The Only Song (Only You)

42. Sadie

Chapter 42

Sadie

J axon’s never late. I should’ve remembered this when he came pounding on Sloane’s door at 9:58am.

“Sadie! Get your man!” Sloane grumpily yells from her room.

I push her door open as I pass. “Don’t yell that so loud, he could hear! And he’s not my man.”

“Not yet ,” she sings and I close her door with a roll of my eyes.

Ever since Jaxon and I started practicing together this week, like when we’d done solo practices after rehearsals, Sloane’s been trying to convince me to—what were her words?—ride him cowgirl. As if I wasn’t struggling enough being in close proximity with him.

I open the door. Jaxon’s already leaning on the doorframe outside, white paper bag in hand and in dark denim jeans and a fitted black tee that somehow screams hot man alert in my brain.

Shut up, brain. I need to focus.

“You really didn’t have to pick me up,” I chide, spinning out to lock the front door.

“What kind of accountability partner would I be if I didn’t make sure you made it to the audition?” he asks, dimple popping. My heart skips at the sight of it.

Accountability partner . It stings in my chest to hear those words when what I really want is to wrap my arms around him, feel him pull me into his chest, kiss my forehead like all the ways he’d done before.

But I can’t.

As hard as it is, I have only one thing I need to focus on and that’s this audition. The conversation about whatever Jaxon and I are will need to be saved for later.

I roll my eyes as I skip down the sidewalk. “I wasn’t going to flake the audition, Tanner.”

“And how could I be sure of that, Sass?”

I stop myself short a foot away from the temptation of him. Sunlight glints off his silky black hair, I want to run my hands through it but I push down the urge and I bite my cheek instead.

“I dunno. I’d… text you?” I shrug, stomach grumbling.

Jaxon rolls his eyes this time, then holds out the white bag. I take it eagerly. There’s a sugar-coated blueberry muffin inside, like always. The pang in my chest doubles. Everything in me is screaming for him, but I need to contain myself. I don’t want to feel hurt before this audition.

“C’mon. Coffee’s in the car.” He takes position by the road as we slowly make our way to his black SUV.

I can’t help the moan that escapes me as I bite into the delicious muffin.

“ God , this is so good,” I say, mouth full. His eyes spark, either at what I said or because I moaned. I feel my cheeks heat, but I’m too embarrassed to wait for a response. “Do I get to pick what we listen to in the car today?”

We reach his car and when I look over my shoulder at him, he’s not there. I spin in a circle and find that he somehow beat me to the punch and opened my door, gesturing for me to step into the front passenger seat. I slide in, whisper thanks with a small smile, and tuck my violin case between my legs.

Jaxon rounds the car and when he slides into the driver’s seat, he says, “It’s your audition day. Pick whatever you want.”

He says it like it’s my birthday, not a day that determines the fate of my career above all things. The giddy excitement mixed with nerves feels like pop rocks going off in my stomach and I try to squash down the slow building anxiety. The tension in the car between us. How much I want to reach over the console and hold his hand.

Breathe, Sadie . You’ve got this .

Whatever ache I had to be held by him is quelled as Jaxon’s hand wraps around mine. My breath catches at the warmth, electricity sparking from his touch and shooting straight to my heart.

“You’re going to be amazing,” he whispers, his voice rippling in that cool way that soothes me as he squeezes my hand gently.

I nod.

Forty-five minutes later, I’ve paced enough circles in the hall of a studio to make myself and Jaxon dizzy.

I opted for no music on the way here, too rattled in my head with anxiety. I just wanted to listen to the peaceful quiet. The sound of Jaxon’s breath, like when I’d fall asleep on his chest.

Jaxon held my hand the entire way, and neither of us said anything about it. I didn’t pull away. I didn’t want to. His comfort grounded me the way I needed, like he’s the foundation of where I walk upon. My confidence is rooted in his stable, secure belief in me that makes me believe in myself .

I can do this. I can do this. God, I hope I can do this.

“Remember when we were on the plane and you did those deep breathing exercises?” Jaxon asks from a nearby bench. I spin around to face him with frantic energy, my waves curling over one shoulder.

“Yeah. Why?” I pant.

He eyes me with light amusement. “Just thought it might be helpful. ”

I swallow thickly, my throat feeling dry. “We’re not landing in a plane right now.”

“Well, you look like a plane’s emergency crash landing on the 405 freeway or something. Just come here and sit.” He gestures to the open space on the bench beside him.

I stare, still panting.

“Sadie. Sit,” he demands firmly, his tone piercing through my brick wall of nerves.

The moment I sit beside him, the dam breaks over my mouth. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous. This was a mistake. I shouldn’t be doing this. Why am I doing this?”

“Because you’re going to get in and you’re going to be amazing.” His voice is cool and calm, like still water. I want to wade in it. He compliments me so easily, but I’m too nervous to really feel it. “You are amazing.”

My earlier confidence feels locked away as the minutes tick in a nearby clock. So. Damn. Slowly.

After several more quiet minutes, my chest aches from not breathing deeply and I’m jolted by long fingers lacing into mine. Just like in the car, he holds my hand even though I didn’t ask for it but because he knows it’ll help. And suddenly my brain melts. I feel like I’ve forgotten all the notes I’m about to play as I stare into his tender eyes.

“When I first saw you walking in our old college music building, I couldn’t believe my eyes,” Jaxon rasps, thumbs drawing smooth lines over the back of my hand. “You looked just as I remembered. Bright red hair and signature black bow. After I left six years ago, I thought…” He sighs, dropping my gaze as his fingers squeeze mine gently. “I thought I’d never see you again. But then you started playing, and I was stunned. We all were.” The corner of his lips tilts upward. His eyes flit up to mine with heat so hot it feels like I’m beside a bold campfire.

“You played The Lark Ascending and whatever shock I had for you just disappeared. You transported us all into your world so smoothly, so effortlessly, we were entranced. I knew then you’d give me a run for my money. You always have.” He smirks, but with eyes full of tenderness, my core melts. “I never should’ve been mad at you. All I’ve ever wanted is for you to shine. This is your time now. Do this for you .”

My held breath shudders out as tears prick in the backs of my eyes. It’s an echo of the words he first told me in Chicago. You’re worthy of shining, Sadie . And it takes everything in me not to break down right then and there.

Where I spent all my time believing I couldn’t make it, Jaxon never once had a doubt. He thinks I’m worthy of this, but all I can think of is, am I worthy of him?

He squeezes my hand tighter and, as if for good luck, he brings my fingers lightly to his lips and kisses softly, faint hints of an apology. Although, in my chest, it feels like I should be the one apologizing.

A door bursts open from behind me and our hands spring apart.

“Miss Love?” A tall blonde in a navy pin-stripe vest and matching pants calls from the door.

I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat.

“We’re ready for you.”

One last look at Jaxon is all the confidence boost I need.

I can do this. I know I can because I know deep down, even if he hasn’t said it since New York.

Jaxon loves me.