The Only Song (Only You)

22. Jaxon

Chapter 22

Jaxon

T he walls aren’t thick enough in this house. That or Xander and Vivian are practicing theatrics with how loud they are in the downstairs living room. They’re not fucking. They’re fighting. And god, does it make me wish my house beside them on Bluewater Lane wasn’t under renovation. My shoulders tense as I shake my head, scrolling through my phone through a list of nearby hotels I might be able to stay at just as my phone lights up with another text from Sadie. We haven’t spoken since that one night in Chicago, but I couldn’t ignore any chance to be around her again even if I tried. I ache for her in a way I didn’t even know possible after years of being solo. That one kiss ignited a fire in me that makes me feel like I’ll gladly burn for her. I shake the thought aside as I tap to view her message.

Sass

I’m in a pickle

Jaxon

Like a dill pickle?

Sass

Like a rock and a hard place

Jaxon

Enlighten me, Sass

Three dots bob up and down the screen as I wait for Sadie’s response. The angry hisses from earlier grow louder, accompanied by heavy footsteps passing by my door. It’s Vivian trailing after Xander and I can imagine it probably looks like a cat chasing a mouse, but Xander is anything but a mouse. He’s more like a monster rat that would eat you alive if you cross him. But Vivian knows that. He’s her husband, after all.

Sass

Do you have space where you’re staying?

Jaxon

Unless you want to sleep on a bed of nails or to the sound of screaming - I wouldn’t come here

Sass

Where the fuck are you?

Jaxon

Bluewater Lane, Malibu

But my house here is being renovated

I’m next door at my best friend’s

Sass

Why is there screaming?

A door slams followed by more muffled yells. Those two need to figure their shit out.

Jaxon

I think my best friend’s marriage is going to shit

I need out

Sass

Take me with you

I narrow my eyes at my phone, trying not to read too far between the lines.

Jaxon

Are you room-less again, Sass?

Sass

Well, I *had* a room, but then my best friend’s sister took it so…

Jaxon

So…this is some trend of yours

Sass

What? No!

Okay, maybe…

You know what? That’s besides the point.

Can you help me or not, Tanner?

Another door slams and I’ve made up my mind. Luckily, I haven’t even unpacked since I’ve been here less than a few hours.

Jaxon

Depends. Are you going to say please?

I can already see her rolling her eyes and grumbling. Since she doesn’t respond immediately, I move to zip up my open-but-not-unpacked suitcase. When I return, a new message is lit up on my screen and I immediately swipe to read it.

Sass

Why is it always so difficult with you?

My mouth quirks into a grin. There are still a lot of unsaid things between us, but I can’t help the way my chest flutters a little that she’d ask me for help. Still, I don’t make it that easy.

JAXON

Admit you need me and I’ll think about it

I don’t have to think about it. I’m already wheeling my suitcase to the door, but it’s fun to make her stir.

Sass

Is this some kind of kink of yours?

Getting me to admit things to you?

I laugh. The mouth on this girl. My mind immediately jumps to the way her lips looked so soft and so kissable in the dim light on stage. How I didn’t hesitate even a second to drop my lips to hers the moment she told me I could.

Maybe I do have a kink.

Jaxon

Only if you say it is, Sass

I imagine the way her soft lips would purse right now at my response. I don’t need to be with her to see it. That’s what spending over four weeks sharing a music stand and a hotel room has done to me. An intimacy developed through soft looks, gentle nudges, and the melody of her violin strong in my left ear.

My phone vibrates with a new message.

Sass

Tanner. Can I please share a room with you again?

The word please is accentuated with star emojis and my lips tilt into a smile. When I think about it, something felt so right in Chicago coming back to the hotel room knowing she’d be there. Something domestic about coming home to a girl.

But she’s not my girl, she’s my stand partner. We’re professionals.

At least that’s what I keep telling myself when I type back to her.

Jaxon

Send me your address. I’ll pick you up.

She takes a moment to respond with the location and I try not to read into the way she hearted my message.

Partners and professionals. Partners and professionals.

That’s all we are. Even if we did kiss. Unless it meant more to her and then maybe…

My thoughts are interrupted by a huffing Xander who stomps down the stairs to me just as I reach the front door.

“Yo. Where you going?” he growls. Away from the yelling , I want to say, but I don’t. Xander doesn’t need to be reminded of whatever drama is going on when he’s living it.

Instead, I say, “Found a place. Figured you and the wife need some privacy.”

“That’s not necessary.”

I stare up at him now, trying to figure out if he’s being daft, delusional or desperate. All three, maybe?

“It is, Xander. You don’t need me in the middle of whatever it is you two need to figure out. Don’t worry about me, man.”

His brow furrows, a flash of guilt in his expression, but I clap him on the shoulder to shake him out of it.

“Still here for you, bro. Text me if you need me. But you don’t need me here , yeah?”

He nods, jaw clenched, but he walks me to my car, nonetheless. I make a mental note as soon as I get to the hotel to check in on him, but my mind instantly races to the fiery red-head I’m about to pick up twenty minutes away. And how even if I weren’t scrambling away from whatever mess Xander’s in, I’d be running to her, anyway.

An hour later, Sadie’s staring between the two queen-sized beds in the suite, nibbling on her lip.

“Which one do you want?” she asks. My heart picks up just at the sound of her voice. I dip my chin to hide my smile.

“Whatever. You pick.”

She sighs exaggeratedly, like this is the hardest decision of the day. As she looks between the two beds, it gives me a chance to take her in again. Creamy white skin. Strawberry lips. Honey-hazel eyes.

Her tight black leggings hug her slender thighs and exaggerate her petite waist. Just as the simple white tee she’s tied into a knot on one side exaggerates the curve of her breasts.

My mind immediately travels to Chicago. My rough hands gripping her ass. Stealing her breath with my kiss. Her skin hot like I made her burn for me. I wanted to reach between her thighs and find out if I made her hot in a wholly different way, but the weight of her eyes lifts me from the memory.

I clear my throat. “What?”

“I said, I couldn’t choose. This one is right under the AC and feels like I’m in Antarctica. But this one is right by the window and I’m really sensitive to light at night even with the curtains closed, so can you please decide for us so I can unpack?”

I chuckle at how disgruntled she is. She’s downright adorable this flustered.

“I’ll take the Antarctic one.”

“Wait!” Her eyes widen like that bed suddenly sprouted a snake. “No. I’ll take that one.”

“I thought you just said?—”

“If it’s too cold, it might make your… injury worse. You need to stay warm.” Her voice grows soft, like she’s shy to admit this, and my heart melts with it.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“You slept on a couch in Chicago and it was dumb. Please. You get the good bed this time.”

Honestly, if I were to choose, I’d choose to sleep in the same bed with her. Nothing beats that one night we fell asleep holding hands. I think it was the only time I woke up without being greeted with pain. But I don’t say that.

She’s already unpacking on the “colder” bed, so I whisper a soft “thanks” as I pass by her. She shivers. I guess it really is cold there, but she gives me a small smile, nonetheless.

I drop my bag by the bed, then head towards the kitchenette. I grabbed groceries quickly on my way to picking her up because I know she loves a home-cooked meal.

“You hungry?” I call as I pull out ingredients from a plastic bag.

“Ever since being around you? Always.”

I chuckle softly. “Good, cause I’m making you food.”

She looks up from her suitcase. One hand holding a pair of black heels I remember from when she wore my sweater. The other hand holding the black silk pajamas that I couldn’t stop raking my eyes over.

Heat rushes downward as my body immediately reacts to the memory of what she looked like in both, and I turn away to hide my flush.

“Your best friend is a sure firecracker,” I say. I grab a pan to keep myself from turning back to see if she’s still holding the two sexiest things I’ve seen her wear aside from that black dress I wanted to tear off her.

“Sloane? Yeah.” She laughs softly. I want to trace the smile on her lips.

“I think her words when I picked you up were, ‘if you break her heart, I’ll break your dick.’”

Sadie’s jaw drops as she closes her bag and makes her way to the kitchen to watch me cook.

“She didn’t. When did she say that to you?”

“While you were pulling your bag up to the door. She also followed it up with ‘Don’t fuck with my Little’. Your Big sure is protective of you.”

She grins, shaking her head. “Always has been. That’s why I love her.”

“Yeah. Sucks I couldn’t stay with mine, but… I didn’t want to be in the middle of whatever was going on in his house.”

She narrows her eyes. “Were they fucking too loud?”

I bark a laugh. “You got something on your mind, Sass?” Or maybe it’s just me. I can’t be the only one between us constantly thinking about that kiss. She drops her gaze from me, cheeks flushing. I save her so she doesn’t have to respond to my random tease. “Nah. They were fighting. Been married a year or so, but together since college. I’m sure they’ll figure it out.”

Xander will, at least. He’s the most committed and determined guy I know. If his mind is set on something, he won’t let up.

“Do you want help?” she offers and my brows lift in surprise.

“Sure.” I set down the knife I was about to sink into a vegetable and make space for Sadie on the counter.

Her rosy and vanilla scent fills my nostrils in a way that makes my chest hum. Still a little hesitant since the first time, she picks up the knife with trembling fingers. Unable to resist, I curl around her, steadying her hand with mine as we wordlessly move together. My hands over hers. Tan skin over her creamy white. My lips a breath away from her cheek. I swear I feel her back press into my chest, but I pull away before she feels just what that does to me. Just how much my pants swell from being this close to her.

We settle into a comfortable silence until I push our plates out over the counter and Sadie instantly digs in.

I smile proudly at how much she likes my cooking and ignore the way my dick twitches when she moans.

“Easy, Sass. It’s just food, not sex.”

“What?”

I laugh at her rosy expression, eyes wide as she swallows a piece of meat aggressively.

“You were moaning,” I smirk.

“I was not,” she retorts. “Okay, maybe I was. Don’t let it get to your head, Tanner.”

I tap my temple as if it’s already saved there as she squints her hazel eyes at me. Then my eyes snag on the way her oversized shirt has slouched off a shoulder, revealing the curve of her breast through her thin bralette. She pulls the sleeve up hastily as I clear my throat.

“I wasn’t making fun of you, Sass. Just eat. ”

“Didn’t seem like it,” she mutters, and I try to keep my eyes from watching her lips wrap over her fork. Try not to imagine how it’d be wrapped over my dick.

We’re partners and professionals.

Bullshit. I have to know how she feels.

“So, should we talk about it?” I blurt out randomly.

“About what?”

My fork plays with the rice on my plate before I lift my gaze to hers. “About the kiss.”

Sadie chokes—literally, chokes—on her food. Maybe I should’ve waited to ask after we’d finished eating.

I round the counter, wrap my arms around her sternum, readying myself to do a Heimlich maneuver or something just as she finally swallows her bite, coughing loudly, gasping for air.

My arms stay tensed around her, unable to let go.

“Sorry, I—” I sputter. Fuck, what was I thinking?

“It’s okay,” her hands come to rest over mine. I wrap my arms tighter around her, pulling her firmly into my chest. Her head leans back and I savor in this moment as we breathe heavily. “I’m okay, Tanner. It’s okay.”

“I’d rather you not die in our hotel room, Sass,” I murmur. And if it weren’t for the fact that I can feel her pulse through her fingers, I’d have mine on her neck right now just to check. Or my lips, but I keep whatever self-control I have left from kissing her again.

“We don’t have to talk about it. The kiss,” Sadie whispers and my heart stutters. A chill sweeps down my spine at her tone. I clench tighter, knowing in a few seconds I’m probably going to have to let go. “It was nothing, Tanner. Just a slip.”

My breath freezes and I will myself to unlock my arms from her.

Just a slip. Right.

“Don’t you agree?” Her voice wavers even as she challenges me. I’m thankful her back is to me so she doesn’t see the hurt on my face.

I drop my hands completely and take several steps back. The air between us is cold as I nod. “Yeah. Just a slip.”

It doesn’t sound very convincing, nor is the way I avoid her gaze entirely as I make my way back to my plate.

“What are you thinking?” she pries. The smallest hint of worry in her voice.

“I’m not mad at you, if that’s what you’re worried about.” I still don’t meet her gaze. I can’t. It’ll be a dead giveaway that I’m not mad. I’m hurt, because it may not have meant anything to her, but it meant something to me. “Is that what you really think, though? What you really want?”

My chest tightens, only to burn at her next words. The edge to it. How it reveals her hurt.

“You left me that night, remember? After we kissed the first time?” The real first time. In college. On the cold porch of my frat house. The color drains from my face as my stomach bottoms out.

Of course she’d remember. But there’s no way she’d understand the domino effect of that kiss. Why I left. The damage I’d done after. It’s a secret I plan for her to never find out if I can help it.

I nod curtly, feeling the way my heart closes up as my walls brick higher.

She deserves better. Better than the guy who couldn’t handle realizing he was in love with her.

Then ran away after.