When I pull away, I’m practically humming with pleasure, when I hear, “Leif?”

The hairs on my neck and arms stand on end. I turn to see James in jeans and a leather jacket approaching with Avi, Lex, and Steph. The old gang, all back together, without me. It shouldn’t surprise me. They’re all home from college for winter break, and this is a big event around town.

James approaches until he’s about a yard from me, sizing me up.

In one hand, I’m still gripping Zane’s; in the other, I tighten my hold on my hot chocolate, trying to keep from crushing it as I think about the fucked-up way James turned his social media followers against me.

While James looks me in the eyes, everyone else is searching around, like they want to enjoy their night out, not confront an ex-friend.

“Good to see you again,” he says.

“Is it?” I ask.

He winces. “Wow. Here I was coming to give you a chance to apologize, but—”

“Apologize? Me? ”

“You accused me of talking shit to everyone about what happened to you.”

“I didn’t accuse you specifically, James, but based on how you’re acting, I guess I should have.” My cheeks are on fire as my rage intensifies.

James releases a nervous chuckle, the sort that confirms what I already know. “Figured not much has changed. You know, if you were trying to figure things out with your sexuality or whatever, I get it, but that’s not a reason to take it out on all of us.”

“What?” I ask.

Zane’s grip tenses against mine, like he’s as pissed as I am…or maybe trying to keep himself next to me rather than going after James for being such a fucking asshole.

“I get it,” James says. “My cousin got all weird and went a little crazy when he was struggling with being gay.”

Now my chest is hot. Although, it shouldn’t surprise me that James would thoughtlessly throw around the word crazy without considering how offensive it is to others around him.

How was I ever friends with this guy?

“I was struggling with shit, and you knew that, but it didn’t have anything to do with my sexuality, and clearly, none of you were my friends to begin with because at least one of you knows I’m not the asshole here.” I try to make eye contact with Avi, but he avoids my gaze.

James releases another nervous chuckle. “Fine. Be a dick.” He spins around and starts off, the others following him. Steph and Avi glance over their shoulders. I can read the guilt all over their expressions.

I take a breath before turning to Zane, whose jaw is clenched as he stares forward, like he’s about to chase after them and hunt them down one by one.

“Hey,” I say. He shakes out of his state and turns to me.

“They were your fucking friends?”

“Yup.”

“Well, at least you made it clear they needed to fuck off.”

“Yeah. But it does make me sad. I mean, there was some problematic shit before, but friends have issues and hit rough patches. At least that’s what I thought it was, but now that I saw Steph and Avi…they looked like they didn’t want to go along with James, but they knew he’d be a dick if they didn’t. He used to say dumb shit, and I’d let him get away with it, but if he’d tried back then to turn all of us on a friend like that, I would’ve spoken up. I would have told everyone what they were doing was wrong.”

“Those guys who hang with him are cowards,” he says through his teeth.

“Only wish I’d known that sooner, you know?”

His grip on my hand relaxes, but then he firms it slightly. “I’m sorry you had to run into them tonight.”

“It was bound to happen sooner or later. Not that big of a city. Now can we pretend that didn’t happen and enjoy the rest of our night? As much as we can, at least.”

“Hey,” he says. “Keep in mind what you told me before those assholes showed up. We don’t have to pretend to be okay with each other. We don’t have to pretend we’re fine tonight. Let’s be not-fine together.”

A smile tugs at my lips.

He moves toward me, and I eagerly accept another kiss before we continue our stroll along the Lights Walk. Neither of us pretends things are fine. We don’t act like nothing’s wrong. Like we’re not hurting. We go through the walk, holding each other’s hand, carrying our pain and hurt.

There’s relief in not feeling the need to pretend that allows me to enjoy the walk and the Ferris wheel more than I would have if I’d needed to perform, to appear like I was having a fine time.

We don’t talk much. We don’t need to.

It’s nice to feel like this and know I’m not as alone as I once was.

When we finish, we head back to my car, and as I slide into the driver’s seat, Zane reaches over and takes my hand. “Thanks for tonight. It was nice.”

“It wasn’t what I was expecting, for sure, but I enjoyed spending it with you.”

He offers a warm, soothing smile. “Now how about we get back to my place and fuck away some of this bullshit?” he asks, leaning toward me.

“I like the sound of that.”

As I’m about to kiss him, a buzzing sound catches me by surprise. It comes again and again as he pulls his phone out of his pocket.

He looks at the name on the screen before eyeing me strangely. “It’s my foster mom. Do you mind if I—”

“No, please. Take it.”

“Hey, Jill?” he says, not disguising his confusion. “Everything okay?”

“Have you seen the news?” I hear her say.

“No, I haven’t.”

“I think you should check. It’s about Mike…”

Tension rises within me as his gaze catches mine. An adrenaline kick, a surge of hope. But from what I can make of Jill’s voice, I know it’s misguided. If he was found alive, she’d have told him. The hope turns to fear, anticipating the news she’s about to share.