The Man with the Knot (Forbidden Fun #55)

Chapter 12

12

Brax

T he day drones on.

Periodically, I catch sight of luscious chestnut curls but it’s never Morgan. Her section of the office is a maze of cubicles, but it doesn’t stop me from trying to spot her, or from counting down the minutes until we can talk again.

Michael, the HR representative who’s been showing me the ropes throughout the day, has been a great host but I’m ready for our time together to end. I need to find Morgan and fix everything that I somehow managed to screw up for us.

If she’ll let me, that is.

I have no doubt that I messed up what could have been a relationship. Hell, I pretty much refused to even try to visit her, much less keep in touch in any way. I used a bullshit excuse that our lives were too separate, too incompatible.

The truth is, I wasn’t sure that I was ready to give up my life on Mirago.

Until my life walked away from me and came to New York.

“I’ll have you do the online training once IT sets up your computer access, which will probably be Monday,” Michael’s voice interrupts my thoughts.

“Sounds like a plan,” I agree.

I’ve done my best to focus on the onboarding process. While I absolutely came to New York for Morgan, I really have signed on to work for the city, as strange as this concept is to me. So I need to pay attention to the meetings and paperwork. Still, the job is secondary. Foremost in my mind is a beautiful brunette who currently hates my guts.

“Great. And you’ve met some of your team. Jane already helped you set up your badge, and you’ve already talked with the tax department,” Michael continues, not really needing my input but talking out loud nonetheless.

We’re sitting in his small office. He’s reading off a checklist for new employees and I hope it means we’re finally wrapping up for the day.

“Then there’s the safety briefing…”

I grit my teeth. It’s after five and my patience is running thin. I haven’t seen Morgan in hours, and I have no idea if she’s even in the building still.

“But the trainer is out for the week, so we are going to have to postpone that session.”

I have to stop myself from sighing with relief. Thank fuck he’s not here.

Michael looks up from his clipboard. “So I guess that means that you’re done for the day!” he says brightly. “Big first day, huh buddy?”

I chuckle lightly. “It’s been a rollercoaster, but I think it’ll all work out.”

There’s no need to explain to the man that I’m talking about Morgan and not the environmental projects or stacks of paperwork that only continue to grow.

“Absolutely. Anyways, a few of us sometimes grab a beer after work, if you want to mingle with your new coworkers,” Michael offers. “It’s super casual. Just a nice break between work and going home. The job here can be tough, so we try to bond beyond the office when we can,” he explains.

I smile politely. “I really appreciate the offer, Mike, but I have to get back to my apartment. They’re dropping off a new refrigerator today and I don’t want to miss that,” I fib. I’m not big on lying to anyone, but today is about Morgan and I’ll combust if I have to wait another second to see her.

“Not a problem,” Michael says easily. “It’s an open invite. The group varies each time, but we have a good spot, just down the block. You’ll be a regular in no time.”

This time my smile is genuine. So far, everyone at HRA has been welcoming, which is a far cry from what I’ve previously witnessed in big cities with its rush of no-name faces and interchangeable people.

“I’ll hit up the happy hour next time,” I agree amicably. I stand up and reach for the folder holding my employment paperwork. “Oh, I heard there’s a branch at HRA that helps place job seekers,” I say, keeping my tone casual. “Would they have candidates to recommend? I need to build a sizable team to support the environmental studies I’ll be doing.”

“That’s great,” Michael says, nodding eagerly. “I have no idea if they have the type of candidate you’re looking for, but HRA’s database is huge. There’s sure to be someone.” He glances at his watch. “But most of the staff is probably gone by now.”

“That’s unfortunate. I’d hoped to get a jumpstart first thing tomorrow,” I say easily.

Michael nods thoughtfully. “You know what? I bet Morgan’s still here—the young lady you met before lunch? She helps with those projects from time to time.”

“Morgan,” I repeat her name, running the word over in my mouth. She’s so close that I can almost taste her. “Right, I remember her.”

“Great! Go ahead and pop over to her desk—she’s toward the back, far right side in the cube maze. She’s a good first step for figuring out who to talk to about hiring. She can set up some interviews with attractive candidates, although again, I’m not sure we have exactly the skill set you need. Still, it never hurts to look.”

I nod and walk to the door. “Got it. Appreciate everything you’ve done, Mike. See you tomorrow.”

I do my best to keep a slow, even pace as I make my way toward Morgan. As I get closer, I can’t imagine that she’s left for the day, knowing that I’m still here and that I practically begged her to wait for me.

But it’s so quiet in this part of the building, that I wonder if I’m wrong. I wonder if I’ve blown it with her.

Serves you right , I mutter in my head.

Fortunately, as I approach a set of gray cubicles, I hear the sound of a keyboard clacking. I peek over the edge of one of the walls, hoping that I don’t accidentally find a stranger sitting there.

My heart pounds with relief.

Morgan is plopped in front of her computer, her fingers flying with lightning strikes. She’s concentrating hard, wearing headphones and swishing her head here and there to the music. Occasionally, her face curls into a small smile.

I reach over and tap her shoulder gently.

“Oh!” she blurts out, jumping slightly.

“Hi Morg,” I say softly. “I was hoping I’d find you here.”

She scrambles to her feet and brushes at her clothes. “Yeah, well, it seemed like you really wanted to talk earlier.”

We stare at one another, each of us debating the next move.

“I didn’t have any good reason to come and try to find you,” she offers. “Or I would have.”

I nod. “I understand. Are you heading out soon or…?”

“Yes, yes I am,” she says breathily. “Um, let me just... just give me a minute.”

I eat the curvy girl up with my eyes. I’ve seen Morgan at ease on the beach, felt her body underneath mine, and shared intimate, personal moments. But something about watching her in her own world—the real world for her—is even more profound.

She shuts down her computer, grabs her bag, and tilts her head as she looks at me.

“Do you want to come back to my place?” she asks, her eyes searching mine. Her words make hope leap in my chest even as I try not to show it.

“Yeah,” I agree easily. “Sounds like a plan.”

I resist the urge to grab her hand and instead manage to keep several inches between us as I follow her light steps to the elevator. Soon we’re downstairs and step together out of the building. A biting wind hits our cheeks as Morgan pulls her coat closer around her body.

“This is chillier than Mirago,” I say off-hand. “But I kind of like it.”

Morgan smiles tentatively. “We can take the train, but a cab would be faster. More expensive, but faster.”

“Let’s take a cab.” I’m eager to find some privacy, and to finally get away from the watchful eyes of a nonstop stream of people too.

We climb into one of the yellow cars and are soon fighting our way through traffic toward Morgan’s apartment. While we ride, neither of us says anything, saving our words for when we can be completely alone.

Twenty minutes later, we climb the stairs up to her third story apartment.

“Um,” Morgan says suddenly, her key in the lock. “It might be a bit messy because I wasn’t expecting anyone.”

I raise a black eyebrow. “I’m hardly just anyone,” I point out.

“Yeah, I guess that’s true.” She opens the door and I follow her inside, eager to have another piece of her life revealed to me.

The apartment is small and simple but at the same time, it’s cozy and full of color. I glance from the funky wall art to fun pillows to a tidy kitchen. The only items that seem out of place are the various boxes of tissues scattered around the living room and kitchen. I see another door next to the bath, which much lead to the bedroom.

“I guess it’s not too out of control,” Morgan says lightly, scooping up an abandoned sweater and wiping invisible crumbs from the coffee table. “Could be worse.”

“Morgan,” I take a deliberate step toward her. “Can we talk? Forget trying to clean the apartment. It looks great.”

She drops the sweater back onto the couch and sits down suddenly, almost as though she has lost her strength.

“Why the hell are you here, Brax?” she demands abruptly.

I grimace as I join her on the couch. She turns so that we’re facing each other. But still, she won’t touch me, and I feel like she’s scrupulous about it, like I’m radioactive and dangerous.

I know without a doubt that I’ve hurt Morgan, and that there’s a chance she won’t forgive me for letting her go.

Still, I have to try.

“I came to New York for you,” I tell her directly. “The job is just window dressing. I’m here for you, sweetheart.”

Morgan looks wary. “Why? What changed your mind?”

“A lot of things,” I say with a low chuckle. But then I grow serious. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, Morgan,” I explain quietly. “About us. And what an ass I was for using you and then just letting you go like that.”

“You didn’t use me,” she says quietly.

“No, maybe not, but I realize that what we did, how we were with each other… I shouldn’t have let you leave like that. Especially when I refused to even have a conversation about visiting or at least keeping in touch.”

Morgan looks at her hands. “I don’t even have a picture of you, Brax,” she whispers. “It’s like you never existed.”

I frown. “What do you mean?” I ask gently, daring to scoot a little closer to her.

She continues to look at her hands, but I notice a fat tear as it falls down her cheek.

“Ever since I left Mirago, I’ve been thinking about what it’d be like when I’m eighty years old and trying desperately to remember what you look like and how horrible it’ll be when I can’t picture you. I won’t be able to see your face in my head.”

I wince, my guilt multiplying with every word the poor woman says.

Morgan looks up at me, the tears flowing freely now. “What do you want , Brax?” she sobs. “Because I can’t do this.”

I stop thinking and just act: I pull Morgan into my arms and silently vow to never let her go.

“I want you ,” I tell her, my voice thick with emotion. I stroke her hair as she cries against my shoulder. “I never want to be the reason you cry, or the reason you hurt. I want to be the reason you wake up every day feeling happy, loved, and cherished.”

Morgan pulls away from me slightly so that she can look at my features.

“But you hate the city. You hate New York, period. You don’t know that you can be happy here.”

I nod my head slowly. “I know. That’s what I led you to believe, but things change. I’m willing to make a go of it because Morgan, wherever you are is where I’ll be happy. Besides, I can always visit Mirago. The island will always be there. But my heart? You’re here, and so is my heart.”

She sniffles. “You don’t have to give up everything for me, Brax. I can’t let you do that.”

I smile and cup her cheek in my hand. “Baby, if you take me back and let me be here, in your life, I’ll finally have everything I’ve ever wanted.”

Morgan sniffles again, but I can see a tentative smile on her lips. “Are you usure?” she asks with a searching look. “You’re giving up the island life to live in a gritty urban environment. You’re working for city government, which can be a beast in and of itself. There are seasons here, and winter can be brutal.”

I stare back into her big brown eyes.

“I’m sure,” I say in a low voice before leaning forwards to kiss her lips. “And yeah, I might hate it. But what I’m saying, Morgan, is that I want to try. The island was nothing without you there. Sure, there was the sun, the sand, the beach, and the ocean, but I didn’t care. For the first time in my life, it was meaningless because you weren’t there. That’s when I knew that I had to come. I had to find you, sweetheart, and at least try .”

Morgan’s eyes fill with tears again, her gaze breaking my heart.

“Thank you, Brax,” she whispers. “For giving up your home for me.”

I kiss her again.

“Don’t thank me,” I whisper against her lips. “You’re everything that I want, Morgan. You are my home.”

Then, I tilt her mouth to mine in a deep kiss, our mouths saying everything that words cannot. It’s a kiss of promise, and hope. Of adventures to come, and life to live.

Together at last, wherever life takes us. All I know is that I need this woman by my side, and her curvy form in my life. I can’t live without her – and I wouldn’t even try.