The One Who Holds Me (Sovereign Love #4)

35. Olanna

35

OLANNA

NOW

S ilence stretches between us for several minutes after Alex finishes his story and, with tears streaming down both our faces, he lowers his head and wipes his eyes. I squeeze his hand, and he lifts his eyes to look at me.

“I’m so sorry you went through all that.” I sniffle. “What she said to you was horrible. You are not a mistake. God planned for you to be here with me and your legacy on earth will be established regardless of whether you know your birth parents or not. God’s plans for you still stand and they always will.”

“You’re right.” He nods and smiles through his tears. “I know that now. God has confirmed all these things to me. I know I am His child and that is the most secure identity I can ever have. It took me a while to understand and accept this truth, but God helped me get out of that dark place.

“What upsets me more about this story is that I went to Ghana to get answers, but I left feeling more lost, empty, and uncertain. It was the fear of the unknown that pushed me to my breaking point and I ended up hurting the only woman I’ve ever loved.” He pushes a loc strand away from my face and stares into my eyes.

“I’m sorry for everything I said and did to you, Olanna. I’ve learned that I need to trust God when I’m uncertain. I don’t need to have the answers to everything. It doesn’t matter that I don’t know my real dad or my paternal family. God is still sovereign and as long as I put my trust in Him, I’ll be okay.” He sighs.

“I just hope that it’s not too late for you to forgive me. I believe God sent me here because He wants to restore what we have and I’m ready to do things right by you if you’ll take me back. I love you and I hope you’ll give me a second chance to show you that.”

I hold his hand against my face, letting him caress my jaw with his thumb. “Honestly, I still wish you had let me be a part of your journey. But if I were in your shoes, I don’t know what I would’ve done. You’ve been through a lot and God is healing you from your hurts. So, I forgive you.”

“Thank you, baby.” He kisses my hands, and I savor the warmth of his lips against my skin. “Thank you,” he says again.

“But...” I pause as his gaze meets mine. “I still need some time to pray about this. Our break up helped me seek God more and I’ve experienced spiritual growth just as you have. I love that for both of us, but I need some time to take this all in and think things over. Can you please give me until Monday?”

“Of course,” he says. “You don’t have to give yourself a deadline. I don’t expect you to give me a definite answer in three days. I just want you to take as much time as you need because I want you to be certain about what you want.”

“Yeah.” I let out a sigh. “Please, let me pray about it over the weekend. I’ll let you know on Monday.”

He nods, leans forward, and kisses my forehead. It takes a lot of strength for me not to wrap my arms around him, pull him close, and kiss him. He leans his forehead on mine for a few minutes, allowing me to take in his scent.

“Good night, Alex.”

“Good night, baby.” He stands up and walks out of my office, leaving me alone to my thoughts as I say a prayer to God, asking Him to confirm whether I’m making the right decision.