The Odds of Happily Ever After (The Reyes Siblings #2)

Chapter 42

chapter forty-two

gabe

Cesar

Tomorrow. Don’t forget.

Before Luna, I had never imagined myself talking about my feelings so openly—and most definitely not spouting declarations of love. Now here I was, revealing my hand to her as though I had nothing to lose.

In truth, this felt like the most important gamble I’d ever make because Luna was the prize I hadn’t allowed myself to hope for.

“I love you, Luna.” The words burst out of my mouth like they’d stayed trapped inside for far too long. Freeing them felt right because they belonged to her— only her—and once I’d popped the cork on the truths I’d kept unspoken, more of them poured out.

“I know you deserve better,” I told her. “I’ve hurt you and let you down multiple times despite saying I would make things right. And I know you have other options—someone who doesn’t come with a load of baggage and makes you feel like you’re the center of his universe. I know that’s not me, but I promise never to stop trying to be a better man and to love you the best way I can. Even if you choose to be with someone else.”

I released everything I had bottled in, and the furrow between Luna’s eyebrows grew deeper with every word I said.

Letting go of her, I scraped a hand through my hair and exhaled loudly.

She shook her head. “I’m trying to figure out where to start,” she said, wiping her eyes. “Yeah, you hurt me, but I’ve already forgiven you for that—and the times you’ve made me happy far outnumbers the times you didn’t. You make me feel seen the way no one else does. The way you pay attention to the smallest of details . . . it amazes me.” She reached out and wove her fingers through my hair, and I leaned into her touch. “I’ve always wanted to do this, you know? Every time you ruffled your hair, I wished I could do it for you. I can’t believe you think I have other options when you’re the only one I see. You’re the only one I want.”

Her words filled me with so much hope and gratitude that my brain couldn’t come up with a proper response. “Luna . . .”

“Gabe.” She held my stare. “I love the different sides to you, and every time you show me more of who you are, I fall deeper in love with you. I don’t care that you have baggage. I only care that you trust me enough to share it with me and let me help bear the load.”

I reached for her hand, and she opened it for me, filling the gaps between my fingers with her own. “I do trust you. More than I thought I could trust anyone again.”

She squeezed my hand. “Can I tell you what I want?”

“Of course. You never have to ask for permission.”

“I want you as my partner, Gabe. I want to work through these chaotic feelings with you and to be with you even when it’s hard and messy and things feel like they’re out of control. I want us to back each other up and push each other to be better.” A slight flush colored her cheeks, and wisps of hair escaped from her braid, the strands falling across her forehead.

With my free hand, I swept the loose hair back and cupped her face. “I want that too. All of that,” I told her. “I promise to do my best to give that to you.”

A shadow passed across her eyes and she took a shaky breath.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, searching her face.

“I—” She hesitated. “I should be ecstatic right now because I’ve loved you for so long and I never thought you’d love me back. And I’m happy, really, I am. But I’m scared, too, and I hate it.”

I wanted to embrace her, but I wasn’t sure she wanted to be touched like that right now. So I held on to the hand she’d left in mine and traced circles on her skin. I wished I knew the right things to say, but I didn’t. All I could do was try. “Can you tell me what it is that’s scaring you?”

She chewed on her lip. “I guess I’m scared that I might lose myself in just how big my feelings are for you. That I’ll lose my independence because I want to be with you so badly. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid. Your thoughts and feelings, they’re all valid,” I told her firmly. “I don’t want to be a source of fear or stress for you.”

Her eyes went wide. “You’re not! It’s just me.’’

“I didn’t mean that I’m walking away. Just that we can take things slowly. I’m not in a hurry, and I never want to pressure you into anything you’re not comfortable with.”

Her breathing seemed to calm as I spoke. “Alright.” She nodded slowly. “I’m also worried that people might think you got fired.”

I shrugged. “Let them. I’m more concerned about you.”

“What about your clients?”

“If they prefer to listen to college rumors over facts, then we’re not a good fit anyway.”

She stared at me. “Just like that?”

“I realized it was stupid of me to care so much about other people’s perceptions of me when I was hurting someone who mattered more to me than their approval.”

“Oh.”

I brought her hand up to my lips and pressed a kiss on it. She bent her head to mine, laying her other hand on my neck.

Though a gap remained between our bodies, I felt fully enveloped in Luna. This was true intimacy. Not the baring of bodies and losing oneself in the other, but the baring of souls—scars, fears, and all—and finding yourself in one specific person.

I used to question why it was Luna who rattled my existence, but now I couldn’t imagine it being someone else. Nothing else, no one else, gave me the feeling of safety and peace that she did, even in this moment of shared vulnerability.

Looking into her eyes, I felt her inhale, and she almost took the breath out of me along with it, and that would have been alright. I would give her anything she wanted without counting what I’d have left behind.

“We can take it one day at a time. Whatever you need.” I squeezed her hand and asked, “Okay?”

She smiled at me. “Okay.”

luna

The sun had set in the time that we’d been talking, and we used the lights from the streetlamps in the distance to find our way back to Gabe’s car. He held my hand as he drove to my apartment, the simple gesture reassuring me that he was with me—that I hadn’t turned him off with my hesitations.

“I spoke with my father,” he said suddenly.

My focus sharpened because he rarely mentioned his dad. “Is he okay? Did anything happen to him?”

“He’s upset that I kept ignoring his messages. I, ah, kind of railed at him during my birthday. It was why I got drunk.” He gave me an apologetic look.

I squeezed his hand to reassure him that was all in the past. “Were you able to sort that out with him?”

“Not exactly.” His thigh tensed beneath our joined hands. “He asked me to visit for his birthday. It’ll be his sixtieth.”

“That’s a big deal. What did you say?”

“I said I’d check my schedule.” He seemed to want to add something more, but he held back. I was about to speak when he said, “Technically, I could go, but I’m not sure I’m ready to see him.”

I nodded.

“What are you thinking?”

“I guess . . .” I frowned and started over. “I know I feel bad when my parents overlook me, so I can only imagine how much more painful it would be for them to abandon me when I needed them. I don’t know if I’d be able to forgive them right away . . . but maybe it’s not about that.”

Gabe glanced at me. “What do you mean?”

“Maybe it’s about giving yourself the opportunity to heal. None of us know when our time will run out, so we don’t get to prepare for it.” Memories of Lola’s last few days came back to me. I’d had to take breaks from being with her because seeing her in pain hurt me too, and I still sometimes wondered if I’d done enough to care for her. “It can happen anytime, and I’m thinking it would suck if I had the chance to get closure but I didn’t take it, and then I’d have to live with that regret every day.”

As if he knew where my mind had gone, he brought my hands to his lips and kissed it. “You’re saying I should go?”

“I don’t want to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, because only you lived through your experiences with your father. But if there’s a part of you that wants to, maybe that’s enough to go with.”

“His birthday is next Saturday.”

“When does your resignation take effect?”

“Tomorrow. Max will take over for me since we teach the same subjects anyway.”

“That works out then. You can travel to Rio next week.”

He frowned at me. “I want to be here for your finals.”

This man. “That’s sweet of you, Gabe, but I’ll be okay. Maybe you can fly out on Wednesday or Thursday? That way you’ll be right in time for your dad’s birthday.”

“I’ll miss you.” Those three words said in his quiet voice resounded within me because they came unprompted. This man, who admitted to avoiding anything related to emotions, freely told me how he felt, and it was a gift I’d treasure.

“I’ll miss you too. You better believe I’ll be blowing up your cell at the worst times of day.”

“If I don’t beat you to it.”

“Does that mean you’ll go? We can check the flight schedules later.”

He sighed. “Okay.”

I squeezed his hand again, letting him know I was with him. That I was proud of him.

Maybe we didn’t have our relationship all figured out just yet, but we’d been honest with each other. We’d brought our worries and fears out in the open. My gut told me that was a great place to start.