The Highlander’s Tempting Touch

Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

N iamh soon found Catriona MacLean to be a wonderful person, easy to listen to and easier still to talk to.

Catriona, Niamh learned, was five years her elder, and married with a husband and a son – however, she was also Clan MacDuff’s healer and midwife and had foregone setting up a traditional home apart from the castle in pursuit of her calling. Instead of a home of their own, her family lived in the little used guesting wing of Castle MacDuff, close to the cottage in the courtyard where she tended to her patients.

She was easily one of the most intriguing women Niamh had ever met, with her brown hair braided about her head in an intricate, tightly woven crown, and her body as muscled and browned as a farming lass’s from her work gathering herbs and tending to the clan folk.

She was stern, yet kind and gentle. With her help, Niamh was soon fed, watered, and guided to a set of rooms in the guesting wing. “These will be yer rooms just fer taenight, so dinnae worry about anything more than ye’ll need fer the evening.”

Niamh blinked. “Why?”

“Laird MacDuff sent a message ahead. The wedding is tae be taemorrow, since we dinnae ken how much longer the weather will permit such things. Normally, ye’d have rooms in the laird’s family corridor, but ‘tis tradition that man and woman nae see each other the night afore the wedding. So ye’ll be housed here taenight, with the rest o’ the extended clan.”

Niamh nodded. She felt a little bit numb, listening to Catriona chatter on.

Tomorrow – she hadn’t expected to wed so soon. She’d thought they’d arrive at MacDuff Castle, and then she’d have a seven-day, a fortnight, perhaps even as long as month, before she was expected to marry Alistair. Long enough for her father to arrive.

But her father would have difficulty leaving his lands during the end of the harvest season. And Samhain was coming, after which there would be preparations for Yule and Midwinter festivities. And with her father hoping to see his castle repaired before snows made the work impossible, that would make it twice as difficult.

She hadn’t thought of that when she’d left. She’d been too angry. Now her heart ached with the knowledge that her father would not walk her to her new husband’s side, or give her hand over in blessing.

“Och, lass, ye look like rain on a sunny day. What’s the matter?”

Niamh swallowed back tears. “I... I had tae leave me faither behind. I dinnae... there’s nae one tae walk me…”

“There’s Laird Alistair’s brother Ewan, and the elder o’ the MacLean branch – yer mother’s kinfolk – if ye like.” Catriona patted her hand sympathetically. “I ken ‘tis nae the same, but perhaps one o’ them can stand with ye.”

“Perhaps.” Niamh wasn’t so sure she wanted anything to do with her mother’s kin, not when they were part of the reason she’d been forced into that situation in the first place. But thinking of her wedding led to thoughts of the wedding night. She bit her lip. “Catriona... can I ask ye something?”

“Aye. Whatever ye like.” Catriona pressed a cup of mulled wine into her hands, then guided her over to sit by the fire in the hearth. “I cannae promise tae have all the answers, but I’ll help ye as best I can, cousin.”

Niamh nodded and sipped the wine, wondering where to begin. Finally, when she could delay no longer, she took a deep breath. “There’s things... things I dinnae ken... I mean…” Her cheeks burned hot, and the words tangled her tongue.

She took another swallow of wine and tried again. “Me maither died when I was born, ye ken, and I’ve nay older sisters or aunts. The only women I kent were the castle servants and me friend Grace, but she’s a year younger than me, and I dinnae see her all that often. So, there’s things... I didnae...there’s things a maither is supposed tae teach her daughter…” Her words faltered to a stop once more.

“Ye didnae have anyone tae teach ye the ways o’ bein’ a woman? Nae even yer clan healer?”

“The clan healer fer Cameron was – she’s older, and very stern. She wasnae the easiest tae talk tae. The only time we ever touched on the matter was when me moon cycles began. And even then ‘twas only fer her tae tell me it was part o’ growin up and what herbs tae tak’ fer the crampin’. I didnae ken aught else about, nae even about using rags tae stem the flow, until one o’ the servant lasses brought me the things I needed.”

Niamh colored further, remembering that conversation. “She thought I kent more than I did, and I had tae... I didnae want tae look ignorant, so I pretended. But…”

“But ye’ve been in the dark about everything else, poor lass. And now ye’re facing yer marriage bed, with nae idea what tae expect.” Catriona reached across and patted her hand gently. “Well, I’m nae a blushing maiden, nor an elder who’s tae modest and proper tae speak o’ such things. Ye can ask me whatever ye like.”

“Och... I dinnae even…” Niamh blinked, her cheeks feeling hotter than the fire only a few feet away.

“Ye’re wonderin’ that I can be so forward in speakin’ o’ such things? Or if me husband would be angered tae find I was speakin’ o’ things that most hold tae be private?” Catriona smiled. “A healer has tae be able tae speak candidly o’ many things. At least, ‘tis me way o’ thinkin, and me husband kent that when he chose tae wed me.”

“I always heard that... that a woman’s modesty and silence on personal matters was her greatest asset, after her virtue.” Niamh winced as she heard the words echo in the air. “I’m sorry... I didnae mean tae be so rude, or so forward…”

To her relief, Catriona only laughed. “Aye, the menfolk dae say that. But ‘tis the same menfolk who turn tae a willing lass when they need release, often as nae. And men who talk the loudest o’ things they claim women should keep quiet in regard tae. Besides that, as a healer, I’ve other expectations placed upon me that are far more important. How could I treat those that might need help if I didnae understand the problems?”

She shook her head. “If yer healer had sense enough tae put her patients above propriety, ye’d nae be so nervous now, I wager.”

“I… I hadnae thought o’ it like that.” Niamh bit her lip. She wasn’t sure a better explanation on the ways of womanhood would have helped her fears, but it would have made her younger years far less confusing. However, on the eve of her wedding night, she had far more important things to talk to Catriona about than the failings of her clan’s healer. “I heard stories from the serving women – they say the first time hurts.”

“And it does, a bit. There’s nae escapin’ it. When the man takes yer maidenhead, there’s a bit o’ pain, for the same reason there’s blood on the sheets after a first night. But... and this is the important part fer a lass tae remember...if yer man is worth bein’ with, he’ll do his best tae make the pleasure outweigh the pain severalfold.”

Niamh considered the words. “I... how will I ken if me husband…”

Catriona’s eyes sparkled, a twist of laughter appearing on her full lips. “This much I can tell ye – the laird is nae stranger tae the ways o’ pleasure in the bedroom. And I’ve never heard rumor o’ him bein’ unsatisfactory in that regard, nor inconsiderate.”

Niamh flushed. “But surely, nae woman would dare speak so o’ the laird.”

“Och, nae tae his face, for sure. But women and men both will tell a healer what they’ll nae say tae any other, and women will gossip among themselves about their lovers, just as men like tae boast tae each other. And even if they didnae wish tae speak o’ the laird and risk his wrath, I’d ken if he were one tae leave marks or bruises on his partners.” The implication that he was a gentle lover was a welcome one. “Nor does he suffer a man who’d force a woman against her will.” Catriona’s expression turned grim but pleased. “The last guard who dared corner a serving lass tae have his way with her when she didnae want his attentions took her knee tae his manhood, then a proper thrashing from the laird in front o’ the rest o’ the clan’s warriors, afore he was sent tae the border wars and told tae nae bother coming back.”

Niamh nodded. “’Tis good tae ken.” She took a deep breath. “I... I dinnae ken aught about bein’ with a man. I dinnae even ken what I should ask.” She looked at the cup in her hands. “I dinnae ken how tae be a proper wife tae Laird MacDuff at all.”

And she did want to be a proper wife. As much as she didn’t want to be wed, and as much as she feared the dangers of childbirth, she was his betrothed. She wasn’t going to disgrace her family or Alistair, or herself, by being a poor wife – the issue of bearing an heir aside.

“Well, there’s traditions in the Highlands that ye might not have in the Lowlands. We do things a bit different here. But we’ll all aid ye with that.” Catriona smiled again. “As tae being a proper wife…” her subtle emphasis on the word left Niamh no illusions what she meant. “...the truth is that it falls on yer husband tae be a proper husband more than it does on ye tae, at least the first night. He’s the one with the experience. Just between me and ye, Laird MacDuff is many things, but he’s nae a fool.”

“What if I dae something wrong? If I cannae please him?”

Catriona shook her head. “Proper lovemaking, like a good marriage, isnae one-sided. She patted Niamh’s hand again. Her eyes were glittering with mirth, and Niamh felt something inside her relax. “If yer husband is doing his part properly, ye’ll be enjoyin’ yerself too much tae pay attention tae aught else.” Catriona smiled. “And remember, men will tell a woman more than they think with their bodies. And dinnae be afraid tae touch him in turn.”

Niamh was sure her cheeks were the color and heat of the coals in the fireplace. “I couldnae... I wouldnae ken where tae begin.”

Catriona laughed softly, kindly. “Nae woman does, the first time they’re with a man! But ye can learn. Every man is different, but it one thing they’re all the same – their body doesnae lie about their desires.”

That sounded like something Niamh could do.

She chewed her lip as she thought over the questions. “I’ve heard women talk about... size?”

“’Tis never as large as the men think it is.” Catriona chuckled, and Niamh found herself laughing a bit too. “Nor so large as the women fear, in general.” Catriona shrugged her shoulders. “And if it is, a good lover will make it as easy as possible, and I think the issue isnae insurmountable.”

Alistair wasn’t a careless man. More to the point, he’d been so careful with her in other respects, she couldn’t imagine that he’d be otherwise in a matter such as this.

That left one topic she’d hesitated to discuss – the most important one in her mind. “What about... becoming with child? I ken they’ll expect me tae bear me husband an heir…” The words died.

“Och, dinnae fret yer head about that.” Catriona reached across the narrow space between their chairs to embrace her. “Ye’re young and healthy enough, I wouldnae expect ye tae have any trouble.”

“But... how will I ken? And... is there a way... tae ensure…”

Is there a way tae ensure I dinnae quicken with child? I wouldnae be so afraid o’ marriage, or any o’ this, if I kent that. But I cannae ask her for herbs that might prevent conception, for she’d ken the truth and, like as nae, tell Alistair. And who kens what might happen tae me faither and my kinfolk then?

“Let yer moon cycles guide ye. If ye’ve a regular flow, then ‘twill be best tae try fer a bairn soon after yer bleedin’ ends. And if yer cycle is late, or ye miss one or two, then ye come tae me.”

Just after her flow ended – she would have to find a reason not to be bedded by her husband during that time. A headache or some other ailment perhaps. It might not be the best plan, or the easiest to follow through with, but it was better than any idea she’d had before.

For now, though, she couldn’t continue to think of her wedding night, or what was expected of her in that regard. She’d never sleep if she kept thinking about it, and she’d be lucky if she didn’t have nightmares as it was.

She changed the subject. “Ye spoke o’ traditions o’ the Highlands... are there any I should ken afore the wedding ceremony?”

“’Tis a simple ceremony with a priest, ye speak yer vows, and afterward there’s a feast and singing and dancing. The clan-folk bring little gifts and treats tae offer the newly-wedded couple. Then the lady retires, followed by the new husband.”

That didn’t sound too bad – until the last part.

“Ye look tired.” Catriona’s gentle words brought her out of her thoughts. “’Tis fair early in the evening yet, but ye might benefit from an early supper and retiring. Taemorrow’s goin’ tae be a busy day, and a long one.”

Niamh swallowed a gulp of mulled wine. On the one hand, she was weary, and the idea of an early supper before going to bed sounded wonderful. On the other, she felt dirty from days of travel, and restless besides. “I’d never sleep.”

“I can give ye a tisane fer that, if ye like. I’ve a preparation that will help ye sleep and wake up refreshed rather than groggy.”

“That sounds lovely. But first, I’d like tae tak’ a hot bath and…” She hesitated. “I’d like some writing materials, if there are any tae be had. I need tae send word tae me faither that I’ve arrived safe.”

She had materials in one of her packs, but she was too weary to want to go digging through her luggage.

“A hot bath is a simple matter tae arrange, and as for writing materials, I’ll fetch ye some from me stores when I get yer tisane.” Catriona finished her mulled wine and stood. “Rest fer now, and I’ll send the servants with the bath and yer night clothes, then return with yer other things in a little while.” Catriona bent and gave her a quick embrace. “I’ll have everything fer ye within a candle-mark or two. And dinnae fret, I’ll make sure ye’re nae disturbed, so be at ease.”

“Thank ye.” Niamh sank back into the warm, comfortable chair as Catriona turned away and disappeared through the door.

She was still nervous, and it was jarring to be in a castle that was not her father’s. She’d never been to another castle for an extended length of time. Her father had considered it too dangerous with all the unrest on the border.

Still, Catriona was kind. And if the healer was to be believed, she had kin-folk here as well. She might be able to learn more of her mother’s history from others in the MacLean branch of the clan. She knew so little of her that any information would be welcome. Perhaps, in time, she could even find a way to be comfortable there.

She still wasn’t happy about her impending marriage, but she did have to admit that, from the sound of it, there were worse situations she could have landed in. And, if Catriona were right, worse men to be married to than Alistair MacDuff.

She was still thinking about that when the first of the maids appeared with her nightdress and things for her bath.