The Half King

33

The sun rose the next morning, and life went on.

Those who had died in battle had already been conveyed to the temple in preparation for burial. Those who had survived now worked to repair the damage. Palace maids aired out smoky rugs and scrubbed blood from the floor tiles while royal guards fortified the windows and gates against the possibility of an attack.

The palace was vulnerable for the first time in a thousand years. Its main source of protection was gone, including Father Padron, whose abandoned carriage had been found on the outskirts of the city. No one knew where he’d traveled from there. Kian and General Petros had rallied allies, gathered troops, and dispatched search parties with orders to kill Father Padron on sight. As for the surviving priests throughout the temples of the realm—men like Daerick’s brother—they had been summoned to the palace for an interview with Shiera’s high priestess to determine their place within the new Order.

Shiera’s high priestess. That was Cerise’s title.

Now she had to earn it, which meant gathering the strength to pick herself up from the sanctuary floor. She hadn’t moved from the spot where she had curled up in between Blue, who was still sleeping, and Nina, who would never wake. At some point during the night, she must have dozed off, because her head was currently resting on Delora’s lap, and she couldn’t recall how that had happened.

Delora hummed absently while stroking Cerise’s hair. She had been doing that for a while, and Cerise liked it, both for the comfort and for the observance that came from sitting still. Delora was the only other person who had stopped, who hadn’t gone about her morning as though Nina had never existed. Kian had come to visit once or twice, but he hadn’t stayed for long. Cerise couldn’t fault him, not when the entire palace looked to him for reassurance and leadership. Daerick was off researching something or other, and everyone else bustled on with their tasks.

It was sacrilege. Didn’t anyone notice there was less beauty in the world today? Less sweetness? Hadn’t they woken up a little colder beneath their blankets?

“Do you think…” Delora softly cleared her throat. “Well, that maybe…”

“No.” Cerise reached out and grabbed Nina’s hand. It was cold, and she released it just as quickly. “Not yet. Please.”

“All right,” Delora murmured.

“I need a little longer.”

“It’s all right,” Delora repeated.

But it wasn’t all right. Someone from the palace had traveled through the night as a courtesy to notify Mama and Father of Nina’s death, but Nina’s remains belonged to her husband. Soon he would come from Calatris to take Nina away. Then he would seal her up in a tomb with his first wife, and Cerise wouldn’t even have a grave to visit.

Just thinking about it made her chest ache with a tension that kept building with no release. It reminded her of what Kian had once said: You have too much love in you . If you don’t find an outlet for it, you might explode . That was exactly the problem. All of the love she felt for Nina was trapped inside her with no way out.

“You were right,” Delora said, leaning slightly aside to peer at Nina. “She does cast a shadow over beauty.”

Cerise nodded.

“I can tell that she loved you.” Delora resumed her gentle stroking. “I’m sorry that you lost her. I know what it is to lose a mother.”

A mother .

The term still sounded foreign to Cerise’s ears. She’d barely had time to think of Nina as a mother before Father Padron had snatched her away. He’d taken so much from her, but even more from Nina. He had stolen Nina’s love. He had stripped away her happiness and her security. He’d cut her life short, and in doing so, he’d killed the baby that she had wanted for so long. In a way, he had even taken Cerise from her. It was because of him that Nina had pretended to be a sister to her own child.

It wasn’t fair.

Cerise rested a palm on Nina’s rounded belly and wondered if what Nina had said about her twin was true. Had her older sibling really died at birth, or had Nina hidden the baby with a different family? Had he stolen that child from her, too? Cerise would ask Mama and Father if they knew the truth, but as private as Nina had been, her secrets had likely died with her.

“I feel like I barely knew her,” Cerise said. “And now I never will. She’s gone. The person who loved me most in the world is gone.” Nina had been so brave in coming to the palace. She had put herself within reach of her greatest fear because her love had outweighed her terror. And Cerise had forced Nina out of her suite, forced her right into the serpent’s jaws.

“She spent half her life protecting me,” she whispered, “and I couldn’t keep her safe for a single day.”

“Don’t talk like that,” Delora said. “I never met Nina, but I know she wouldn’t want you to blame yourself, and she definitely wouldn’t want you to feel alone. You’re loved by so many people: your family, and your friends, and Kian. He’s—” She cut off at the sound of approaching footsteps and smoothly finished, “Here to check on you again.”

Two shiny, black boots stopped in front of Cerise, followed by breech-clad legs as Kian knelt down and blocked her view of Nina. “I’m afraid it’s time, my love,” he said. “Her carriage is here. The crew needs to prepare her for the voyage home.”

“Home,” Cerise repeated. That was why Nina had come to the palace. “She wanted to take me home with her, but I wouldn’t leave you.”

Kian extended a hand toward her face but must have thought better of it. “I wish I could give her back to you. I would trade places with her if I could.”

Trade places with her?

Cerise snapped her gaze to his. It was the first time she’d glimpsed his face since the night before, and he looked terrible. His eyes were bloodshot and weary, rimmed by dark circles of exhaustion. But despite that, her anger flared. Kian knew that his command to survive had forced her to watch Nina die. So how could he wish to make the same sacrifice that he had robbed her of making?

“You don’t get to say that,” she told him. “I was the one who had to watch her die, not you. I’m the one who loved her, not you. Don’t talk to me about trading places with her when you took that choice away from me.”

“Cerise,” Delora interjected from behind her.

“No, it’s fine,” Kian said, but that wasn’t true. His color had dulled, his throat shifting as he tried to swallow. “Padron lied to you, Cerise. You have to know that. You and Nina were the living proof of his darkest secret. He could only erase that secret by erasing both of you. If you had surrendered, he would have killed Nina anyway. Two would have died instead of one, and you wouldn’t have broken the curse or driven him into hiding or defeated the Order. You wouldn’t have survived to save us all.”

A small voice told Cerise that he was right. Father Padron hadn’t kept his promise to Cole, and he wouldn’t have kept his promise to her. But the wound was too fresh and the grief too intense. She had to let some of it out. She hardened her gaze and told him, “At least you don’t command me anymore.”

Pain flashed in Kian’s eyes, but it didn’t take away from hers. If anything, the pressure in her chest only compounded from knowing she had hurt him. He seemed to shrink in the moment before he turned away from her. He reached into his pocket and bent low over Nina’s head. She didn’t understand what he was doing until she heard a snip , and then she watched him tuck a chestnut curl of hair inside an oval locket that dangled from a fine golden chain.

Still facing away, he handed her the necklace. “This belonged to my mother. I thought you might like to have it. Now a part of Nina will always be with you.”

Cerise stared at the locket while shame leaked from her eyes. She had hurt Kian—on purpose—and in return, he had given her a keepsake from his own mother. How quickly she had forgotten that he’d lost a mother, too—and at the hands of Father Padron.

“Thank you.” Cerise let her touch linger when she accepted his gift, prompting him to look at her. There was no need for words when their eyes met. They exchanged apologies in a single glance, each of them understanding the other. He was sorry for her loss but didn’t regret compelling her to survive. She was sorry for blaming him but wasn’t ready to admit that nothing could have saved Nina. So for now, they made peace.

“You’re welcome,” he told her.

He moved aside so she could say goodbye.

Cerise closed her eyes. She decided not to remember Nina like this, with her cheeks colorless and her exquisite face frozen in death. After everything that Father Padron had stolen from her, she refused to let him taint her memory of Nina, too. She summoned the image that she treasured most: the smiling, bright-eyed Nina who loved fiercely. That was her Nina, the secret side of the veiled beauty that few had seen and no one could take away.

“Goodbye, Nina,” she said. “Thank you for loving me.”

She felt blindly for Nina’s veil and lowered it for the very last time. And then she finally confronted the task she had been avoiding. She rose onto her knees, lifted her face to the ceiling, and recited the prayer for the departed.

“Mother Shiera, mistress of worlds,” Cerise called out as loudly and as clearly as her tear-roughened voice would allow. “Please welcome your servant Nina into your arms and grant her mercy for any offenses she committed against you.” A fresh sob squeezed her windpipe. The prayer was complete, but deep in her chest, she felt the swelling of words left unsaid, a pressure that would not be contained. And so she broke with tradition and pleaded with the goddess from her heart.

“I know that darkness is as sacred as the light. I know that pain is as necessary as pleasure. I know that many of your faithful servants have died in ways that were cruel and unfair. But not like this. Nina was the best of your daughters. She was strong and loyal and kind—a woman made in the image of a mighty goddess—and her life was taken by a man. And not simply a man, but an unholy, undeserving priest who resented her flame as much as the priests of a thousand years ago resented yours. That man didn’t deserve to stand in Nina’s warmth, let alone to steal it. Don’t let him win. Let there be justice for Nina. That is what I ask of you.”

“I ask it as well,” Kian murmured and clasped her hand.

“As do I,” Delora said.

Cerise wiped her eyes on her sleeve. She didn’t know which side of Shiera might be listening that day. In mercy or in wrath, she only hoped her prayer had been heard.