The Noel Bridge

Chapter 3

Chapter Three

T oo early the next morning, Alicia stood in the hot steam of the shower and ran her hands over her soaking hair, the spray washing off the last twenty-four hours. What the water couldn’t cleanse, however, were the blemishes on her battered soul.

While she’d fallen asleep right away, she’d awakened long before she was ready, another issue she’d been dealing with since Bo passed. Her racing mind would rouse her, but her eyes felt glued shut. This morning she’d rolled over to check her phone, only to find that it was 2:30. Her stomach had growled and she’d wanted to get up and make herself a cup of coffee, but she’d fought the urge. For the next few hours, she’d tossed and turned, trying to grab hold of any sleep she could manage.

Yesterday, she’d thought a night’s sleep would make going to the bridge easier, but she’d been wrong. Her sadness was now followed by a paralyzing fear that hearing Bo speak to her would most certainly cause her grief to intensify.

She had the sinking feeling that returning to Noel had been a terrible mistake. The only thing she could do in town was visit people from her past. Her old friend Evelyn would certainly be happy to see her—she was always messaging her on social media, asking her to come visit, chatting as if they’d never missed a day, and sending open invites to go skiing with her family, even though Alicia posted nothing online except the occasional restaurant check-in. She’d always told Evelyn she would find her the minute she got back to Noel, even though returning had been the last thing on her mind.

She scolded herself for not visiting Evelyn when she was a whole person before the accident. Or even in her younger days. But she’d been caught up in high school and then college. After that, she was busy finding a nursing job and working crazy hours because the young nurses were always left with the toughest schedules.

After everything she’d been through, the mere thought of having any kind of meaningful conversation was too difficult, so she’d decided not to let Evelyn or anyone else know she was in town. But even if she successfully avoided her old friends, she’d still have to catch up with Mildred since they were sleeping under the same roof.

Alicia rolled her head under the warm water one last time, then turned the faucet off, wrapped herself in a deliciously fluffy towel, and went into the room to get dressed. After slipping on an oversized sweater and leggings, she padded back into the bathroom to take a look at herself in the mirror. She hadn’t done that often, but since she was going to be around people downstairs, she should probably look presentable. The more time she spent on herself, the less ragged she’d look, and the fewer questions Mildred would have.

She dug around in her makeup bag and applied foundation, spending extra time dabbing concealer on the dark circles under her eyes. Next, she powdered her skin and added a touch of blush, eye shadow, and eyeliner and a quick layer of mascara. With a swipe of lip gloss to finish the job, she looked a lot like she had before the accident, except for her thinner frame. She dried and curled her hair and viewed the final product. She’d managed to hide her brokenness almost entirely, which made her feel slightly stronger. If she could keep herself together on the outside, she might just fool everyone.

Downstairs, the dining area was quiet except for Mildred, who was in the corner arranging pitchers of coffee and mugs on a table full of gingerbread, buttermilk biscuits, and muffins set between poinsettias and sprigs of holly. The woman spread her arms wide when she saw Alicia.

“My goodness, child! You have certainly grown into yourself.” She gave Alicia a big squeeze.

The feeling of someone else’s touch was almost foreign.

“When you left Noel, you were all elbows and knees, just beginning to show your feminine side.” She held out Alicia’s arms. “Now you’re a grown woman. And beautiful.”

Alicia struggled to accept the praise. She didn’t feel grown up or beautiful.

“How’s your mom doing?”

“She’s doing well. She and Dad are in the Florida Keys right now. Mom’s avoiding the winter weather.”

“Ah, I remember she didn’t love the cold. She told me once that’s why you all never had a dog. Your sister wanted one, but with her busy softball schedule, your mama knew she’d be the one walking the dog in the cold, and she couldn’t bear it.”

Alicia chuckled. “Camille is now a sports therapist.”

“What a perfect job for your sister. She was also a football manager in high school, wasn’t she?” Mildred offered Alicia the treats on the table.

“Yes, and she was on the gymnastics team. She’d compete in any sport they’d let her do.” Alicia placed a piece of gingerbread on a small plate.

“Can I get you a coffee?”

“I’d love one. Thank you.”

While she poured, Mildred told Alicia to choose a table and relax. Alicia took the gingerbread over to one of the handful of tables scattered around the room and dropped her handbag on the floor beside her. She dragged her fork through the moist bread and took a bite, savoring the warm, spicy sweetness.

“Cream and sugar?” Mildred asked from the coffee station.

“Yes, please. Heavy on the cream, if you would.”

Mildred brought two mugs over to the table and sat across from Alicia. “What about you?” she asked before taking a sip of her drink. “What do you do now?”

The prickle of tension took hold, but Alicia grasped her mug to cover it. “I’m a nurse.”

Mildred offered her a warm look. “I could see that. You don’t have a negative bone in your body—always seeing the best in everything.”

How times have changed.

“I bet you’re so patient with people.”

The direction of the conversation lightened Alicia’s mood. The one ray of light she’d had these past months was the care of her patients. Being without her hospital family added to her struggles, and she couldn’t help feeling bitter that Katy had sent her home for three whole weeks, until after the New Year. Now look at her—chasing a ridiculous idea that, if she were being honest with herself, she knew full well would produce nothing. Not to mention that she’d left the safe confines of her condo and forced herself out into the world.

The dining room was quiet. She’d expected it to be full of people when she came down. In the shower, she’d planned on there being a busy atmosphere to distract Mildred and make their reunion a little shorter. But with no one else there, the familiar pressure of needing to carry the conversation and interact settled upon her. She’d also hoped the other patrons’ laughter and joy might drown out her feelings. For so many years, Bo had been the talker of their relationship, jumping into every conversation and making everyone laugh. She’d never had that kind of presence on her own, and without him in social situations, the silence was unbearable.

“I’m surprised breakfast isn’t already busy,” Alicia said.

“Oh, it will be, we’re packed, especially now news of the bridge has gone national. Every room’s occupied.” Mildred squinted at the tray of biscuits, got up and positioned it a little closer to the muffins, then sat back down. “Right now, we’ve got a houseful of families. This place is brimming with kids. Which is why I made cookies at the crack of dawn.” She winked at Alicia.

A spear of guilt jabbed Alicia in the stomach. Should she have spent time with her family instead of coming here? Should she have gone to the Keys with them? She knew the answer but didn’t want to face it.

Her family hadn’t been the same since they all moved to different states. Her parents were still in South Carolina, she was in Georgia, and Camille was in Maryland with her husband, William, and her son, Oscar. They didn’t catch up the way they used to, and this trip would’ve given her time to be with all of them at once—an opportunity they didn’t get very often.

“Besides, you’re early,” Mildred said, pulling Alicia from her thoughts. Mildred tipped her head toward the grandfather clock in the corner. “Breakfast doesn’t start for another fifteen minutes. Then we’ll have quite the crowd.”

Alicia forced a smile.

“Well, young lady, what’s on the agenda today?”

She’d come to Noel to visit the bridge. That was what she was supposed to be doing today. But she still couldn’t bring herself to go. Just the idea of it caused the familiar lump of grief to form in her throat. She swallowed to ease it.

“Oh, maybe I’ll just head into town.”

“And do a little Christmas shopping?” Mildred asked, a sparkle in her eyes.

With her family in another state and all of them deciding it would be best not to swap presents this year due to the family’s trip, Alicia didn’t have a soul to buy a present for, but she nodded excitedly for Mildred’s benefit.

“Want some actual breakfast before you go? I was about to put out the menus.”

“That would be wonderful.”

“Excellent. I’ll go grab one for you.” Mildred got up and walked out of the room, leaving her alone.

Alicia let out a breath and sat back in her chair, picking at the piece of gingerbread.

A few minutes after Mildred delivered the menu and returned to the kitchen, people began filtering into the dining area, taking seats at the other tables and sofas throughout the room, and chatting around the coffee station. Alicia rooted around in her handbag for her book, pulled it out and opened it, and began the task of looking occupied. What in the world was she going to do with her time? Maybe she should see Evelyn after all, find an out-of-the-way spot where they could catch up. She’d been okay one-on-one with Mildred, and she managed last night with Leo. Surely she could handle chatting with Evelyn.

Her mind went back to meeting Leo last night. That calm feeling washed over her again when the memory of him walking beside her on the way to their vehicles floated into her mind. Had he caused the feeling or was it being around people in general? The more she considered it, the more she was convinced he had an indescribable way about him that put her at ease. Perhaps his need to hurry had taken the pressure off her for once. And there was also the fact that Leo didn’t know anything about her, so they’d stuck to surface conversation without getting into the weeds of her life story.

With one hand holding her book open, she picked up her mug with the other and took a long drink of the soothing, nutty coffee. She could always just take a walk downtown. Then she’d look as if she were window-shopping, but she wouldn’t have to speak to anyone because she could act interested in something in a store window if anyone made eye contact. She could blend in with the crowd of strangers while she figured out what she wanted to do.

Yes, that was a perfect idea.

The snow-covered mountain town of Noel was stunning in the daylight. The old Main Street was flanked by preserved historic buildings, their storefronts pristinely painted, the original 1930s signs refurbished to look new. Every lamppost held a bright red banner with snowflakes and curly letters that spelled out A Noel Christmas .

A pinch of homesickness took hold, and Alicia’s sixteen-year-old self bubbled to the surface. She tipped her head up toward the speaker playing Christmas music in front of the bookshop where she and Evelyn used to go after school and devour every paperback they could buy with their babysitting money. She peered past the twinkle lights and greenery lining the shop window, the rows of books in their polished oak shelves a blast from the past.

The memories of her time there made her want to cry for the young girl she’d been. If they’d never moved, where would she be now? Still hurting? Or completely happy? Could life have remained that simple forever?

She paused to view the pop-up ice-skating rink across the street. Red-and-white candy-cane-striped flags fluttered in the icy wind, alerting people that the rink was open for the holiday season. Bundled couples holding hands laughed together, wobbling and doubling over as they skated around the circle. Would she ever experience that kind of innocent joy again?

She paced along hilly Main Street. White lights glittered above her and in every tree that lined the busy sidewalk. Shoppers bustled by, holding steaming cups and shopping bags from the various boutiques. The town had certainly grown in the nine years she’d been away, and she was glad for it. This was a perfect place to blend in and disappear.

She continued walking, stepping aside for couples and groups every now and then as the sidewalk narrowed where small piles of snow hadn’t been cleared. She peered into the shop windows, pretending to show interest in their wares, all the while wondering how long she could stand walking in the freezing cold. The smell of yesterday’s storm, the feel of the icy pavement under her feet, and the rustle of the trees against the gray sky brought back happier memories of childhood, old friends, and the ache of leaving—or was it just the usual sting of grief with a Christmas-covered facade?

She stopped on the corner at the end of Main Street where the road forked and led out of town. Her childhood home was on a large plot of land, only about a two-mile walk down the left-hand lane. She dared not see it in her current state. That would do more harm than good, taking her out of the present and back to memories. Nothing remained of her years there anyway. Her high school bedroom was empty, and her swing on the old oak tree had been taken down—she remembered the day her father had removed it right before they left.

Perhaps she should go to the bridge and get the trip over with. Maybe she could even catch an earlier flight in the morning. She’d only planned to stay in town through tomorrow anyway, which was good since she didn’t think she could stomach being there for Christmas. This had always been her favorite time of year growing up, but now it was too difficult, so she’d rather retreat to her condo.

Even though spending the holiday alone back in Savannah was bound to be depressing, her memories of Noel wouldn’t be easy on her either. No matter where she was, she’d be miserable, and at least in her condo she hadn’t put out any Christmas decorations to remind her of everyone else’s joy. Maybe she should skip going to the bridge completely and go home before the next storm arrived.

She peered up at the white sign with curling blue lettering that read Bridge Coffee and Tea . Her hands were near frostbit; she could busy herself with grabbing a latte. The indulgence would be nice, and it would help keep her warm while she figured out what to do next. She opened the door and went inside.

As she made her way to the counter, the heady scents of caramel and cinnamon floated through the air, along with the smoky aroma of freshly ground coffee. Christmas music played through the shop, and a fire burned in the stone fireplace at one end of the seating area that was filled with plush chairs and pillows. With the snow piled on the window frame, the scene would’ve made the perfect postcard for the most discerning Christmas fan, but even with the atmosphere, all Alicia wanted was the warmth of a cup of coffee.

“Alicia Silver?” A shrill voice floated toward her.

Every hair on her body stood at attention, and blood rushed to her extremities as if she were a criminal, caught in the act. But in the act of what—living? She took in a steadying breath and turned to find a very memorable face. She’d know those green eyes and high cheekbones anywhere.

“Evelyn?” she asked, but she already knew it was her old best friend.

Evelyn rushed over and threw her arms around Alicia, nearly knocking her down. Then she pulled back and wrinkled her nose. “You were coming to surprise me and I spoiled it, didn’t I?”

Well, Alicia had told her parents she was visiting Noel to see Evelyn, and this was definitely a shock… “Surprise,” she said, pushing out a smile.

“I had no idea, I swear,” Evelyn said, linking their arms as if they were no different now than they had been as girls.

Had nothing changed for Evelyn? Jealousy began to take hold, and Alicia pushed it away. Right after Bo’s accident, that same feeling would wash over her anytime someone was happy. Their pleasure made her resentful she’d been dealt the hand she had. As time went on, she learned to ignore the feeling because she knew it would tear her apart if she let it.

Sometimes she wondered if she should tell more people what she was going through, but there never seemed to be a good time to mention grieving the death of a loved one. It didn’t come up naturally in conversation, and if she brought it up, she was willing to bet whatever conversation had been going on would die in a hurry. So she’d stayed quiet. It was easier for her anyway.

“I was just coming in during my break to grab a decent cup of coffee before I head back to school,” Evelyn said brightly as they took their places in the long line.

“School?”

Seeing her in the flesh took some getting used to. Alicia tried to reconcile the older version of her best friend with the little girl who used to hunt for four-leaf clovers with her in the backyard. Was her laughter the same as it had been? The sound of it echoed in her mind as she thought of them chasing each other through the large expanse of forest behind Alicia’s house. Her parents had warned them not to go too far into the woods because they went on for miles. The girls had always followed the old hunting paths to be sure they could find their way back home.

“Yeah, remember?” Evelyn touched her shoulder, and Alicia scrambled to recall their conversation. “I teach at the middle school, but the kids are already off, and today’s our last teacher workday, so as long as we get to school on time, we can pop out for coffee if we’re quiet about it.” Her eyebrows bobbed cheerfully. Then, as if suddenly attuned to Alicia’s inner turmoil, those brows pulled together and empathy washed over her. “You okay? ”

Alicia nodded. “Yeah, I just can’t believe I forgot you were a teacher.” But that was how grief worked—it clouded her brain like a dense fog at times, making her disregard the fact that the world continued to go on.

“Don’t be sorry—you don’t have to remember everything. It’s been a long while since we’ve had a chance to catch up,” Evelyn said, shuffling forward in the line. “Hey, what are your plans today?”

Alicia bit her lip. That was the second time she’d been asked that. Was this some sort of cosmic push for her to figure out what she needed to do? “I hadn’t planned anything just yet.”

“Well, I’m off at three,” Evelyn said. “Why don’t we meet at Deloris’s Pie Shop for something warm and delicious? She still makes her salted caramel apple pie.” Her friend stepped up to the counter and gave her coffee order.

Everyone in Noel knew about Deloris Colington’s salted caramel apple pies. She’d been baking them every Christmas for decades. The crust was hand-made with dough shaped as holly leaves around the buttery, sugared edges, and the apples inside were coated in caramel with Deloris’s secret collection of holiday spices. She only made the pies at Christmas, and each day she put a batch of ten out right at three o’clock after they were done cooling. She sold them by the slice or the pie.

When Alicia was growing up, they were so popular they’d sell out within the hour. Her mother had managed to secure an entire pie each year, and none of Alicia’s friends knew how she’d managed to get them with such consistency.

The cheery nostalgia of the memory was enough to comfort even Alicia’s aching heart. “That sounds amazing, actually,” she said .

“Perfect,” Evelyn said, showing a genuine happiness that Alicia hadn’t been able to feel in nine months. “I’ll meet you there. I’m excited to catch up!”

The barista called her name at the end of the counter.

“See you later.” Evelyn left her to pick up her drink. Then she waved, slipped out the door, and left down the snowy street.

Alicia stepped up to the barista to order her coffee and couldn’t help noticing how Evelyn had lifted her spirits. Her friend’s warm smile and love for life had pulled Alicia out of her inner turmoil, and she was actually glad she’d run into her. Now, at least with a pie date on the agenda, she’d have something to do.

She found a comfortable nook at the back of the coffee shop with overstuffed chairs and low tables full of holiday magazines. She took a seat on the sofa and held her coffee in both hands, still attempting to warm up as the snow collected on the edges of the large window next to her. She decided to call her mother and report to her family that she was meeting Evelyn today, because they would undoubtedly ask when she spoke with them again. Since Bo’s death, they’d been overly interested in her daily life. Her sister had her own family to manage, but she still called Alicia at least once a week, and her mother and father checked in almost every day.

She set down her coffee and pulled out her phone, then tapped her mom’s name. “Hey,” Alicia said when she answered.

“Hi!” Her mother’s voice sounded a little too chipper, but it usually did. It was as if she thought she could produce enough happiness for them both.

“Are you in Florida yet?”

“Yes, we just arrived. There’s a heat wave, and we’re in the upper seventies. My hair looks like a beehive with all the humidity, but the sunshine is glorious. I wish you were here.”

“Honestly, I almost reconsidered,” she said. She didn’t admit that her reevaluation hadn’t been based on what Florida could offer, but on what she faced here in town. “I just wanted to let you know I made it safely to Noel.”

“I’m glad you called. I was planning to check in with you this afternoon. I heard about the snowstorm, and I was worried about you.”

“It’s still coming down,” Alicia said, peering through the window at the snowflakes swirling in the wind.

“It’s a relief to know you’re safe. Those mountain roads can be treacherous.”

“Yeah, I know. It was tough getting up the mountain in the dark.” She picked up her coffee and took a long, soothing drink.

“They say more snow is heading your way, you know?”

Alicia squinted at the group of people bustling by outside. “I’m only staying today and flying out tomorrow.”

“Well, you’ll want to check your flight because it’s supposed to get worse between now and the weekend. You should probably see if you can change your return trip and wait it out there until it’s safer to get back to civilization.”

Alicia didn’t have enough money to stay any longer, so she changed the subject, figuring she’d most likely be able to fly back. It wasn’t as if the airport couldn’t de-ice a plane.

“There’s more civilization here than there used to be,” she said, her attention moving to the jingle of the bells on the coffee-shop door.

For the second time, a masculine frame caught her eye, making her do a double take. But on this occasion she knew it was Leo. She sank back into the sofa in the nook, to stay out of sight. From her vantage, she could still make out the side of his coat as he ordered. When she peeked around the partition, the barista’s batting eyelashes and flirty grin aimed at Leo made Alicia concentrate on his features as he stepped to the side to wait for his order. In the light of day, his rugged good looks were more visible, and she understood why the barista found him attractive. But he also had a somber look, and he seemed to be in a hurry again, which was perfectly fine by Alicia.

“You-hoo…” Her mother’s voice came floating back into her consciousness. “Can you hear me?”

She tore her eyes from Leo. “Sorry. I’m at a busy coffee shop. What were you saying?”

“In Noel? Well that answers my question. I asked how much it had grown. The words ‘busy’ and ‘coffee shop’ never would have come to mind when I think back to the little town we left.”

“Lots of people have been coming to the bridge,” she explained. “Apparently, news of the miracles went national. You know the drill.”

A skeptical huff came down the line. “Only God can perform miracles.”

“I know,” she said, fighting the growing irritation at having wasted a lot of money coming back.

Her mother was silent on the other end of the line just long enough to give Alicia pause. She’d confided in her mom once about going to the bridge to ask for things when she was a girl, and how she’d believed it worked. Until the day they’d left.

“You didn’t go back to get a miracle at the bridge, did you, sweetie?”

“Of course not,” she lied through her teeth. “Why would I do that? It didn’t work last time. ”

Her mom seemed satisfied with the answer, but it only made Alicia feel worse for even considering that the bridge had any magical qualities. She squeezed her fist, disappointed in herself for giving in to the old folklore.

Leo turned around with a cup of coffee and walked over to the cream-and-sugar station. Alicia willed herself to be invisible.

“How’s Camille?” she asked her mom in a low voice.

“Good. You want to talk to her?”

“Sure.” She was slowly slipping back into her low feelings, so she’d have to pretend everything was wonderful, which was exhausting. But staying on the phone would be a good idea since Leo probably wouldn’t want to interrupt her if he saw her. She turned to the side and faced the wall, acting as if she were in deep conversation.

“Hello from paradise,” Camille said.

“Hey, Cammy,” she said, unconsciously slipping in her sister’s nickname from when they were girls. Perhaps it was her mind’s way of skipping over the trauma and focusing on better times.

“I can’t believe you’re in that freezing town when you could be drinking pi?a coladas in the sand with me.”

It was good to hear her older sister’s banter. She always dished it straight—it was Camille’s form of affection.

“What’s in Noel that could possibly be better than the Keys?”

Alicia didn’t know. She’d given up a week of making memories with the living people in her life to stay with Bo, who’d never be coming back.

“It’s the first time I’ve had built-in childcare since giving birth to Oscar,” Camille continued. “Mom won’t leave him alone, which is fine with me. I actually had time to get ready for the day. I’m not sure I’ve put on mascara in three years. I feel rested, like an actual woman and not just a lump of sweatpants. William will be all over me tonight.”

Alicia grimaced, trying to get the picture of her brother-in-law seducing her sister out of her mind. “Eww, stop,” she said, a laugh escaping despite her mood.

Camille laughed with her. “It’s not too late to come, you know. You could be on a flight tomorrow morning.”

She didn’t know what to say. William was a pilot, and he was always flying them around. Alicia was willing to bet he could get her a ticket to Florida if she wanted one. There was truly no good reason not to go to the Keys. She just wasn’t ready to feel jovial. It was as if that emotion had been ripped from her body and she couldn’t get it back.

“Just think about it,” her sister said into the silence.

“I will.” Right then, even though she’d probably struggle to enjoy herself, she seriously considered jumping on the next plane anyway.

“Hey, I’ve gotta run. We’re all waiting at a tiki bar, and our table’s ready.”

“All right. Have fun,” Alicia said.

Just as she ended the call with her sister, Leo noticed her and held up a hand to say hello while he took a seat across the room. The tightness in his face revealed he had something on his mind, and while she was curious to know what it was, she knew better than to allow him into her world. She had enough problems.

She gave him a wave while checking her phone as if she had to be somewhere. Then she quickly stood, gathered her coffee and handbag, and headed out the door.