The Love Losers (Unlucky in Love #3)

Chapter 30

CHAPTER THIRTY

ROSIE

I can’t bear to go back to my brother’s house yet, so I drive downtown and park outside of Claire’s bakery. Then I walk over to the Christmas tree in Town Square. There’s a hot chocolate stand with a red awning, four benches, and the tree itself, presiding over all of it.

When I was a kid, my father used to take us to tree lightings, and he’d hoist me up onto his shoulders so I could watch the magic happen. I miss the feeling of knowing everything would be okay because it was on someone else, someone I trusted, to make sure of it.

Except I was never safe. I only thought I was.

My dad had probably already been in my uncle’s pocket, siphoning his brother’s dirty money through his construction business.

I stand there for a while, staring at the tree, trying to make myself feel something other than awful, but it’s not working today. Deep in my bones, I feel like someone who’ll always pick the wrong card. A loser. A lowlife. A woman who ruins everything without even trying.

I’m still standing there, shivering in my coat, when someone puts a hand on my arm. My instant reaction is to strike out, so I do, but it’s like hitting a sack of bricks.

My brother Declan grunts and rubs his arm. He’s wearing his overcoat and a colorful scarf there’s no chance in hell he picked out for himself. I’m guessing it’s a gift Joy foisted upon him, because Claire would have known better. “You’re stronger than I thought.”

“And your arm probably broke my hand,” I say, shaking it out.

“What’s wrong? Where have you been? Joy’s been trying to cover for you, but I’m guessing you weren’t doing last minute shopping all day.”

The stormy look on his face says he’s probably already guessed, even though the last he heard from me was that I was trying to find Anthony someone else to marry.

“I think I’m falling in love, and it’s awful,” I confess, glancing back at the tree. The lights are pretty and bright and completely empty of joy.

“With that guy Anthony?” he asks gruffly.

“Yes,” I admit, giving him a sidelong glance. “I didn’t mean to.”

His cheek twitches. “That’s the way it happens. What are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing,” I reply. “He doesn’t need my problems.”

He turns me toward him. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not going to ruin your proposal, Declan.” Fresh tears press at my eyes. “I’ve already messed up everything else. You need to take Claire to New York City. I’m not going to be the reason you don’t go on your big trip.”

“I hate New York City,” he says with a huff. “It’s loud, and it’s dirty and smelly, there are about seventy-five percent too many cars. If you give me an excuse not to go, it’ll be the best Christmas present you’ve ever given me.”

I smile through my misery. “What about Seamus and Claire’s dad?”

“Seamus can get off his lazy ass and drive here. Maybe the two of them can take a road trip together.”

That thought makes my smile grow—Claire’s sweet father on a seven-plus-hour drive with my wild brother. What music would they listen to? Would Claire’s dad bring muffins to share?

“That would be epic,” I admit, “but I don’t want to ruin your plans. I always seem to ruin your plans.”

“Bullshit,” he says, and a couple with two small children turn to scowl at him.

He waves, and they move several feet to the left, which must just be to make a point, since they’ll be able to hear us perfectly well in their new position.

“Bullshit,” Declan whispers. “You helped convince me to take a chance on myself. This life I have…I’m not sure I’d still have it if it weren’t for you.”

Some of the tears escape my eyes, and the look of horror on Declan’s face almost makes me laugh.

“It’s okay, Dec,” I say. “They say crying’s good for you.”

“What’d he do?” he says in a pissed-off, low-pitched voice. “I’m not going to lie, I’m afraid of that old woman, but that won’t stop me from beating him up if he hurt you.”

“He didn’t hurt me,” I say thickly. “I screwed everything up. For him and for me.”

He raises his eyebrows. “I doubt that very much.”

Well, shit, I suppose I’d better tell him everything.

“Let’s get some hot chocolate,” I suggest.

He makes a face, because he’s a manly man who drinks coffee, but he walks over to the stand with me. We get our drinks and then claim a bench by the tree.

I talk, and he listens, because if there’s one thing my brother’s always been good at, it’s listening.

He rubs his brow as I finish. “I wish you’d told me this a long time ago, Rosie.”

“I should’ve,” I say, feeling the guilt burning through me. “But I was ashamed.”

His jaw firms. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. Our uncle used us. He’d have used anyone to get what he wanted.” He pauses, messing with the lid of the hot chocolate he’s barely touched, then shifts slightly on the bench so he’s staring at me. And I know what he’s going to say before he even says it. Put it down to the sibling bond or the knowledge two people who’ve known each other for a lifetime have about each other. I grip the side of the bench, trying to steel myself. “I think you should come with us.”

“You said you didn’t want to go,” I object.

“I don’t.” He looks sad as he rubs his brow again, his eyes on me. “I don’t see a good ending for this, Rosebud.”

It was our mom’s pet name for me, and more tears rush to my eyes.

“You think he’s going to marry someone else.”

He swallows but doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t need to. My brother’s no idiot, and at the end of the day, neither am I. The logical thing for Anthony to do would be to marry someone else next weekend, whether it’s Leigh the accountant or Nina, shudder the thought. It would be the only safe way for him to protect me and get his money.

I want what’s best for him, so I should be okay with that, but the feeling inside of me is not okay . In fact, I’d like very much to scream and throw my hot chocolate at the tree. I’d like to punch a wall and cancel Christmas and generally act very immature about this whole thing.

I’d like a storm to break out, so my surroundings could match my mood.

But I bite my lip and watch my brother.

“I think he should,” Declan finally says, his voice like sandpaper. It’s killing him to hurt me. I can see that in his eyes. But it’s killing me too, because part of me had hoped my big brother would be able to fix this. “If he cares about you, he’ll leave you alone.”

“What about Nicole?” I ask, more tears coursing down my cheeks. “Nicole said she could get someone to permanently delete my fingerprints.”

“I believe she can probably pull something like that off,” he says with a trace of humor. “And she and I will be having a long talk about all of this. But, Rosie, this is a mess from start to finish. If that Nina woman can prove what you’ve been doing with Joy…” He swears under his breath and rubs a hand over his beard. “I should have been paying better attention.”

“Would you have tried to stop us?” I ask, not without attitude. “You’re my brother, Declan, not my boss. And we haven’t been harming anyone. Joy needs this.”

I need this, I think but don’t add. It’s not the “special” teas I need but the feeling of purpose, of building something with and for someone.

“I don’t disagree with you, but you have to stop. It’s officially become a problem.”

I nod, because he’s right. “I know. I’ll talk to Joy. We can still put on tea parties, but probably no special sauce.”

“We need to clean out your apartment, too,” he say. “Jake and I can go out there later to help out.”

I nod.

“It’s not only this Nina woman that’s the problem… Someone has it out for that family. If this Nina woman didn’t do the website, you could have two people who are out to get you. It’s not worth the risk. He’s not worth the risk.”

I could fight him on it. I could ask him if he’d risk himself for Claire, because I know he would. He has . But I’m tired in a bone-deep way that knows no end, and I feel like I’ve done enough harm to everyone for one day. “Let’s go home,” I say. “Claire and Joy are probably worried about us.”

“Nicole and Damien are over there too.” He shakes his head, trying to smile at me. “She’s wearing a My brother-in-law is a bear T-shirt under her sweatshirt. She unzips it every time Claire has her back turned. If I don’t propose soon, Nicole’s shirts will do it for me. I think Jake and Lainey are planning on stopping by later, too. There’s been talk of a bonfire.”

I force a smile. The thought of being around so many people right now is exhausting. “Okay, let’s go. But please don’t tell anyone about all of this.

He nods firmly. “I don’t keep secrets from Claire, so I’ll have to tell her eventually, but it can wait. I’m still having a private talk with Nicole, though.”

I nod.

“Are you coming to New York?”

The thought makes me feel broken, like a toy someone stepped on, but I know he’s only trying to support me the best way he knows how. “Maybe. I’m not ready to decide.”

It’s not until we rise from the bench that I think to ask, “How’d you know I was out here, anyway?”

He laughs and wraps his arm around my shoulder. “Get used to life in a small town, Rosie. Two people texted me to say you’d been standing here and staring at the Christmas tree for fifteen minutes.”