The Light in Us

10. Fallon

10

Fallon

I slip out of bed early, gingerly avoiding Rory’s grip as he turns over in his sleep with a muttered grumble.

After grabbing one of his shirts from his closet, I shrug it on and tiptoe through the silent house with my dress and underwear from yesterday in my arms.

I have one dress, and one set of underwear to work with.

Sighing, I close the door on the washer and hit the button to turn it on.

“Fallon.”

My gasp catches in my throat as I spin, my hand flying to my throat. “Good – good morning.”

I dart past Shaun where he stands in the doorway. He’s already dressed, his hair damp around the edges and impeccably dressed in a dark navy suit. “I haven’t gotten breakfast ready yet—,”

“Hey.” He catches my hand, drawing me back. “Calm down. It’s fine. I can grab food on the way.”

His voice is softer this morning. I don’t look at him, fixing my gaze on his pale gray tie instead. “I don’t mind.”

I can feel him watching me, my body tensing up. He lifts a hand, his fingers curling into my hair. “You have such beautiful hair, you know. Like liquid onyx.”

A lump appears in my throat. “Thank you.”

Cold fingers lift up my chin. He searches my face as if he’s looking for something. “Are you still in pain? Do you need me?”

He looks genuinely concerned. Swallowing, I shake my head slightly. “No. I… I stayed with Rory last night.”

My skin still itches, my body still aches, but it’s not the sharp pains I’ve experienced over the last week or so.

Shaun nods, still watching me. “Stay with me tonight. I don’t want you to be in pain.”

My gut clenches as his fingers trail across my cheek.

But you still walked away from me last night. You still left me, even knowing I was hurting.

Shaun exhales. And I stiffen as he draws me to him, his arms wrapping around me as he cups my head. His scent, oily and cloying, fills my nose. “Why don’t I take you shopping this weekend? We could have lunch somewhere.”

It’s not an apology. But it’s close.

Slowly, my arms raise to wrap around his stomach, my cheek pressed to his chest. “That sounds nice.”

I can’t remember the last time they took me anywhere.

“Good.” Shaun’s breath is hot as he tilts my neck to the side.

I barely breathe as his teeth graze my skin. “W-what are you doing?”

The teeth disappear, replaced by his tongue. But my stiffness doesn’t ease. His voice is gruff, deep with need . “Your heat is coming in soon. Your scent is a little richer than usual.”

Oh, god. “I didn’t realize.”

But it explains his unusual softness. I stay quiet as Shaun explores my neck. When he finally pulls back, his face is flushed. “I’ll… pick up a prescription.”

What he really means is that he’ll source under the counter illegal heat suppressants from who the hell knows where. But I’d choose that a hundred times over a bonding mark, over that final tie to them.

Over going through my heat, my most vulnerable time, with them watching over me.

The only boundary I’ve ever managed to successfully set. And only because, by all accounts, I lost my mind going into my first heat with them.

I fought them, until they left me alone. Rory still has a scar on his chest from my nails.

I wonder where that Fallon has gone. Where that fight went.

I doubt I’d even have the energy to fight them off now. Not when I’ve spent the last ten years sharing their beds, begging for scraps of attention. But I stay silent as Shaun slides away from me, clearing his throat. He tosses some cash down onto the side. “For the groceries. Get a receipt. And don’t lose any.”

The tension begins to drain away. This, at least, is familiar ground. “I won’t.”

He’s leaving much earlier than usual, not waiting for the others. After he’s gone, I start on a full breakfast spread, working on their preferred choices. Ellis prefers an omelet with crispy bacon on the side, Rory usually opting for eggs benedict.

He appears thirty minutes later, burying his face in my neck as his food is cooking and inhaling deeply. “Fuck, you smell good.”

I slide out from beneath him as Ellis strolls in. He stiffens, nostrils flaring as he sits at the table. “You’re going into heat?”

I lift one shoulder. Rory tracks the movement as his shirt drops, and I tug it back into place. “Shaun thinks so. He’s going to get the suppressants today.”

Rory’s brows crease. “You don’t need those anymore, Fallon. We’re your pack. I don’t like you taking them.”

I force myself to breathe, to shift around him and take his food off the burner. And I direct my words to Ellis. “It’s such a disruption. Much easier with the suppressants.”

But there’s a gleam in Ellis’s eyes. “Maybe Rory is right. Maybe it’s time we give you a bonding mark, too.”

No.

The refusal rises on my tongue, but I swallow it down. Ellis would pin me down and bite me as a punishment. “Maybe you’re right. But you have a lot on at work at the moment. Is this the right time?”

That takes the wind out of his sails. Even Rory starts to look uncertain, his eyes sliding to Ellis.

Not that I have any idea of the details. They keep their work at the publishing house well away from me, never even talking about it. I used to think it was a way of looking after me - them trying not to hurt me anymore, trying not to rub it in.

But then I realized it was just another punishment for a crime I don’t remember committing. “Is there anything I can help you with? For work?”

Ellis’s face twists, his words dripping with disdain. “You? How the hell could you help us?”

He buries himself in his breakfast, muttering to Rory about some deal they’re working on, and I back away from them.

Out of sight, out of mind.

And well away from any talk of heats or bonding marks.

I hide out in the utility room until they leave, taking my clothes out and putting them into the dryer before darting into Rory’s bedroom. My shoulders sag in relief as I grasp the five dollars he left me from the bedside table.

My dress is still slightly damp when I shrug it on, too impatient to wait. I run a brush through my hair, going without make-up since Ellis left me nothing to work with.

The coffee shop is on the way to the grocery store. It’s a ten-minute walk. If I time it right, I can spend an hour there and still do the groceries before Shaun calls to check on me at midday.

He always calls.

And even if Rory gave me the money, Shaun still wouldn’t be happy about me going to the coffee place on my own. I don’t even want to think about what he’d do, or Ellis.

It’s colder today, that tentative time where autumn takes a step back and winter takes its place. The wind nips at my bare lower arms, goose pimples rising as I hurry through our neighborhood. We’re fairly central to the city; Rory, Shaun and Ellis wanting to be close to their office, and it’s already busy out. My footsteps swallow the distance with my eagerness, my copy of The Light in Us tucked under my arm.

Moving out of the way of an overzealous mom brandishing a huge double buggy with determination, I step up to the window. I’ve never been inside here – never had any spare money to go in. But the small, handwritten sign they keep in the window draws my attention, trepidation warring with a hint of excitement as I duck past it and push the door open.

Jobs board inside.