The Life Daisy Devlin Designed

CHAPTER 30

Matt’s eyes narrowed. “Shit, are you going to faint?”

“No.” Relief shivered through her at the concern in his voice. “I just can’t believe that’s what you thought! Like, all this time, that’s what you were thinking about me? I never cheated on you, Matt.”

“Daisy, please don’t!”

“No! I don’t get why you thought I’d cheat on you! On us!”

Matt rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know what to believe, anymore. I thought you’d hooked up with James that night, so I decided I was better off staying in New York after the internship. The next thing I heard, you were with him, so ...”

She wished for one moment that she hadn’t pushed him for the truth, that he hadn’t suddenly, horrifically ripped the bandage off the wound.

“I met James a few months after you left, Matt.” She managed to keep her voice even. “And, after that, it was ages before we started dating.”

Matt’s face seemed to drain of colour.

Helplessly, Daisy looked down at her tea, wishing it was a glass of wine. Ah yes, Daisy, alcohol: the short-term solution to all your problems.

“Matt, why didn’t you just ask me straight out? Because some stupid rumours about a party was a pretty flimsy excuse to end a five-year relationship.”

His eyes slid away. “It wasn’t just that. There were a few things going on at the time. To be honest, I was in a pretty bad place.”

For a moment, she wished she’d just left on time. That she’d been happy to leave the pain of that text – of that whole time – buried deeply. That she’d never wanted to find out the truth.

“You broke up by text , Matt! You could have talked to me!” Furiously, she blinked back tears. “None of this makes any sense. We were together five years, and you thought I’d sleep with someone else because you went away for one summer? You believed some stupid rumour – ” She wanted to yell that he’d never deserved her for believing that.

“I’m really sorry, Daisy.” Matt scrubbed his hands over his face. “If I could go back ...”

For a while, they sat in silence, as Daisy tried to process everything.

“You know what I thought when you agreed to hire me?” she said finally. “That this was your way of saying sorry, of looking for closure.”

“I did want closure. I missed you, Daisy. I’ve thought about you a lot since I left.”

Something still seemed off. Or maybe Rosie was right, and she was looking for signs that just weren’t there.

“I missed you too, Matt.”

This was such a mess. She was with James. Even if they’d grown apart. But being alone like this with Matt was dangerous, especially now they both knew the truth. Knowing he’d left because of a misunderstanding was a head wreck. She should have tried harder at the time to find out what was wrong. It had been as much her fault as his: she’d just let him go. Panic surged through her, and she pushed herself shakily to her feet.

“I should go to bed.” It all felt like too much – all she wanted right now was to be on her own.

“I’m sorry, this is a shitshow.” Matt glanced away. “I think I handled it badly.” When Daisy didn’t reply, he added, “Maybe we both need some space to think?”

Daisy nodded.

“I left some other stuff out for you, but if you need anything else ...” Matt smoothed his hand nervously over the back of his neck.

A memory of their first night together flashed to mind. She’d borrowed his toothbrush and spent the whole next day wondering if he’d really wanted her to stay.

“I’ll see you in the morning, Matt.”

“I have a spare toothbrush.”

He spoke so quietly, she wasn’t sure if she’d imagined it. For a moment they stood, looking at each other. Daisy wasn’t sure which of them made the first move, but in the next moment she found herself standing so close to him she could hear their joint breathing and the thumping of her own heart. If she turned her face slightly to the side, Matt would kiss her cheek. He might even hug her. But she couldn’t move.

He stepped infinitesimally closer, and for a brief moment Daisy felt a bit faint. Breathe, Daisy . She hoped there weren’t any wine stains on her teeth. This was such a bad idea.

Except ... he was looking at her the way he used to. She watched, hypnotised, as he reached out and brushed her hair away from her face. As Daisy’s breathing shallowed, she felt ... shit , was she about to faint? Don’t faint, Daisy . She gasped for air, hoping Matt hadn’t noticed. There was still time: she’d just say goodnight.

“You haven’t changed a bit.” Matt’s voice was husky.

Haha, just two sizes bigger . And the war against feminism rages on, one self-deprecating thought at a time. Focus, Daisy!

Matt still wanted her. Which was astonishing, given that until about five minutes ago, he’d thought she’d slept with James while they’d still been together. James, your current boyfriend, remember?

Briefly, she closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on James. But Matt seemed to interpret it as an invitation, because before she knew it she was being pulled into his arms, and he was kissing her, and her arms were winding around his neck, obeying a five-year-old muscle memory.

Oh! God! She leaned in, excitement shooting through her as Matt angled her head to deepen the kiss. He felt so good. Had he always felt this good? He’d definitely got better!

“Jesus, Daisy.” His lips left hers to trail down her neck, and Daisy heard herself moan as his hands slid under the top of her tracksuit.

She froze. No, not her tracksuit: his. The one she’d had to borrow because her own clothes were still wet. Because she’d left it too late to get home. Which was the only reason she was here right now! She opened her eyes and gulped in some air.

“ Stop! ”

Slowly, Matt straightened. “Are you – ?” He frowned. “Did I hurt you or something?”

Daisy shook her head, wondering if she’d detected a hint of annoyance. He was probably just confused. Which was understandable, given that her own levels of confusion were currently off the charts.

“I shouldn’t ... I don’t think this is a good idea.”

Crapitty-cap , how had she let that happen? No, the how was pretty clear: she still really wanted him. Here they were, under the one roof – with one bed. If her life was a romantic comedy, it’d definitely be happening! James would never have to know – nobody would get hurt!

Reluctantly, she pulled away. “I’m sorry, Matt.”

He said nothing, and Daisy wished that she could go back in time and talk to the Matt she’d known that summer he’d left for New York. Please say something, Matt.

“It’s fine.” He gave a tight smile. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“See you in the morning.” Smile, Daisy, it’ll be okay. Let him know it’ll be okay.

Upstairs, she quietly shut the bedroom door behind her, and sat down on the bed, her thoughts unravelling, her heart cracked wide open.

The last five years of her life boiled down to a stupid sliding-doors moment. If Matt had never gone away that summer ... if she’d never gone to that party ... if that rumour had never started. If he’d just asked her the truth!

She lay back and stared up at the ceiling, with its original coving and beautiful, ornate centrepiece. The first tears slid down her face, soaking the crisp, white linen pillow.