The Heir and Spare (Jane Austen Adaptations)

18. Elizabeth

Chapter 18

Elizabeth

T heir journey to meet their aunt and uncle in Derbyshire was a welcome diversion; even though it sat not in the least on the way to Rosings or to visit Charlotte, she could not begrudge her aunt a stop at her childhood home.

Lizzie sat close to Lydia in the carriage, at times reaching for her hand or patting her reassuringly on the knee with only a half-smile or brief acknowledgement in return. Her sister was not yet well, in fact in many ways, she seemed scared. Everything else about her was functioning. She ate. She slept. She conversed, but it was without the typical Lydia energy and with a certain hesitation in her eyes that had never been present before.

Lizzie should be thanking the stars for that hesitation because it would mean far fewer moments of family embarrassment at her sister’s doing. But she could not find relief in something that seemed to diminish her sister’s joy.

After an hour or so, Lydia lowered her head to Lizzie’s shoulder and snuggled in closer. Lizzie’s heart warmed further and a protectiveness filled her heart. Lydia behaved the way she did because she was young and no one was showing her a better manner in which to present herself. She’d been allowed to be out at far too early an age before the benefit of observing her sisters or even receiving any instruction at all. She tilted her head to rest her cheek on the top of Lydia’s head.

Then her sister’s voice, low and close to her ear, began telling the story of what happened.

“He wanted to meet to tell me a secret.” She sighed. “That’s what he said. A grand gossipy secret that I should be pleased to know before anyone else.”

Lizzie grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. Everyone else in the carriage was sleeping or not paying attention. She hoped Lydia would keep talking. She needed to and Lizzie wished to know how to help her sister.

“So I agreed to meet. It was all a grand adventure, I thought. He was paying me attention. I was singled out of all the women who thought him handsome.” She reached up to wipe a tear with her other hand. “I ran to the barn, sure I’d beaten out all the other ladies.” She shook her head. “But he embraced me and then kissed me so suddenly. I was shocked and pleased and then it was too much. It felt more like… I don’t know what it felt like but not what I thought a kiss should be.” She fell silent and Lizzie just waited. So much sorrow flowed through her at the thought of all Lydia had lost.

“I pulled away because I didn’t like it. Then he stopped and said he was sorry. That I was just too beautiful in the moonlight. He wanted to show me something special… Things like that. So I…” She hiccupped and then her shoulders shook. “So I went with him. And there was never a chance to leave or anywhere else to go but with him. And I admit it was all so romantic. He held my hand. He spoke of sweet things we would do. He promised to read me books and feed me chocolate tarts. He promised to sleep away our days and dance into our nights. But then he spoke of other things. Things I do not wish to know. You would be highly surprised what enters a man’s mind Lizzie, and I tell you it is not what you would expect at all.”

Lizzie kept her mouth from twitching, but only just. She nodded with the seriousness of the moment.

“He spoke of other things we would do, and that is when I knew I would have to leave him. What woman would agree to such things? What woman would ever allow a man such liberties? Surely our parents have never participated in such nonsense. Surely no woman truly has…” She searched Lizzie’s face as though to confirm. Lizzie could only shrug. “You can be assured I have done nothing with any man.”

She nodded again as though it was better that way. “But I could not be free of him. I didn’t dare at first. Where would I go? Not until Brighton when I ran away to the militia commander did I ever feel free of him. He had to show up for duty you see. He left me alone in the apartment, and I made my escape, my hair a mess, my dress disheveled. I was quite a sight, but Mr. Darcy helped me, you know.”

“Mr. Darcy!” She spoke too loudly and caught Mary’s eye, but no one else was paying attention. She whispered, “What was he doing there?”

“I don’t know. But he helped me find Mrs. Forster and the colonel and got me settled, and then he spoke to the colonel, and I think they talked to Wickham. I don’t know or care. He never…we didn’t…” She stopped. “I want you to know that in his own way he did respect me. He never again kissed me or the like.” Her face turned brighter red. “I hope to never be approached with such an opportunity again.”

Lizzie nodded, hoping Lydia remained firm in her determination for five more years at least. But she barely held back her anger with Wickham. There was no respect in convincing a young girl to run off with you, knowing you were likely ruining her and her family’s lives and reputation forever. But she held her tongue in that regard. She could only be grateful. “Why do you suppose he did not pursue you further?”

Lydia shrugged. “I think in his own way, he really did care for me.”

Lizzie supposed that could be true. But again, truly caring for a woman did not involve ruining her life. “Perhaps he hoped to gain something with which to live as well, for the both of you?”

Lydia shrugged again. “I don’t care, about him or any man anymore.” She sat up and looked Lizzie in the face, her eyes wide and sincere. “But Mr. Darcy is a good man, Lizzie.” She dipped her head again and snuggled in closer. Soon her breathing became regular and Lizzie was sure she had fallen asleep. She lifted her head off of Lydia’s and tried to process all that she had just heard. Lydia was safe. She’d been very brave; foolish, but brave. And Mr. Darcy had been there to help? How had such a thing come to be?

Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest she thought for sure Lydia would notice or Mary who sat at her left. Mary’s eyes were open and she nodded toward Lydia and mouthed. “I heard.”

Lizzie nodded.

Mary tilted her head. “Mr. Darcy?” She placed a hand at her heart.

Lizzie smiled and shrugged with one shoulder.

Then Mary closed her eyes, a small smile tugging at her lips.

Lizzie hoped for something wonderful for this amazing sister of theirs. Mary was a gem of a woman. She hoped for the best for all of them. When the chance for happiness had again resurfaced for the Bennet sisters after a possibility of it being lost forever, Lizzie clung to the notion. And she vowed to be a better help to her sisters.

But what to think of Mr. Darcy’s involvement! She had no thoughts other than a wild hope that perhaps he had assisted for her benefit? Perhaps he truly cared. But as soon as the thoughts might have taken a precarious grip on her heart and hopes, she nudged them aside. He was perhaps in the right place at the right time or felt responsible to out the man or perhaps he had not assisted in quite the way Lydia remembered. She sighed. Her mind would ponder all possible scenarios for much of the night she was certain, and she would likely never have a chance to ask him or even to thank him. The mystery would remain unsolved. Dangling mysteries and the thought of never seeing him again battled it out as the worst outcome of the situation. To have something unanswered, unexplained, was a devastating occurrence for the curious of mind and most especially when the person involved had such a riveting capture of her attention.