The Marine (Black Hawke Security #3)

CHAPTER TWELVE

brIAR

Present day

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G od, please kill me now. I cover my eyes over my sunglasses to block even more of the sunlight as I walk down to my favorite café.

I need coffee. Real coffee.

But I should also watch where I am going. Damn it. I drop my hands and let out a soft moan as every step I take pounds inside my head like a sledgehammer.

Gah.

I slept with Aidan again.

Fucked. We fucked. In Savannah Sinclair’s guest bathroom.

Who am I?

I’m probably going to hell for sleeping with another man while I’m married. Separated, sure. But I am married.

Here’s the thing, though, when I’m near Aidan I feel more like his than I ever have Kael’s.

Aidan has always had that effect on me. From the moment we met, there was an instant connection, and it’s like we just belonged together.

Until we no longer could.

The day he showed up at my house, after the altercation with my father, to pick up his car was one of the worst days of my life.

Dad had been quiet all morning. I thought it was because someone bigger than him had finally stood up to him. Being former army, I’m not sure anyone ever had. I’m sure, now that I’m older, none of his army pals would think what he did to us was cool.

Few of them came around in those days and I don’t know why. He had a temper and drank. Perhaps he’d showed his colors to some degree, and they no longer liked him.

I remember Mom coming into my room around ten with a little smile on her face.

“I’m not going to say what Aidan did was right, but I must admit your father does have his tail between his legs today.”

We shared a smile.

“How is your neck?” she asked, taking a few more steps into my room as I sat at my desk in front of my computer.

“Sore. But it’ll be okay.” I shrugged.

“Put that cream on it,” she told me, referring to the arnica cream. We always had a big tub of it in my bathroom.

That was my life.

Secret creams to hide the marks my father caused.

I hated him. Yet I loved him.

He was my father. Nothing can change that.

It’s this weird dichotomy loving someone who hurts you. Especially when that person is responsible for protecting you.

At the end of the day, I realized the only person who can truly do that is me.

Which is why I left Kael.

I chose to stay after every violent outburst. I was hurting myself. Regardless of who threw the punch.

My memory returns to the moment Mom and I heard the sound of glass crashing.

“What was that? Gareth?!” Mom raced out of the room, and I scrambled out of my chair and ran after her.

Dad was lying on the kitchen floor with broken glass around him.

Dead.

The next hour was complete chaos and a blur. I’ve gone over and over it in my head for ten long years. Wishing I could turn back time and never introduce my father to Aidan.

Wishing I had remembered that Aidan’s phone was in my bag.

Wishing that I hadn’t gone on a date with him that night.

Anything.

Doing something to change the events that unfolded that morning.

Mom called 911 as she simultaneously tried to resuscitate him. But I knew he was dead. It differed from when he was unconscious. I don’t know how I knew, but I could see that he was lifeless.

The paramedics arrived at some point and took over.

“Is he dead?” I whispered, wrapping my arms around myself. I don’t even know why I asked, given I was sure.

But I was eighteen, and I needed to hear it said out loud. One of them glanced at his watch and called time of death.

That’s when my mother began to scream.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, Gareth. No!” She collapsed as I’d backed away, shaking.

“What happened?” I asked, my voice almost drowned out by my mother.

“How?” I asked again.

“It looks like—”

“Briar?” I’d heard my name called and turned to find Aidan standing in the doorway, his face tight with concern.

I moved toward him, needing his arms around me. I took two steps and stopped when my mother screamed. He did it!

When I spun back around, my eyes bulged at the sight. She’d pointed at Aidan, accusing him of my father’s death, and then scrambled to her feet and tried to attack him.

“Woah.” Both the paramedics grabbed her as Aidan propped his hands on his hips and asked what the fuck is going on?

“You killed him. You killed my husband!”

I’d been in a state of shock.

My father was dead.

My mother had turned into a screaming insane woman.

My boyfriend accused of my father’s murder.

I didn’t know what was happening or what to do. And there was this small whisper which grew louder and louder, which asked, did he ?

Had Aidan’s punch been that strong that it had caused delayed death? It all happened so fast.

“Wait just a fucking minute. I wasn’t even here!” Aidan growled. “Briar, come here.”

“I—”

I didn’t move. I continued glancing from my father’s body to my mother, to the paramedics, and back to Aidan.

“Briar. I’m not responsible for this. She’s in shock.” His eyes had been dark and angry.

I remember just being frozen.

“Everyone calm down. We don’t know the cause of death, and we won’t until we get a medical examiner to take a look.” The paramedic stood.

“But it’s possible?” Mom had sobbed. “Isn’t it? He punched him unconscious just a few hours ago.”

“Ten. Twelve hours ago,” Aidan corrected.

Eyes darted between them, but the paramedic didn’t give a clear answer. “I’m not in a position to say.”

My mouth fell open.

It was as close to a maybe as we would get. Enough to cast more doubt in my young mind.

“Oh, my fucking god!” Aidan yelled and ran a hand through his hair, then slammed it down by his side. “This is insane. He was abusing you, Briar! I stopped him. Is anyone going to thank me?”

Mom let out an anguished sound at that point. “Thank you? Thank you? Are you kidding me? You killed my husband!” Mom yelled. “You’re a murderer.”

“Mom, calm down. Please.” I urged her, holding up a hand.

Her angry, wild eyes had turned on me. “Calm down? Briar, this man killed your father. He killed him.”

“We don’t know for sure.” I’d bitten my lips and tears were starting to fall down my face. “We don’t know, Mom.”

“Get away from my daughter. When the police get here, they are going to lock you up. You murderer!”

By that point, I was shaking and in major shock.

“Mom, please.”

“Jesus.” Aidan had stood, running a hand through his hair, taking in the scene, and then glanced at me.

“Go to him and you are dishonoring me and your father.” Mom threatened.

My heart cracked in that moment as a sob escaped me.

“Briar.” He held out his hand. “Come with me.”

“He’s dead.” I sobbed. “Aidan, he’s dead.”

“I know,” he replied. “It’s over. But you know I didn’t do this.”

Mom had continued her insane ranting while I’d just stood there frozen in my grief, shock, and confusion.

“I’m not leaving.” Aidan took a few steps closer to me, and sometimes when I look back, I wonder if that was the moment we fell apart because I stepped away from him.

He didn’t flinch, but I remember seeing him blink in response.

I’d hurt him.

I’d chosen my family.

That one small step had said a million things.

But he didn’t give up. “Briar, talk to me. I love you.”

I love you too.

When the police arrived, Aidan sat in the living room with them, answering questions. Another one talked to Mom. At one point, they asked me what I knew, and I cannot to this day remember what I said.

I felt Aidan’s eyes on me, burning into my skin, silently begging me to come to him.

I never did.

My mother's pleading, our bond over a lifetime of abuse, her belief that my lover was the man who murdered her husband—my father—kept me frozen.

First, for one day.

Then another.

And another.

Days turned into weeks and months.

Aidan was never charged, as there was no evidence that my father’s heart attack was caused by the previous night’s altercation, but my mother never gave up her position.

To this day.

And the damage had already been done. There was no going back. I hadn’t talked to him or supported him. My silence had, fundamentally, supported my mother's claims.

How could Aidan forgive me for that?

I still had a sliver of doubt, despite the information we were given by the police.

I hated myself for thinking that of a man who had done nothing but respect and protect me.

I didn’t deserve him.

“That boy killed your father,” Mom said every day for months.

It could have been years.

Even in recent days, she’d say how much she missed my father and how that boy had killed him. She never accepted that it had been a heart attack, and that Aidan was innocent.

That he had protected me and potentially saved me from being choked to death that night.

My loyalty had to be with my mother. She was my mom. I’d have lost her and my father if I’d walked into Aidan’s arms that morning. I know that for a fact.

A man I loved but had known for only a few months.

I also believed Mom could be right.

I was na?ve.

Today, I don’t think she was right.

But it has been ten years since I last saw him, and we both have scars from that time of our lives. Even if we do have insane chemistry.

Aidan is wrong. I don’t belong to him.

And it is over.

It was over ten years ago.

I just need to tell my vagina that.

I walk into the café and push all thoughts of the Marine out of my head because he also doesn’t belong to me.

“Triple mochaccino latte please.” I say to the server as I sat in the seat opposite Kael.

“You’re late,” he says angrily, sipping his coffee.

Fuck you.

“Sorry.” I lie.

Date number two. One more to go—next week at the wedding—then I’m divorcing this asshole.

He agreed to this and even if he backs out of it, it is too bad. I’ve held up my end of the deal and can argue that I tried.

I don’t even think this will stop him from causing trouble, but I had to try. It made sense in my head at the time.

The thing is, Kael had no idea I wanted to leave him. He hasn’t spent years fearing for his life, being abused and hating me for it. So this is new to him. I felt it was fair to give him some time to come to grips with it.

Maybe that’s a lie.

I’m hoping these dates will give him time to accept it’s happening and restrain from any violent tendencies he might have.

It’s all very well getting a restraining order. But it's already illegal to hit or rape your wife so...yeah, this is my attempt at softening the blow.

I am leaving him.

He will give me a divorce.

The end.

“Where were you last night?”

I’ve never seen someone sip so aggressively the way Kael does. Who knew drinking coffee could be intimidating?

But it is when he does it.

“At work.” I kind of lie.

“On a Saturday night? Come on, Briar.” He rolls his eyes, then puts the cup down and leans forward. “I’ve told you before not to lie to me.”

“I’m not lying.” I fight not to flinch.

I am lying, though. For self-preservation. I will lie as much as is needed to keep myself safe from him.

Not sorry at all.

“You are coming over tonight.” He sits back after giving the order.

My heart thunders as my fear rises.

This was not the plan.

“No...I...Kael, I told you. Three dates.” I stammer.

“This is a fucking coffee, Briar. I haven’t fucked you for over two months.”

I almost vomit.

There is no way I want him touching me. Not after being with Aidan. Not after...everything.

“We’re separated, Kael,” I say quietly and glance around. The last thing I need is for him to fly off the handle. “I left you. We are taking things slowly.”

“You are my wife. It’s your goddamn duty. Unless you want me to go out and fuck another woman.”

I flinch this time. Not because I don’t want him with another woman—I wish he would in some ways—but because I know he’s getting riled.

I did love him once. I would have been horrified to hear him say that to me even a year ago. But the day he broke my wrist, about eighteen months ago, the love began to fade.

Now it’s gone.

We stare at each other for a long moment. I’m too scared to respond. Nothing I say will be right.

This is dangerous territory.

“We’ll go back to your place afterward, and I want your mouth on my cock,” he says and takes another sip of his coffee as if it’s a done deal.

I nod.

Because what can I do?

We order lunch and I slip into the bathroom and message Trina straight after.

I am not sucking his cock.

Tapping my foot, I wait for her to reply and consider messaging Alice. She’s not as confident around Kael. I don’t blame her. He’s not a huge guy, but he’s intimidating.

I chew the side of my mouth.

God. If she isn’t awake yet, I might have to...ask Aidan. He put his number into my phone last night.

Ding.

Thank god.

Trina and I make a plan, and I head straight back out.

After lunch, Kael wipes his mouth on his napkin and requests the check. He smiles at me across the table.

“You must be eager for me to eat you out, babe. Fuck, I’m getting hard just thinking about it.” His hand goes under the table, and I know he’s rubbing it over himself.

I did love this man. I was very attracted to him for a long time.

But his words have no effect on me.

My body wants Aidan, and while that can never happen again, being with him has made me even more intolerant of my soon-to-be ex-husband.

I do not owe him sex.

He will not be touching me.

A few minutes later, Kael stands and holds out his hand. “Let’s go.” He runs his hand over my buttocks, sliding down until he reaches a sensitive part of my body.

Too damn close.

“Going to make your pussy come hard, Briar.”

I swallow and push the door open. Then step outside and pray Trina has had enough time to drive here.