The One Who Holds Me (Sovereign Love #4)

5. Alex

5

ALEX

NOW

I believe in second chances, but I can’t figure out whether God created this second chance for me. While I’m looking forward to seeing Olanna again, it would be selfish of me to expect her to take me back after how much I hurt her. But my selfish heart can’t help it.

I’d give anything to hold her in my arms again, but since I hurt her so much, she’s probably better off without me. Either way, I can’t let this answered prayer go to waste. I need to give Olanna closure. She deserves it.

“Here’s your key, sir. I hope you enjoy your stay with us.” The receptionist smiles at me as she hands me the key to my apartment.

“Thank you.” I force a smile with the last bit of strength left in me and swing my backpack over my shoulder before dragging my suitcase toward the elevator.

Up on the third floor, I’m relieved to find that my apartment is the first one on the left. That’ll save me the energy of walking all the way down the hallway on days when all I want to do is get back quickly to rest.

Inside the studio apartment, the smell of fresh fragranced sheets hits my nostrils and the warm air wraps around me like a hug. The gray comforter matches the gray sofas leaning against the window, while the yellow pillow covers match the yellow lamps and curtains.

The living area has a smart TV, and they furnished the kitchenette with a microwave, a stove, and some kitchen utensils tucked away in the cupboard. At least I have all the necessary tools if I crave a home cooked meal. I’ll just need to shop for groceries later and I’ll be sorted.

I turn on the bedside lamp and the lamp above the desk area before putting my suitcase in the wardrobe. After placing my backpack on the desk chair, I lower myself on the bed, the softness of the mattress promising me a good night’s sleep. HearCare must be paying a lot of money to keep me here for three months, but I’m not complaining. I’m exactly where I need to be because I’ll be seeing Olanna soon.

Olanna Gloria Madu. Just thinking about her right now brings back all the memories that have taunted me for the last two years. To this day, I chide myself for letting her go the way I did. She didn’t deserve it. That’s why I tried to make amends. That’s why I tried to meet up with her so many times in our senior year of college. But she was always with Danielle or India and they all made it clear Olanna didn’t want to see me.

After she blocked my number, I emailed her so many times and even tried reaching out to her on different social media platforms after college graduation. But some things are better said in person, and perhaps that is what God is trying to teach me in this season.

It wasn’t a coincidence that out of everyone HearCare could’ve picked for this project, they chose me to come to Jersey City even though I’ve only been working in their SEO department for a year. It also wasn’t a coincidence that out of all the companies they could’ve sent me to, they picked Madu Health.

I still remember the shock on my face when my boss told me about this project. Olanna mentioned the name of their family business a few times while we were together. I knew she was looking forward to working with her dad and brother, but finding out she’s now the CEO of Madu Health makes me so happy for her.

I should’ve been there with her to celebrate all her achievements, but I chose otherwise, and it sucks. Reliving those moments is the last thing I want to do. But it’s important that I remind myself of everything I did, so I can understand her reaction when I finally explain everything to her.

I let out a sigh and walk to the desk before putting on the kettle. After making myself a cup of hot chocolate, I tear open the packet of cookies and take it over to the sofa. After one sip of the hot beverage, I add more sugar before leaning back and staring at the view outside my window.

Being in this apartment and looking at this view feels like a glimpse into the future, where I’m running a successful SEO business, living in my own penthouse apartment while following God’s lead and sharing that journey with the woman I love. It would be a miracle if that woman turns out to be Olanna.

The last time Olanna and I looked at the New York skyline and the view of the Hudson River together, we hoped that our future would be filled with laughter and never-ending friendship—a friendship I destroyed because of my selfishness. I didn’t expect my life to take a turn for the worse like it did in senior year. I never imagined myself making Olanna suffer because I couldn’t handle the events of my past.

The look in Olanna’s eyes on college graduation day will forever be etched in my memory. Her brown eyes have always been my favorite feature about her. It was so easy to make her laugh and bring out the sparkle in them. But on that day, as she stared at me across the crowd of celebrants, there were no sparkles left in them. She only stared at me for five seconds, but it was long enough to notice the tears that formed in her eyes before she averted her gaze and continued speaking to her family.

I should’ve been there with her, celebrating with her and getting to know her brother and dad. She was so excited for me to meet them. But I take responsibility for everything that happened because I put those tears in her eyes. I have to do everything I can to make it right.

“Please, Jesus. Help me obey You.” I close my eyes and whisper to my God—the One who has shown me the error of my ways. “I don’t want to cause Olanna any more pain.”

Alex, my beloved. I am with you. Trust Me.

I trust You, Lord. I don’t know what You have planned, but I know Your hand is in this. Please help me not to give up when the road gets rough.