The Maui Effect (Man-Made Trilogy #1)

In Water

Dane

During his second week in Ventura, Dane got the go-ahead to get in the water again. His scar had sealed up, though the skin was still raised and tender. Today was day one of only taking a quarter of a pill. Now he couldn’t wait to be done with them. He had Butch to thank for that, because hearing his father had struggled with addiction was like a hot slap in the face. The idea that he could lose everything and still not be able to pull himself out spooked him to no end.

Belinda’s friend had a swimming pool, and offered for them to use it anytime, day or night. Kama had driven down, and now the two of them sat on the granite pool deck, legs dangling in the cool water.

“Have you heard anything from ‘Iwa?” he asked Kama.

Dane had been working up the nerve to ask all morning. He didn’t want to put Kama in an awkward position, but the itch became too strong.

“Nah. Have you?” Kama said.

“Radio silence.”

“Can’t say I really blame her.”

“I fucked up. I know it.”

“Brah, you were already on shaky ground, treating her like trash when she gave up everything to be there for you, and then you went and made out with Sunny. What were you thinking?”

Dane had thought long and hard about this. He had no idea what had compelled him to come on to Sunny, other than the fact that he’d felt sharp jealousy when he’d seen ‘Iwa talking to Luke. It was like getting a glimpse into the future, and how ‘Iwa would eventually find someone whole.

“This may be more than you want to hear, but it goes much deeper than ‘Iwa.”

“You think?” Kama said, sarcastically.

“Cut me some slack here. I’ve never told you this—I’ve never told anyone. But I don’t think I’ve ever been fully in love. The way I feel about ‘Iwa.”

“You think I don’t know that?”

“I kept wondering why I was always running away from women when other guys seemed so happy to lock in. I tried with Sunny, but you shouldn’t have to try to feel it, should you? With ‘Iwa it just was .”

“I think if you get things squared away with your mom, it could help answer some of those questions,” Kama said, nodding over at Belinda, who was standing across the pool deck talking to her friend.

Dane nodded. “Working on it.”

Isla slid herself between the two of them, staring into the pool as though there might be sharks lurking in the bottom.

Dane lowered himself into the pool, while Isla circled the perimeter, barking at underwater shadows. He had been imagining this moment for over a month now, and had expected his arms would have to do most of the work, but something magical happened. When he began his crawl, his legs started kicking in time with his arms. Not strong like they used to be, but moving nonetheless. The buoyancy felt so damn good.

“Brah, you’re doing it!” Kama yelled.

Dane buried his face in the water. He was laughing and crying at the same time, and felt like an idiot. He swam the length of the pool, came up for air, turned and swam back. Then did it again and again. The muscles in his back began to burn, and his legs tired quickly, but he kept going. He could have swum forever. All the way to Hawai’i.

That night at dinner, Kama told him he had a ticket back home to Maui in two weeks to help on the farm. Bananas were ready to be picked and it was that time of year for canning mango chutney and liliko‘i butter. Surf was small and the entire island bloomed. What Dane would have given to go with him. Usually, he was on southern hemisphere trips during the summer months, so Hawai’i was out of the question.

“Tell ‘Iwa hi for me.”

“Why don’t you write her a good old-fashioned letter?”

“She wants nothing to do with me and I really can’t blame her. I was an ass and a half,” Dane said.

“How do you even know? People change their minds all the time. At least with a letter, you can be honest with your feelings. Tell her what you told me.”

Dane had thought about just coming out with it and sending her a message, but saying I love you via text for the first time ever felt like cheating.

“Maybe I will.”

“Or go to Maui. In person is usually the best way to go. You could come with me?”

“When I go to Maui, I’m going to be walking.”

Kama looked out at the mountains, and Dane imagined him wondering when that might be. Dane wondered the same thing, but he had crossed over a threshold and now firmly believed it was a matter of when not if .

One foggy morning several weeks later, Dane was standing in the kitchen making a smoothie, bleary-eyed from reading late the night before. The coconut water was just out of reach and he took a step to get it. Even with all the practice, his foot still hadn’t been turning over. He could move his leg forward, and drag the top of his foot, but it wouldn’t quite flex enough and land correctly. This time it did. He went still as a mountain.

Here it was, the moment he’d been waiting for.

His training picked up from there and soon after, he graduated from the wheelchair to a walker. No matter that he looked like someone’s grandfather, it was one of the best things that had ever happened to him. They also took to the ocean.

Belinda suggested they swim around the point to a small sandy cove. The salt water was like a healing accelerator, and he loved to feel his muscles flexing as he kicked. Did you know the soleus muscle is considered your second heart? ‘Iwa’s words came to mind and he missed their nerdy banter and her soulful bursts of wisdom. In the middle of the bay, Belinda pointed down to a cluster of rocks on the sand below the surface. He knew exactly what they were for. She took a big breath, swam down, picked up a rock and began to run with it along the ocean floor.

She came up for a burst of air. “Your turn.”

The water was only about eight feet deep, and clear as spring water, but Dane got a prickly feeling when he thought about swimming to the bottom. “No thanks.”

Belinda looked at him, but didn’t say anything, then dove down and repeated her underwater rock run. Dane watched with a gnawing feeling in his gut. The corners of his vision went dark. No way he could go down there. Instead, he swam for shore, where he dragged himself onto the beach like a sea lion and lay in the warm sand, arms wide open, trying to catch his breath.

Belinda came up a few minutes later. “Are you okay, hon?”

It had been a decade or two since she’d called him that.

“Yeah.”

“Your eyes were full of fear back there.”

He didn’t respond.

She lay down next to him, and found his hand. Soft and cool and now smaller than his, it was a hand he had always wanted more of, whether rubbing his young bony back or tending his banged-up knees. There had been something magic in her touch. Even now, he could feel it seeping into all his wounded places.

“It’s perfectly normal after what you went through, but you can’t give in to it. Fear is—” she said.

His eyes stung. “I don’t need a lecture in fear, Mom. I’ve spent my life chasing fear.”

“This fear is different.”

“Fear is fear.”

“The kind of fear you deal with is real. This fear, what you experienced just now, is created by your mind. It feels every bit as real, but it’s not.”

Dane thought about that for a moment. Running rocks in eight feet of water was something he used to do all the time. There was nothing scary about it, except for possibly blacking out, but that’s why you never ran rocks alone.

“My body’s reaction was real,” he said, giving her a sideways glance.

“That’s how it gets you. When you let fear stop you, you’re feeding it. And the more you feed it, the stronger it gets. You need to show the fear who’s boss.”

Dane pictured himself diving down and his heart jacked up again. “Not right now.”

“If you swim away without going down there, next time will be even harder. Just go down and take one step. I’ll be with you.”

I’ll be with you.

Belinda stood and pulled him up. They looked into each other’s eyes and the ground beneath his feet shifted.

“Let’s do it,” Dane said.

She helped him walk into the water. Out over the rocks, Dane gave himself a pep talk and then took a big breath and went for it. He picked up the smallest rock, took two steps, then kicked up as fast as he could. Belinda came up with him and gave him a high five as they broke the surface.

“Can we come here every day?” he asked, ready to bury this fear in the sand.

“Every day.”