The Player + The Pact = I Do (New York City Billionaires #2)

Chapter 28

TWENTY-EIGHT

Leo

I don’t enjoy running on the streets of New York. There are too many people and too much traffic, but I needed to take the edge off my goodbye conversation with Jules. The gym wasn’t enough distance—I had to get out of the building entirely.

I head to the Upper East Side without making a conscious decision to do so. Though I’m on the way to Worth’s place, I make a detour. I run up Park and turn left at 79th Street. I slow my run to a walk and look up, taking in the tall brick fa?ade, still the same as it was when I used to deliver bread here to the Hammonds, when I first met Caroline. It’s like no time has passed whatsoever. The wrought-iron railings that surround the front entrance still gleam. The windows are still blank, like their panes are all painted white, except I know it’s the effect of blinds you can see out of, but not into. For all I know, Caroline might be in there now, looking down at me.

I remember thinking that I needed to have enough money to buy a house like this for Caroline and me to raise a family in. I never doubted my ability to make that money—to make something of myself—but it was never going to be enough for her. Or her father.

“Leo,” a woman’s voice calls from behind me. I turn around and come face-to-face with Caroline, beaming at me. She still has the same air about her that she had when I first knew her. It says she’s going to be fun and mischievous and a complete handful, but everyone’s going to love her anyway. I’ve never met anyone who upholds such a perfect veneer—never breaking character. She’s always smiling. Always “on.” She’s beautiful—there’s no doubt about it.

She’s wearing gym gear and carrying a coffee—just like any New Yorker on a Saturday morning. Except from her tan to her blowout, money oozes from every pore. I have no doubt, she turned the head of every man she passed on her way home. “How wonderful to see you,” she says. “We’ve gone so many years and now twice in three days!”

I lean in and air kiss her cheek. She leans her free hand on my upper arm and it feels like liquid metal burning into my muscles. I step back. “I’m just out for a run and was passing. Not seen this place in a while.” I always avoid this street whenever coming up to see Worth.

“Do you want to come in for a coffee? Or a glass of water?” She smiles. “You look like you might need to hydrate.”

“It’s okay, I’m good,” I say.

“My dad’s inside,” she says. “I know he’d love to see you.”

I let out a cynical half laugh. I’m sure he would. But not because he likes my company—more because he likes the money I could make him. Hammonds like to use people. “ How things change, right? Another time. I’m on my way to a friend’s for coffee.”

She goes to speak and then stops herself. Finally, she says, “You know way back, when we first knew each other. My memory isn’t great, but I’m sure we both did things we weren’t proud of. We were kids, though, right? It’s water under the bridge now.”

It’s less of a question and more of a commentary or maybe a command. It would be on-brand for her to believe she has the ability to decide what’s forgotten between us. She flicks her hand up and then tosses her hair over her shoulder in the way she always used to. Younger me was mesmerized by her confidence and ability to take everything in her stride. But now it seems kind of sad. I can’t help wondering how much she pushes away—out of sight and out of mind.

I pause, waiting for her to finish her sentence, to offer me some kind of apology. But after a few long moments, I realize she’s waiting for me to speak.

“My memory’s pretty good,” I say.

Her smile falters briefly, but she recovers quickly, pulling back her shoulders just a little. No one would notice, unless you’d seen it before and were waiting for it.

“I do hope we can get together for dinner with you and your beautiful new fiancée.”

“Jules,” I say.

“Jules,” she repeats. “She seems lovely.”

“She is lovely,” I say. None of Jules is a veneer. All her loveliness goes right through to the core of her.

Standing here in front of Caroline, all I can think about is Jules. The only reason she’s been living with me, pretending to be engaged to me, is because of the woman opposite me. Nothing makes sense .

Seeing Caroline Thursday night was meant to give me closure, but I’m not sure I got anything at all from it. Today, seeing her one-on-one with all pretenses gone, doesn’t make things any clearer.

Maybe I got my closure with Caroline a long time ago.

“Yeah, maybe we’ll figure out a time for dinner,” I say noncommittally, although I have no intention of actually following through. I check my watch, even though Worth isn’t expecting me. “I better go. Don’t want to be late.”

She smiles her hundred-million-dollar smile. “Send Jules my love.”

I can’t think of a response, so I just nod and head up the street. I have no reason to be here.

I’m still panting when Worth opens the door.

“Are you running from the scene of a crime?”

I push past him and head straight to the downstairs restroom, where I throw water on my face.

“Jack’s here and we’re in the kitchen,” Worth calls on his way past.

I brace my hands on the sink and look in the mirror. Why didn’t I stop her from leaving? I’m not sure I’m going to be able to go back to my apartment now. Not after having Jules there, in my bed, in the kitchen, watching movies together. It’s going to feel so empty.

I push my hands through my hair and head to the back of the house, where there’s a kitchen-dining room. It’s so moody and sultry in here, like a shady forest floor, it reminds me of Worth himself.

“Hey,” Worth says. “Grab a drink and come sit.”

Worth has some sodas out on the counter, but I open his fridge and pull out a beer. I need to take the edge off.

“It’s five o’clock somewhere, I guess,” Jack says.

“Shoot me.” I take a seat on the bench opposite Jack and lean my arms on the table.

The energy is off and I know it’s my fault.

“Did you have a good time on Thursday?” Jack asks.

I nod. “It was good. I’m glad I went.”

“And seeing Caroline,” Worth says. “How was that?”

My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out and squint at the email preview, trying to focus on who it is, because I must be reading it wrong. “I just ran into her on the street, and now,” I say, tapping the phone before setting it on the table. “She emailed me.”

“What?” Worth asks. “Why?”

I let out a half laugh. “I guess because she wants to smooth things over so her father and husband can make money from me.” I scan the message. “She wants to go to dinner.”

“Just the two of you?” Jack asks. “Does she want something… romantic to happen between you?”

“No, me and Jules, her and Grant.”

“A double date!” Jack says. “Not awkward at all.”

“Hang on,” Worth says. “You haven’t answered my question about how it was seeing her. Are you hoping to rekindle something?”

I snap my head up. He can’t be serious. I’ve spent more than a decade hating this woman. “Absolutely not. She’s married. And I think she’s a terrible human.”

“Are you protesting too much?” Jack asks.

“No. I don’t find her attractive. She makes me…” I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “She makes me itch.” There’s something too effortful about her. I can see now that no one gets to see the real Caroline Hammond. Maybe she’s not even aware of who she is deep down inside. “I don’t have feelings for her.”

“So, you’re not still in love with Caroline,” Worth says. “Seeing her makes you itch. Why are you arriving unexpectedly on my doorstep in a mood like you’ve just murdered someone?”

I shrug and take another swig of my beer.

Worth and Jack don’t have the decency to change the topic. Instead, I feel their eyes boring into me, waiting patiently for me to stop evading their questions.

“I just wanted to get out of the flat, that’s all.” Still, they don’t say anything. “Because Jules is moving out.”

“Ahhh,” Worth says. Jack exhales like they’ve finally discovered the missing piece of the puzzle. Maybe they have.

“And you don’t want her to?” Worth asks.

I think about it. “I’ve liked having her there. She was fun.”

“And you like having sex with her.”

Of course I like having sex with her. What a stupid question. “She kinda told me she was using me.”

“What?” Jack asks. “Did you two fight?”

I shake my head and slide the beer bottle on the table between my hands. “Nope. She packed up and left. A couple of days ago she said that everyone uses everyone else and that nothing is real. I guess this is the natural conclusion of our arrangement.”

I glance up and Jack looks confused. “She doesn’t really strike me as that kind of woman. What was the context?”

“We were talking about Caroline. She said I was only pissed off with Caroline using me because I didn’t get what I wanted from her.”

“Which was?”

“Her to love me, I guess.”

“Right,” Worth says. “And then Jules said she was using you?”

I nod and take another sip of beer, hoping it will ease the rawness in my throat. “For the job at The Mayfair. And I was using her to act like I had a fiancée.”

“Well, that’s true,” Jack says.

“I guess.” Except to me, it didn’t feel like the trade she made it out to be.

“You guess?” Jack says. “That was your deal, wasn’t it? She gets to be manager if you get a fiancée.”

“Right,” I reply. I feel like such a dick.

“Only, the edges started to blur,” Worth says. I can feel him looking for confirmation in my expression.

“Edges?” Jack asks.

Worth sighs. “Between what was in the pact—what was a trade-off or a payment, if you like—and what was real.”

“I’m missing something,” Jack says. “It was all real. She really did pretend to be your fiancée and she really is the manager of The Mayfair.”

“Yes,” Worth says. “But they also really became friends and lovers. Our friend Leo here caught feelings along the way and doesn’t know what to do about it.”

“Ahhh,” Jack says. “I get it. So, have you told Jules you like her and want things to continue between you?”

“No,” I snap. I’d bloody tried. Or at least I suggested she delay her move-out so we could make time to have dinner and talk.

“He doesn’t want a repeat performance of what happened with Caroline when he thought the feelings between them were mutual and found out they weren’t.”

“I don’t even need to be here for this psycho-drama,” I reply, looking between my friends. “You two can play it out all by yourselves.”

“But Jules isn’t Caroline,” Jack says, like I’m not even here. “And you’re not eighteen anymore. You’ve got a better read on people.”

I shrug. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Life goes on.”

“Well, it clearly does matter because you’re miserable,” Worth says.

“Oh don’t worry,” Jack says. “It will only last a decade or so and he’ll get over it.”

He’s obviously comparing Caroline dumping me with Jules leaving, but the two events are incomparable. Jules is more important in so many ways than Caroline ever was. That wasn’t clear to me until the awards ceremony, when I realized Caroline didn’t have the impact or power I thought she did on me. Caroline hurt my ego. Jules has ripped out my heart.

“I hoped things were going to carry on between us,” I admit. “We were going to have dinner last night. Talk.”

“And you chickened out?” Jack suggests.

“No. I was a little late back from the office, and when I got home, she’d gone back to Jersey.”

“So she thought you dumped her and fled? Sounds like a twist on Romeo and Juliet,” Jack says.

“With less death involved,” Worth says. “Were you late back because you were scared to have a conversation with her?”

“No,” I say. “I was stuck on a call and we were texting about sushi and then all of a sudden—” I stop and think. “Everything was fine. She knew I was running late. She was going to place an order for sushi for us both and then… and then I said her dad hadn’t shown up for our meeting.”

Worth and Jack look confused as fuck, so I fill them in about Jules’ father turning up on the roof terrace and me trying to take the heat off of Jules by offering to meet with him. I explain briefly about their difficult relationship and his frequent disappearing acts.

“So after you told her about her dad not showing up, she split?” Jack asks.

“Yeah. I hadn’t made the connection until now.”

“And before that she seemed up to continue things with you, or at least talk about it?” Worth clarifies.

“We hadn’t talked yet, but yeah, I thought she was open to it. I guess I had it wrong.”

“Or she got freaked out by her asshole dad and…”

“And?” I ask. “And what? You think she was embarrassed he didn’t show? It doesn’t reflect badly on her. She’s not responsible for him.”

Worth sighs. “Maybe it goes deeper. I’m no shrink, but it sounds like she’s used to the men in her life abandoning her. Or at least, one really important man. An easy way to stop that happening again is by not having men in your life at all.”

Fuck. Worth might not be a shrink, but that theory fits like a glove. “Shit,” I say. “What do I do?”

“I’m not sure,” Worth replies.

“It sounds like you’re onto something though,” Jack agrees. “She’s retreating, trying to be an island. Only relying on the people she’s sure of.”

“But she can be sure of me.”

“Can she?” Worth asks. “I mean, how long have you two been sleeping together? It’s not like you were going to propose to her.”

I stay silent. I hadn’t considered proposing, no. But I don’t hate the idea.

“Were you?” Jack asks .

“It wasn’t part of the plan. Not right now, anyway. But Jules is special. And the more I get to know her, the more I like her. The more time I spend with her, the less time I want to spend without her. She’s smart and beautiful and she makes me laugh and she makes me… better. Happy. At peace.”

I let my own words sink into my brain. Everything I’m saying is true. Jules is it for me. Or she was.

“Have you told her that?” Worth asks.

“Sushi was canceled, I told you.”

“And now it’s too late because she’s taking a cruise around Antarctica for the next three years.”

“No. But she’s made her decision.”

“Sounds like she was scared. And she hasn’t heard what you have to say,” Worth says. “She should.”

Jack clears his throat. “What I’m about to say is meant with love. It might not seem that way, but… if she’s important to you, why’d you let her leave?”

I half snort. “You think I should have handcuffed her to the radiator?”

“No,” Jack says. “I think you should have told her how you feel. You know where she lives. You have her number. If you haven’t shown up on her doorstep yet, there’s a reason.”

“It’s okay to be scared,” Worth says. “Caroline stuck the knife in deep the last time you were vulnerable with a woman. I’m not even going to mention Nadia because she was only around for a nanosecond. But unless you take a risk for Jules, you’re going to lose her. You gotta figure out whether she’s worth it.”

I know she is. As much as I hate to admit it, they’re right—I didn’t fight for Jules. And maybe that’s because I’m scared. Seeing her moving out today hit hard and deep. It felt like she was rejecting me rather than running to protect herself. She needs me to be stronger than my insecurities.

“You’re right. I need to tell her. I need to show her that even when she pushes me away, I’ll still be right where she left me. I need to fight for her.”

“You’re a romantic,” Worth says.

“Apparently,” I reply. “At least when it comes to Jules.”

“It suits you,” Jack says. “She’s lucky to have you.”

And I’m lucky to have shrinks who masquerade as the best friends a man could have.