The One Who Holds Me (Sovereign Love #4)

42. Alex

42

ALEX

THEN

B y the time winter break rolls around and exams come to an end, enough time has passed for me to think things over and decide to right my wrongs. Kwame was right. No matter how much I push everyone away, I still don’t have the power to change the past. But I can choose what I do right now, and work toward making my future better.

Pushing everyone away helped me realize how much I needed God. All those times when I ditched class and stayed in my room feeling sorry for myself, God didn’t abandon me. He tugged at my heart to pray, and eventually, He softened my heart to listen to His voice.

My birth mom doesn’t want me. That’s a situation I don’t have control over, but instead of accepting that and moving on, I turned that feeling of rejection into anger toward everyone around me. I let my desire to belong consume me so much that I forgot God has already blessed me with a family who loves and cares deeply for me.

How could I have forgotten what truly matters? Why did it have to take pushing my parents, friends, and girlfriend away to help me realize this? I hurt their feelings because I was only thinking of my own. I hope it’s not too late to gain their trust again. Now it’s the time to get up and change the status quo.

“That’s alright, bro. No hard feelings at all,” Kwame says on the other end of the line as I glance at Dad, who is in the driver’s seat. He came to pick me up from college because my car is currently at the mechanic’s.

“Thanks, man,” I respond to Kwame. “For always telling me the truth and calling me out. Thanks for not giving up on me.”

“You know I gotchu always, my brother. I’m glad God helped you realize that. Now you have a lot of work to do to mend the bridges you’ve burned.”

“True dat.”

“I’ll be praying for you, though. Holler at me anytime, alright?”

I nod. “Thanks, man. See ya.” I end the call and enjoy the silence of the rest of the ride home. I grab my suitcase from the car, dragging it across the driveway and inside the house. The spicy aroma of Mom’s cooking hits my nostrils as I walk in and the familiar sound of her singing to Twi gospel songs is very comforting.

I hang my coat up before taking my suitcase up to my room and returning downstairs to greet Mom. As soon as I call out to her, she turns around and rushes to my side, engulfing me in the hug she usually gives.

“ Wo ho te s?n, me ba? ” She holds my cheeks and squeezes them.

“ Me ho at? me k?se, Mom . ” I smile down at her, and her eyes widen before she looks over my shoulder at Dad.

“ Eii. Daniel, is this our son speaking Twi, or did you bring home someone else?”

“It’s definitely your son, Abena,” Dad responds and we all laugh.

Stephen would be so proud of me. “What are you cooking?” My gaze shifts toward the source of the glorious aroma.

“Only one of your favorites.” She waves her hand over the kitchen island, letting me catch sight of the makings of Banku and grilled tilapia fish.

My mouth waters and I want to jump in and start eating, but there’s something I need to do first. “Mom, Dad, please, can we talk?”

They look at each other before Mom responds. “Okay.”

In the living room, I sit opposite them and, after clearing my throat, I shuffle to the edge of the couch. “Mom, Dad, I’m really grateful for everything you’ve done for me over the past twenty-one years. The last few months have been a roller coaster ride for me, but God made me realize that I’ve taken the love you’ve shown me for granted. I was chasing after illusions when God has already given me all I need right here.”

Mom’s eyes water as she squeezes Dad’s hand.

“If Maame Mensah hadn’t left me at Sunshine Children’s Home, I would’ve never met wonderful people like you. As much as I sometimes wish that things had turned out differently, I can’t deny the fact that God brought me exactly where I needed to be.

“After hearing her say all those things to me that day, I shut everyone out because I was scared of dealing with the anxiety of not knowing about my family history. But God reminded me that my identity is in Him and He holds my future. So I have no reason to worry because I can trust Him.”

Mom stands and walks over to me, followed by Dad. They each hold one of my hands and help me stand up. “We hold no grudges against you, my son,” Mom says. “We have loved you since the day God gave you to us and even though we won’t be able to give you certainty about your family history, we can encourage you to trust God for your future.”

“Yes, and God can be trusted,” Dad adds. “He knows you, He sees you, and He loves you very much.”

I nod and smile at them. “Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad.”

Mom plants a kiss on my cheek and they both wrap their arms around me in a tight hug. This moment right here is priceless and indescribable. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.