The Heir and Spare (Jane Austen Adaptations)

16. Jane

Chapter 16

Jane

J ane sat in a small and lovely sitting room just off her bedroom at Netherfield Park. She had a book in her lap but she was staring out across the vast expanse of land surrounding the estate. Charles entered. By the fall of his feet, she knew it was him without turning to look into his face. She smiled. “You are too good to me you know.”

“Not nearly good enough. I’m just relieved to see you improving enough to be here, sitting up, in the sitting room.” He smiled, seeming to know he was not wording things in half as eloquent a manner as could be done, but not caring. “This is one of my favorite rooms, you know.”

She turned to him then, taking in the joy in his face, his constant smiles, his perpetual good nature that always seemed to shine from him—she didn’t know how she’d become so lucky, so blessed as to deserve him. Nothing had been said yet, of course. But his feelings, his intentions, seemed clear.

One thing troubled her. Why had he been so willing to leave, to desert her?

She pulled out her recent missive from Lizzie. “Good news. Lydia has returned and was spared any true harm. No one seems to know of her leaving with Wickham and perhaps, social damage has been kept to a minimum.” Tears filled her eyes. And with shaking hands she reached one arm to him. “I’m so relieved.”

He immediately came to her side, holding her hand to his chest. “I would have stood by you through it all, weathered whatever scandal.” His eyes were wide and earnest. She didn’t say it, but she knew it would have been a challenge indeed, perhaps better they left Society if that had been the case. Their children would have struggled. Nothing easy would have come of such a union but she had loved him, she did love him, so much she could not lose such a man, money or no, status or no. She wanted to be with Charles. “Thank you. I…” She wiped her tears anew. “I don’t deserve you.” She laughed. “There is not much more to say than that. You are too good. Too kind. Too much. It’s no wonder I love you so.” She gasped. And then held a hand to her mouth, her face heating. She’d never admitted as much to him before. And she didn’t know what to do now that she’d said the words that hummed through her with every thought. She dared a look into his eyes.

He was shining even more so if such a thing were possible. The earnestness in his gaze, the intensity of his expression stole her breath. He lifted her fingers and kissed each one, intently earnest, his lips pressing on them, their knuckles or their tips, the attention sending shivers up her arms. “I, my dear Jane, most ardently and dare I say, passionately, love you too.” She daren’t look away, she daren’t move or even breathe. He knelt beside her chair so that their faces were closer together. His head tilted just enough that he could kiss her if he so desired. She pressed her teeth into her bottom lip, sure and unsure at the same time. He moved closer and stared into her eyes, sent silent promises to her, promises she understood but could never give word to. Then he nodded and created some space between them. “Oh, my dear Jane. I wish you well of course, but I don’t want to lose your presence here in my home. In truth, I’d like to never lose it.”

“Then you shall have it.” She waved her fingers in the air. “But I do hope I shall be well enough to enjoy it. There seem to be many vistas and places to see and walk and enjoy out this window.”

“Oh there are, and we shall explore each and every one.” His grin grew, and Jane almost laughed at his exuberance.

She could sit and listen to his promises, his proclamations of love, his assurances all day. But something had made him wish to desert her once, something had turned him from this loving, doting man to one so dismissive as to depart with naught but a note from his sister. Something in him fell short of the constant beacon she dared to trust with her heart.

She didn’t mention whatever that something might be, not yet; but they would talk of it. She would watch and hope that it disappeared, whatever this inconstancy, this crack in his reliability seemed to be. She would not risk her whole heart and livelihood on someone who could withdraw his affections at any time, whose affections were of the weak and faltering sort, swayed by others or passing whims. He certainly fell in love quickly, but could he stay? That was the full question, and Jane had seen enough of her parents’ bickering and her father’s seeming loss of love and respect for her mother for Jane to question the lasting nature of any man’s declarations but especially Bingley who she stood to lose so much of her heart to, who had already once threatened to break it.

But she had time for such discoveries. Thanks to Lydia’s return, she had a chance to even consider such a luxury as a marriage for love. She smiled and turned the fullness of her happiness and relief to Charles. “I am so blessedly happy right now.”

He pulled up a chair next to her and held her hand against his chest. “I hope that every day can be full of moments where I hear you say those words over and over again.” His heart pounded underneath her hand that he clutched close.

“Just the thought of you brings about such joy, my Charles.” She dipped her head, shy about her transparency.

But he lifted her chin with his finger and stared into her eyes a moment before leaning back in his chair to stare out at the remarkable view once again. Her hand still pressed against his heart. It still hammered. And she didn’t think much would change for many hours hence, for which she was perfectly content.